Concrete Angels
Summary: She hated how she felt when she was around him, she hated the burning resentment she'd felt for a girl she hadn't even met - just to believing that Ivy was his, she hated that everything about him was truly epic, she hated - that she'd formulated the absurd idea that maybe, just maybe Stefan Salvatore could feel for her, too.
And at the end of the day, she hated herself the most.
Rating: T
Pairing: Steroline [Stefan Salvatore and Caroline Forbes]
AN: So here's yet another - set after the last episode. My main reasoning, as it was last time, is to get better at Caroline. I'm determined to perfect her. So far, I don't think I'm doing so well. And I can tell that's pretty much the perception in regards to what other people are seeing as well.
Yes, it's true - I'm incredibly rusty. If any of you are aware of my other stories, I stick to mean, bitter characters that /over time/ show glimpses of normal emotions. Caroline? She's a new terrain for me based on those standards.
She's not mean and bitter. She's pretty selfless and she has impeccable self-control. She's powerful, while still maintaining that feminine nature. It's - difficult, for me, to pull that off.
Especially when I find myself relating more to the Jade West characters of the world than anything even slightly related to Caroline Forbes. But I have a renewed determination.
I /WILL/ PERFECT THIS FOR YOU, ALLOFMEHATESYOU. I promise. I'm not going to disappoint you. 3
So in regards to the other readers that may take a glance at this story, I'd like to inform you that I intend on taking multiple shots at Caroline's point of view [in the third person] of certain things that happen in episodes to come, and maybe if I have the energy, seasons four and five [that would require re-watching most indefinitely]. So bare with me.
All of you. Thank you.
Especially you, AllOfMeHatesYou. You're sweetly tolerant of my pessimism regarding playing her character and you have a boatload of patience and optimism around the idea. You're an absolute sweetheart for it - don't think I ever overlook it. I need it as half of my drive for continuing her. So long as you're on board - here I am. 3
And bringing it all back in: READ!
- Nat
[OoOoOoO]
By the time Caroline had finally retired to her dorm at Whitmore, her mind was still whirling from her and Stefan's conversation in the emergency room. At this point, he'd be the death of her - even if that wasn't as easy to come when she was a vampire.
Regardless, all it was was about /him/ lately. She wasn't even putting her full heart into analyzing the Damon x Elena x Liam love triangle going on. Sure, she'd given her friend some advice and had tried to enlighten her on the pros of steering clear from Damon in the 'romance' category, but her full heart and head hadn't exactly been put into it.
This was a good opportunity for Elena to achieve a new start; she didn't want Damon's coming back to steer her friend in the entirely wrong direction. Besides, Liam was nice enough and cute too; he wasn't an awful alternative to Damon Salvatore.
The blonde sunk down onto her mattress in defeat, laying on her back and fixating a muddled gaze on the ceiling. It'd been a /long/ day. From dealing with the stress of her mother's status - to Enzo enlightening Stefan of her obvious past feelings for him - to Stefan /forcing her/ to spill the beans on it and shoving an apology on her shoulders.
It was a never-ending cycle of work. For months she tried to contact him /and/ juggle finding a resolve for eliminating the anti-magic force field around Mystic Falls - and as soon as she relieved of both of those things, she was down to nursing whatever Stefan and her had going on between them, the vampire hunters they had on their hands, AND Elena's troubles with Damon.
Could her life get anymore hectic? She probably shouldn't ask that question even mentally. Sometimes she got a universal answer that liked to nip her in the ass none-too-gently!
But even if her priorities weren't the best at this time, her mind was leaning a lot stronger towards her problems with Stefan. Her former best friend was now /fully/ aware of her past feelings for him and this was full-fledged feeling. She'd nearly gone off the deep end having to explain to him on /why/ she'd felt for him.
Come on: was it really rocket science? Enzo had been around for a few /weeks/ and judging just by her-not-so-admirable crying in the car, he'd derived that she'd felt for him. That she didn't hate Stefan after all, even if that wasn't true - sort of.
