Colorado to Chicago
Annie and Abed skip into the airport lobby displaying grit teeth at each other. They're both leaving Colorado.
For good?
Maybe…
Probably…
It's taking a little too long for the sliding door to slide shut.
It's taking too long for Jeff to let them go. He's watching them from a few yards away, leaning on his sleek, gas-guzzling Lexus too expensive for a community college associate's salary. How DOES he get to keep that car and a decent apartment without a roommate? How does the dean's salary pay for rent next to Jeff's posh bachelor pad?
It's been two minutes since they stood in front of the departure board. The plane to L.A. leaves in twenty minutes. The plane to Washington leaves in ten. They stand there frozen.
Do they have enough for the plane fare to Chicago?
Yes. Chicago. She and he, both.
Abed is straining in his grit teeth. Annie's smile looks like wax melting.
"YOU look!" She said, teeth still grit.
"He's waiting for you to do it right now." He said.
Annie slowly swivels around and sees Jeff. He sees her through the door and raises a hand.
"He's still THERE!" She rolls her eyes towards Abed as she waves back at Jeff, her jaw tightened as she maintains her smile.
"We better head off in opposite directions." He relaxes his face and nods to her.
"Copy. Make it look good." She moves closer and gives him a tentative hug. He gives her a couple of pats on the back, and they walk away from each other without looking back.
Annie and Abed knew there'd be little left for them in Greendale the moment Frankie stepped in. They liked Frankie, but her fixing Greendale is like finally clearing out a dumpster festering for six years only to leave the strays with nothing to eat…
…So they devised an elaborate plan.
"The soup is getting cold." Annie texts.
Abed cranes his head to see Jeff's receding hairline sink into the luxury car one last time…until September.
"I repeat, the soup is getting cold." Annie texts again.
Jeff's Lexus finally drives off.
"Ice cream first." Abed replies.
It started with a bowl of buttered noodles one night: Annie jealous of Frankie's efficiency; Abed wistful about the school's watered down whimsy. He confessed he even missed the dean in his costumes. With the Greendale 7 fading away, they're running out of reasons to stay…unless they have something they can look forward to.
A charged hush fell between them.
Annie dropped a fork.
.
.
.
Suddenly they spitball ideas between them.
Abed talked three times faster.
Annie furrows her brows and nods and says, "Wait up, I'm going to get a pen."
Abed says, "Just record it."
Annie says, "Trust me, we need visuals." Then she whips up a corkboard.
There were pegs, and strings, and a corkboardful of colored paper…more crowded than a pool of Dan Harmon's writers' references in one episode.
Suddenly they started picking everybody out of the corkboard.
Jeff thinks Frankie knows what's best for Greendale.
Chang is still unstable.
Greendale can't not have a dean.
Britta's going to keep forcing Abed back into reality…no, they're going to need Britta to Britta things up…at least for the ones they'll leave behind.
Letting anybody else in would be like permanently letting Annie into Troy and Abed. It's a "thing". You don't mess up a "thing".
Now here they are, at the airport.
Annie and Abed regroup in front of the departure board. They look at each other with eyes of steel…
…with steel in their eyes…
…eyes filled with resolve…and finally…let out boisterous, maniacal laughter.
The plane for Chicago leaves in fifteen minutes.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" Laughs Annie.
"HNYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!" Laughs Abed.
Who said anything about taking the plane? Their budget dictates they're going on the Greyhound.
Abed drops a celebratory beat.
Annie shakes her head, but Abed carries on.
"Do I -?" Annie quickly surveys the amount of people tuned in to them in the area.
"Whenever you're ready." He seamlessly injects into his rhythm.
"You never let me rap with you before."
"Just hit it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Five…six…seven…eight…nine…"
"Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay…
We' gon' ride a Greyhound,
Cookin' up this new sound droppin' beats in Colorado,
Missouri, Kansas, Chicago.
We're leavin' Greendale behind
'Coz now it just sucks
But Greendale's still on our minds
Now all we give is fucks."
Abed signals to her, and she takes over the beatboxing. She fails at it.
