Not a Blessing At All
"Sam, it's Bobby. There's something I want to show you. Stop by my house as soon as your done with this hunt," Bobby's voice crackled through the speakers on Sam's cell phone.
"Ok, but-" Sam question was cut off by a soft click at the other end of the line. He shrugged, and placed his phone back in his pocket. "I guess we're going to Bobby's," Dean looked up from the tv.
"Cool, I've got some work I want to do on baby," Castiel rolled his eyes, and moved his head off Dean's shoulder.
"That name makes no sense, it's just a car, not a small human," Now it was Dean's turn to roll his eyes.
"We've been over this before Cas," Sam chuckled to himself, as Dean and Cas dived into a long discussion about calling a car "baby". When they bickered like this, they reminded Sam of an old married couple.
"So, Bobby, what do you want to show me?" Sam followed Bobby into the familiar living room, and over to the cluttered desk. Bobby sat down and rifled through the many layers of paper. Finally he came across what he had been looking for. He pulled out an old, crumpled piece of parchment, and handed it to Sam.
"Bobby this is in Latin, really old Latin by the looks of it," Sam said, "What does it say?" Bobby sighed, and seemed to make his mind up about something.
"My Latin is a little rusty, but I think it says something along the lines of 'He who captures the heart of an angel shall be bestowed with a part of its Grace and become one himself'," Sam's brow furrowed in confusion.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Instead of answering, Bobby just looked out of the window at Cas and Dean. Dean rolled out from under the Impala, and asked Cas for some tool. Cas was completely oblivious to the difference between a fork and a wrench, so he handed him the wrong one. Dean rolled his eyes, and said something that they couldn't hear through the window, and stood up. He walked over to the tool box, and grabbed the correct one. He then gave his boyfriend a chastened kiss before rolling under the car again. Cas just smiled.
"Wait, is this about Dean and Cas?" Sam turned to Bobby. He still didn't really get it. Bobby sighed again.
"Just look at them. Wouldn't you say that Dean has 'captured the heart of an angel'?" Sam's eyes widened in surprise, and he realized what Bobby was implying.
Sam's voice raised a few octaves as he said, "You're trying to tell me that my brother is turning into an angel?" Bobby nodded slowly. He had found the passage a few weeks ago, but he hadn't wanted to believe it at first.
"I may be wrong, this is ancient Latin," Bobby added, but it didn't help calm Sam down at all, "Until we know for sure, we shouldn't tell them,"
"What?" Sam almost yelled, "Why not? Wouldn't you want to know if you were being turned into an angel?"
"We don't know if that's really happening!" Bobby's voice escalated too, "There's no reason to worry them if it's not even true!" That seemed to hit a chord. Sam calmed down a little.
"Well, what are we going to do about it?" He asked.
"Nothing," Sam started to protest, "for now. It's not like they're going to break up, and that seemed to be the only thing to stop it. Just look at them!" Bobby's nodded towards the window. Dean had finished with the car, and was now sitting on the hood with Cas. In one hand he had a beer, and the other was intertwined with Cas's. Sam sighed. He knew Bobby was right, but he didn't like the thought of just doing nothing.
"Fine, but call me if you find anything else," Sam turned and left. Bobby watched him walk down the drive to where Cas and Dean waited. The three of them climbed back into the Impala and drove off.
"Idjits," Bobby muttered under his breath.
- One months later -
"DEAN!" Sam's yell cut through the warehouse. The demon pulled the knife out of Dean's back, and grinned wickedly. It even started to laugh as Sam charged at him, but it was cut off by Cas crashing into from out of nowhere. Cas punched him hard, before stepping aside for Sam to dive his knife into the demon's chest. The brief moment of satisfaction was broken when Dean made a gurgled cry of pain, and nearly fell down, as his knees gave out. Cas grabbed him, and slowly laid him down on the ground, keeping pressure on the wound like Sam had showed him. He pulled Dean's shirt back to reveal the wound, preparing to heal it, but to his surprise, there was no wound to be healed. Dean gasped, as the sharp pain in his side disappeared. He looked down at Cas, and smiled.
"That was quick," He started to get up, but the puzzled expression on Cas's face made him stop in his tracks. "What is it?"
"I didn't heal you,"
"What?" Dean looked over to Sam, who seemed equally surprised, "Then who did?"
