Wedding Vows

Today was meant to be the happiest day of my life.

Everybody told me it was going to be.

I never once thought it would be like what it was.

I was meant to walk down an aisle of church pews in a cathedral, blush tremendously as people turned their heads to stare at me, smile profusely when I caught sight of the man I was there for, and share vows with him so intricate and binding that tears would gather in my eyes at the sound of him sharing them with me.

I wasn't meant to receive a text message on the morning of my wedding, telling me blasphemous things I never imagined hearing, let alone reading, even in a worst-case scenario.

It told me we were making a mistake.

It told me he was on a plane to New York right now.

It told me he didn't love me any more.

It told me he loved her.

At first I thought someone else had sent it to me by mistake, but when I texted the person back, letting them know that they'd sent the message to the wrong number, they sent me three words that clarified everything for me.

It's over, Bella.

Rage possessed me and grief overpowered every other emotion as I threw my phone at the wall and began to scream, high-pitched, animalistic sounds that I couldn't curb even if I wished to, while storming around the room and pulling at anything that was out of its place.

I was too numb to cry, although I very much wanted to. I'd been betrayed by my fiancé Jacob once before when I'd caught him with another woman last June…but this…he'd promised me he'd never leave me!

I didn't know what to do other than to take out my pain on my room; it was the only thing that kept me from dialling his number and yelling every obscenity I knew into his ears.

He knew how much I'd wanted this wedding; I'd given him many opportunities to back out, knowing he wasn't totally sure, but he'd still left me to pick up after his mess on the fucking day of it.

How dare he!

I didn't think after that, I just ran.

Out of the house.

Onto the bustling street.

Away from the apartment he'd inhabited so many times before.

I had to get out of there.

People would be arriving any time now to help me with my make-up.

How was I going to tell them that there was no wedding for me to be made up for?

I couldn't.

And that was one of the reasons why I ran.

I didn't know where I was going.

Just that I was going.

I found it a little difficult to run but I didn't even give a thought as to why.

My head was filled with thoughts of him as they usually were, but now they were clouded by my growing hate.

Was he with her now?

Did he even care about the state he'd left me in?

Did I even know the man I'd planned to marry?

I pushed on harder and harder despite my laboured breath and my sore legs, but humanity betrayed me before long and I was forced to stop and catch my breath.

It was then that I realised that I was still wearing my wedding dress and heels.

I'd always thought the dress I'd picked out was beautiful, pure, a gown fit for a princess, but now with dirt clinging to the bottom half of the dress and tears welling up in my eyes, I knew it was anything but.

I felt the sudden urge to take it off and add it to the growing pile of things that I planned to burn of his that he'd given me but I had nothing else to wear, so doing so wasn't an option even if I'd been seriously considering it.

I kicked off my shoes, knowing that they were hindering me more than was necessary and looked around sharply, wanting to know where I was.

A street sign a few metres away from me informed me that I was very close to Rivervale train station.

Perfect.

This was exactly where I needed to be.

Aware of my dress, I held it up with newfound distaste and ran down the train steps, ignoring the looks people gave me as I dashed past them.

They were the least of my worries.

As luck would have it, a train was just about to leave as I ran onto the platform, and without thinking twice I stepped into the nearest carriage, not caring about my illegal actions.

It should be illegal to hurt someone the way I'd been hurt; that was my way of justifying what I'd just done.

Strangely, the train was pretty much void of people and finding a seat was as easy as boarding the train.

I chose one in the far back corner on the lower level of the train and sat down.

I was stupid to think that everything would disappear the second I sat down, but I couldn't help but hope that it would.

It didn't.

I buried my face in my hands and let a sob escape.

This wasn't how my life was supposed to turn out.

Was happiness too much to ask for?

Jacob had told me he'd loved me and I'd believed him without a second of doubt.

He'd been so sincere, it had seemed so real…

Did that mean that anybody who had ever told me they loved me had been lying to me too?

My parents.

My friends.

Everyone…?

Was everybody just a good liar?

Was I even worth anything to anybody?

The tears slid down my cheeks like rivers now and my sobs were growing dangerously hysterical.

Had I been living a lie this whole time?

Did I even deserve to associate myself with the people I loved?

Damn him, damn Jacob to the fiery pits of hell!

He was making me doubt everything…everyone.

But what if he was right?

I continued to sob harder, my heart close to spontaneously combusting from the number of emotions that were pulsating through me.

What if he was right?

What if I was nothing?

"Bella?"

My hands dropped limply from my face and I looked up, startled.

I was so shocked by who was in front of me that I stopped crying immediately.

Even with my vision blurred due to my tears, I could still recognise my best friend's bronze hair and green eyes with insane accuracy.