"And speaking of fucks…
Let's talk about Frankie.
She dialed down the zany
And she fucked with the harmony. (Wut?)
She's playing clean up.
Then she says, 'HOLD UP!'
'We graduated a dog?'
'See that's when it's messed up.'
Well, so said Annie.
But that was lie. (That's right.)
We're goin' covert
To keep Greendale-ness alive."
Annie flails her hands, and Abed reclaims his beat-giving post.
"Sure we'd love a real school.
You know? With real classes?
But not without forts
And BB paints on our asses.
No other school does this (not even City College),
Don't you take it away,
Or you gon' know what the mess is.
So here's the O-plan. (The first!)
Be well versed.
We need a snitch inside the nest,
So we got Britta (She's the worst!)
Oh, she'll devour the ruse,
Accept it as canon.
Then she'll gather the news
The next day she gon' tell 'em.
Now we're set for Stage Two -"
Abed interjects.
"Yo, shush.
Now, don't rush.
We had the whole semester,
Yeah, we're making them blush.
We took it real slow,
Dem buttered down joes
Know that Abed's goin' L.A.
Annie's cracking down M.O.s.
Got our lives figured out
And we know want we want
Hey, look, Greendale is fixed.
Really?
No, it's not."
"They might think we're okay
Yeah, we made them think that.
But all it is is smokescreen
Overworking the stacks.
Cause being sane is a stretch
It physically hurts every minute.
Staying in character's a bitch.
A whole semester, we're in it."
"So now that school's out
We gon' do what we want
And what we want is a scourge
To re-inflict on you Humans.
I don't know about you, man,
But to us this is war,
Though we gave up the battle,
We're hitting back with our scars.
For now we're licking our wounds.
This team has gotta regroup.
From Colorado to Chicago,
Getting back to our roots.
Getting back to what's true.
We'll fill in what you lack.
Greendale's saved once again
'Coz Troy and Abed is back!"
"Annie…it's…Annie…Annie and Abed…ARE…back."
"I know…but your two-syllable name messes up with the rhythm of the rhyme. Also, 'Troy and Abed' is collective, hence, IS."
Her face displays disappointment.
"My name's got rhythm…"
"Hold on."
Abed racks his brain for a compromise.
The crowd around them is silent, as they were when they ambled towards the noise they were making.
"Who's Troy?" Annie heard one of them ask. Of course nobody outside GCC knows.
Abed snaps his fingers and signals for Annie to come closer.
He begins the rhyme in almost a whisper.
"So now that school's out
We gon' do what we want
And what we want is a scourge
To re-inflict on you Humans."
He raises the volume as he addresses the crowd.
"I don't know about you, man,
But to us this is war,
Though we gave up the battle,
We're hitting back with our scars."
He escalates to mad spitting.
"For now we're licking our wounds.
This team has gotta regroup.
From Colorado to Chicago,
Getting back to our roots."
Abed faces Annie again, still spitting, holding a finger angrily at her face.
"Getting back to what's true
We gon' turn back the time.
Abed N. and Annie E.
Are gonna blow your minds.
PEW!"
Abed shoots at Annie with his double barrel finger gun, raises his hands, and says 'WUUUUT?'
Annie grins victoriously and shoots back with a solid hi-five.
There was some lukewarm clapping as the small crowd disperses.
Annie and Abed paid no mind as they krump around the lobby. "Ice cream first!" They chant.
Dots of black security uniforms materialize from different corners of the airport lobby.
Annie is still dancing while Abed picks up her luggage and grabs her hand. They hurry out through the sliding doors from whence they came. Security can't really cuff them when they've left the premises.
They look at each other.
So they're really doing this? Really going to Chicago for the summer? Who goes to Chicago in the summer? What's there but red brick standup comedy bars barraged with blue collar jokes?
…Which makes it perfect.
"Really?"
"JEFF!" They exclaim mid diffusing the alarm splashed on their faces.
"Aren't you supposed to beeeeee noooot herrrreeeee?" Annie drawls.