"It seems you healed yourself," Cas said. Sam felt his heart rate pick up. Ever since the meeting with Bobby, he couldn't stop thinking about those words. He and Bobby had been researching as much as he could, without making Dean suspicious, but still hadn't found anything.
"How'd I do that?" Dean stood up, and looked at the space where the knife had cut through his skin. Cas shook his head.
"I have no idea," He helped Dean up, "Maybe we should contact Bobby,"
"Yeah," Sam mumbled, lost in his thoughts of angels and Dean, "I've got something I need to talk to him about,"
Sam placed his cell phone back in his pocket and started back towards the motel room. He sighed. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation. No matter how many times he went over it in his head, he still didn't feel good about it. He was telling his brother that he may be turning into an angel. That's not something that you want to hear about. He fumbled with the key to the room, and opened the door to find Dean and Cas curled up on the couch. Cas was laughing at something Dean had said, but he quieted when he saw Sam.
"Does Bobby know anything?" He asked.
"Yes, actually he did find something,"
"Well…what was it?" Dean impatiently gestured for Sam to elaborate, "How did I get better?" Sam swallowed his fears, and answered.
"Um, well, he found some ancient Latin texts, that basically say 'He who captures the heart of an angel shall be bestowed with a part of its Grace and become one himself',"
"Oh," Cas's face drained of humor.
"What does that mean?" Dean looked between Cas and Sam. They weren't telling him something, he could tell.
"Dean, um, doesn't that seem like you?"
"No, why would th-, Oh," Realization crossed his face when Cas carefully laid a hand on Dean's arm, and gave him a meaningful look. Dean leaned back on the couch, and looked at his boyfriend. "So I'm getting some of your mojo,"
"It don't think it's complete yet, but that would explain it,"
"Complete?" Sam didn't like the sound of that.
"The passage says that he will 'become one himself' and Dean is definitely not an angel yet,"
"Wait, wait, whoa," Dean stood up unexpectedly and shook his head violently, "I'm turning into a freakin' angel? Like wings and vessels and soldier of god angel?" He was yelling at this point, but Cas was unfazed as always.
"Yes," Cas stood up and reached out for Dean, but he pulled away and turned towards Sam.
"How do we stop it?"
"Bobby and I have looked everywhere, but we haven't been able to find anything," Sam reluctantly said.
"You knew about this?" Dean turned on Sam now, "and you didn't tell me?!"
"I wanted to tell you, believe me, but Bobby didn't want to upset you,"
"Well, obviously, that didn't work," Dean flung himself down in one of the chairs by the table.
"Dean-," Cas started to walk towards Dean, but was stopped by a glare from him. Dean reached over and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He popped the top off, and took a long sip. Sam shook his head, and pulled Cas away. He dragged him all the way out the door, and into the parking lot. Sam knew Dean well enough to know that he just needed his space for a bit. He needed to just wrap his head around all the information that had just been dumped on him.
"I want to be with him," Cas protested.
"You'll have plenty of time for that late, right now he needs to be alone," Cas frowned, but let himself be pulled down to the local dinner.
Sam and Cas returned to find Dean surrounded by beer bottles on the couch watching some trashy reality tv.
"I guess I can't get drunk now," He told them. Sam couldn't help but chuckle. Cas went and cautiously sat down next to Dean. He didn't want to upset him more. He just wanted to help, but he was still getting the hang of dealing with feelings like this. To his surprise Dean just leaned over, and nestled his head into Cas's shoulder. He instantly relaxed. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, and pulled him closer.
"You're worth it," He said, without even turning to look at Cas, "Whatever happens to me, you're worth it,"
-three weeks after that -
He was dreaming, he must be. Dean never dreamed anymore. angels spend too much time in other people's dreams to have their own, he guessed. But now, all of a sudden he was dreaming. He was standing in black space, a never ending room of darkness. Dean groped around looking for something familiar, anything to break the dark. Then suddenly there was a blinding, white light cutting through the blackness.
Dean turned in circles trying to find the source, until he realized that the light was coming from him. It was pouring off of his skin, in waves, crashing into the gloom. It spread everywhere, and soon there was nothing but light, and Dean. He looked at his hands that were still glowing, and saw them slowly change.
