Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor do I claim to. This is simply a one-shot using characters already created by Stephanie Meyer.
Author's Note: This story is loosely based around the Sarah McLachlan song "Angel". If you have time, listen to it as you read :)
BPOV
I was accustomed to being left.
I was familiar with pain.
I was used to people walking away.
Dear Diary,
I'm so tired of this...this way of life, this relationship, these bruises and scars, growing more visible day by day. I'm tired of Mike doing these things to me. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I guess I know that I don't deserve the name-calling, or the mocking, or the abuse. Growing up, I never thought that I would end up here. This was never how I planned it. If you had asked me even a year ago what I would do if a guy ever treated me this way, I would have laughed. I would have laughed because there was no way that I would have been in this situation to begin with. I would have said that he would be out the door and out of my life the second that he laid his hands on me.
I don't know how it happened, and I couldn't really explain it if I tried. It wasn't a huge change, from one day to the next...it was just a small shift, or a series of shifts, over time. He would make fun of me over something that I did, or a certain reaction I had, and it would hurt my feelings, but I would brush it off. He started getting angry more often, and then he started blaming me for everything. The funny thing is, that no matter how strong I thought I was before Mike, it's no use trying to stand up under his judgment. I tell myself that it isn't my fault, that I haven't done anything wrong, but...well, there's always this nagging suspicion in the back of my mind, telling me that maybe, maybe I am to blame. Maybe this is all my fault. Things at home were never that great, growing up. Mom and dad treated me the same way then as Mike does now. So, maybe I am damaged, like Mike says. Maybe I am a freak, and I'm broken, and I am lucky to have him, because everyone knows that no other guy would want to take me...
The only thing that I know is that I need out. I had dreams before Mike. I had plans, and I had hopes for the future. I was going to go to college, and get a law degree. I was going to write a book. I wanted to take acting classes, maybe even be in a movie...big dreams, I know, but they were there, and they were mine. I wanted to get married, and be an amazing wife to my husband. I wanted kids...a big family, and I wanted to teach them how to dream. But now...I don't have those dreams anymore. Not really. He crushed most of them the minute I told him what they were, and the others...the others have started fading away on their own. I don't want to marry Mike. I don't want to have a family with Mike. The worst part is that I'm not even in love with Michael Newton. I thought I was once, but it wasn't love. It was just a silly, lonely girl, wanting to be accepted...wanting to be wanted.
Mike asked me to move in with him. I told him no, but it's not like it really matters. He's over here at my apartment almost all the time. He made a copy of my house-key, and he lets himself in whenever he wants. Sometimes I come home, and he's already here, acting like he owns the place. I just want away from him. I want away from all of this, but I don't know how, and I don't know where to go. I want out of this mess. I just want things to be okay again. I need a miracle...I need an angel...a hero...to rescue me.
Mike's at the door; be back later.
BPOV
Dear Diary,
Mike's finally gone. Tonight was horrible. He had a bad day at work, but he even blamed me for that. He said that I'm not a good girlfriend. He said that I don't give him what he needs, and it's my fault that he's so stressed. I'm so tired of this. I'm just tired. He called me so many things tonight...things that nobody deserves to be called. I told him that we were over. At first, he got really mad. He slapped me. He grabbed my arm, and screamed at me, and told me that I was worthless, and selfish, and that I didn't deserve him. He said that it would be over when he decides it's over, and not before. But then...then he stopped, and let go of me, and sort of laughed. He smirked, like he always does when he thinks he's better than somebody else. He said it was fine. He said he didn't need me, and that once he left, I'd be the one begging him to take me back. He said that I'm nothing without him.
He's wrong about that. I won't beg him to take me back. I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be that. I can't stay here until I get the locks changed. I don't want to be alone if he comes back.
-Bella-
When I met you, I expected you to leave.
I knew that if you got to know me it would be too much to handle.
I knew that I couldn't get too close, because I would lose you, as well.
I had no expectations.
I couldn't allow myself to hope for something I had never had.
"Jasper." Bella said when he answered his phone.
"Bella?"
"Jasper, I need you," she cried, unable to keep the tears out of her voice.
"Bella, Bells, what happened; what's wrong? Did Mike do something? Are you hurt?" she heard the panic rising up in his usually calm voice, and hurried to reassure him.
"I'm fine...I...I left him, Jazz. I left him," the words sounded so final as they echoed back into her ears. She had really done it. She had actually left Mike.
"Are you at your apartment?"
"No, "Bella sighed, "I'm at the hotel, close to Highway 77. Mike has a key, and I didn't want to be there if he comes back."