"Yeah. But I was going to stop the plane you were on, the whole Only You schtick, cause I can't live without you and all that -" Jeff began. Abed approves.
"But, oh, silly me, you were running away with Abed to Chicago. Chicago? What's in Chicago? Benny the Bull?"
"OOOH! We should watch a Bull's game!" Annie's pumped.
"It's off season, Annie." Abed shakes his head. Annie pouts.
"We could go to a Cubs game though."
Her face brightens.
Abed crouches and arches his arms.
Annie reaches from behind him and pumps mid-air until Abed moos.
Jeff furrows his brows at them.
"We're workshopping a riot elsewhere, then BOOM! Greendale Reboot! Didn't you hear?"
"We just freestyle rapic-ed it. It's a -"
"I get it. It's a rap that's epic." Jeff rolls his eyes.
"No. What THAT means is 'epic' is used as a word to describe 'rap'. A rapic is like a gangster version of an epic. It tells a story of heroes, it rhymes, it contains profanity, and it's really long, at least by today's standards, which is anything exceeding 140 characters." Abed interjects.
Annie and Abed do their shady cow-milking handshake.
"Oh, you're reading each other's minds, now? Have we finally found the New Troy?"
"There is no 'New Troy'. There is only Annie." Abed nods at Annie. Annie brushes her shoulder against his arm.
"If there's going to be a 'New Troy', it's the worldly Troy that steps off the boat after travelling across oceans with LeVar Burton. Like Dick Grayson, he evolves from Robin to Nightwing, and like Nightwing, the New Troy will feel no need to attach himself to me."
"Because Abed's Batman." Annie says.
They do the cow-milking handshake again.
"Okay. That's really disturbing."
"Hey, if Troy gets an upgrade, when do I get mine?" Annie asks Abed.
"You already have an upgrade. It's called Frankie." He says without batting a lash.
Jeff fails to hold a chuckle.
Annie steps forward, looks far away, and dramatically waves a hand in front of her.
"Imagine a world where Jeff Winger comes to class with an armful of papers checked, the board behind him filled with notes, and students actually learning..."
She pauses for effect and snaps her head in Jeff's direction.
"—STUFF."
Annie and Abed resume their maniacal laughter.
Jeff did not find this amusing.
"THEY LEARN STUFF! FROM JEFF!" Annie guffaws.
Jeff grimaces at her like she pooped her pants.
To him they were crazy people. To them, they knew his truth. An hour ago Jeff couldn't come to terms with them leaving, and so soon.
"So all of that – back there?"
Annie squeezes Jeff's ever-growing biceps.
"Thanks for missing us, Jeff, but we're coming back."
Jeff's face says "Ouch."
"He was about to go Marisa Tomei on you, and you said 'Thanks'." Abed mock laughs at Jeff.
"I was going to tell you to shut your face, but I'm too relieved to be mad at you."
Abed smiles at Jeff.
A plane roared overhead.
"That was the plane to Chicago." Jeff watched it shrink into a blinking dot in the dark.
"We're taking the Greyhound." Annie returns to Abed's side. Abed takes her hand, locking their fingers together.
"Do you really have to leave to workshop riots?"
"You can't incite a riot if you're just a smidge crazy." Annie shrugged.
"If we stay, what's left of our insanity will be constantly checked by Britta and Frankie until there's none left. Britta would, in a rare moment, not Britta rehabilitating me. We really need to go, Jeff. We need to leave…for Greendale."
Jeff stares at their interlocked hands, worried.
"You know, the first time we met I easily thought we were going to spiral into being best friends." Abed confesses.
"For a minute I thought that, too."
"But you didn't let that happen, did you?"
"No. I didn't."
Abed and Jeff share a movie moment together…until they hear Annie gasp.
"We need to get to the station. The last trip for tonight is leaving in thirty minutes!"
"Jeff, can you get us there?"
"I won't let you do this to me twice."
"OH MY GOD, GUYS! GET A ROOM!" Annie sprints to Jeff's car.
"Troy did this to me twice, and I was okay. Why are you worried? We said we'll be back."