His whole body began to shift underneath him. He felt like putty, reforming into something else, something new. Dean's bones, and organs didn't matter anymore, nothing would every break or hurt ever again. He could feel his soul grow inside him, feel it latch on to something else, a blue light that broke through the white glare. He looked at himself, and had to squint against the blinding light, but underneath it he saw that he didn't look like himself, he looked like storm, like a cloud of energy and feathers, a ball of wind with blue swirling amongst the over abundant white. He was shocked by what he had become, what he was now. He longed to feel his legs hold him up again, feel the sun on his face. Did he even have a face now? He couldn't tell. He just wanted everything to be back to the way things were. That's when the light became so bright, he saw sure he'd go blind. It enveloped him, covering him, until he disappeared into it, and was relinquish to the wonderful calm of sleep.
Dean woke up the next morning, to the strange feeling that he had a second set of arms. He slowly picked his head up from where it had been resting on Cas's chest, and turned to look at his back. When he saw the huge wall of white feathers that seemed to have grown out of his back, he gasped in surprise. Cas started to wake up next to him, but Dean didn't even notice. He was too focused on the set of wings that he gained over night. If he had remembered his dream, then the sudden wings may have made more sense, but he didn't. He tried to get out of bed, but the wings were to tangels into the sheets, whenever he tried to move them, they ended up doing the opposite of what he wanted. Dean ended up having to manually fold them up against his back, and crawl out of bed, dragging the covers with him. That really woke Cas up. He felt around for where the all the heat and comfort had gone, and finding none, he sat up and looked around groggily. Then, Cas saw the wing sticking out of the bathroom.
Dean reached behind himself, and felt the place between his shoulder blades where the new muscles, bones, and feathers stuck out. He tried moving them again, and ended up whacking Cas in the face with a muffled "oomph!"
"Sorry Cas, I didn't see you there," Dean looked at Cas with tired eyes. Cas knew that look. It was the same one he had seen when Dean healed Sam for the first time, or when he realized he hadn't felt hungry for weeks. When he accidently summoned an angel blade without thinking, and when he knew exactly where the werewolf was, even thought it was on the other side of the state. He was just tired, and overwhelmed, and most of all terrified. He wouldn't admit it, but Cas knew him so well, Cas was practically part of him. He could just tell. Cas saw that terror, and it killed him on the inside. He stepped forward, gently moving the wing aside so that he could fit in the door way, and wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him close.
Everything that had been happening the past few weeks, it was just too much. Dean was having a hard time keeping up with his own life. Every day he would find something new he could do, not that he wanted any of it. He never wanted this. He only wanted Cas. Dean latched onto him, burying his face into Cas's shirt. He reveled in the familiar feel of Cas's rough beard against his cheek, Cas's familiar smell, like the breeze before a rain storm. Dean loved that smell. He loved everything about Castiel, and he knew he always would.
Then, he cried a little, just a little. He was just so scared of what he was going to do next, scared of what he was becoming. In a rare moment, he bared his feelings for someone else to see, and cried. Cas held Dean close, and whispered quietly into his ear.
"It's ok…I'm here…I love you…I'll always be here…You'll be fine…" He hummed in a calming drawl. He moved his hand in small circles between Dean's wings, easing the tight muscles. Slowly Dean calmed down. He picked his head up, and looked Castiel in the eyes.
"I love you too," He stroked Cas's cheek with his thumb, "Thanks," He whipped the rest of his tears away with the back of his hand. "So, I guess I'm an angel now,"
"It would seem that the transformation is complete," Cas answered as he inspected the wings. He smiled lightly to himself. "It's very rare to have pure white wings," he shifted his smile to Dean.
"You mean they come in different colors?" Dean was surprised by this latest bit of information. He had always thought wings were all the same. Cas's smile widened even more.
"Let me show you," he grabbed Dean's hand, and in an instant they were in an abandoned field.
"Where are we?" Dean asked as he looked around.
"Somewhere in Canada, I believe," Cas replied as he rolled his shoulders and opened his wings. Dean couldn't contain a gasp, as Cas gracefully spread a pair of ebony wings. Just the easy manner that Cas controlled them was awe inspiring.
"Whoa…" Dean reached out and ran his fingers through some of the sleek feathers. It was like water running through his fingers.
"Now you try," Cas spoke gently. He knew this was a big step for Dean. Dean pulled his hand back, and stared at his own wings. He took a deep breath and tried to open them all the way. All he ended up doing is, hitting Cas in the face again. He let out a frustrated sigh.
