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There's Something About Rose
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A/N: I don't own Doctor Who, if I did I'd have signed Davey-T up to a lifetime contract so he never would have left. Thank you to SilverSniper for reading through this for continuity & clarity purposes. I owe you. Just so you all know, this is just a little one shot from my silly little mind. It was an idea that wouldn't go away, so I got it out. I can't see it being continued.
WARNING: Contains spoilers. Lots of spoilers; primarily from S4 & S6 . If you haven't watched these seasons, this o/s probably won't make a lick of sense anyway LOL
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Rose clasped hands with the Doctor. The Not-Really-The Doctor. His fingers twined perfectly amongst hers, warming her body—her skin and down to her heart. They remained glued to the spot, the exact spot, where they had witnessed the TARDIS dematerialise. The comparisons between what she just witnessed and what had happened the last time on the beach were easy to see, but so were the differences. This time, she had him supporting her.
She knew without a doubt that everything that had ever happened to her had been a lead up to the moment she pressed her lips to his and claimed him as her own. She had shared kisses with him before, but nothing which contained such unrestrained passion. She felt that she was finally close to her happy ending—closer than she'd ever been before. And the man standing beside her would play no small part in that.
Sure, she was stuck in an alternate reality with no time travel device, but it wasn't the first time.
Sure, the man she was stuck with wasn't quite the one she'd fallen in love with, but he was still the Doctor. Same memories, same thoughts, same everything. Almost.
If only there was an easy way to tell him what he needed to know so that he could make his decision about whether she was the one he wanted. He may have been stuck on Pete's world with her, but that didn't mean he wanted to be. She bit her lip as she considered the words she needed to say.
Luckily Jackie chose that moment to interrupt, complaining loudly about being left on a bloody freezing beach. "Should've expected it though, with him."
Rose rolled her eyes and gave a gentle smile to the Doctor. He nodded before clasping her hand tighter.
"Right then, shall we?" he asked, inclining his head in Jackie's direction. He did well to mask the confusion and uncertainty Rose was almost positive he felt. He could have been about to lead her through the TARDIS doors and out into a brilliant new world; instead, he was leading her off the sand and past the craggy rocks.
She nodded and followed him, knowing that sometimes it was just easier to allow the Doctor to lead. It was certainly more fun.
By the time they reached the road, Jackie was barking orders down the phone to Pete. Rose knew they'd be on their way back to London before long, but she wasn't sure that was what she wanted. Like it or not, London was her home again now. She couldn't take him back there until she knew it was what he wanted. And he needed to know the truth before he could decide whether it was what he wanted.
She'd hoped he'd guess it, after she'd been torn from him; she hoped he would realise. She wished he'd begin to understand some of the little mysteries of their time together. Like why there was no parallel Rose Tyler in Pete's world; not counting Yorkshire terriers. She wondered whether he'd piece it together, but then again how could he. He didn't know her yet, not the real her. He'd only met her once.
Still, she waited anxiously for the moment he did realise, hoped that when he saw her again, he'd whisper in her ear, "I know. I know who you are."
The problem was that, even after everything that had happened she wasn't certain he'd believe her when she told him. The kicker was that part of him did know, or at least would one day, but she still needed to dig deep and find the words to tell him.
She had the evidence of that knowledge tucked away inside her jacket. She'd known for a long time that this outcome was her ultimate destiny—she just didn't know what happened next. Would he reject her? Love her?
"Mum," she called out to Jackie, who was eagerly searching up and down the isolated stretch of road for the car she'd asked Pete to arrange. "We're just going to wait here for a moment. We have some…stuff we need to talk about."
The Doctor eyed her with suspicion, no doubt wondering what was so urgent that it needed to be discussed on the beach. In the cold. And the wind.
His eyes filled with an emotion she recognised. Rejection. She'd seen it there once before, long ago before she'd really understood who he was. Before she'd even understood who she was.
Can you change back?
Do you want me to?
She tried to give him a comforting look. He needed to know that she wasn't rejecting him—far, far from it—but she had to make him understand. Her guilt had been eating her alive ever since she'd learned the truth—ever since the TARDIS had revealed the truth.
It had been an…interesting process, which began the moment she looked into the heart of the TARDIS.
He should have known then, she thought to herself. The energy of the time vortex had killed him, forcing him to regenerate, but she, a mere human, had been able to bear it, at least for a moment. And what a moment it had been. The whole of time and space had been spread out before her and she'd seen everything with absolute certainty. It was then, as she watched the whole of her life play out before her eyes, that she'd discovered the truth of who she was. A secret kept hidden for too long. Memories she'd dismissed as dreams came flooding back and she saw him as he was when she'd known him. She saw the essence of him that was woven into each one of his lives.
In that moment, she had manipulated the time streams to ensure what was meant to be, would be. She had rescued and revived, sending the Doctor on a course he might not have otherwise taken.
After the blinding light of absorbing the time vortex had faded, the TARDIS had layered protections in her mind to stop her from changing the course of history. Her knowledge was far too dangerous. A single word could have changed everything she'd known and it might not have been any longer.
