Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Harry Potter. Otherwise I'd probably not publish my stuff here, but sell it as a Harry Potter AU and earn millions if not billions.

Haremgirl

"Hannah?" Ron spluttered. "You added Abbot to your harem?!" Ron loudly complained to his best friend. "Mate, Hermione," Ron nodded towards his other best friend who was sitting on Harry's lap. "Luna, Daphne, Chang… what the hell is going on with you?"

"It's called polygamy and a traditional way to repopulate the ancient and noble houses after a war. It's in Hogwarts: History, you know?" Hermione replied, annoyed by her friends whining.

Ron sighed. He'd been close to getting a date with Hermione, but then everything changed. Sirius had died and Harry had inherited everything. Of course the Malfoys protested, but it wasn't like the Goblins cared for some insulting snobbish Wizards. Merlin, Ron cussed inwardly. He had thought Harry was rich before, but that had been nothing but a drop in the ocean. Really, Dumbledore had hidden most of Harry's money from him.

"It's also in the tales of Beedle the Bard," Ron snarked back. Hermione had always been an annoying know it all, but at least she'd been their know it all. Now she was only Harry's, which drove him up the wall. "You'd know that if your knowledge of wizarding culture didn't exhaust itself with Hogwarts: a History."

It sucked. Half a year ago their little spats had been friendly and great fun for both of them, but now the atmosphere between the golden trio was increasingly hostile. As far as Ron was concerned this was Harry's fault. Why did he need to become the heir to all the Founders, control half the Wizarding economy and have a Muggle fortune on top of it! Micropops and British Letropeum or something.

Ron didn't know much about muggle stuff, but from what he'd heard those were major companies. It was like inheriting half the shares of Nimbus… which he probably did as well. How was this possible anyway? After their fifth year they'd been as tight as never before, but then everything went to hell.

"Mate chill, don't pick on Hermione. I don't know this beetle bard either," Harry stated, visibly unhappy with the situation.

It wasn't that Ron couldn't understand his friend, suddenly becoming rich and getting rid of his evil relatives was really a stroke of luck. But why was he suddenly nothing but a hanger-on? It was their poverty all over again, Ron was pretty sure – stupid great-granddad. If he was rich he could still keep up with Harry. Like Neville, who seemed to be Harry's new best mate. Neville had been made the heir of the Longbottom family now that he had the respect of his grandmother.

"It's Beedle the bard and I just stated a fact," Ron replied huffily. "Blimey, what about all this harem shite? You, Neville and Malfoy all seem to suck up all the eligible girls of our generation."

"Maybe you should just learn table manners," Hermione said, taking a dig at him. "Girls like cultured men," she continued, throwing a meaningful glance towards Harry.

Ron groaned preparing a scathing reply, listing all of Harry's faults as the boy interrupted. "Mate, you'll find a girlfriend, I'm sure. Sorry about Hannah, but we just clicked."

"Right, whatever," Ron seethed, staring angrily at the half written essay in front of him. "Are you sure it's not just the money and power? Bill said that's the reason why he went curse breaking after all."

"Girls are not that primitive," Hermione huffed. "We choose nice and classy boys. Really, learn some manners and you'll find a girl of your own."

Like Milicent Bullstrode maybe. As if he wanted a half troll Slytherin for a girlfriend. Even celibacy was better than that. Rolling his eyes Ron decided to try and ignore her words. Arguing didn't help at all. The decision was already made. Seriously, he'd improved his eating habits, and his table manners, months ago. He was actually better than Harry, but it didn't matter. He'd done wrong once and they'd never forget. He didn't have any other assets after all. Hermione only confirmed Bill's words.

It was bloody easy for her to say, Ron thought angrily and muttered: "I wish I was a girl, I wouldn't have these problems. Right now I'll probably have to become a Death Eater if I ever want to have a girlget laid."

"Well, I need to go… research in the library," Ron told his friends as he stood up to leave the Gryffindor common room.

Not quite believing what they'd heard both Harry and Hermione were stunned by their mutual friend's exit.

"Harry…" Hermione began uncertain of what to say. "Do you think he was serious about the Death Eater bit?"

Slowly shaking his head, Harry pointed towards the table. "I don't think so. It's just the frustration speaking. Good for him to do research for once. He forgot his essay though."

"Harry?" Hermione inquired curiously. "Do you have any idea what Ron's doing in the library?"

