I simply cannot let you go!
This is what Hanssen said to Sahira at the end of 'out on a limb.' I felt there was an undercurrent of something deeper when he looked into her eyes? Anyway what follows is my idea of what that statement could've led to. This is my first fanfic so please read and review it.
I don't own any of the characters.
The first paragraph contains the words Henrick spoke to Sahira at the end of the episode, earlier we'd seen her argue passionately for the unit and later credit him for making her so passionate.
"Very well." She turned and looked at him. He walked towards her. "Even though I know it's not what's best for this hospital, or for me. I" And here he hesitated. The words catching in his throat as a myriad of thoughts and emotions fought for supremacy. He looked into her eyes, pouring every ounce of longing and love he had in his being into it, willing her to recognise and respond to it. "I simply cannot let you go." Mocha held ice for a long moment. He knew in that one sentence he had betrayed himself to her. Exposed his vulnerability, laid open his heart, she gave a small smile in acknowledgement. Now in her presence he was a broken man and to walk away from her with his head held high took every bit of self-control he possessed.
Sahira watched as he walked, her velvety eyes thoughtful as he extended the distance between them. She had always known that she was his 'special project'. He'd mentioned it often enough, but until now she'd never known how special. The man everyone labelled as heartless and cold had just told her he loved her. Told her that he was prepared, if necessary, to sacrifice everything to keep her close to him. The idea took her breath away. What should she do? The Cardio Trauma Unit would come to Holby and she'd be a major part of it. She stood rooted to the spot berrating herself! How could she have been so blind? How could she not of seen this? Could she live with it? Wouldn't it be kinder to leave him and move to Newcastle? After all what was there to keep her here? Her marriage? Her husband? No, he showed very little interest in her or her career. In fact her marriage was all but dead. What did she feel for Henrick? She certainly felt something. Confusing thoughts whirled around in her head and almost unwillingly something stirred in her. Why had she not realised it before now that deep down she had always sought his approval? She adored it when he encouraged her to go for what she believed in. Even their fights were stimulating, with him counteracting every point with quiet logic against her passionate outpourings. Ice and fire together! She needed to tell him this and close the gulf that was stretching out between them. As if sleep walking she set off towards his closed door.
Henrik sat in his office at his desk, head in his hands, glasses on the table and eyes closed. He knew the cost of the unit would wreck all the careful budgeting and play havoc with his calculations, but he simply could not face every day without seeing her. Sometimes he made unnecessary visits to the ward just to see her and stand close enough to smell her perfume. She lit up his life and gave it purpose. When she smiled at him he felt as though he was invincible and could conquer everyone and everything, and until today he'd successfully kept it from her. But the thought of her leaving him meant he'd cracked and told her. What would she do? Would she go, or stay with him for the sake of the unit? Having her near him even if it was just for unit was worth it. He would still see her, still hear her voice, still help her. He wanted her close to him that's all he knew. He'd kept everyone and all emotion out of his life until he'd met her, to scared of being hurt. However, she'd dismantled all the barriers, got passed his defences and what had started as a trickle for him was now a full blown torrent. Even now the smell of her was around him and he could almost feel the dark silkiness of her long hair. He groaned, he could mend other people's hearts but the irony of it all was he couldn't repair his and an unwanted and unbidden tear slid very slowly down his cheek.
Henrik didn't hear the door open or the person enter until she stood in front of him. "Henrik" she said softly. He looked up slowly her gaze capturing his and holding it. "Henrik. Thank you." She moved round the desk her warm eyes never leaving his sorrowful ones. She'd never seen him display such raw emotion and it stunned her. She reached across and tenderly wiped away his tears with her thumb. "Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me, and I want you to know that I will never abuse your love." Being so close to her was too much for him and he caught her hand and held it to his face kissing first her palm and then her fingers. He slowly got to his feet and pulled her into him, wrapped his strong arms gently around her and brushed her dark hair with a kiss. He'd imagined doing this for so long and a sob caught in his throat. He loved this woman beyond all reason. Sahira turned in his arms and tilted her head back and rising to her toes kissed him lightly on the mouth. Henrik astounded at first recovered and returned the kiss and after a moment's hesitation she relaxed in his arms and allowed him to deepen it. He couldn't believe he was holding and caressing her. He drew back and lost himself in the pools of her eyes, his own questioning her. She smiled and traced the outline of his mouth with her fingers, sending shivers down his spine. She was so beautiful, so yielding. Once again tears came but this time of gratitude. He lowered his head once more and resumed kissing her He trailed soft kisses along her jaw line down her neck continuing to the pulse point. He could feel her heart beating quickly almost in time with his own.
Sahira was taken aback by her responses to his caress. Her actions weren't meant to start this. But when she'd seen him sitting there looking so wounded and lost, well instinct took over. She just wanted to ease the hurt she was causing him. But now her skin was on fire where he'd touched it, her heart raced, and her lips tingled. Henrick lengthened his strokes, running his fingers from her neck down her arms making her tremble. It would be so easy to bask in the love and adoration this man was offering her. Comprehension hit her in an illuminating flash. This was what she'd been waiting for. She could see clearly now why she felt unfulfilled in her marriage. How could she be? She'd married the wrong man! Her husband didn't need or love her in the way this man did. He didn't weep at the thought of losing her or at the thought of keeping her. Her body didn't quiver when he took the effort to touch it. All she knew as she let the sensations of Hendricks ' fingers and kisses roam her face, neck and arms was that her marriage was over and her future lay elsewhere.
He could feel her softness in the tips of his fingers and the taste of her skin on his lips. His kisses intensified as he gained in confidence. No longer gentle and questioning, but demanding and to his relief and delight she responded, moaning softly at his touch as she opened to him like a bud into a flower. She was everything he'd imagined and more. He drank deeply as her presence invaded his senses and her kisses and touch released that part of him that was deeply buried. He could never go back to what he was before. He could never return to his sterile and clinical life, she had spoilt him for that now. Here was a sensual woman surrendering to him allowing him to explore her and in turn causing sensations and arousing him in ways he'd never thought was possible. The very thrill of having her so close made him weep with pleasure and gratitude He'd be satisfied with the crumbs from her table, but he wanted and needed more. He wanted her, all of her. He always had but until now he'd never believed it would be possible. She kissed away his tears with her honeyed mouth. Without the need for words he asked and she answered pressing her slender body into his. He knew she would be with him. It wouldn't happen today. But it would happen!