AN: this story spawned from a talk with my hair dresser while my color was processing the other night, for whatever that's worth. And it sort of grew into this long monstrosity of an M rated one shot. There is allusion to emotional manipulation and abuse and then just some good old fashioned smut. Enjoy!
AN:I don't own these characters, obviously, just taking them for a spin.
AN: oh and all these mistakes are mine, sorry about that :(
Sharon curled up on her couch with her cup of tea. Their latest case was closed, paperwork had been filed, Rusty was out with Gus and Andy was at a meeting. She breathed in the warm scent of her tea before taking a sip and felt her muscles one by one relax. She couldn't remember the last time she had been alone to just relax. If she thought to hard about it so would remember that she needed to do a bit of laundry, clean their bathroom, and a myriad of other things, but for now she was just going to sit.
Her mind drifted to Andy. She couldn't stop the smile that came to her face. She was sure she was falling in love with him. The warmth and comfort she felt when her hand was help in his, the ease of conversation and even she had to admit that she hadn't laughed as freely and openly since her children were small. And then there were his kisses. The first one, at the end of their first "real" date had been slow, almost chaste, but when she had closed her door behind her after bidding him goodnight it had taken what seemed like ages for her heart and the butterflies in her stomach to settle. Every kiss they had shared since had grown in intensity and she could feel the passion that he was putting behind it. She knew that he was patient and had agree to take things slow for her, but she also knew she couldn't ask him to wait forever.
Sharon, what are you waiting for?
Something inside herself kept screaming at her. She hugged one of her throw pillows close. What was she waiting for? She had waited to have sex with Jack until she was married. Some piece of her Catholic upbringing that wouldn't let her give in before their wedding. She wasn't a 20 something virgin anymore. She had a 30-year marriage behind her, had birthed 2 children, and was raising a third. There was nothing really to stop her. Except…
What if I'm no better with Andy than I was with Jack?
She had wanted so much to be a good wife to Jack. She loved him and had spent months of their wedding night, but it wasn't exactly what dreams were made of. As her memories invaded the forefront of her mind, tears began to sting the corners of her eyes. The sex had been hurried and when it was over she couldn't help but wonder if she had missed something. She tried to talk to Jack about, but his only reply was that she needed to learn to do something more than lay there. After he had gone to sleep she had cried, but as weeks and months and years passed Jack had made it more than clear that the problem was her. And maybe it was. She truly did love jack but the only joy she had ever taken from their sex life had been the births of her children. After they were born Jack's infidelity had increased. He had always made it clear that if she hadn't been so cold, so reserved he wouldn't have had to look elsewhere. He had wanted to be a good husband, but she just wasn't enough. Through the years of separation, she had always let him come home. He would spend a few nights, maybe a week with her and then reinforce that she was still lacking with his letters and inevitable leaving.
I can't do this to him.
Tears had started streaming down her face. Not for Jack. She was done with that chapter of her life, but for Andy. For as much as she knew she was falling for him, she was more than aware he had already fallen for her. He wouldn't say it in deference to her wanting to take things slow, but she saw it in his eyes, felt it in his words and had felt it in his physical reactions to her on more than one occasion that they had found themselves in the heat of their more passionate kisses. How could she commit to him knowing that she would ultimately be a disappointment, and maybe she should go ahead, get the sex out of the way and let him go before things got any more serious. She had spent months building walls and putting him off, but he had broken through her reserve. She had tried to protect both of them, but now he had torn down to many walls and she was afraid that her options all included hurting him.
Her shoulders shook with the sobs that now were tearing through her. This is why she didn't spent time alone. With others watching she was in control, on her own no matter how well intended her thoughts were her own worst enemy. Doubt and worry her constant companions when no one else was there to fill that void. She pulled her cardigan tighter around her torso, and rested her chin on the pillow she had been clutching to her chest.
Sharon was pulled from her torturous internal monologue by the sound of her phone buzzing from the coffee table. She knew it was him before she even looked. She could just let it ring, say she had gone to bed early to explain it away later. They didn't lie to each other though, and her tear infused pity party wasn't a reason to start. She righted herself as much as she could and slid her finger across her phone.
"Hey Andy."
"Hey. Sharon, you ok?"
"Oh yeah, fine, just fine" her voice was laden in faux perkiness and the remnants of her previous sobfest. Just a white lie, he won't notice. "You already home from your meeting?"
"Not exactly. Have you eaten?"
"Yeah, I had something when I came in." not technically a lie, she still had her cup of tea in front of her.
"Something other than tea and a banana?"
