Fullmetal Alchemist meets Dr. Phillip!
(It said that you can't use real people, so I am using Dr. 'Phillip', He is in no way related to Dr. Phil!)
I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, or its trademarks
By: OhHolyCow
Dr. Phillip: Hello everyone, and welcome to my show, Dr. Phillip. In this edition of my show, the cast of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood is here to talk about their issues. Please welcome our first guest!
MC: All the way from Amestris, here's Edward Elric, the youngest Alchemist of the state and living legend of the people!
Edward: I'm glad to be here Dr.
Dr. Phillip: So, tell me Edward, how does it feel to be the youngest alchemist of the state?
Edward: Well, it feels pretty good!
Dr. Phillip: As we all are about to find out, you, as well as the other guests we are having on this show, have many issues that MUST be resolved. Let's roll the video!
Video: Today on Dr. Phillip, our first topic is "A GROUP OF ARTIFICIALLY CREATED HUMANS ARE TRYING TO DESTROY MY COUNTRY!"
Dr. Phillip: So, let's bring out more of our guests, the homunculi Envy, Lust and gluttony!
Audience: BOO! YOU SUCK!
Envy: SHUT UP YOU FREE-LOADERS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M ON THIS CRAPPY SHOW!
Lust: This whole episode really is going to be a drag…
Gluttony: Can I eat them?
Lust: Not yet, but maybe later.
Edward: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Envy: Hey, pipsqueak, it's not like I wanted to come on this show or anything. But, it was part of my contract, so I didn't have a choice.
Edward: HEY! THAT'S SIX TIMES NOW!
Envy: What are you talking about?
Edward: YOU JUST CALLED ME PIPSQUEAK, PLUS TWICE IS THE FOREST, AND THREE TIMES AT THE LABORATORY!
Envy: Well well well, looked like your memory isn't as short as you after all!
Edward: SHUT YOU MOUTH BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND SHUT IT FOR YA!
Envy: YOU WANNA GO, PIPSQUEAK?
Edward: AHH!
-They begin fighting until Dr. Phillip gives them both a stress ball, which eventually calms them down-
Dr. Phillip: Does that stress ball make you feel better Edward?
Edward: Yeah, I guess so.
Audience: -claps and cheers-
Dr. Phillip: Now, before we get to the main issue, there is another important matter that needs to be resolved. Edward, why do you get so offended when you are called short?
Edward: I'M NOT SHORT!
Dr. Phillip: Well, in that case… Steve, go get the scale; we've got some measuring to do!
Audience: -claps and cheers-
Dr. Phillip: Security, please hold down Mr. Elric so that we can do the measurements.
Edward: NOO! PUT ME DOWN! I'M NOT SHORT!
Dr. Phillip: Well Edward, the test results have come back, you measure…. Five ft, two inches… YOU MOST CERTAINLY ARE, IN FACT, SHORT!
Edward: NOOOOO! GET ME OUT OF THIS GOD-FORSAKEN PLACE!
Audience: AHHH!-Applause-
Dr. Phillip: On that note, let's move on to our next topic.
Video: Today on Dr. Phillip, our second topic is… "I KNOW MY FRIEND IS IN LOVE WITH ME, BUT HE WON'T ADMIT IT!"
Dr. Phillip: Let's welcome our next guest, Miss Winry Rockbell!
Audience: WE LOVE YOU WINRY!
Winry: Hi, Dr. Phillip!
Dr. Phillip: Hello there, Miss Rockbell. So tell me, who is this boy that you are in love with, and vice versa?
Winry: Well…that would be…Edward
-They both blush, and Edward begins to panic-
Audience: AWW! HOW CUTE!
Edward: HEY! SHUT UP!
Dr. Phillip: So Edward, do you have something that you have to say to Winry?
Edward: Well… Winry…
Winry: Yes, Ed
Edward: Even though I have tried to hide it, I do love you, and have for a very long time…
Audience: AWWWW!
Envy: THIS is the reason that I hate these kinds of shows! All this crap is making me vomit!
-Winry takes out her wrench-
Winry: HIYYA!
