So I know it's been ages. And I know those who have me on alert were hoping for some of my usual stories (you know what - and how - I mean right?). Sorry folks. I got totally hooked up to Station 19. I'm helping one Czech server to make Czech subtitles for the show so people here can watch it even without knowing English. And it just got me. And I kept on thinking about all the stories one can write. And after the second season finale it seems I can't take it anymore. So here we are – meaning me and my first Station 19 story. Sorry Shonda but I can't just wait till 2020 midseason to see how this is gonna end!

Andy/Sully story with spoilers up to the season finale. Supposedly one shot but those of you who know me also know that my stories tend to have life of their own. So it could be a multichapter.

BROKEN MAN

Andy was walking home and she felt totally numb. It didn't make any sense but it was true. She felt numb. There was no anger, no pain, no frustration, nothing. She just kept on walking and walking and it took her almost two hours to get home. Her feet hurt and her eyes probably looked like she hadn't slept in days as she had to stop tears couple of times as she didn't want to embarrass herself on the street. Besides – she didn't cry. She just didn't.

When she got home she just kicked off her shoes and put her jacket on the hanger by the door. Dropping her bag by her shoes she just walked into her room and lied down. She was exhausted.

She tried to replay it all in her head to see what could have happened but she had no idea. And it was actually making her very mad. And yet there was no energy in her to spend. Burying her head in her pillow she let the tears fall. What was it? Anguish? Fear? Pain? She wasn't sure.

He told her to go. He… just like that. He told her to go. To go. She went to lock the door and in those couple of seconds something had to happen. Did he change his mind? Did she do something? Did she say something?

Andy wanted to understand but couldn't. She probably should have asked more questions back there but she was so shocked and so hurt that she could only walk away. She even forgot her belt someplace on his floor where he had dropped it earlier.

What she felt when she was with him was new and different. And it didn't made sense. So she did the one thing she could think of – she stopped thinking. She just acted, followed her instincts and her … she wasn't ready to think along the lines "follow my heart" or so but it was close. Something about him was so… nothing apparently.

She was ready to throw something against the wall. It was a shame her shift was starting in the morning the next day. They were all off rotation due to their trip to L.A. She could so use some call where she could tear down a wall. On the other hand… she didn't have the energy for it. Not really.

She just couldn't understand and that was the worst for her. He didn't explain. He was kissing her – and he was good at it, oh boy who would have thought. He was touching her. They were laughing together and it gave her peace. It wasn't some heat-of-the-moment-make-out. It was more. For both of them. Or so she believed. When he moaned, whispered her name into her ear, she was losing it in a way she couldn't quite grasp. Perhaps it was just the thrill of doing something she shouldn't – well sleeping with her boss is definitely a no. But well after all they've been through he was so much more than just her boss.

Her fingers still tingled – the moment he lost his t-shirt and she touched his bare chest something in her went wild. He was so tall and lean and … he was muscular and strong and yet his skin felt so soft when she touched him. She became addicted the moment her fingertips touched his chest. She felt his muscles flex under her touch. It was so exciting.

And he sent her away.

Andy just stayed in bed and her mind couldn't understand a thing. How was she going to go to work tomorrow? What was she going to do? How would he react? Would he talk to her? Ignore her? Aaaargh. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Before she could actually come to any conclusions she heard Maya coming home. At first she wanted to pretend she was asleep but her friend knew her very well and would know the truth.

"You wouldn't believe how awkward this brunch was. The Nikki Miller is dating? Andy? You here?" Maya called her friend and noticed her shoes and bag.

"Andy?" She called again and walked to her friend's room. She found her lying on the bed looking devastated. In a second she forgot all about her weird brunch.

"Hey… what's wrong?" Maya asked and Andy couldn't keep more tears from falling down her cheeks. There goes her poker face. Maya watched her silently and lied down onto the bed with her, facing her, watching her, waiting for her to say something.

"What about your brunch?" Andy asked and Maya smiled. Okay so she could give her this.

"Miller's Nikki is actually my ex Nicole." She said.

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"Now that had to be one awkward brunch." Andy said with a sympathetic smile.

"You have no idea… And I will give you all the details later." Maya told her and Andy smiled at her.

