Author Note: I had a strange dream with flashes of some of the things that are written here. This story is built up around those images and is extremely AU. There is a fifth member of SG-1, and the story takes place around season 3. It's told through some flashbacks which are all clearly marked in italics. Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with Stargate. Please don't sue me

Everything about the situation was wrong. There was no up side, no silver lining, no lemonade—hell, there weren't even any lemons. He tried as hard as he could to imagine a sequence of events that would have provided a more favorable outcome, but either there weren't any or his brain and his heart were too beaten up to make heads or tails of a reality too painful to acknowledge. Try as he might, Daniel Jackson could not shut his eyes against what lie ahead because if he even blinked for a moment, there would never be light again.

He thought maybe if he started at the beginning of where it all went wrong he might be able to make sense of something, but going back that far hurt almost as much as living in the present. He had been happy then. Happy. The word felt like a sore on the inside of his cheek that he couldn't stop biting. There had been solace on a planet fewer than 100 people on Earth knew about; there had been limitless discovery, though no one to share it with. And Sha're. Sha're was there, always there to love him. He knew she admired him greatly, and sometimes it bothered him. Sometimes it felt like worship, and he didn't want that, not from her, not from anyone. Daniel sighed and rubbed his temples. Why did happy memories hurt more than sad ones? He smiled momentarily when he thought about what she would say. Not Sha're. Sha're wouldn't know what he meant. A pale face flitted to life in his mind before disappearing, and he simultaneously flushed and wretched. "Allie," he said, softly. The syllables made him feel better; the pressure of his tongue against his teeth to form the l sound reminded him he was alive.

"Shit," he said, and then repeated in a yell. He loved her. He didn't know when it happened, but it had, and it mystified him. How had she done it? Finding a way into his heart could not have been easy, not after the seemingly endless chain of destruction that helped him build a wall to protect against invading forces. She had an arsenal all her own, though. She had a smile like a supernova, and those eyes, had Plato ever seen them, would have been the basis for the theory of Forms. No earthly rock could begin to describe the truth of what is an emerald like those eyes. He smiled; she would have hated that description. She never had any time for pretense, but she always had time for him. He smiled. 'Yeah,' he thought, 'I love her.'

He wondered if he had loved her right away and only realized it now because she was letting him, because she knew he needed to love again, or if it had been a gradual change from mild attraction to full on love. She would never have presumed to fill the void that Sha're's possession had left, and he didn't want that anyway. Sha're's place was always going to be hers; it couldn't be taken by any means. Allie was cleverer than that. She knew it was better to make her own place than to take over Sha're's because if by some chance Sha're ever came back to claim that spot, Allie might end up with nowhere to go. Her pale face crossed his memory again and he sighed heavily. "I'll fix this, Allie," he whispered, "I'll fix this, I promise." He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose between a tired thumb and forefinger. He'd promised a lot of things, and much to his displeasure, they kept not coming true.

Earlier.

The mission to P7-979 was mostly routine, but there was an added element of danger as a result of what looked like evidence of a recent scuffle near the stargate, a scuffle that bore the mark of the Goa'uld. Five travelers hopped out of the wormhole and into the clearness of a new world. The immediate landscape was lightly covered in small hills with a thick wooded area to the left an open field that probably dipped into a valley on the right. A massive gas giant hung heavily in the dim sky, only outshined by the sun. The first of the intrepid party to make his way down the steps from the gate was their leader, Jack O'Neill. He flipped his sunglasses up briefly and turned to his companions. "Alright, campers, let's stay tight. The MALP saw recent Goa'uld activity, and I'm not in the mood to entertain the company of snakeheads. Okie dokie?"

Sam Carter grinned and adjusted her P90, "Yes, Colonel." She scanned the horizon and nearby tree line for any sign of activity, but saw nothing. The event horizon fizzed out behind her and she walked over to Teal'c, who seemed lost in thought. "What's up, Teal'c?"

"Major Carter, there are indeed recent Jaffa footprints. We must be on our guard."