Dammit, how could he see though her? "Not exactly." He was flustering her but she still couldn't stop the smile that had begun filling her up the moment she heard his voice. It couldn't stop the butterflies that were filling her otherwise empty stomach.
"Sharon, come open the door."
Shit. She could hide her crying on the phone, but she knew without looking that her face had to be red, her eyes puffy, she was a mess and he was going to see it. You don't lie to each other? So stop lying to him.
"Ok." She hung up the phone, stood and tried to straighten herself before going to the door. She caught a faint glimpse of herself in the foyer mirror. Oh God. Deep breath.
"Andy! What are you doing here?"
"Sharon," he leaned in to kiss her cheek, balancing the Chinese food in his hand. "I, uh, just wanted to make sure you ate. Sharon..?"
"Thank you, Andy." She cut him off with that smirk he loved, but he knew something was definitely up.
As Sharon arranged the Chinese containers on the table Andy grabbed the plates and cutlery from the kitchen.
As they began to eat in what was more strained than companionable silence, she could feel him eyeing her.
Just talk to him. Stop lying to him. Be honest.
"Sharon?" he cut off her internal chastisement. She met his eyes finally. There was nothing but concern and warmth and the unspoken love that she knew he was holding for her.
"Andy." She breathed out his name trying to find some strength in just the saying of it.
"Honey, I don't know what's wrong, but I want to help if I can." His fingers reached for her. Cupping her cheek, his thumb padding across the stains left beyond from her tears.
"Andy, I'm con-concerned" she reached up removing his hand from her face, but held it in her lap as he moved his chair closer to her.
"About Rusty? Work? What is it Sharon? Let me in."
Sharon pulled away from him, standing and walking towards the couch. Distance, I need some space. Tears swelled and sat along her lower lids and she inwardly chastised them for making another appearance.
She heard his chair move, heard his footsteps, and felt his fingers touch tentatively to her hips. She felt herself lean back into him. She tried not to, but she was on the verge of a panic attack and Andy was before anything else her best friend, even if he was the very source of her panic.
His chin rested on her shoulder as his arms slipped around her waist to hold her back to his chest.
"Honey, if I've done something I need you to tell me."
He hasn't done anything; I'm already hurting him.
Finally, after turning in his arms and letting the last of her tears soak into his lapels as he held her, she finally muttered the only words she could seem to verbally form into his chest.
"I don't want to hurt you."
Andy was more than confused by the woman in his arms. How on earth is she going to hurt me?
"Sharon, you're gonna have to help me out here. You aren't going to hurt me. What's going on"
A shudder when through her. There weren't any more tears in her to cry. Thank God for small favors.
Looking up into his face she saw nothing but confusion and that blasted love he had for her.
"Andy, what if I can't do this? What if I'm just not enough?"
"For me?" good God, she had to know I love her "Sharon, you have been more than enough for me for a long time."
She started to speak again, but he cut her off. "Sharon, I want to know what's going on, but I think maybe you need to listen to me. You've had the reins on this relationship and I have been very happy to move at your pace, but if you're worried about hurting me, or God forbid loosing me then I think it's time you heard a few things."
Her nod was almost imperceptible but she pulled away just enough to take his hand and lead him around the couch.
Just listen to him.
He sat down close to her, in her space; his arm going back around her. He pulled her chin up with his fingers and made her look at him.
"Sharon, you will never not be enough for me. Do you hear me? I love you, Sharon Raydor. I have loved you longer than I would admit to myself. Even when I was trying to convince the world of my hatred for you, I was falling in love with you. Now if you aren't ready to reciprocate I understand, but if you- if you don't feel the same way I will try to understand that, but you need to tell me because if we are back away from this- from each other, it will never be because you aren't enough for me."
His voice was filled with the same depth of emotion that the unshed tears in his eyes betrayed.
Tell him you love him. Stop being an idiot.
"Andy," her arms when around his neck and she let him pull her closer. The words were still hung in her throat so she did the only thing she could to tell him. Her lips sought his out. Hard and firm and with all the passion she could put behind a kiss. Her tongue sought entry, begging him to hear and feel everything she just couldn't formulate into words. He pulled her closer and without realizing she had moved she found herself straddling his lap, continuing her assault of his lips. His hands were roaming up and down the length of her back and her body was filled with an incredible warmth and her mind started to succumb to the relaxation that had alluded her earlier in the evening. Their lips finally separated, the need for air finally overcoming their need for one another. She rested her head in his shoulder.