"So will you tell me who did this to you so I can get him and make him pay?"

Andy knew it was coming and was trying to come up with some excuse. She wasn't really ready to tell Maya. But then she realized how it all had been between them after she had found out about Maya and Jack. And she knew what she had to do. But it was hard to form a sentence that would make some sense.

"He told me to go."

"Who? Where?" Maya didn't understand.

"He was sitting on the bed half naked and I went to lock the door and then he told me to go." Andy said and Maya needed a moment to think.

"Half naked? Okay now you have to tell me everything." Maya said beaming up on her friend. Andy actually smiled. And yawned.

"You're tired."

"Yeah. I've been walking for hours and I'm exhausted." Andy replied.

"Walking for hours? Okay enough girl. Who was it? Who hurt you so much you actually spent hours walking?"

Andy kept her eyes closed. Maya waited. And then Andy's phone starting to buzz on the nightstand and Maya reached for it to hand it over to her. She risked a glance at the display. It was Sullivan. Maya noticed three missed calls already and guessed those were from the mysterious guy. Andy took the phone, kept on staring at it but didn't pick up. She wasn't ready to face him – not even over the phone. When it went to her voicemail, she put the phone down and looked at her best friend. Maya put the two and two together. And she couldn't wrap her head around it.

"No. Way."

"Maya…."

"Now I have a very vivid image of Sullivan half naked on a bed in my head." She said and couldn't keep the grin from her face.

"Maya!" Andy tried again.

"So…"

"So what?"

"Details! I need details. Every single juicy detail." Maya sounded excited and it made Andy smile despite feeling all those weird sad feelings.

"You're not mad." She stated surprisingly.

"I'm not mad." Maya confirmed. "Ever since I saw you two holding hands in the hospital I've had this feeling… "

"I didn't lie to you when I said there was nothing between us. I swear." Andy jumped in.

"And I believe you."

"You do?"

"I do. So what changed? What happened? How did it happen? When did it happen?" Maya was shooting questions one by one and Andy was actually glad. She needed to get it out of her chest. After confirming it was about Robert she felt like all those emotions and thoughts were crushing her and it felt so good to tell her best friend.

"What changed? We faced death together again."

"Oookay. So what happened exactly?" Maya prompted.

"In L.A. when we jumped into the pool together to stay clear of the fire, I was scared. I really thought we would either burn alive or drown. I… I held onto him and he…"

"He what?" Maya tried not to look too excited but this was just too good. And seeing her friend so worked up about a man? That was actually priceless. And no, she wasn't trying to be mean. But she had THIS feeling about them. And she couldn't wait for more.

"He touched my face and made me look at him and the way he was looking at me, I felt so calm suddenly and so sure and despite all I felt safe." Andy said and refused to think about the warm feeling spreading through her chest just by thinking about that moment.

"That's way too cheesy." Maya said and sounded disgusted. But she kept on smiling and smiling. Besides she watched the soft smile on her friend's face while she remembered.

"And for the rest, well while you all left this morning he came to me and wanted to explain what happened in that pool. And I wanted to talk to him about it too. At least I think."

"So what did he say?"

"Nothing. He asked me what I wanted and so…"

"You jumped him." Maya offered and Andy threw a pillow at her. "And let me guess. Captain's bunk." Maya winked at her.

"Yeah, my belt is still somewhere in there. As my dignity." Andy said and sounded disappointed.

"He really didn't say anything?"

"No. I thought everything was okay. It was more than okay. It was… damn." And the frustration was back. "I just went to lock the damn door. I stood by the damn door and for a moment thought I should walk away but I stopped thinking and just did it. I locked the damn door!"

"Yeah I get it. And you got back to him and he sent you away."

"You get it? I don't."

"I get you. Not him." Maya clarified. They were both sitting now and Andy still looked worn out.

"Can I ask you something?" Maya asked after a moment.

"Yeah." Andy replied knowing that her secret was safe with her best friend. As it always has been.

"Was it just because of the near death experience or is there more going on?"

"I wish I knew…" Andy replied.

"So there is more." Maya said and Andy glared at her. "Don't look at me like that. If it was just about sex you wouldn't look like this."