"We're always on our guard, T," Jack said, but he seemed to fidget more after his Jaffa companion spoke. He eyed the rest of his team—all two of them—unrelentingly as they seemed to disregard the need for extra caution and chatted happily about what looked like some whatchacallit from some whatsitsname cutlture and some wheneverithappened time period. He bit back four or five insults before finally snapping, "Daniel! Allie! Hey! What did I say?" He sighed as they exchanged amused glances and shared a private joke he would probably never understand. Carter might. Allie smiled apologetically and kindly repeated what he had told them to do, but Daniel only grinned and went back to his lecture about whateveritsnamewas. They stayed a little closer to the rest of the group, though, and he saw both of them cast furtive glances along the scenery once in a while. They would be the death of him. 'If they aren't the death of themselves, first,' he thought.

The relative peace of their first twenty minutes passed slowly as they examined the immediate area around the gate and the scattered ruins there. Carter took photos and soil samples, and Daniel made rubbings of some writings while Allie recorded a video of his actions and the landscape. Jack and Teal'c stood by, warily scanning the horizon over and over. Something smelled bad about the place, but no one knew what it was. Carter said something funny, and though he didn't hear it, Jack could tell from Daniel and Allie's reactions that it was a good one. He smiled inwardly, and he might have relaxed in that moment if the calming sound of his three scientists' laughter hadn't been drowned out by the angry scream of Jaffa gliders. "Son of a bitch!" he shouted, and the team immediately sought cover.

In the space of a few minutes, at least a dozen gliders soared overhead while SG-1 tried to make a stand in the ruins at the gate. There wasn't enough cover for anyone to try dialing home, not yet. They fired hundreds of bullets, and though Teal'c was able to disable several gliders with his staff weapon, they were clearly losing the battle. It wasn't until the familiar appearance of several glowing rings shot down from the sky and stacked on top of one another that things really went bad, though. Just before that, Daniel had finally been able to reach the DHD and started to dial home, and it looked like they just might escape in one piece, if in need of a little mending, but something more powerful than fear of glider cannon burns gripped Daniel as he pressed the seventh symbol.

Standing in a circle of huge Jaffa stood a Goa'uld known intimately to SG-1, and not because she had often battled them. Amonet was the Goa'uld charged with the kidnapping and subjugation of Daniel's wife, and she smiled passively at the man she recognized to be him. The flicker of her eyes was not frightening, but it did remind him not to be elated upon the sight of his wife. It reminded him that he wanted to throw up, and he would have had not more horrifying events followed in that very second.

Somehow, though no one on SG-1 could really explain it, they had instantly been pushed further toward the active stargate. Jack only counted four of his people including himself, and his mind buzzed with the implications of that until he heard a piercing scream to his left and turned to see flashes of green, pale pinky white, and red flailing between two Jaffa. They had Allie, and they had her good. Both arms were bound easily in the fist of one Jaffa while another held her legs, and all the squirming in the world would not have been enough for someone of her small stature—even his own stature—to escape. Somehow worse than the image of one of his team kicking, biting, and fighting for her freedom was the sound of another screaming for her. Jack barely managed to grab onto Daniel's wrist tight enough to haul him to the ground before the archaeologist did something stupid. "Jack!" screamed Daniel, eyes wild. 'Uh oh,' Jack thought, 'I know that look.' "Jack, you son of a bitch, let me go!"

"I can't do that, Daniel," he said, tearing his eyes from his best friend to stare instead at his best friend's wife. She had used her hand device to subdue Allie, and the Jaffa were still firing, but retreating to their goddess to reform the circle, one of them held the small form of Allie in his arms. A bruise had already formed on her forehead, and a small stream of blood leaked freely out of the corner of her mouth. She looked like a broken doll.

Amonet's voice boomed in that sick, unnatural tone shared by all Goa'ulds as she spoke to them. "We will see each other again very soon," she teased. Daniel shook visibly as he watched the woman he loved take away the woman he—well, Jack didn't quite know what was going on there, but it didn't matter. "Return here in three days," she said as the rings descended again, "any sooner, and I will kill her." Daniel finally tore away from Jack and headed straight for the rings, screaming what sounded like Allie's name and a few pleas, but he was too late. They were gone.

The gliders shot a few more times, but they, too, retreated and left four fifths of SG-1 staring hopelessly into the sky with an active wormhole shining behind them. "Son of a bitch," mumbled Jack as they finally transmitted their iris code and stepped back toward Earth.