"How do you do it? You make it look so easy, but mine are just," Dean paused, trying to explain something this new to him was hard, "clumsy,"
"You're just not used to them yet," Cas reached out and gently stroked the pearly feathers, "I've had mine for an eternity, ever since I was created," He carefully placed his hand on the wings near Dean's back. "Try moving these," Hesitantly Dean flexed the muscles, and grinned when he started to open his wings successfully. Slowly, with lots of help from Cas, Dean fully extended his new appendages. It didn't look as pretty as when Cas did it, but it was still a fantastic sight, and an even better feeling. Dean let out a breath. He had never experienced anything like it ever before.
"You're a natural," Cas smiled at him. Secretly, he enjoyed teaching Dean like this. It was a rare thing, to have Cas be the more experience one at something. "Now try closing them," Dean groaned.
"But I just got them open!" He whined. Cas just laughed. It was like dealing with a little kid learning how to ride a bike for the first time, and he didn't want to learn how to use the breaks.
"Trust me, you'll like this part," Dean finally just groaned, and slowly folded his wings back in until they were resting, nearly closed behind him.
"No, all the way closed," Cas stepped behind Dean, and helped him finish folding his wings in. To Dean's surprise, they seemed to fit between his shoulders perfectly, molding to his back comfortably. "You can keep them closed like this most of the time, so that they don't get in the way," Dean turned his head, to look at his back, and was surprised even further. He couldn't even see his wings anymore. He could feel them, the feathers tickling his skin, the muscles working to hold up the new weight, but he couldn't physically see them.
"What happened?" He asked, as he twisted around, but still couldn't catch sight of his wings.
"Dean, what are you doing?" Cas laughed at his boyfriend, spinning in lazy circles.
"I can't see them anymore!"
"Yeah, I knew you'd enjoy that," Cas smiled at him. He stepped forward and grabbed Dean by the shoulders, holding him steady. Dean grinned back at him. "We should go, Sam will be getting worried," Cas said. Dean groaned.
"Why can't we just stay here for a while?" He leaned closer to Cas, until their foreheads bumped together, "I don't want to talk to Sam right now," Both of their smiles faded. Talking to Sam meant thinking about the future, about what was going to happen now. Neither of them wanted to do that. They just wanted to stay here, alone and content, but they knew that couldn't last forever.
"Fine," Dean reluctantly pulled himself away from Cas, and offered his hand, ready to be whisked away, back to their motel room. Instead, Cas just said simply,
"I think that maybe, given the circumstances, you should fly back on your own,"
"Fly?" Dean asked incredulously, "You mean angels actually fly?" Cas nodded. Dean grinned wildly. "Sounds like fun,"
After a few failed attempts at taking off, Dean was finally in the air. He glided in a lopsided circle around Cas, who was hovering 5 stories above the empty field.
"This is amazing!" He yelled to Cas. Effortlessly he had put miles of distance between them, just from a single stroke of his pearl colored wings. Cas covered the space in a second, and was soon beside Dean again.
"It gets better too," Cas turned and flapped his powerful black wings, and shot off in the direction of the Southern United States. Dean grinned, and rushed after him. He soared over the border, and straight through Montana in a heart-beat. Everything below them seemed frozen, they were moving so fast. In seconds they had made it to Mississippi, and we hovering over the run-down "Sleep Easy" Motel.
"Ok," Dean looked down at the roof, "What now?" Cas, without warning grabbed Dean by the shoulders, took a deep breath, and stopped flapping. They dropped like a stone. Dean insides felt like water, and he had to hold back a scream, as the motel came hurtling closer. He closed his eyes, and prepared for the sensation of becoming a discolored stain on a roof, but it never came. He felt the air grow dense around him, and then he was standing in the middle of a crusty shag carpet. He opened his eyes, and found they were standing in their room. He let out a breath that he didn't really need anymore, and looked at Cas.
"Jeeze, you could have at least given me a warning!" Dean shook his head, "I thought I was going to die!"
"You are an angel now Dean, you are incapable of dying by bodily harm," Cas tilted his head to the side a little, and Dean couldn't help but smile. He just looked so cute when he did that. "I don't understand why you were scared,"
"I'm still getting used to the whole idea of being an angel, I guess," Dean threw himself down on to the couch. Cas sat down next to him, and pulled him close.
"I know, it's very different," He said. Dean grunted in response.
"You can say that again," Cas opened his mouth to say something, "Don't, it's just an expression," Cas was about to question this expression, when Sam burst in to the room. He saw them just sitting there calmly, and threw his hand up in frustration.