"What if I am just worried about my career? About the station?"

"And are you?"

"I don't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Are you going to listen to that voicemail?"

"I don't know."

"Are you going to call him back?"

"I don't know."

"Are you going to pick up if he calls again?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I. Don't. Know." Andy replied and Maya looked sympathetically at her. Both lied back to bed and rested.

"Now tell me about the brunch." Andy said and Maya knew it was her turn to share a story about this morning.

Not too far, back at the Station, Captain Sullivan was beyond angry. Angry at his leg. Angry at himself. He hated himself. He hated his leg. And he hated the fact that he just spoiled something that meant a lot to him. Well at first he didn't know what it all meant but when he saw Andy's face, how hurt and sad she looked and when he heard the door closing behind her, he knew that whatever it was, it meant a lot to him. And that he just spoiled it.

His leg suddenly gave out when Andy left to lock the door. There was a sharp pain and then there was nothing. And he hated that nothing. It reminded him all too much about all the nothing he felt back in the ambulance in the windstorm.

He panicked. He simply panicked. And screwed up. Instead of telling her he told her to go. It was a self-preservation thing. He wasn't used to getting help, he wasn't used to having friends he could lean on. He was used to being alone for everything, all the time. And so when it actually mattered, he destroyed something that could have very well changed his life.

He couldn't describe what he felt for Andrea Herrera but he knew how well he felt when she was around. Their path wasn't easy but it gave him a lot of perspective and he wouldn't change it. Except for this. When he realized he should have called her name and tried to explain it was too late.

His mind raced through all the moments they shared, about all their dinners and coffees and workouts and about all those looks and touches. When he closed his eyes his senses were overwhelmed – he could still feel the warmth of her skin under his touch, her soft curves and how perfectly she fit into him, he could still hear her moaning when he kissed her neck. And he could still hear her laughter when they stumbled through the door. She could have walked away, she could have changed her mind. But she didn't. She wanted him and judging by what he knew about her she wouldn't act like that just because she needed to get her mind off of a near-death experience.

It was more to her and it was a lot more to him. Till he destroyed it by being a coward. Briefly he thought about Luke and what he would tell him at this moment probably. Especially after the few talks they had about him and Hughes. Luke would laugh and smile and then take him out for a beer and he would let him talk. He would probably understand his feelings better than himself. And he would tease him. But Luke was dead and he was alone in the mess. And he was the only one to blame.

As he couldn't really move he sat on the bed and tried to think of a way how to fix this. He just needed to fix this. He couldn't bear the alternative. He knew they would be okay at work – but back in the beginning. Or maybe not even there. And he didn't want that. He didn't want the strict professional cold relationship they had before.

Damn.

When he could finally move again he put his t-shirt back on and went to retrieve his phone. He noticed Andy's belt on the floor and picked it up. Folding it in his palms he traced the lines of the sewing and finally put it into a drawer in his table. Nobody needed to see it there.

Picking up his phone he tried calling her without having the slightest idea about what he would tell her should she pick up the phone. But she didn't. He tried again in ten minutes. And in another ten. And she didn't pick up. Putting his head into his hands he sighed and felt like somebody had just punched him in the gut. The force of those those feelings surprised him.

But he knew he had another call to make.

"Hey doc, it's Robert Sullivan." He had to call his doctor and schedule an appointment. His leg gave up on him and it shocked him and he destroyed something beautiful because of it. If he was about to fix it with Andy, he had to know where he stood. Literally. Luckily his doctor at Grey Sloan was a good one and she just told him to come in an hour when her shift starts. She would see him right away and she understood how important and yet difficult this had to be for him.

She asked him not to drive which made him realize all the more why this was so important. Right now he was a Captain of Station 19 and he was unfit for duty. And as a dark bonus he hurt someone he cared about very much.

Well – he wasn't sure how much yet – but a lot.

He tried calling Andy one more time just before he had to leave for the hospital. And it went to voicemail. This time he left a message. And with heavy heart he walked to the bus station to get to the hospital in time. He was about to have a hard day.

Ha so in the end here we are, chapter one is done and chapter two already in progress. Nothing unusual :D