He remembered the day they'd met. She'd walked right by him; he didn't know who she was, but he knew he needed to. She was small, more than a head shorter than himself, and lithe; her hair fell in long ringlets down her back and bounced as she walked excitedly to the window that revealed the stargate. Her eyes passed over every inch of the room and finally found him; he was mesmerized. "Hello," she'd said. She held out a small white hand and it was all he could do not to feel immediate withdrawal when he had to release it. While they spoke, he thought of reasons he could touch her again without being a pervert. He knew right away she was a civilian; Air Force women weren't allowed to have hair like that, and she lacked the perfect squareness in her stance. He knew he'd looked like a fool as she spoke to him. His eyes glazed over as she introduced herself and it was all he could do to not to stare helplessly into her eyes. Dr. Alison Rains, she'd said. From England. Some kind of PhD, but he'd already forgotten what kind. God, she was beautiful. "You may call me Allie," she'd said. He'd call her anything she wanted.

"Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel jumped and turned his eyes to General Hammond, who looked expectantly at him. "I'm sorry, sir, I must have… I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

Hammond sighed and nodded. "I asked if you knew what Amonet might have wanted with Dr. Rains."

"General," Daniel said, very close to rudely, "why would I know? I just… I just saw them take her." His eyes flew immediately to Jack. "I couldn't stop it." Jack dropped his gaze to the table.

"Son," Hammond said, "I know this must be difficult for you, but we have to at least try to figure out why she took Dr. Rains. From the reports you're all giving me, it sounds like it was their intention to remove one of you and make a break for it. Whether or not Dr. Rains was the target or just the first member of SG-1 they could reach is unknown. If you have any insights into this, I'd sure like to hear them."

Daniel felt like screaming, felt like throwing the files in front of him into the faces across the table. He sighed heavily and opened his mouth to speak, but no words came and he closed it again. He rubbed his left temple and shook his head gently. "I don't know any more about Amonet than any one else at this table. I don't know or care why she took Allie; I just want to know what we plan to do about it."

"It could be retaliation for taking her child," Sam said. She winced as she saw her words strike home with Daniel. As the person who had actually removed the baby from Amonet's care, Daniel would assume it was his fault Allie was in danger. It never mattered how right what he did was or how necessary; he would always feel responsible for some tragedy.

All eyes focused on Daniel and he shrugged, defeated. "I don't know," he sighed, "it very well could be. It could be anything. What are we going to do about it?" His voice shook a little with barely contained rage, but he managed not to yell.

"Dr. Jackson, I'm afraid we have no choice other than to do what the Goa'uld says and wait to return in three days. We don't know enough about the situation to attempt a rescue even if we could find a way onto her ship, even if it is still in orbit. We'll have to work out a plan that, unfortunately, will involve playing by he rules, at least to some degree."

Daniel nodded and stood. The general had not dismissed them, but he didn't really care, and Hammond must not have either because he gave the sign for everyone else to disband just before Daniel reached the staircase out of the briefing room. He walked slowly to his office and closed the door when he got there. The last thing he wanted was company.

The last thing he'd wanted was company. They had just gotten back from Abydos after depositing Sha're's child—her child!—with her father for safe keeping. A year without his wife had passed, and it had been difficult, but somehow seeing her pregnant with Apophis' child made it even more real. When he returned home, he ignored the call for a debriefing and went to his base quarters where he promptly threw up. So, yeah, the last thing he wanted was company, but that didn't stop her. Allie knocked politely on his door until he let her in, and instead of trying to rationalize his feelings or fill him with false hope or do anything that would have only made him feel worse, she wrapped her thin arms around his waist and wouldn't let go. He had, at first, asked something along the lines of, "Allie, what the hell are you doing?" because he was very upset and hadn't he said he didn't want company? She didn't let go; in fact, she squeezed him tighter, and before he knew what he was doing, his hands pressed into her back and he let out the first of several sobs into her soft red hair.

