Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs but as far as I know I own the plot and the character the late Danny the stoat.
Hey! This is a Scrubs fanfic challenge from my sister.
Challenge: - Include 'cat', 'restaurant' and 'dead waiter'
-Fic Title: Who Dunnit?
"Who Dunnit?"
JD shivered as he turned into an alleyway and watched a black cat saunter across his path. He took a step forward and watched another cat pass in the same direction.
Or was it the same one?
"Ooh, creepy.... like the Matrix!"
Janitor: This is the story of a cat, a restaurant and a dead waiter.... or was it two cats? Anyway the question is 'Who dunnit?'
JD exited the alleyway and walked into the restaurant opposite and was immediately dragged into a chair by the owner of a very familiar scowl.
"Perry!" JD exclaimed in joy causing over half of the restaurant's patrons to look over.
"Oh, wait. I need to go and meet Sally." He said distractedly looking around.
"Ah, no you don't Janice. I realise you're happy as a blushing bride about to be swept off her feet but I have some news, sorry to inform you that Sally is definitely straight and will never go for you, no matter how cute you are or how well you co-ordinate your clothes."
"Cute? Well then, why did she invite me to dinner?"
"Because, Newbie, I asked her too. Or, more accurately I asked Jordan to ask one of her pretty little friends to get you here – and by friend I mean 'slave'."
Dr. Cox leaned in and instinctively so did JD, resting his head in his hands and his elbows on the table and gazed back. Their menus lay before them as if discarded and forgotten and to the outside world the two looked like a couple lost in the world of each other's eyes; Perry couldn't wish for more....
"Now listen here, Sonia – I'm only going to say this once. I need your-"
"Aww, Bambi!" Dr. Cox turned to glare at Turk who stood guiltily beside a gushing Carla who was for some reason dressed as a waitress "This is just too adorable, I feel so happy for you both. Off in your own private bubble, your own little world. Bambi, I totally approve. Doctor Cox, you don't ever want to hurt JD because if it comes to a fight between us you know who will come out on t- ARGH!"
Janitor: At this point Dr. Cox's frustration levels peaked and he bodily threw Carla from the room via a window. But don't despair readers/listeners (I don't really know or care what you are) for it was only a ground floor window but-
"Nooo! Carla!" two voices shouted in unison as the stared down at the *almost* motionless form sprawled on the pavement.
Janitor: Did I say dead "waiter"? I so meant dead "waitress" you know....
Carla: Idiot! Stick to the script I'm not dead. You too, Bambi, you're a doctor, I was breathing. And Turk, stop crying, it's worse with you, as a surgeon you should know the difference between unconscious and DEAD.... blah blah blah.
Janitor: And more "blahs", I mean come on woman- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DANNNNNY!
"Who's Danny?" asked Elliot
"When did you get here?"
"I can feel my intelligence and sanity slowly slipping away...."
"Oh, hi doctor Cox! But someone tell me who Danny is."
"Danny's his evil weasel....*shudder*."
"No, JD, Danny is a stoat and he's not evil, he's, err, cute."
"Yeah, Carla, cute...."
Janitor: DANNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone turned towards the noise; Janitor was knelt at the tiny body of a stuffed stoat. It was wearing a muddied waiter's outfit, complete with a tiny pair of spectacles and a small tea towel draped over a stiff arm (or fore leg I suppose).
Large tires screeched and skidded close by.
The bottom half of the stoat was severely squashed and bore tire tracks. Janitor was trying desperately to prise Danny off the tarmac.
"Sooo- Dr. Cox, have you asked JD *that* question yet?"
JD's head tilted into that oh-so-familiar position.
"Oh, so help me Barbie I don't think you have ever been so stupid since your manufacture date and if you value your pretty golden locks you had better skedaddle very quickly – go on, quick, quicker, QUICKER!
Joanna, because I just know what you're imagining you'd better have Jordan crashing the wedding and ripping your little fairy tale dress into so many ribbons.
Also, Susan, if you've got me 'smiling' in your twisted little fantasy world you'd better make sure I never eh-eh-ever find out for your sake."
JD looked at his feet.
Meanwhile, Ted cackled evilly as he pulled up at Sacred Hearts in Kelso's RV. He walked into the hospitable and shared sly grins with The Worthless Peons and winked at Doug.
"Brain Bunch is officially disbanded; get ready to rejoin the Brain Trust...."