A/N: Okay, everyone, don't hate me for starting this before finishing A Thousand Years. I have just encountered major writers block with it. I have it planned, I just can't seem to write it. So, to make it up to you, here is the Carolish story. Sit back and enjoy, this is going to be a slow burn. :) Blitz and I have put lots of work into this one, so we hope you enjoy it! Things you should know ahead of time, the story line does not follow the SVU story line. Also, the Charlie I envision in my head is a lot like Jeffery Dean Morgan. :)
Also, I am about to have three months of nothing to do, so you all should be getting plenty of updates!
"On the sheet I see your horizon,
All of me pressed onto you.
But in this light you look like Poseidon,
I'm just a ghost you walk right through."
All of Me Wants All of You by Sufjan Stevens
The clicking of heels was all that could be heard, as one red headed executive district attorney made her way from the elevator to the front exit of the Manhattan District Attorney's office. The woman stood tall and thin as she worked her way down the hallway, the old polished terrazzo flooring taking a beating with each quick step she took, as she marched towards the front guard. She was spent and ready to be home; ready for a hot bath and a tall glass of wine. This week had proven to be her hardest in months and it was all thanks to her new assistant district attorney.
Nearing the front guard, the pale skinned redhead nodded, "Hey Murray, is my cab waiting?"
The older graying black man spoke in his deep southern gentleman accent, "Right out front, Ms. Novak."
Smiling at the sweet man that she thought of like family, she took his hand and squeezed, "Murray, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Casey?"
"You can keep telling me till I am long and buried, Ms. Novak, but it isn't ever going to change." He replied with a gruff laugh.
"You take such great care of me, you know that, right?" She laughed, the green of her eyes finally sparking up, causing the old man to grin.
"I sure do."
Giving him one last soft smile, she patted the top of his hand, "You are like family to me. Call me Casey, please."
"Never gonna happen," he smirked. All she could do was playfully roll her eyes and smile, as she turned to leave. "Goodnight, Ms. Novak."
"Goodnight, Mr. Davis," she replied with a wink.
Stepping out into the dark misty rain the early fall had brought with it, Casey felt the happy feelings Murray had ignited in her begin to extinguish. Every step towards the cab caused her heart to ache as her mind drilled in what home meant. Another faked smile, another unrequited, 'I love you,' then another chaotic morning before returning to the painful office situation she now found herself in. Sighing as her hand took the cold wet metal handle of the cab, she pulled it open and climbed inside.
Letting out a sigh as she buckled herself in, she said, "80 Columbus Circle, please."
The cabbie didn't say anything, he just nodded as he began driving her home. Normally, she'd drive herself, but nights she worked late she took a cab. Something about working as head prosecutor of Sex Crimes told her it was safer to let someone else drive you to the door at dark, than mess around in parking garages alone.
Feeling the acid churn up in her stomach as she neared home, Casey tried to focus on anything better; softball, favorite books, her children...but nothing worked. Letting out one more long sigh as she saw the building come into view, she looked out the rainy window next to her and looked longingly at Central Park. Six weeks ago, she walked into that park and her life changed.
"We are here, ma'am," the burly cabbie spoke in a grunt, "It's gonna be 15."
Casey nodded and passed the man a twenty, "Thank you, keep the change."
Exiting the cab she made the walk up to her building, the night doorman spotting her and quickly opening the door to let her inside, "Good evening, Ms. Novak."
"Evening, Greg," she spoke, as she solemnly made her way to the elevator. Again her heels clicked, as she walked over the marble flooring of her beautiful lobby. She couldn't help but find it slightly amusing. Normally, she didn't wear heels.
Walking inside, she pressed the button for the thirty-third floor. The painfully slow climb seemed like a sad metaphor for the state of her marriage and her constant guilt of being a crappy mother. Sometimes she just wished for an island to escape to, or a chance to go back in time and press a giant reset button, anything to wash away her sins.
As she finally arrived, she walked down the hallway to her corner apartment. Unlocking the door and stepping inside, she was quickly met by her nanny and housekeeper, Rosita. "Hey, Rosita, are the children asleep?"
"Yes, Ms. Casey. Ms. Kate went to bed about an hour ago. She tried waiting up for you, she wanted to tell you about her softball game. As for Mr. Daniel, he fell asleep in the den about two hours ago, Mr. Charlie carried him to bed,". the lovely dark haired Hispanic woman conveyed.
"Thank you," Casey replied with a weak smile. The information about her husband being home caused the acid to again churn in her stomach. He never worked late, but she may have been praying for a miracle anyway.
"It's no problem," she replied taking her coat from the front closet, "Would you like me to come early again tomorrow morning to get the kids ready for school?"
"Please, that would be so great," Casey replied too eagerly, but she didn't care at this point.
The two women exchanged their farewells and Casey locked up. Without another pause, she dropped her briefcase on the bench in the foyer and walked immediately to the bar fixing herself a three finger glass of whiskey instead of wine. If Charlie hadn't greeted her at the door then he was likely in the shower, which meant a soak in the tub was officially out.