"Edward," I whispered.

He smiled weakly at me but his eyes betrayed his concern.

He looked…upset.

I couldn't tell if it was because of how pathetic I was or because of something else.

The mere thought of such a thing pushed Jacob straight from my mind.

Edward hardly ever lost control.

"I thought you were getting married? What happened?" he asked me quietly, his voice choked up as if he'd been crying too.

I broke down completely at his words, the tears welling up again, but instead of retreating back to where I'd been sitting, I got to my feet and wrapped my arms around him as tightly as possible and cried openly into his shoulder. He embraced me in a way that suggested that he wasn't going to let go of me any time soon and patted my back as I let out all of my emotions.

I appreciated the gesture more than he would ever realise.

Edward had always gotten me in a way nobody else ever had.

He was the closest friend I had.

He knew when I wanted to be alone, when I craved silence, when I needed to talk to someone, who I needed to talk to…

Sometimes I swore he was a mind reader.

We'd been friends ever since the beginning of college, six years ago, when I'd let him copy my lecture notes. At the time, he'd been too busy talking to one of his new friends to write them himself and asked me for mine during our study period. I'd been a little hesitant at first, keeping to my slightly nerdy ways, but his annoyingly charming way of speaking changed my mind and I let him do what he wanted. He offered to buy me lunch from a nearby diner in return for being awesome (as he put it) and while eating that lunch we became good friends.

It was insane how many things we had, and still have, in common.

The big things were that we were both massive fans of My Chemical Romance (and had mourned for days when they'd broken up), we both enjoyed reading books rather than watching TV (although our tastes varied greatly), we both hated pineapple, and we were both obsessed with Youtube.

There were too many things to count…so many mannerisms and hobbies we shared.

One of the weirdest was that we both had a slight case of OCD.

Once we even had a competition over whose doom room was neater.

It wasn't just those things which could be considered coincidental which made me like him so much, but also that he knew exactly the right way to cheer me up, how to make me laugh, what made my eyes light up and most importantly (well almost) he always remembered to bring a spare packet of gum wherever we went (I had a slight obsession with the stuff).

The point was that he knew me very well, perhaps even better than Jacob did.

The thought disturbed me a little.

Shouldn't your fiancé know you better than your best friend?

I guess this proved how wrong for me Jacob was.

Why didn't I see this before?

Edward had tried to make me realise.

He'd tried to warn me, many times too.

Why hadn't I listened?

I'd been such a bitch towards him.

My throat clenched with guilt as I remembered the last conversation we'd had.

It had occurred at my engagement party a month ago.

We'd had a massive fight about my relationship with Jacob.

"What's up?" I asked Edward as we danced individually to an upbeat pop song in the corner of the dance-floor. I'd noticed the frown that marred his usually happy-go-lucky face and was a little concerned.

His frown seemed to deepen with my words.

Had I said something?

He'd been like this all night.

"I need to talk to you," he murmured.

I laughed, although the sound was a little tense. "Talk to me."

"Can we talk in private? It's important."

"Sure."

I let him take my hand and lead me to a storeroom at the back of the crowded hall.

"Ugh, it's so dark in here," I complained, swatting him accidently in the chest as I tried to find a suitable place to stand.

His hand found the light and I was surprised to find that we were only a few centimetres apart.

So close that I could feel his warm breath on my face.

So close that I inhaled the scent of his aftershave involuntarily

He smelt good.

Hell, he looked good.

I didn't think I'd ever seen him in a suit before.

Either that or I'd never been paying attention.

I shook off the thought immediately.

Where the hell did that come from?

"What is it?" I asked quickly, trying to distract myself.

We'd been in close proximity many times before.

Why was this any different?

He sighed. "It's about Jacob."

I narrowed my eyes. "What about him?"

It was no secret Edward hated him.

I had no idea why they just couldn't get along.

They were two very different people but that was no excuse.

He hesitated.

"Spit it out dude."

"I saw Jacob with Leah again."

Oh hell no, he seriously thought he could prank me with that? I thought better of him. He knew Leah was a very sensitive subject.

I rolled my eyes.

"He promised me he ditched her. What is it really?"

Pity touched his green eyes.

"Bella, they were kissing in a coffee shop in town, very blatantly I might add. I'm so sorry." He pulled me in for a hug.

I stepped back with a gasp.

No, he had to be lying. He had to be! Jacob would never…no! Edward was just jealous, that was it. There was no way Jacob would ever do that to me again. He loved me! He promised!

"Why are you lying to me? I thought I was your best friend? I didn't think you were capable of being this jealous."

His cheeks reddened. "I'm not jealous and I'm not lying to you. As your best friend, it's my job to let you know stuff like this."