The protection had remained there, a wall around her own mind, until she had hurtled toward the Void. In the instant that Pete had taken her away, the TARDIS broke down the walls and she knew.
She remembered.
She walked just ahead of the Doctor as she made her way back onto the beach, the wind whipped at her hair. It meant she couldn't stop, turn and just stare at his face. She decided that was a good thing as she wasn't sure she wanted to watch his expression as the truth was revealed.
"So then…um…what did you want to talk about?" the Doctor asked. She could tell by the pitch of his voice that his curiosity was burning through him.
"Doctor, I'm not who you think I am." She found a spot on the horizon to focus on and concentrated damn hard on keeping her eyes there. If she looked into his eyes, she was certain she would back out. She needed him to know, it would be inexcusable to begin a relationship—especially the sort she desperately wanted—with him if it was based on a lie. "I'm not really me."
He chuckled nervously. "If you're not you, who are you then?"
She sighed. It would be easier just getting it out there, in the open. She could see the words in her mind, lining up one after the other so easily. She just needed to open her mouth and say them. She breathed deeply. "It's…complicated."
The words she'd imagined evaporated the instant her mouth opened.
"Complicated?" His voice held a mix of curiosity and concern. She wondered whether she imagined the hint of betrayal. "How?"
She pulled out the parcel that had been delivered to her. She remembered the day it came so very well, it was the same day he said goodbye to her at Dålig Ulv Stranden.
After he'd said his final words.
Rose Tyler…
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After he'd faded away, she'd turned back toward her family, waiting at the side of Pete's truck. Before she'd even taken a step, she heard a soft thud behind her. When she glanced back at the empty space where the Doctor had stood, she saw a small item, wrapped in brown paper.
The parcel had arrived with a tiny white card in a TARDIS blue envelope. She'd collected the package and tucked it inside her jacket. It wasn't until later, when she was safe ensconced in the bedroom she inherited at Pete's house, that she carefully unwrapped the small gift.
Inside was a well-used book, filled random stories and meet-ups, all meticulously dated. She'd scoured the pages, devouring each and every line until she could almost quote the adventures by heart. It was the ultimate love story, but it had one major fault.
The ending was incomplete.
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"Rose?" His voice was filled with concern. No doubt her silent reflection gave him a reason for concern. "Is it like setting the VCR complicated, or manipulating time streams complicated?"
"Did you ever wonder why there's no Rose Tyler on this world?" she asked, finally breaking her silence. Her eyes snapped away from the horizon and met the Doctor's curious expression.
"It's because you, Rose Tyler are unique."
He gave her a blinding smile. She shot him a look to let him know she wasn't amused. She knew he was just trying to alleviate some of the tension between them, but now that she'd started her explanation, she wanted to get it out before the words disappeared again.
He shrugged. "Well, there are an infinite number of possibilities. Every decision, every choice, changes something."
He scrubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. She knew what he was thinking; she'd thought the same thing the first time they'd landed in this place. Whatever decision had made Pete and Jackie rich, had also left them childless.
She knew better now.
"I was adopted," she said plainly. "Back home. That's the reason there's no alternative Rose."
She'd confronted Jackie about this fact shortly after she knew the truth. They'd argued for days and days when she'd first asked until Jackie had broken down and admitted it was true. They'd made up finally when Rose told her it didn't matter if she was adopted—Jackie would always be her mum.
"And then there is this." She pulled her little book out of her jacket pocket—she never left home without it, even when she'd been barrelling across the multiverse—and offered it to him.
He looked at it, momentarily stunned. He recognised it, of course he did. She'd known he would. People tended to pay extra attention to things like diaries. Especially ones that contained so many spoilers.
"Where did you get this?" he asked, turning it over carefully, reverentially, in his hands. His voice betrayed his shock.
"It's mine," she murmured.
"This isn't yours, Rose." He waved the small blue book at her. "This belongs to someone else. It belongs to someone who died. Where did you get it?"
She bit her lip. "I don't know, but I think you gave it to me."
"I did no such thing. I left this book where it belonged, in a library millennia in the future. It doesn't belong here." His anger and uncertainty were clear in his tone.
She had worried that he would react badly and so far all evidence pointed to 'yes'.
"Please," she whispered almost silently. "Just read this."
She pulled the book back from him gently, opened it to the story she wanted to tell and passed it back across to him.
'The Judas poison was working its way through his system and he was dying.
I had done exactly what I was supposed to do. What I was born to do, and yet I couldn't complete the task. Watching his compassion and his warmth as he spoke with Rory and Amy—with my parents—helped to break whatever spell I was under. I still don't know why I did it, but I gave up my remaining regenerations to save him…
All but one.
I was—am—scared of dying. I know the pain of death all too well and I was scared to face it again. I held tightly to just one life—just in case.'
The Doctor read the paragraphs again and again.
"That was the first entry," Rose said softly. "The first of many."
She opened the book at another page. It was the one page which Rose hadn't yet read. The one page she couldn't read—not without the TARDIS's help. It was the final entry, and the one she agonised over the most.