"I love you too, Andy – I do love you"
"Yeah, I gathered." The both started to smile which grew into a soft laughter that they both shared. "You had me scared there for a minute though."
Through his smile she saw the seriousness in his eyes. Tell him the rest of it, Sharon.
Looking him in the eyes, her body pressed into him, her knees sinking into the sofa on each side of his hips, "I want to have sex with you." Smooth Sharon, real smooth. Mortified at her lack of control and ability to communicate with any decorum she tried to pull away. Andy's arms tightened around her waist, so she settled for burying her flushed face in his shoulder.
"Honey," he worked to control his breathing and measured his words, knowing he didn't have much room for error here. "is this what this was about? Sex?"
Oh God, I am an idiot
She nodded her head in his shoulder.
Andy's hands moved up her back from her hips to her shoulders, "Sharon, look at me."
Reluctantly she raised her head to meet him.
"Sharon Raydor, I have never wanted to have sex with you." At the fleeting look of horror that flickered through her face he put his index finger to her lips. "I have wanted and waited to make love to every inch of your body and if that's something you would be interested in then I would be glad to comply, but this, us, we were never going to just be sex."
I can do this
She removed herself from his lap, stood and started for the hallway. When she reached it, she turned to see Andy still planted on the couch looking rather dumfounded.
"You coming?"
Their eyes met and had their own conversation of smirks and quirks. This was them, in their element. In the span of a second he was at her side and they made the few steps to her bedroom.
Andy had already decided he was going to take his time loving every part of her body chasing away whatever demon had spooked her earlier. Once in her room he turned her into him and his hand went into her hair, massaging her scalp as he left an array of small kisses on her face. Starting at her temples, then the corners of her eyes, the tip of her nose, her cheeks then chin. As he traveled further he let his tongue join in and let it wind a wet trail from the base of her ear to her collar bone where he stopped to suck. His hands began to roam, his fingers working to remove her cardigan.
Sharon's body was on fire, the warm feelings from earlier now a full blaze in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to return to him some of the pleasure he was giving her but with him invading all of her sense all she could seem to do was moan his name and hang on to him for dear life.
His mouth never left her, his fingers now working the buttons of her blouse, her cardigan discarded in the floor. Once he had dispensed with the buttons, he pushed the silken blouse off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor as well. She stood before him in just her purple lace bra and soft grey leggings and Andy was certain that this was the most beautiful sight he'd ever beheld.
"You're gorgeous" he breathed it into her hair willing her to believe it for herself.
His fingers trailed down the valley of her breast.
"Andy." She breathed his name out in a strangled moan.
He bent slightly hooking one arm under her knees and pulled her up, carrying her to the bed and lying her down gently on the pillows. He stood back next to the bed and began to undo his own buttons. Sharon's mind began to race. She was so exposed. Not completely, but enough.
Andy saw her starting to fidget and as he released his last button he reached to still her hands. "shh, you're beautiful."
How does he always do that?
Sharon couldn't help smiling back at him as he shrugged his shirt off his shoulders and quickly removed his jeans and came around and joined her on the other side of the bed. He still had his boxers on, but Sharon could already see the evidence of his growing arousal. Before she could get lost in her head again she felt his hand on her. Lazily dragging his fingers in patterns over her stomach as he resumed the earlier ministration on her collar bone. Her body arched into him as his mouth and hand both met at her breasts. His hands cupping, massaging, teasing as his tongue played along the lace. In the span of a moment he was on his knees between her legs, his hands around her back, removing the now increasingly offensive bra.
Sharon was writhing and moaning beneath him as his mouth enveloped her left breast, sucking at her nipple as his fingers toyed with and teased the other. She could hear moans coming from somewhere, they didn't sound like her, but there was no one else here. Desire was shooting through her in ways she had never felt, she wanted him and she felt drugged with all of the sensations he was creating in her.
When his tongue circled her bellybutton she couldn't help the cry of his name that left her lips.
He stopped and looked up at her with the smuggest grin. "What?"
"Andy, I want you, now."
He bent his head and kissed her abdomen making her shiver.
"And you are going to have me," he winked at her as he hooked his fingers into the waist band of her leggings "but I'm not done having you yet"
She laid back shocked and even more aroused as he tugged her leggings and panties down her legs finally casting them to the floor to join the rest of their clothing.
Her knees were bent and she was completely exposed to him. Sharon would have been incredibly self-conscious if she hadn't been so incredibly aroused. He took one of her feet in his hand and started kissing the top of it. Starting with each toe and kissing up to the inside of her ankle. He took the other foot and did the same. His hands started to move up her calves, but as he started to lower himself between her legs he felt her body tense.