"It's not true! I know you're lying. Stop it Edward, tell me the truth."

He cringed. "I am."

"No, you're not!"

"Bella…"

"Stop!" I yelled. "You're such an immature bastard. Who even does that? Seriously? Do you even care about me at all?"

"Of course I do." His eyes flashed with anger. "It's Jacob you should be worrying about, not me. This entire wedding is a joke. He doesn't even love you. Does someone who claims they love you cheat on you not only once, but twice? Hell, who knows how many times he's done it. If he loved you, he would show it. He only wants you so he can show you off to his high-class friends. Trust me Bella, everyone can see it."

"You know what, just go," I told him furiously, pushing him towards the door. "You're an asshole who doesn't know shit. Jacob loves me, okay. We're happy together. Don't even bother coming to my wedding. We can all do without the best man. You obviously don't value our friendship as much as I thought you did."

He nodded coldly and then stormed out of the room without another word.

I hadn't seen him again until today.

Why hadn't I listened to him?

Why was Edward even comforting me right now?

I'd been so mean to him.

Best friend or not, I'd hurt him.

I'd made such a mess of everything.

No wonder Jacob left me.

I was a total piece of shit.

As if sensing my thoughts, Edward stepped back and looked me directly in the eye, his own eyes ablaze with vehemence as if he'd only just realised something.

His words surprised me though.

"Did Jacob do this to you? What did he do? Where is the motherfucker? I want to strangle him. How fucking dare he!"

I wiped the tears out of my eyes and looked up at him sadly. "Edward, it's my fault, all me."

"I really doubt that. Why do you look like you just found out your dog died then?"

"He left me for Leah…but it's my fault. I'm not good enough…I was never good enough. I'm stupid, I'm not pretty, I'm nothing, I'm…"

He cut me off, his words oddly fierce.

"Don't ever say that, Bella. You're so much better than he is, so much better than everyone else is. He was just too much of a moron to see it. You're perfect. The best person I know. Don't do this to yourself, it's killing me to watch you put yourself down."

I shook my head.

"But it's true. Why else would he leave me on our wedding day for that skank?"

"Because he has no idea of what he's missing. Trust me, you're so much better without him."

"Really?" I whispered.

He kissed my forehead. "Really."

"Are you sure?"

"Completely."

"But what about the guests, and all the money my parents spent, and shit…everyone's probably wondering where the hell I am. How do I tell them? What do I do?" I moaned. "Jacob has really fucked me over."

"The guests will understand, well they should. Money is worth nothing compared to your happiness and your parents will get that, and your unexplained disappearance…well this is more important. You can always explain later."

"But what will I say?"

"Just tell them the truth, that Jacob isn't really who you thought he was and that you thought it best to end your relationship immediately. A wedding is supposed to be about you and your fiancé, not about the guests."

"I know…but still. I have no idea how to fix this."

"Look, I'll help you fix it. I'm here for you, all-right." He smiled reassuringly.

"Why are you even here, comforting me? Hell, why are you even on this train? This is going away from the wedding not to it. You had to know that I didn't mean what I said that day when we fought. Were you really going to skip my wedding?"

He looked down, the tips of his ears turning red.

He was… embarrassed?

Then he took my hands in his and sat us both down. "You're my best friend, you really think I could ignore you when you were here crying? I was planning to apolgise to you the next time I saw you anyway."

Relief surged through me and I felt myself breathe a little easier.

"You didn't answer my other question," I reminded him with a frown.

He sighed. "No, Bella, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to go to your wedding even if it did end up happening."

"Why?"

It didn't really matter but I found myself feeling a little hurt.

He'd always been there for me, why did he choose to skip what was supposed to be the most important day of my life?

He began tracing shapes into the palm of my hand, obviously avoiding my question.

"Why, Edward?"

His words came out in a rush, and I didn't quite understand them.

"Because I couldn't stand to even think about let alone watchsomeoneelsemarryyou."

"What?" I said, confused.

He glared up at me. "You have to know how I feel. Don't make me say it, Bella."

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed again and his face seemed to age about ten years as he spoke.

"I'm talking about what it does to me when you go out with other guys, how I drank myself to death when you accepted Jacob's proposal, how every time I see you, I have to refrain from kissing you because you mean so much to me. How it would've killed me to see you marry that bastard when all I've ever wanted to do is marry you myself."

"What?" I said again, this time in utter shock.

"Bella," he said again, stepping forward and caressing my cheek with the back of his hand. "I thought you knew."

"Knew what?"

"That I'm in love with you. How can you not know? I've been trying to tell you for years. Haven't my actions said it all?"

"What…huh…what?" I stumbled, not making sense of his words.

Edward was in love with me?

Edward loved me?