He smiled and absently felt the spot on his chest where her head always rested when she gave him hugs. It was something they did routinely, now. Daniel learned early on that he couldn't deny her anything she wanted, even at the expense of his desire to brood alone. If he had something to be upset about, she was there to hold him, and he made sure he was always available to return the favor. Sometimes they both needed to be held, and sometimes they just needed to spend time with someone who knew what it was like to be in their situation. They were two civilians in the most top-secret military base on the planet. SG-1 was fantastic, but sometimes it was difficult not to belong to the military hierarchy, though neither of them knew why. His fingers left the empty space on his chest and he held his head in his hands. Even Sha're's disappearance hadn't been this hard because she was taken by the enemy. Allie was taken by his now possessed wife whom he hoped to one day win back, but when something like this happened it made it harder to want, and that made him feel guilty. He realized he wanted Allie back more than he wanted Sha're, and that really made him feel guilty. He bent over and rested his head on his desk, shuddering a little. He'd never felt more alone

It was a little tense. His feelings for Allie were growing beyond friendship and a normal appreciation for her physical beauty, and Daniel knew it. He suspected Allie knew it, too, but she would never say as much or hint at it. He didn't want to disrespect what he had—or had had, pluperfect tense—with Sha're, but the time without her was getting longer and the separation was somehow… easier? That sounded bad. It wasn't easy, just less hard. Jack and Sam and Teal'c were there, and Allie was there. And Allie fit so well into his life, into his arms. What the hell was he supposed to do?

"Danny boy, you okay?" Jack's knuckles rapped sharply on the doorframe.

"That door was locked, Jack," Daniel said, not bothering to look up.

"Yeah, one of the perks of being second in command is pretty much unlimited access to the base, so… yeah."

"Please leave me alone."

"There was nothing you could do." Daniel sat up and glared at Jack, but the colonel stepped further into the office. "Look, I'm sorry I held you back, but I couldn't let you risk yourself for—"

"Oh, don't feed me that bullshit, Jack," Daniel said quietly. He had meant to yell it, but the energy it required was too much. "We risk ourselves every day for people we don't even know; what's wrong with risking ourselves for the ones we do?"

Jack sighed and looked down. His left hand rested on the back of his neck and he idly scratched at the hairs there. "I don't have any answers, Daniel. I'm sorry this happened. We're gonna get her back."

Daniel nodded. "Okay, Jack," he said. He turned back to his desk and pretended to work on something, but Jack didn't leave. Instead of continuing the charade, Daniel chose to stand and grab his jacket and a book.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to my quarters, Jack. I have two and a half days to waste until we're allowed to try to rescue our teammate."

"Did you talk to Daniel, sir?"

Jack shrugged and slumped into a chair across from Sam's desk. "I tried, Carter, but… well, you know how Daniel gets."

"Blaming himself?"

"And me a little," Jack sighed. He held up a hand to stop Sam from interjecting. "I'm not sure he's wrong. Maybe I should have let him go."

Sam shook her head and crossed her arms. "Let him go what? Get himself captured or worse?" Her blue eyes darkened at the thought, but she went on, "Sir, I wanted to run and help her, too, but we both know that's not an option in a situation like that. Of course you stopped him, and he'll realize that soon enough. He's just—"

"Hurting," Jack said. He gazed at his hands where they rested on his lap and thought them ineffective. He'd used them earlier that day to shoot guns and hold back his best friend, but he couldn't use them to save Allie. "Just like old times, I guess." Sam only looked down at her desk.

"Daniel," she had said, "what do you think will happen to us?" At the time, he hadn't known what to say. They were in a dark cell on some alien planet that thought them hostile. She'd been shot in the stomach with an arrow and the wound was still bleeding; he was terrified. "I don't know," he'd said. She didn't want false hope, and he knew it. Instead, he held her between his legs with her back against his chest so he could continuously apply pressure to the injury. She seemed content with his answer, but her body shivered against pain and blood loss, and he knew she was in serious danger. He'd pressed her closer to his own warmth and kissed her hair while quietly repeating, "I'm sorry I let this happen" over and over, and he didn't stop until they'd been rescued.

"I'm sorry I let this happen," Daniel said. He stared at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror and tried to remember the texture of her hair against his lips. It was gone, and he was too tired to conjure it. His eyes dropped to the sink because he couldn't stand to look at himself anymore. Everything about the situation was wrong. Everything.