"Okay, hold tight. I'm on the way." Jasper sounded calm again, and his steady voice leant her some comfort.
"Okay, Jazz...thank you."
"No problem. And Bells?"
"Yeah?"
"It'll be alright. I love ya, darlin'."
"I know. Love you, too."
BPOV
Dear Diary,
Jasper's on his way. Just knowing that makes me feel safer. He's my best friend, but I wish he was more; I just can't ever seem to tell him that. Even before Mike, it was Jasper. It's always been Jasper. It's funny, when we talk, in person, or on the phone, we always end by saying 'I love you'. Thing is, I mean it more than I think he knows. He's always been there for me. We met in the 9th grade, when his family moved to my town. We were both 14, and awkward. He was skinny, and short, and had messy hair and braces. I was tall for my age, and extremely bony. I had horrible, frizzy hair, and pale skin, and glasses with thick, black frames. Somehow, neither of us minded the other's appearance. I don't think we even really noticed. I fell for him the minute he introduced himself in A.P. History. After his first day, we could hardly be separated. Mike went to our school, too. He constantly flirted with me, and every other girl he came across. I swear I turned him down at least once a week, for nearly four-years. We got older, and Jasper got taller, and filled out. He got his braces taken off, and got his hair somewhat under control, and suddenly all the girls in school were constantly glued to his side.
Senior year, Jasper dated a girl named Alice. She was sweet, and funny, and really pretty, and exactly the type of girl that I thought Jasper should be with. A girl that was the exact opposite of me. Even when he dated Alice, he still made time for me. They were together for about four-months when her dad got transferred with his job, and she had to move. She broke up with him, but he took it well, and they still talk sometimes. I made my big mistake that year, and agreed to go out with Mike. I guess I had finally decided that Jasper would never want me, and I settled for what I could get.
Jasper just texted to say he's here.
-Bella-
But then something happened.
You got to know me.
You understood me.
I let you in, because it was more effort to keep you out.
And I didn't want to keep you out.
When a knock sounded Bella unlocked the door as quickly as she could, and as soon as she had it open was engulfed in a strong, warm set of arms. Jasper held her tightly against himself with one arm, and ran his other hand over her hair. She didn't realize that she was crying until he took a step back and wiped the tears from her face. The look on his face was so full of emotion and concern that it made her cry even harder.
When he spoke, his words were soft, "Let it out, Bells. I'm here. Just let it out."
Jasper held Bella until the tears stopped, and then he wiped her face with a damp washcloth, dabbing away every visible trace of the pain Mike had inflicted that he could. He wiped away the tearstains, and the smeared eye shadow, and the mascara streaking her pale skin. He picked her up in his arms and lay on the bed facing her. He intertwined the fingers of one hand with hers and hummed softly until Bella drifted off to sleep.
BPOV
And then, right when I expected the loss to come,
You didn't walk away.
You saw my secrets, and accepted what was there.
You reminded me of my worth.
You reminded me of my value.
Dear Diary,
Jasper's stayed with me all night, so far. I woke up once, and he was watching me, almost like he was guarding me...he asked about what happened with Mike, and I told him everything. This time, I even told him the things I never had before. I told him about my parents. I told him about Mike. I told him about the cursing, and the mocking, and how I really don't have any self-esteem left. I told him that I was sorry for hiding it from him, and I was sorry that it took me so long to try to leave.
He's always been more level-headed than me. He just listened, and when I finished talking, he told me that it wasn't my fault. He told me that I have nothing to apologize for, and that I'm not to blame for anything that happened. I didn't wake up at all after that until about 15-minutes ago. He was still facing me, but asleep. He's still over there in the bed, so I decided to come write at the desk, and let him rest. The moon's bright enough coming through the window, I don't even have to turn on a lamp and disturb him.
I wonder if Jasper's right? I wonder if Mike's really the only one to blame in this? I want to believe him. I want to, and in my heart, I do. The hardest thing for me has always been bridging the gap between what I know in my heart, and what I tell myself in my mind. I've found that sometimes pain is easier than healing. Not easier in the sense that I don't want healing, but easier in the sense that I've almost gotten used to it, and in an awful way, it's comfortable. I hate this. I'm so good at condemning myself, but I can't seem to accept the reassurance I need.
Bella jumped when she felt hands on her shoulders. She hadn't even noticed Jasper get out of the bed.
"What are you doing up?" he asked, coming around to face her, leaning against the desk with his arms folded.
She shrugged, pointing at her diary, "Just needed to write."
"Ah," Jasper nodded, but then he held out his hand, "Well then, I'm here to save you from yourself."
Bella frowned, "What are you talking about?"