Oh God is he really going there?
"Sharon?"
"Andy, I've never…"
He kissed the top of her knee. "Sharon, do you trust me?"
She nodded her head and he bent to kiss the inside of her thigh
"Let me love you."
Propped on her elbows she could see all the love shining through his eyes and the desire that was flooding his body as well as her own. She swallowed hard, he wants this, gave him the slightest nod and as she felt herself relax back against the pillows he laid the lightest of kisses right above her curls. Her legs went naturally over his shoulders as his breath on her sensitive and now incredibly wet flesh started driving her toward something she couldn't quite name. When she felt his tongue circle her opening she screamed his name and he placed his palm against her stomach to keep her in place. He continued licking at her juices enjoying every heightened moan that reverberated in his ears. When he slid his finger into her and curled it, wanting give her more pleasure he was rewarded with her once again calling out his name. Her hands were on his head, holding him in place and when he wrapped his lips around her most sensitive ball of nerves it took all of his strength to hold her in place as she arched herself, crying out and pulling his hair. It took just a few more strokes of his finger inside of her while sucking and swirling his tongue against her before he felt her tense up as she started descending from the precipice he has brought her to.
Sharon's body seized, everything went white behind her eyes and she knew she was screaming out Andy's name. Her control was completely gone and every inch of her body throbbed and tingled, every nerve ending firing in waves. She couldn't focus on anything, and Andy, her Andy was everywhere.
He kissed her clit, and rose to lay beside her, holding her as she rode out the last waves of her orgasm.
"Andy?" she forced out, still a little to loudly, between breaths.
"Yes, Sharon?" His smile was more than a little proud and he couldn't hide his enjoyment at seeing her flushed and still writhing from his attention. His own arousal had become almost painful, but the sight of an undone Sharon was worth it.
"What, what exactly…. what the hell was… that?"
He looked at her face carefully, there were unshed tears in her eyes, but she was smiling, almost laughing and still fighting to get her breath under control. The reality hitting him he pulled her closer to his chest.
"Sharon, have you ever… I mean before, um with other men… you've never orga…."
"No! Not like that, not anything like that!" Her head buried into his chest. "and its man not men." She mumbled that last bit into his chest almost hoping he wouldn't hear her.
Andy laid back fully pulling Sharon over, her body sprawled on top of him "Honey, I'm not even going to say his name, but that husband of yours was absolute rubbish."
Sharon began to shake with laughter, "He was, you know. I always thought it was me!" As her laughter subsided Andy tilted her chin up "that my dear, may be one of the biggest lies he ever told."
Sharon propped herself up on looking into the love she saw from Andy. She knew he had just helped her banish one of the demons Jack had left her with. She wanted to give him all the pleasure he had given her.
Sharon began kissing over Andy's face just as he had done her. She slid her body down kissing as she went. Andy raised his hips to help her remove his boxers. She kissed her way back up his legs and when she grazed the head of his cock with her lips he almost bucked her off, growling her name.
"Sharon, I want you…now." His fingers gripping her hips and she rose and wrapped her slender fingers around his shaft, guiding him as she began to sink down fully onto him. She felt like she had gained her control and power back until she felt her body stretching, accommodating and clinching around him. He was barely controlling himself, trying to stay still until he felt her give a sign she was ready. Her head fell back as she started rolling her hips into his, again she was moaning his name, this time joined by the groans of Andy as he thrust beneath her. Their hands found one another, their fingers entwining as their bodies moved completely on instinct. Andy was close and he knew we wouldn't last much longer and he was determined to make Sharon come undone as least one more time tonight. He released her right hand and it fell on his chest as he moved his fingers between them, rubbing firm circles into her clit. Sharon rode him harder and faster, chasing a release for both of them. As Andy felt her muscles start to contract around him he flicked her clit fast and unrelenting as she shuddered above him, calling out his name. The sight of this gorgeous woman that he loved writhing atop his was more than enough to send him over as well. The clung to each other as the both came down from their joint orgasms. She had to move off of him, but she couldn't stop the shudder that rolled through her at the feeling of him slipping out.
Snuggled into his side, the covers pulled back and wrapped around them they started to succumb to sleep. Sharon was to sated, to exhausted to get lost in her head. They simply were. Were in love, were now lovers and the past was just that.
As she started to drift she heard Andy "I know one thing"
"hmmm?"
"I'm showing up with Chinese more often" he grinned down at her.
She batted his chest and snuggled even closer. "Shut up, Andy."