"What if you won't be? What if I wait for you each and every day of September, and you never walk through that study room door?"
"TWENTY-NINE MINUTES!"
Jeff huffs at Annie.
"Get in the car!"
Jeff single-handedly man-handled their luggage and shoved them into the Lexus.
He's relapsing.
He's not driving them to the station because he'd come to terms with them leaving. He's hurrying them off so he can drive away as quickly as possible, back to The Vatican, back to h—
"PLEASE stop narrating what I'm feeling right now?"
"Says Jeff, holding back his frustration. 'Why can't I go with them to Chicago?' He asks him –"
"Annie...shut it."
Annie giggles and squeezes Abed's shoulder from behind. He pinches her nose.
Jeff's face reads "WTF?"
"We have a battle-ready handshake in case we're stuck in tight spaces like this one." Abed explains. Annie smiles. They struck a chord.
"That's it. Playtime's over, Mork and Mindy." Abed sees the veins fighting through Jeff's skin. His grip on the wheel was too tight. The needle on the speedometer is tipping 75 in a 40 mph zone. Abed furrowed his brows.
"I've been trying to figure out what our 'thing' was, Annie and I. I went back and forth on Mork and Mindy, but season four -"
"SEASON FOUR DOESN'T COUNT, NIMNULL!" Jeff growled.
Annie shrinks into her seat. Abed looks out the window.
They drive in silence.
Through the excitement, the fear of finding that people have actually accepted them gone was lost on Annie and Abed. There will always be someone wishing for them to come back. It was an unspoken rule. But it finally crept in during that drive. The station was a couple of minutes away by Jeff's rushed driving, yet it felt like they've been driving around the whole day.
Jeff checked Annie through the rear view mirror, then he looked at Abed.
Together they feel a wash of relief. They will be missed. Someone really is wishing for them to be back. There may only be one, but one's all it takes.
The car stops.
Ten minutes.
Abed and Annie practically run out the door.
They missed seeing Jeff's rejected face.
Annie runs to the ticketing office. Abed slows down and looks back. Jeff was just getting out of the car. Abed waits.
"We're coming back." He says with certainty.
"And when we get back you better be ready."
"What exactly is it you're planning?"
"An all-out offense on City College."
"What?!"
"With the Greendale 7 dissolved, City College will be complacent. It's the best time to strike back."
"You're insane."
"Not quite."
Annie was calling for him from the ticketing office.
Abed turns to look at her, and then at Jeff. Jeff looked like he was reeling inside. Too much...his face reads.
Three months will fly by.
He has his and Annie's number.
Abed holds a pointed finger out at Jeff.
Jeff regards it briefly…then touches the tip with his.
Abed smiles as he looks at what happened.
"This is our thing now. That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Jeff said nothing.
"It's not a plane, but you can chase after the bus. Annie and I will wave at you from the rear window."
"Greyhounds don't have rear windows."
"We'll wave at you from wherever it's feasible."
Jeff was welling up.
"If you tell Annie, I'm driving to Chicago. I will find you, and I will punch you in the balls."
Abed and Jeff catch up with Annie.
Annie and Abed board the bus as Jeff watches them from outside.
"Drop everything, Annie." He tells her.
"But we have to find our seats."
"We'll take care of it later."
The engine throttled, and the bus started taxiing out the station.
Abed grabs her hand and signals her to look out the window.
Abed didn't expect Jeff to follow through, but there he was, chasing after them, flailing his arms, running after them in designer leather shoes. Annie looked at Abed with her 'aww' face.
They run through the aisle of the bus, through rows of sleepy and irate passengers, through the driver's cackling through the PA system, to the last row of seats.
They leaned towards the window and peered through the dark, waving back at Jeff until a stop light forces him to stop chasing after them.
Amidst the mud-slinging of passengers for the hubbub they caused, they fall on their seats laughing…laughing at first…then silent…then unsure.
Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence" squawks from somewhere in the aisle. Abed's phone was ringing. Annie leans onto Abed as she gazes out the window. He leans back and closes his eyes. He knows it's Jeff, but he lets it play out for a little while.