"When you get upset, you write. Writing's great for that, but you, darlin', use it for an escape." He paused, "I know you, and I know how your mind works, Bella. Knowing you, you're rethinking everything I told you and you're finding a way to blame yourself again for everything that Mike put you through. Right?"
She didn't want to admit how right he was, but being her best friend of course he knew that, too.
"Come on back to bed."
Bella hesitated, but then sighed, taking his hand, knowing that brooding over the situation wouldn't help at all.
"Mike, no!" Bella screamed, trying to push him away. He wouldn't leave, and he wouldn't stop hitting her. He kept hitting her, and hitting her. She felt her shoulder pop when she slammed into a wall, and still he kept going. His high school ring caught her in the jaw, and she tasted blood in her mouth. "Please, "she begged him, cowering near the floor, "Please, stop. Please stop..."
"Please...Mike, please..."
"Bella! "she felt herself being pulled into a sitting position and whimpered, thinking that Mike was still there. "Bella, look at me." No, that voice didn't belong to Mike. It was too smooth and soft to belong to him. She slowly opened her eyes and met Jasper's.
"He's gone now, Bells. It was a dream. He can't hurt you anymore. I swear, I won't let him hurt you."
Suddenly, Bella couldn't handle being so close to Jasper. He was just so sweet, and calm, and handsome, and so...so...so Jasper! She jerked away from him, and sat on the edge of the bed, folding her arms tightly across her chest. The tears were flowing again, and she hated it. She hated this feeling of loss, and of yearning for something that she couldn't have. Why did she have to be the girl who fell in love with her best friend?! And if she was in love with Jasper, why did she ever settle for Mike?!
"I'm so stupid." she groaned, shaking her head in disgust.
In an instant Jasper was kneeling in front of her, holding her trembling hands in his steady ones, "You are not stupid, Bells."
"Yeah Jazz, I am."
Jasper smiled slightly, "Alright, darlin', why are you stupid?"
Bella looked away from him, towards the window, "I settled. I settled for Mike, when in all honesty I was never in love with him. I just knew the guy that I wanted wouldn't want me..." her voice trailed off, and Jasper stood, pulling her to her feet in front of him.
"Who was the guy that didn't want you?"
She bit her lip, avoiding his eyes. Now what should she say? 'You wouldn't want me?' 'I'm in love with my best friend, and I'm a needy mess right now, and of course you wouldn't want me?' No.
"Come on, Bells. Tell me the guy's name."
"Why do you want to know so badly?"
"Because you tell me everything. Because we're best friends...Because I want to find him and tell him how stupid he is for not wanting to be with you."
She quickly looked up at him, "What?"
"Any guy who wouldn't want you is an idiot. You're funny, and strong, and brave, and beautiful...Who is he, Bells?"
She took a deep breath. It was now or never. "You."
"What?"
"It's you, Jasper. I... I pretty much fell in love with you the day I met you. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's always been you...I...I'm sorry." she tried to turn away, but his grip on her arms held her firmly in place.
"I...wow. Bella. I didn't know..."
"Look, I didn't want you to know. I'm not enough for you, Jazz, so don't even worry about it, alright?"
And then, right when I expected the loss to come,
You didn't walk away.
You saw my secrets, and accepted what was there.
You reminded me of my worth.
You reminded me of my value.
"No. Bella," he cupped one hand at her jawline, "It isn't ridiculous. You are enough. You are more than enough. I just never dreamed that you would feel that way about me. I love you." he moved closer and whispered near her ear, "I've loved you for so long. I'm here for you, and I'll stay by you. When you go to the authorities about Mike, I'll be right there with you. You can take as long as you need to heal; I'll help you. I won't give up. I'll support you, and...I...I want us to have a future together. I want to be more than just your friend. Being friends is awesome, but I want more than that. I've wanted more than that for years."
You stayed.
And then a whole new world opened up inside,
And my heart was finally free.
When Jasper's lips met hers for the first time, it was unlike anything that Bella had ever felt. She felt warm, and safe. She felt like she belonged. It felt natural to have him this close. It was like, in a way, they had been born for this moment.
In that moment, she knew that she had found her miracle. She found her hero, and her angel, all wrapped up in one.
She knew that she was safe now, and that no matter what life would throw at her, that Jasper would stand by her side. Of course, it won't be easy, but wonderful things seldom are. They take courage, and hard work, and dedication. But the beautiful thing about it, is that it is so worth the effort. It is so worth the ups and downs, and scars that lead you to it. Even when you feel broken, you can heal. Bella knew that she had found her safe place to heal...in the arms of Jasper Whitlock, her very own angel.