When Chenshi Huang was brought into the world, after a difficult birth with much panic and pain involved, Lao Huang cried.
Charmaine Huang was torn between laughing at her 'tough, manly' husband and crying along with him. She settled on doing both simultaneously, emitting rough sobs and choked laughter as she cradled her newborn daughter lovingly.
Doug Barrett was the obvious choice for Chenshi's godfather, and he accepted the responsibility with tears in his eyes. Excluding her parents and the nurse, Doug was the first person to hold Chenshi and he, like his closest friend, let the tears spill over.
When Chenshi Huang was one year old, she learned to talk. It started with little words; 'mama' first, followed by 'papa' (a fact Charmaine never let Lao forget). 'Yes' and 'no' came soon after, along with 'food', 'give', 'ball', 'want', and so on. By the end of her first year she was forming short sentences such as 'want mama/papa' and 'want food' (Chenshi was a needy child, with a fondness for the word 'want'. Charmaine constantly had to hold Lao back before he gave her everything she asked for and more).
Also in her first year, Chenshi Huang developed her crawl into a walk. She took many tumbles, especially in her early attempts, but nine times out of ten Lao swooped in to catch her. On occasion, Chenshi had been in no danger of falling when he did this, causing Charmaine to berate him for the interruption. He never grew out of the habit.
When Chenshi Huang was two years old her parents began to read to her every night before bed. They were simple, generic stories about magical kingdoms, charming knights, beautiful princesses (coincidently named Chenshi) and mythical creatures. Chenshi adored them all. At night she dreamed of these fictional worlds and the characters that inhabited them.
Sometimes Doug would be the one to read to her. His stories focused less on the princess and more on the knight and his heroic deeds, slaying many different monsters on his quest to save the Princess Chenshi. The brave knight's most common adversary was a dragon with majestic wings and gleaming scales. Both Doug and Chenshi's favourite mythical creature was the dragon, and Lao and Charmaine were pressured into buying a multitude of dragon toys for their daughter.
When Chenshi Huang was three years old she started preschool. There she made her first long-term friend; a quiet boy her own age, shy and gentle like Chenshi. The two quickly became inseparable and spent almost all of their time acting out fantasies and weaving their own stories aloud.
He enjoyed drawing; whether his creations were quick doodles or intricate sketches they all possessed the same childlike quality. For a three-year-old they were very impressive, and he'd often let Chenshi help him colour them in. He would provide the pictures for their imaginative stories while Chenshi invented the plot and characters.
When Chenshi Huang was four years old she started reading alone. Again she started simple, with books aimed specifically at young children like her. Stories about a group of friends going on amazing adventures, often involving talking pets, were some of Chenshi's favourites.
It was during her fourth year that Doug bought Chenshi her most treasured toy; a red dragon with a forked tongue and curling tail. She dragged it everywhere – to the park, to preschool, to the shops – and she clutched it tight every night. Charmaine had to prise it from Chenshi's grip as she slept so it could be washed ready for the morning.
When Chenshi Huang was five years old she heard her parents arguing for the first time. She'd been curled up in bed when angry shouts drifted into her room from downstairs. Clutching her toy dragon tighter, she'd closed her eyes and tried her best to block out the raised voices. It was well over an hour before they stopped.
Arguments became more common after the first, and Chenshi immersed herself in fantastical worlds as she did her best to ignore the tension. Under Doug's supervision, she spent much of her time with her artistic friend, devising new stories together and acting them out. When she was with him, she was happy.
When Chenshi Huang was six years old Doug Barrett stopped visiting every week. He would appear at the door and leave again minutes later with her father. Lao, too, spent little time with Chenshi and Charmaine. In fact, he spent more time away from his family than he did with them. When he was at home, the atmosphere was almost always tense and uncomfortable, and Chenshi often escaped to her room. Once, Lao and Chenshi had spent every possible moment together; now she went out of her way to avoid him.
One day, when Chenshi was at school, the blinding flashes of light and booming gunfire began. Hiding under a table, she watched helplessly as the building's ceiling caved in, crushing her teacher, her classmates and her closest friend: the artistic, quiet boy. Sobbing, she'd lain curled beneath the table until she had been pulled from the rubble by firemen and reunited with her mother.
One night, weeks after the first attack, Chenshi fell asleep in her mother's arms, the same night that her parents fought fiercely over the phone.
Chenshi Huang did not wake up.
When Chenshi Huang was six years old, the Earth was destroyed.
When Chenshi Huang was six years old, she died in her mother's arms as the world around her burned.
When Chenshi Huang would have been seven years old Lao Huang was still alive. His best friend was still alive. He had survived.
His family had not.
Charmaine was dead. Chenshi was dead. The Earth had been destroyed.
It was when Chenshi would have been seven years old that her father first attempted suicide. It was the first of many. He didn't want to live, not in a world where he'd failed to save the two people that mattered most.
Lao knew it was pointless the fourth time he woke up in a fully-repaired mimeosome.
Doug – strong, unshakeable, dependable Doug – had been by his side each time he awoke. Despite the long lectures he got about not throwing his life away, Lao was secretly glad to have him there after each failed attempt.
When Chenshi Huang would have been eight years old, Lao Huang had headed to the Ganglion base in Cauldros alone to offer his services. He wasn't human. Lao Huang, as far as the man himself was concerned, died with Charmaine and Chenshi on Earth.
On one mission after becoming a Ganglion spy, Lao had stood on the edge the Yawning Giant in Oblivia, one foot partly off the edge, and he'd been so tempted to jump. He would have if a gentle hand hadn't laid itself on his shoulder. He'd jumped slightly, spinning to meet the concerned gaze of Shingo. For a moment, Lao had stared at his subordinate, oblivious to Saiden and Mondo watching carefully from close by. They were interrupted by the sudden squeal of a Terebra, and Lao took the opportunity to shrug Shingo's hand off and prepare for battle. The incident was not brought up again.
On what would have been Chenshi Huang's ninth birthday, Lao Huang stole the vitally-important data terminal that could save everyone in NLA. He also stole the Prog Ares and, in doing so, outed himself as the spy, the reason that Shingo, Mondo, Saiden (his loyal teammates – what he did to deserve them, Lao didn't know) and so many more were dead. With this revelation he faced Vandham's fury, Elma's determination, Irina's ire, Gwin's horror, Doug's desperation to stop him, Lin's hurt and betrayed look and the crushing weight of his own guilt.
Even after the battle with Elma, Lin, Doug and Cross, even after Lao had realised that his quest to avenge his sweet wife and beautiful daughter was actually a quest to help himself get over his grief, even after everything that had happened, Lao Huang was not allowed the one thing he wanted most.
Lao Huang was still not allowed to die.
How could he refuse Lin's pleading face, when the expression brought memories of Chenshi flooding back?
How could he foil Doug's desperate attempts to keep him alive, when every moment spent with the other man reminded him of time spent with Charmaine?
When Chenshi Huang would have been nine years old, Lao Huang attempted to redeem himself. Stabbing Luxaar in the back (literally) was so incredibly satisfying. Lao had not felt satisfied for years.
He gained knowledge that day. A sudden understanding of everything; Mira, Cross, the Ganglion, the Samaarians – everything. It was exhilarating, and terrifying, and overwhelming.
He paid the price for that knowledge. He had become an abomination, a monster – exactly what he was after betraying humanity.
He begged, one last time, for death.
When Chenshi Huang would have been ten years old, four years after her death, Lao Huang was still alive.
Unfortunately, no-one knew it yet.