Harry shrugged. He'd spent the last few days with his girlfriends. Sex was more fun than losing at chess. "No idea, I haven't seen him in a while. Why don't you ask him?"

A coy smile played over the bushy haired girl's lips. "Well, I found the Wizarding version of the Kama Sutra and well, researching positions was more fun than worrying about Ron."

"Oh…" Harry's mouth widened. He really hadn't expected something this naughty from his studious girlfriend. But on the other hand… "Well, have you found something good?"

"Um… yeah, but I don't want to say here," the prefect worried, looking at the first years at the table next to them.

Grinning awkwardly, Harry decided: "I guess you're right, but let's go and pick up Luna and the rest. We need to do some intimate testing in the Room of Requirements."

"Um… mate?" Ron said, managing to catch his best friend alone for once. "May I borrow your invisibility cloak? I need to do some research in the Restricted section."

Harry jerked around, totally caught by surprise. "Um Ron, sorry I was lost in thought… what did you want again?"

"To borrow your cloak. I need to do some research," the ginger-haired boy explained.

Harry leaned back against the stone wall, looking for eavesdropping pictures. "What the hell? Why don't you just ask a teacher?"

"Merlin, mate!" Ron exclaimed. "Do you really think McGonagall will let me read 'Most Dangerous Transformations' given our history? She'll just assume I'm trying to become an illegal animagus or something."

"Whatever, mate," Harry sighed. Ron might be a bit dense every once in a while, but he was sure his friend would be smart enough to involve him or Hermione before it got really dangerous. "Sure, I don't mind it. Take it, but please remember to put it back."

Harry wasn't happy how his friendship with his best mate was turning out. End of the last year they'd been as close as never before, but then Sirius had died and everything went south. To be honest not everything did. He'd inherited a fortune, both Potter and Black, and fallen in love with both Hermione and Luna after all. On the other hand he had to admit to himself that he had less and less in common with his best mate. It wasn't just Ron's jealousy, which really had gotten better over the last year. No, with the girls and all… he just didn't know what he could talk with Ron about.

Ron nodded as he bid him farewell: "Thanks, you're the best."

The best… Harry sighed. Maybe he should talk to Daphne after their "meeting" in the broom closet. She always had great ideas. Maybe she could help. Considering recent developments in his friendship with Ron it had to be enough that he'd helped his friend for now.

The invisibility cloak was rippling as Madam Pince hurried past him. 'Crap,' Ron thought to himself. She'd almost gotten him. This was just too close. He clutched the old leather bound book against his chest. Was she just patrolling or had he triggered an alarm charm? Well as long as he got away with it, it didn't really matter. Looking carefully left and right again, Ron began to sneak towards the exit.

Now that he finally had his book he could start his plan. 'Most Dangerous Transformations'… he hadn't even lied about the title. Yes, the plan was perfect. It was the solution to his waning friendship and his romance problems both. He couldn't wait to see Harry's face once he understood. Striding out of the library Ron could barely suppress an evil laugh. Now he only needed a place where he could work uninterrupted.

Oh Merlin, if Hermione only knew, Ron thought, smiling to himself as he strode into Myrtle's Bathroom. Well, one had to make sacrifices if one wanted to achieve anything. His love was certainly worth working through the old transfiguration book. Even if she didn't want him anymore now that she got someone 'better'.

"Um… Harry," Neville said as he caught up with his new friend. "There's a strange redheaded girl in the common room and she wants to talk to you."

"Ginny?" Harry thought loudly. He wasn't exactly fond of the redheaded girl. If she was any bigger a fangirl she'd pass out in his presence.

Neville shook his head. "No, Ginny may be strange but she's not a stranger. This one though, I don't know her. She looks almost like a Weasley but she's older."

"Okay, I'll go see," Harry shrugged. "My girlfriends are busy with revising for the finals. Only girls… I mean it's February. Why are they revising already?"

"I don't know mate," Neville shrugged. "But mine aren't any better."

"You wanted something?" Harry said to the strange redhead who was sitting on their couch in front of the fireplace.

She nodded, motioning him to sit next to her. "Yes mate, I just found the solution to our problems."

Mate? Harry was confused. She was talking to him like she knew him… she looked somewhat familiar and she was sitting on their couch… she called him mate! It couldn't be, could it?