Envy: OUCH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
Winry: FOR BEING AN IDIOT!
Pauli: OK (If you don't get the Amanda Show reference, than you're on your own)
-silence while everyone is thinking "what is HE doing here? Pauli slowly scrambles out the door-
Dr. Phillip: So then, the two of you admitted that you love each other, so now what?
Edward: Well…
Lust: Well… since love is sort of my specialty, I would recommend a kiss, to prove to yourselves and to your partner that you are in love.
Audience: OOH!
Edward: Well…
Winry: …
Edward: Fine!
-Edward grabs Winry and gives her a kiss-
Audience: AWWW!
-Winry faints as Edward ends the kiss-
-Envy begins to puke his guts out-
Envy: THIS IS SICK! I'M OUTTA HERE!
Studio Director: Don't forget Envy, CONTRACT.
Envy: Fine! I'll stay… as long as pipsqueak over here stops making out with miss gear head!
Dr. Phillip: Well…I think that you two will make a fine couple! Let's move on to our next topic!
Video: Our Next topic is…
Dr. Phillip: WAIT! We never resolved the first issue! To help us with this compelling topic, here's… Steve Philkos!
Audience: AHH! WE LOVE YOU STEVE!
Steve: I'm glad to be here Phillip! But…
Dr. Phillip: But what?
Steve: WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE SITTING DOWN? These weirdoes over there, they caused all of this commotion, right? So they don't deserve to sit so smug on stage!
-Steve takes the chairs of Envy, Gluttony and Lust-
Lust: YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF NERVE! STEALING A WOMAN'S CHAIR!
Gluttony: Can I eat him?
Envy: Make it quick!
Steve: AHHH! I'M OUTTA HERE!
-Steve runs frantically off stage and into his car and drives off-
Envy: Well… looks like Mr. talk-show host over here doesn't have much nerve after all!
Dr. Phillip: Um… let's go ahead and move on.
-Winry finally becomes conscious once again-
Video: Our next topic is… "MY BEST FRIEND WAS MURDERED BY A HOMUNCULUS"
Dr. Phillip: Please welcome our next set of guests, Colonel Roy Mustang, 1st Lt. Riza Hawkeye, and Lt. Jean Havoc!
-Applause-
Audience: WE LOVE YOU MUSTANG! HOW CAN RIZA PUT UP WITH YOU? WE LOVE YOU JEAN!
Mustang: Hello, Dr.
Riza: It's a pleasure!
Jean: SOLARIS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Lust: The name's Lust, don't tell me that you didn't figure that out…
Jean: -Falls over and goes to sit in the corner; Riza pats him on the shoulder-
Dr. Phillip: Colonel, would you please point out the person who murdered your friend?
Mustang: Gladly! (points to Envy)
Dr. Phillip: Tell me Envy, what possessed you to kill this man's best friend?
Envy: Well, I love killing people, since I am evil after all!
Dr. Phillip: You know Envy, just because you do bad things DOESN'T mean that you're a bad person. There is good in everyone. Just because you are branded as a villain by your peers doesn't mean that you have to BE that villain!
Audience: WOOHOO!
Envy: Look, I love that you're trying, but my name is ENVY! When I want something, I take it, and then move on to something else. I WANTED To kill Hughes, so I did; it's just THAT simple!
Audience: BOO! YOU STILL SUCK!
Envy: THAT'S IT! SCREW YOUR CONTRACT! I'M OUTTA HERE!
Dr. Phillip: Well, It looks like we're out of time, but we will be continuing this discussion on next week's episode! If there is something that you would like for us to talk about, please put it in the rating's box. Thank you and good night!
Edward: Gee, that was fun, a kiss AND a show!
-Winry then hits Edward with her wrench-
Edward: HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
Winry: FOR BEING AN IDIOT!
Pauli: OK
-Winry and Edward both stare at Pauli, and proceed to beat him to a pulp-
Pauli: AHH! I'M SORRY! YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN THE ALDENTE BROTHERS! (The Amanda Show, LOOK IT UP!)
SEE YOU NEXT TIME! AND DON'T FORGET TO GIVE ME IDEAS!