What crazy world was this?

My best friend was in love with me?

I was on the verge of becoming hysterical.

"You…in love…what…you…me…what?"

"I know you don't feel the same way but you have a right to know."

"How long?" I choked out.

"Since a couple of months after we met. I know I don't deserve you, not at all, but I can't stop loving you, no matter how hard I try. You're so perfect, you're everything I want and need. How can I not love you?"

"But I'm your best friend."

"You've always been much more to me than that, but if friendship is all you want then I can give that instead."

"You'd really do that for me?" I asked, knowing exactly what it was like to be denied by the person you thought you loved.

"As long as you're happy, nothing else matters."

It was with these words, as ardent, as tender as they were that I realised exactly what I should've realised all of those years ago.

Love wasn't all passion.

Love wasn't just about attraction.

Love meant caring about someone more than you cared about yourself.

Love meant sacrificing everything you held dear just to please someone.

Love was friendship, with the added bonus of passion.

I'd always known I'd loved Edward.

I just wasn't sure what kind of love it was.

I'd always assumed it was a best friend kind of love.

I'd never thought of Edward in any other way but that of a best friend.

Did I find Edward attractive?

I didn't even need to look at him to answer that one; I knew I did.

But everyone thought he was.

Didn't they?

How could someone not find his dazzling green eyes, chiselled features and messy bronze hair attractive?

Even when I was going out with Jacob, sometimes I was forced to admit to myself that Edward was better looking than him, but at the time I'd just let those thoughts slide.

The other question was could I imagine myself kissing him.

Not only that, but could I imagine myself kissing him and enjoying it.

My eyes found his lips and warmth ran throughout my entire body.

Yes, yes I could.

So did I love him like that?

I guess I'd just have to try and find out.

And there was only one way to do that.

I snaked my arms around his neck and kissed him with all that I had.

His lips were frozen with surprise at first, but he responded as soon as he realised what I was doing.

I could feel nothing but pleasure and happiness as I kissed him, and I knew that what I had with Jacob was nothing, absolutely nothing compared to this.

I loved my best friend.

I fucking loved Edward Cullen.

Was this even real?

Was this really happening?

His lips were equivalent to any drug I'd ever taken.

I couldn't get enough of him.

Had I really denied myself of this for so long?

When our lips parted due to lack of air, his simply trailed kisses down the side of my neck rather than leaving me all together.

I moaned quietly.

Yes, there were definitely sexual feelings there too.

Had I really been so stupid as to not recognise these feelings earlier.

I really had been an idiot.

"I love you too," I whispered, knowing now that I did.

His lips left my neck and his eyes grew brighter than the sun, his smile almost blinding in its size.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I think I do."

His face fell. "But what about Jacob?"

"I was so stupid to think he was right for me. Only you're right for me. Only you get me," I admitted.

"Then marry me," he murmured. "Marry me instead of him."

"What?"

Was he serious?

This was a whole other thing.

"Marry me," he repeated softly. "Like you said, everything is already prepared, and we know each other better than we know ourselves, so please consider being my wife."

I was speechless.

He was serious.

He really did love me.

And I did love him but…Jacob had kind of turned me off marriage, at least for now.

As if he could read my mind, Edward said, "Don't worry, it'll be nothing like what you would've experienced with him. I love you and I want to belong to you in every way humanely possible. This isn't a random, on the spot thing. I've always wanted to marry you. I just never knew you felt the same way."

"I only figured out I did a few minutes ago," I admitted. "I'm sorry Edward, but I want to take this slowly, I'm not quite ready yet, that is, if you want to have a relationship."

He nodded vigorously. "Of course I do. If that's what you need, then of course, I'll wait."

"Thank you." I smiled at him, giving him a quick hug. "You've just completely salvaged the worst day of my life."

"That's what I'm here for." He grinned.

"Uh huh!"

Then I sighed, remembering all the shit I had to deal with back home.

"Well, before we do anything we need to go fix the mess Jacob started."

He took my hand. "Of course."

I didn't even need to ask if he'd help me; I knew automatically that he would.

The train halted and the doors opened.

I pointed at the door. "We better leave so we can get another train back to the church."

"Good idea."

Then we walked onto the platform, hand in hand, and didn't look back.

…

On August thirteenth, three months later, we were married.

Edward was much more than I'd ever thought to ask for and he was truly what I both wanted and needed.

He was the epitome of a perfect husband and I was so glad that I'd agreed to take the chance with him.

With him I'd found true love.

It took me a while to admit it, but both Edward and I both owed Jacob profusely for what he'd done.

We both knew that the text message he'd sent me was good news after all.

It helped me discover the real love of my life.

It gave me true happiness.

And that was what I'd been searching for all along.

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