He lays in bed, awake, tossing and turning and unable to sleep, worried. Worried because they'd never had a fight like this before. Words were spoken, screamed, and they stung. Maybe we can't do this were the last words Puck had spoken before he had slammed the door to Finn's room shut and walked angrily down the stairs and to his truck, sounds of rubber burning on the asphalt as he sped away. Finn had watched through his window.
They spent all summer together after deciding a relationship was worth pursing during the last few weeks of school when they returned from a failed attempt to win Nationals in New York. They'd considered coming out before the school year ended. Better now than later. We'd have the whole summer to get adjusted – for the world to get adjusted. They were afraid of the consequences, though. Afraid they wouldn't be accepted, and the thought was too much. Why ruin what had just started before they have a chance to enjoy it.
School was going to be hell. The looks, the comments, the anticipated slushies that were already in store just for being in the Glee club. God, how many more would there be when word got out? Too many. It was hard enough telling their families. Finn's family being more open than Puck's, but still confused. Except Kurt. Kurt always knew, and was good to keep it to himself. Not even sly remarks to either of them.
Finn fought every painful urge to call him, apologize, make things okay again. Past experience taught him not too. Puck needed time to cool off, process. And Finn understood. He was no stranger to the concept. Not when it took him a while to come around to moving in with the Hummel's, to his mom getting married again. But still…he wanted, no needed to know they were okay. That Puck wasn't serious. Hell, it only took their entire childhood and a lot of unfortunate events to realize what they felt for each other.
2am. Still no text. No call. No nothing. Finn felt sick to his stomach. He knew how it started, but not how it escalated to where they were now. In bed, alone, when by this time any other night, every other night, Puck was laying on Finn's chest with is arms around him tight, his actions telling him he'd never let go. "I'm all in." he'd say, and that's all Finn needed to hear. Better than I love you because he knew Puck would never say it, not in those words. It was their own, something special that no one else had.
I shouldn't have said anything he thought, clutching his blanket tight to his chest, trying to replicate the feeling of Puck on him.
"What if we kept it a secret, just for a little while longer?" What kind of idea was that anyway? Was he really that fucking scared? And that was it. That was the sentence that started this whole thing. He'd never seen Puck so angry, not with him.
"I thought this was worth it. I thought we agreed, us against the whole fucking world. We made that pact in elementary school. After I saved your ass from that 5th grader. And what? You're willing to break that because of some fucking losers in some shit town?" And Puck had thrown the game controller across the room.
Finn tried to apologize. "Dude, no, I didn't mean it okay. Of course you're worth it. This is worth it. I didn't mean it like that!" but his desperate pleas got him nowhere. He'd grabbed Puck's hand, and Puck refused, whipping his hand away and into his pocket. Only for a moment, before he grabbed his bag, threw it over his shoulder and said it. Maybe we can't do this.
It was a kick to the gut. Ice cold features on Puck's face that somehow felt like fire to Finn's chest.
2:30. He checked his phone again, hoping he'd just missed a text when his mind had drifted, beating himself up over one stupid fucking sentence. And he was always putting his foot in his mouth. Puck never seemed to be bothered by it. Like it was some endearing quirk that only he found appealing. And that dumb, confused expression he got when he was trying to catch on to some clever, sarcastic, playful remark that Puck had so much fun with.
He must have fallen asleep, because the sun was creeping into his window as Finn fought to ignore the coming day that he was sure wasn't going to be much better than the previous night. He opened his eyes only for a minute, once again checking for any sign that Puck wanted to talk, to sort through this.
But he saw a shadowing figure standing next to his bed, staring down at him with some awkward half smile, apologetic eyes. The figure grabbed his hand, slid him to the other side of the bed and gently planted a soft kiss on his cheek.
"I'm sorry", words just barely a whisper in Finn's ear.
"No, no, it was my fault. I was stupid, so stupid. I want this, I swear I want this. I'm all in". He was staring Puck in the eyes now, those dark brown eyes that somehow felt like they could see right through him.
Finn pressed his face into the space between Puck's neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms around him, tight, so that Puck knew. He had to know. "I love you", he whispered, and he felt Puck smile. There was no teasing remark, no laughing. Just a smile, and his fingers intertwined with his own. "Us against the world, right?"