"Where the hell we you guys? I've been looking everywhere for you!"
"Stuff came up, we were dealing with it," Dean said.
"Oh yeah, what kind of 'stuff'?" Sam glared down at Dean, "angel stuff?" Dean shrugged like he had no idea, but at the mention of the word "angel" he clearly stiffened up.
"Come on Dean, just tell me," Sam's tone softened as he tried to draw the truth out of Dean. That was when Cas decided to speak up. Straightforward as always, he just simply said,
"The transformation is complete," Dean shot Cas a glaring look.
"Wait," All the anger in Sam drained away, "Really?"
"Yup," Dean stared at the blank tv, avoiding Sam's gaze.
"So that it? You're an angel now, end of story, nothing's changed?" Sam fumed, "Dean, you can't just try and ignore what you are," Dean looked up at Sam for the first time.
"You're right, I have changed, but that doesn't me that things are different," His moss green eyes burned with intensity, "We'll still hunt thing, save people. Yeah, I may be a different, but I'm still me, Dean Winchester,"
Sam was stunned silent for a second. Dean rarely ever talked with such passion, and when he did it usually had something to do with someone else, or his car. He never talked about himself. How he was feeling, what he thought, those things always stayed buried. They only people that ever got to see this side of him were Cas and Sam.
"Of course you're still you," Sam finally responded, "But you do have to except that everything isn't the same. We still hunt, but-,"
"No buts," Dean interrupted, "There's nothing to talk about. If something comes up that has to do with angels, or if my," He faltered, the meaning of what he was saying sinking in, "mojo is needed for something, we'll deal with it then. But, right now I don't want to think about it, so stop trying, bitch,"
"Jerk," Sam couldn't help but smile. Maybe Dean really hadn't changed that much.
- 35 Years Later -
A cool breeze swept through the clearing, tugging at Dean's hair, and pulling his coat in odd directions. He stared at the shouldering ashes at his feet, like at any moment Sam would reform from the fire and tell him it was all a joke. He never did.
Cas held Dean's hand the whole time, when he wrapped the body in sheets, when he built the pyre in the woods, and when he started the fire. His hand was the lifeline that kept Dean from jumping right into the fire too. Not that it would do anything, only an angel blade could cause the life-ending pain Dean craved to fall into.
"Come on Dean, we should go," Cas gently tugged the man he had loved all these years away, "someone will have seen the smoke by now," Dean didn't look up when he said,
"I should have been there," Cas shook his head, and turned Dean around, so that they were face to face.
"He was ambushed, we didn't know, he was already too far gone by the time we got there," Cas recounted the horrible event yet again, "There's nothing either of us could have done,"
Dean sighed. He knew what Cas was saying was true, but he still didn't except it. All these years, he had been protecting his little brother. Even as Sam got older, and Dean stayed the same, they were together. Now Dean stood in a clearing, and the only thing left of his brother was a pile of grey dirt, already starting to cool and blow away in the wind. He sighed deeply, and pulled himself away from Cas. He unfurled his wings, and shot into the air, flying away from this place and these memories as fast as possible. Eventually, when his wings started to feel heavy with fatigue, he stopped and landed on a grassy hill somewhere in England. Cas landed quietly next to him. They sat down, and for a few moments were completely silent.
Then Dean was suddenly crashing into Cas, sobbing into his shirt. He cried, and cried, and cried, with more tears than he thought he couldn't possible have. By the time he finally calmed down a little, the front of Cas's shirt was soaked. He looked up at Cas with bleary eyes that were so much older than his face. Cas just kissed him silently, his warm touch helping to pull Dean out of his sorrow.
They sat there for what felt like days, just wrapped in each other's arms. As the sky began to darken, and the stars were just beginning to peak through, Dean spoke up. His voice was raspy from crying, as he said,
"Some people probably want what I got," He didn't have to explain that he was talking about becoming an angel, "they think it's a blessing, but it's not, is it? It's not a blessing at all. It's a curse. You are forced to live on, never aging while you watch the people you love waste away and die. No one should have to see that, never,"
"You'll always have me," Cas said quietly. Dean turned around in his arms, and kissed the angel sadly before turning back and looking up at the stars; the never ending, constant, and stunningly beautiful stars.
Thanks for reading!
This my first fic, and I'd love to see what you think of it, so please review!