"Ron?" Harry asked incredulously. "Is that really you?" Most Dangerous Transformations… he couldn't have done that, could he?

He nodded and started to say something only to be interrupted by a certain bushy haired witch. "Ron?! You can't be serious!"

"What have you done?" Harry said as he plopped down on the couch. "Mate, I hope this is just polyjuice."

Thumping her head against the nearest wall, Hermione sighed: "No it isn't. He looks like his twin sister would…"

"Hem, hem," a harrumph came from behind the golden trio, eerily reminding them of Umbridge.

It wasn't her toadyness though, but a portrait of a rather stern looking older woman in blue robes. "Only my friend's students," she sighed exasperated. "So reckless…"

"Do you know what he did?" Harry asked, waving towards Ron.

"I could tell you, you know," Ron complained. "I did my research after all."

"It's either the sexus transformatio transfiguration or the thi̱lykóti̱ta curse," the painting explained. "They are the going causes for gender transformations in the last 2000 years. The sexus transfiguration is reversible with a pint of his father's blood."

Reversible? Harry thought confused. Transformations could be irreversible?

Hermione saw this as her clue for an explanation: "They didn't know that when they first invented the spell though. I read about it in a book from France. It's thanks to the genetic information in the blood," Hermione elaborated, showing off her knowledge. "I'm pretty sure one could also use a hair, but it's never been tried before."

"I don't intend to reverse it though," Ron stated calmly. "I don't see any other way to save our friendship and to salvage my life."

Harry was confused. "What does becoming a girl have to do with our friendship and your life?"

Meanwhile, Hermione fell silent and looked wide-eyed at her friend. It couldn't be that bad for him, could it?

"It's quite simple," the girl that was Ron said with a hint of sadness. "You only associate with people who are your equals and now that you're filthy rich I'm no longer your equal. I can't give Hermione the same 'security' you can, so I'm just a pitiful loser in her mind. I'm sick of being the spare Weasley to my family. They doted over my sister but didn't give a shit what happened to me. " She sniffed and tears started welling up in her eyes. "Gilbert Gallows from the Chudley Cannons cared more about me than my parents!"

Neither Harry nor Hermione said anything. They hadn't known about this.

"Merlin's pants, this is probably useless anyway," Ron said with a quavering voice. "You have better friends now." She turned away.

"Wait a minute," the portrait interjected before the stunned pair could say anything.

"I didn't know that," Hermione said, her voice was quavering as well. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"How could you not know?" Ron almost shouted, glaring at her friend. "You were with my family during holidays! I'm simply not wealthy enough for you to bother. I mean seriously, dad only cares about his muggle crap. Mom only cares about Ginny. I'm the primary target of anything the twins plan. Percy only cares about his career and Charlie and Bill ran away from home as soon as they could!"

That might be true, Harry realized. Mr. Weasley seemed quite focused on his job and Mrs. Weasley used Ron for whatever work was convenient even if she could do it with a wave of her wand. The twins tried to test an Unbreakable Oath on Ron… Whom exactly did he lend money to there?

"Okay, I can see that," Harry admitted. "But how is turning into a girl a solution for your problems?"

Wiping away the tears, Ron stared at her friends with red eyes. "That's simple. You care for every girl who is halfway nice to you and isn't a fangirl. I mean seriously, Daphne and Susan?! Hermione is bisexual and as a girl I don't fall under her ridiculous standards." She sniffed again. "And this way my family might appreciate me. They decided they had enough boys even before they got the twins."

Well, that might explain their behavior, Harry mentally agreed.

"So you want to join Harry's…" Hermione began.

"Harem, you mean?" Ron continued. "Yes, I want to join his Harem." She glared at Hermione. "He's the only person that ever actually deserved my love."

AN: I never really understood why Ron always goes jealous asshole/rapist on Harry and Hermione in almost every Harmony or Harry Harem story. Sure, I can understand that Ron and him might grow apart when he's suddenly rich and has political responsibilities as the heir of Potter, Black, Hogwarts and Jesus, but there are other options. The same goes for marriage contracts or mysterious sex based bonds. Just change the sex of one of the contractees and you get out of your harem. I think even polyjuice might be enough.

I figured it might be interesting to change the way those stories are narrated for once. There are alternatives, which can put Harry and his Harem in quite awkward situations. One doesn't need to bash anyone one can't use right now.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.