6.20 The Man Who Would Be King tag
Stranger in a Strange Land
Freedom and choice come with responsibility. I know that.
With choice there is always the chance you could choose wrong.
That's the very nature of free will.
How was I to know the right course?
How does Dean? How can he be so certain I'm wrong?
How are angels, who have never been asked to make a decision, supposed to know how to choose?
Angels weren't made for Free Will.
How are they supposed to change how they are hard-wired?
They're soldiers, agents for good. Doing what they're told, following orders.
That was the way of Heaven before.
Trying to show them another way was difficult. Near impossible.
Sheep…not to slaughter, but to organization.
Following…
Willing to follow me, and if I didn't lead them, Raphael would.
But how could I lead when I myself felt lost?
Unsure…
All I knew was the Apocalypse could not happen.
Not after all we our efforts to stop it.
To allow it to still come to pass was wrong.
That would negate everything the Winchesters sacrificed, everything I'd learned.
Freedom, Free Will…Choice
What was I supposed to do?
I was no match for Raphael. He could crush me with the flick of his wrist.
To allow him to win, to bow to his whims, was to deny all.
All that Sam and Dean gave, all they taught me. All I now believed in.
I had to think of the big picture.
In my focus on that, I fear I lost that piece of myself that understood. That could tell right from wrong.
I let pride and hubris lead me away from what I knew to be true.
In my haste to save the planet I allowed the end to justify the means.
Something shifted inside me.
It was slow…insidious…stealthy.
Slowly but surely a change happened.
The thought of all that power became intoxicating. Driving me onward…to what end I'm still not entirely sure.
I wasn't strong enough to deny the need. Wasn't brave enough to ask for help.
I was floundering like that fish up on the shore. With a fate still undefined.
I tried to find my way, tried to choose wisely.
And now…I'm trapped on this path, set on this course.
I see no other option than following it through.
What should I have done?
How can I fix this?
Is it too late?
What would you have me do now?
God… Dean… someone, tell me.
Tell me what to do…
Otherwise, all I have is what I've done…
Freedom is a length of rope.
The knot is tightening.
Heaven help me and those who stand against me.
The End
bjxmas
May 2011
All standard disclaimers apply.
Oh, Cas…
I think Ben Edlund is brilliant and his script and direction for The Man Who Would Be King was absolute perfection. I doubt my little story adds anything to his amazing concept and execution, basically just another boring regurgitation, but I couldn't resist riding on his shirttails and getting inside Cas' head. I just wanted to prolong the experience.
Thanks for reading, take care, B.J.