Title: Atlas
Author: TartanLioness
Summary: A year has passed since "Fate" and "Silence".
A/N: Finally, I decided to just post the last continuating of the small series that started with "Fate". The poem used in this story is taken from Parole, an anthology of poems by Leigh Thornhill. Inspired by the fantastic Raindrops on Roses.
one.
if one day the weight
of grieving for you
becomes too heavy
will you mind
if i set
it down
Sam walks home in the cool evening breeze, her bag of groceries once again bumping against her leg. It reminds her of another day, a horrible day. It's been a year since then, since Milner told her that Foyle had died, a year since she said her silent goodbyes to him at his grave.
For the past year, life has gone on seemingly as usual, but for Sam every day has been a struggle. Even now, the memory of him rests on her mind and not a day goes by where she doesn't think of him.
The pain of losing him is not as raw anymore. It no longer feels as if her heart has been ripped out of her body or her soul has been torn to shreds; but it's still there. Right after the funeral, she and Milner had talked and talked, both needing to share their grief; she admitted to her feelings and even showed him what Foyle's note to her said and the pain Milner felt for them both was evident in his eyes.
They never talk about him anymore.
She puts her groceries away absent-mindedly, her thoughts focussed on the man she lost. She understands a lot more now. She knows that his rejection of her was for her own sake; he didn't want to see her in pain. But married or not, Sam muses, she has still lost the man she loves.
She still sees Andrew from time to time; he seems to connect her with his father and likes to spend time with her; he doesn't repeat his proposal and she never talks about what happened between her and his father. It's better that way. He lives in the house on Steep Lane by himself, but even though it's his home now Sam can still sense Christopher Foyle in every corner and she never quite knows how to feel when she's having tea with Andrew and he's sitting in his father's chair…
The sun is setting when she locks the front door behind her again, this time without the groceries. The air is mild, the breeze carrying with it a subtle smell of salt water and seaweed. Sam walks slowly through the streets carrying a small bouquet of wild flowers.
There's no one around when she enters the graveyard. She doesn't hurry; instead she strolls down the gravel paths, looking at the different gravestones. Too many are for young men recently lost and Sam can't help but think about how many of their boys never even made it home to rest in English soil.
When she is finally at the right grave, she crouches down, placing her flowers in a vase by the stone. Other fresh flowers are already there, from Andrew she assumes, not least because here are also fresh flowers on the grave next to it – Rosalind Foyle's.
She straightens up again, her eyes still on the stone where his name is engraved. The rays of the setting sun make the granite look warmer than it probably is, bathing the whole scene in a soft, yellow light. Sam can feel the gentle warmth where the rays hit her hair and back and she suddenly smiles gently.
Taking a deep breath, she whispers, "Goodbye Christopher."
When she leaves the graveyard, her steps are lighter. Something has changed tonight. Christopher Foyle will always be with her, will always be a part of her; but the weight of grief she has carried like the mythical Atlas has disappeared. She has set it down.
Somehow she knows that everything will be all right.
THE END.
A/N2: I'd really like to ask if someone would be interested in beta'ing for me. Not so much for spell-check or grammar, but because I'd really like someone to spar with. It's been a long time since I wrote regularly and I often find myself stuck when I write. I have about seven unfinished Foyle fics and I think I might have a real chance of finishing them if I just had someone to bounce ideas off. So, yeah, if anyone's interested, write me a review or a PM :)
/Cammie