It might have been a /slim/ possibility that she still felt - for Stefan. Even after all he'd put her through with his distance and now his lame ass apology in attempt to wiggle his way back into her life.
There was a /LIST/ of reasons to why she didn't want to be friends with him again - even if she was yearning for the closeness again. Regardless of Stefan's perception of all the rigmarole going on - she desired nothing more than it to be as simplistic as it was. When they were just having to deal with the Travelers and the impending doom of the collapse of the Other Side.
Then everything was okay. Elena and Damon were being ridiculous, but in-love with their on-and-off again thing; Jeremy and Bonnie were being sweet; Bonnie was HERE; her and Stefan were best friends again. In a way - those days had been peaceful, even without neglecting to mention all of the drama with the Travelers and Katherine's reappearance.
It'd been easy to establish her feelings, too. The entire time she'd began to fall for Stefan, she'd always put the thoughts into her head that it was wrong - that it was breaking some of kind of girl code or best friend code in terms of Stefan. She'd always told her that she was wrong to feel the way she did, especially when Stefan wouldn't feel back.
He may have been over Elena, but he'd went to Ivy - Ivy of all people. Now the girl was long gone seemingly, but - judging by how things went with that, she couldn't imagine how during the duration of their friendship he'd been withholding any feelings back.
Frankly, how could he /not/ think that she would have felt for him? He was the perfect guy, or had been.
She'd referred to Elena and him as epic for a reason - he'd always been the fun that made the couple that way they were. Stefan was - Stefan. He was charming, witty, thoughtful [most of the time] and - well, attractive. How could she resist - feeling anything for him?
When Elena had gone to Damon, she had never understood why and it'd been true. If you compared the two Salvatore brothers, Damon had nothing on Stefan. Stefan was everything Damon wasn't. If she'd been Elena, she would have never traded up. Stefan was a toy to be played with and in that regard, Elena had treated him wrong.
She'd left an amazing man behind at the time and Caroline would never quite forget that.
He always there for everyone - always the one to care. It was just a matter of time before she began to feel how she had [did].
But that hadn't gotten her /anywhere/ in the long run. She'd been forced to disguise what she felt for her truly oblivious best friend and now they were how they are.
Caroline would never hate him for not returning the same feelings or mourning his brother. But she would always hate him for ruining the bond they'd had left, because if she couldn't - she'd just blame herself for getting feelings in the way. It'd been her fear all along.
If she hadn't felt for him like she did and selflessly needed him the past few months - she would never have so ravenously pursued him.
If she hadn't felt for him like she did, she would have left him alone.
If she hadn't felt for him like she did, he would have had time to mourn, find Damon, and come back.
If she hadn't felt for him like she did, he'd still be her best friend.
But now what were they? The story was done and there was no happy ending. Now all they'd do is tiptoe around each other. What happened tonight would repeat often until someone finally did pick apart that that hatred - wasn't in fact hatred. Like Enzo said, she didn't hate him at all. She hated him for her inability to hate him.
That's what she hated.
She hated how she felt when she was around him, she hated the burning resentment she'd felt for a girl she hadn't even met - just believing that Ivy was his, she hated that everything about him was truly epic, she hated - that she'd formulated the absurd idea that maybe, just maybe Stefan Salvatore could feel for her, too.
And at the end of the day, she hated herself the most.
The door to the door opened, revealing - Elena. Caroline sat up and removed any trace of her grievances from her face. Based on her friend's face, she was feeling just as somber as Caroline was.
The blonde offered her a wry smile, which was only half-heartedly returned. It was a brilliant pair of watery smiles.
Looks like she'd be nursing two broken hearts tonight.
[OoOoOoO]
AN: I sometimes find myself having an easier time writing a sore Caroline than a normal Caroline. I guess I'm just more knowledgeable of tragic-ish circumstances. I work well with heartbreak in some cases. I'm a little proud of this piece.
Reviews are my life; don't kill me.
- Nat