Sipping the pungent liquid, Casey walked down the hallway, bypassing her children's bedrooms and wondering if that made her a lackadaisical mother for doing so. She loved her kids, and would happily let Kate tell her all about her softball game in the morning over coffee, but right now she wanted them to sleep. She needed them to sleep. In the morning, her mask would be fixed and she would be able to play the happy wife and mother, but now that mask was fractured and falling off. They didn't need to know the truth so young.
Nearing her bedroom, she slowed and looked at the happy family pictures that hung on their hallway walls. Pictures of her and Charlie when they were in college, their wedding, baby pictures, vacations at the beach, picnics in the park, you name it they hung on the wall before her, but they told a story different from what she felt inside. What Casey felt inside was hopelessness...
Finishing her drink, Casey deposited her glass on the kitchen counter, and walked the remaining distance to her bedroom doors. Slowly opening one, she listened for the sounds of the shower. Hearing it on, she crossed the threshold into her room and closed the door back.
Taking her time to undress and redress into her pajamas, she couldn't help but frown at herself in the mirror. Where had the once vibrant woman gone to? Where was the Casey she was supposed to be? The woman standing before her looked like nothing but a shell of a person she use to know.
Sitting on the side of the bed, she looked down at her hands, the sound of the water turning off causing her to jolt slightly. She had a chance once to change her life, to finally be the person she was meant to be, but she thought she'd been denied that life and had decided to stay in this one instead. That one choice had delivered her into this life right now that she resented so much. A life some women would kill to have, and she had it, but didn't want it.
"Hey, baby," her husband's smooth deep voice broke her train of thought. "I didn't know you came in, you should have joined me."
She could only look up and give her husband a weak smile, "Yeah."
He smiled back at her genuinely, his eyes full of love. Charlie was a tall built man, easily 6'3, with dark hair and deep brown eyes. He was easily her best friend, but that is where their views of their relationship parted.
As he dressed he began to talk, "So, I know our anniversary is coming up in a month, but since I will be in Hong Kong for work then, I thought maybe we could celebrate this weekend instead. I was thinking you and I could go to the Hamptons for the weekend, stay in a really fancy resort and maybe hit up a spa. If you don't like that idea, we can do whatever you want, I just want to do something big. It's a big deal to be married fifteen years. Am I right, or am I right?"
Charlie's words were killing her inside. Everything he said was full of love, and all she felt was sick. She couldn't go on like this another moment. She wasn't sure what gave her the courage to do what she was about to do, but she did it without little thought, which was something very un-Casey of her. "Charlie, I want to get a divorce."
As the words tumbled from her mouth, and hit her ears, she looked up at him with instant horror. He was still standing before her, so she took that as a good sign, but his next reaction was a bit more shocking. He began to dress as if he were going to work.
Casey didn't know what to take of his behavior, so she just sat and watched as he pulled on his suit pants and then followed it with his white dress shirt. It was only when he grabbed a tie that she hesitantly spoke, "Charlie?"
"What Casey?" He said as he fixed the tie around his neck and reached for his suitcase.
"What are you doing?" She whispered. Her state of shock coursing through her veins, taking over her.
His reply was curt as he began packing, "Giving you what you've wanted for so long."
"Charlie, let's talk about this..."
"There is nothing to talk about Casey!" He screamed, before rubbing his hands over his face to calm himself, "The time for talking was ten years ago, and we did that then. I thought this was past us. I should have known it wasn't, your behavior has been erratic for the last two months."
Casey couldn't help but begin crying at his words. She wanted to be strong, but she just couldn't. It was as if every emotion that had been buried inside for the last decade decided to come out all at once and it had chosen this moment. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"No, Casey, you aren't. If you were sorry, you would have changed, you would have tried for christsakes, but you never have, Casey. You have been unhappy for ten years, you think I don't see it? Do you really think I can't tell how unhappy you are in everything you do? You at least have tried to fake it, but the last two months, it's like you don't even try anymore. So, I'm done. You want a divorce then fine, you can have one." He said throwing the last of his items in his suitcase.
As he began zipping it closed, Casey snapped to, jumping quickly to her feet. "Wait, where are you going?"
"I am leaving, Casey." He said flipping the piece of luggage up and pulling the handle out as he doned his suit jacket.
"You can't! What about the kids?" She said with a hint of terror in her voice.
He didn't stop to talk, he just continued as he pulled his luggage noisily down the hallway after him. "You can care for them, Casey. It's called motherhood, you should give it a shot."
"Don't be an asshole, Charlie, you know what I mean!" She finally yelled.
As he reached the front door he shook his head. "You call me the asshole, yet, you are the one that wants a divorce. Charming." He shook his head once more to calm himself and continued, "Yeah, I do, but right now, right now I don't care what you tell them. Tell them I had to leave for Hong Kong early, or tell them the truth for once, that their mother is a whore! I don't care, Casey!"
She could see the anger building in his eyes as he pursed his lips and opened the door with a fast jolt. "I will have my attorney send you the papers. We will handle custody when I return. Goodbye, Casey."
With that, she watched her husband walk right out the door. Her mouth hung open and her eyes were wide as a slow tremble began to overtake her. Slowly, she forced herself to put one foot before the other until she stood at the door. Locking it back, she armed the alarm, and headed to bed. Right now she couldn't think about anything, right now she needed sleep. She'd figure out her life in the morning.