Hermione walked in from out side and Harry went out to take the next guard. It was the moment he was waiting for. He had everything ready, a steaming cup of tea sitting on the table in front of an empty chair.
"Can I talk to you?" He said in a soft voice, the kind you would use to sooth a fierce beast.
By the dirty look she gave him, he thought it wasn't a mistake to use that tone of voice. But he was resolute, he needed to explain. He felt he owed at least that to her, an explanation.
"Please, Hermione, you don't have to say anything. I'm just asking you to listen to me… Then you can go back ignoring and hating me… please?"
He might imagine that her lips just trembled, as she was repressing a smile. The fact was she sat down with her arms crossed and her eyes fixed on the table.
"Ok," he said, "thanks"
He sat on the chair next to her, took a deep breath and then started talking with a very sure and deep voice:
"I know what I did was unforgivable, and there is nothing I can say to excuse me for that. I just wanted to explain to you why I did it, because I don't want you to believe that I left because I didn't care about you, it was exactly the opposite…"
"Ohhh," she interrupted with a very sarcastic tone, raising her eyebrows, her eyes still fixed on the table, "you left because you cared too much about us! It makes perfect sense…"
"Yes…, I mean, no!" he said raising his voice a little and trying to ignore the provocation "I left because I cared too much about you… I mean you alone, not you and Harry."
She turned her head very slowly and for the first time since his return she looked at him in the eye. She had a very sad and confused look that made his heart break. He held her gaze hoping she could see how honest and deep his feelings were. She looked away from him and turned her head in the opposite direction, so he only could see the back of her head now.
"But… Why did you leave then?" she said in an almost imperceptible whisper "I didn't… I don't understand"
She sounded like a wounded child, and even if he could only see the back of her neck, he knew she was about to cry. He got very close to her, his mouth almost touching the back of her neck.
"Hermione, I was going mad. Every time I had to wear that effing locket it was like filling my head and my heart with venom. It was ten thousand times worst than dementors, because the locket made me feel and think about this specific fear… You know me; better than anyone, I'd say, so you must have an idea of what am I'm talking about. You know I've always felt overshadowed in my family with all my amazing brothers; and then in Hogwarts it didn't get any better, because I just happened to be best friends with the bravest wizard and the brightest witch of the bloody school. I got used to it though, you know? But then… I started having these feelings for you, and I discovered the one thing I couldn't stand being overshadowed in. You might have noticed that after all those ridiculous situations I put us through with Krum and Mclaggen and, … Never mind. The thing is, the locket knew that about me, and every time I wore it, it convinced me that it wasn't only impossible that you would ever feel the same about me, but the truth was you would despise me and laugh at my feelings… You see, it had very strong points: what was I next to you, or next to Harry? Why wouldn't you…"
"…choose him" she said plainly, turning her head again to the front, looking to an invisible point in the ceiling "I get it, you choose him" she quoted like she had just fully understood the meaning of those words he said just before he left.
"I know I had no right of getting that upset about you not returning my feelings or caring more about Harry. It's just the locket made everything worse, and in the end I couldn't stand it. I regret it the second I disappeared, honest, not because I thought you two lost much without me around, but mostly because I knew I had abandoned the one person I had promised my self I was never going to disappoint… again"
The silence made him realized that he was really there, and that he had said all those words out loud, to her. Suddenly all his courage seemed to disappear and he felt unsure and scared of what may come. She let out a big sigh and just said:
"You really hurt me, Ron. I can't stop being angry with you just because you told me this"
"Wasn't expecting that" he said really quickly. "I just hoped…, I mean maybe some day in the far future, I just hoped you might feel like talking to me again, or even smile of one of my stupid jokes like before … It's not like I deserve any of that but … Anyway, I just felt I owed you an explanation"
She didn't look at him this time, just nodded and stood up. She went to her bed and laid down. He just remained seated watching the now cold cup of tea. He didn't expected anything, but he couldn't help feeling empty and unsure of what was going to happen with them, now everything was said.
"It was completely wrong about me," she said "I mean the locket" Then she closed her eyes and rolled over.
With a sad smile Ron stood up and took the cup of tea to the sink.