The Doctor's eyes scanned the page quickly.
His fingers traced over the script. "How did this get here?"
"It's in Gallifreyan, right?" She'd recognised the delicate loops and swirls, the lines and geometric shaping of the script, but she couldn't read what it said.
He nodded dumbly.
"Can you tell me?" she asked.
"It's my writing. Well, I guess technically it's his writing." He paused as his eyes scanned the page once more.
Rose could tell he was already starting to see what she needed him to know, but she had to be certain that he was aware of what she was and accepted it.
"This page tells the story of how he returned to the library to find River Song's diary.
"He arrived just moments after I had left to get this book. He was prepared to battle the Vashta Nerada if necessary to get it back. But what he found there was so much more precious."
He cleared his throat softly and began to read. Rose suspected he was paraphrasing, but she was getting answers on this one remaining mystery so she didn't complain.
"I thought all hope was lost.
"I thought she was saved and I would never be able to see her again. It was the eventuality I had witnessed and what I knew would happen for so many years. But I was wrong.
"What I found in the Library changed my belief and certainly helped to alleviate the guilt I felt during our last date. I had known she would soon be facing the Vashta Nerada and had given her the only thing I could as an attempt to ensure her survival. But it seems like she'd already planned for it herself.
"I knew where I had left her diary, placed on the balcony to rest in peace—at the time I'd thought forever. I hadn't known just how significant River Song would grow to be for me though. I returned to that planet because I couldn't bear the thought of her memories collecting dust in the forests of the Vashta Nerada.
"I found the diary and as I was leaving, the information nodes spoke to me. I saw River's face and she whispered three words that changed everything.
"'One left, Sweetie.'
"I couldn't be certain what it meant, and my questions went unanswered. I was desperate to find out more, so I travelled to the core, aware that there were only minutes before the Vashta Nerada's deadline ended.
"Hidden away in the darkness beneath the computer monitor, swathed in River's biosuit, was a tiny bundle. There was a small cry and an infant's hand reached out from the material. I understood then what her words meant. She had withheld one regeneration when she saved my life; she still had one life left to live.
"Her life-force was weak and she could only manage a limited regeneration, it must have taken an immense effort—and no small miracle—but she was in front of me; alive and well.
"The data ghost captured by the recorder would live on in the mainframe with CAL. But that was only River's memories. Her body had renewed itself.
"I collected the infant, lifting it into my arms, and pushed aside the light material that had covered her face.
"I recognised the baby at once. I'd met her at a similar age once before, many, many years early on the day we'd gone back in time so she could comfort her father as he died. The child was Rose Tyler.
"My Rose."
The Doctor looked up from the page at her with wonder—and she thought a flicker of disbelief too, but again she wondered whether she was imagining it because it was her greatest fear. He could still leave her on this beach, alone save for her memories of their lives together.
He cleared his throat again before blinking at her blankly a few times.
"It goes on to say that if he hadn't recognised you, he would have returned you to Amy and Rory, but he didn't want to ruin the timelines that bound you and him together."
Rose tried desperately not to read anything into the Doctor's chosen pronouns.
"He mentions that he took the baby to your mother and asked her to watch over you."
She nodded, she knew all this—having been told the story by Jackie. There was no Rose Tyler in Pete's world because there was no Doctor.
The Doctor made her who she was; and now she hoped he would make her whole.
Without him there was no TARDIS, no mid-flight conception and no human with Time Lord DNA.
The Doctor closed the diary carefully.
"Rose, will you please tell me who you are."
She swallowed heavily and looked at him.
He already knew the answer to this—or at least suspected it well enough.
"I'm Melody Pond."
He furrowed his brow together. The name meant nothing to him yet.
"I am River Song."
He nodded slowly.
"Doctor…I'm your wife."
He stared stoically at her for a few moments.
"Doctor, please…talk to me?"
He exhaled heavily and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, this explains a lot actually."
She could almost see him ticking off a mental list of all the things she did that weren't quite human.
"I have one question though," she asked quietly. It was the one thing that had niggled at her since she discovered the truth. "Why didn't I remember? Before the bad wolf thing, I didn't know."
"The regeneration process can result in a lingering amnesia, but then you also have to consider that you regenerated into such a young form, possibly incapable of storing so many memories, and the fact that at least part of your consciousness was absorbed into the mainframe with CAL. Add it all together and whammo, you've got all the ingredients for permanent loss of recall."
"But the TARDIS helped me to see it."
"You absorbed the time vortex. For a period of time, you belonged to time—of course you would be able to see everything that was and that should be." He was talking about it as if he was solving the latest adventure they were on, not discussing the intimate details of her life.
Slowly his mouth split into a wide grin.
"You, Rose Tyler!" he waggled his finger at her. "You are amazing. Just when I think that the wonder of you is as wondrous as it can get you go and astound me once again. Which is saying something really, because I'm really not very easily astounded."
She allowed herself a hopeful smile.
He pulled her into his arms and showed her just how brilliant he thought.
She held him closely and inhaled his scent.
Jackie called to them from a distance. Evidentially the car was there and waiting for them.
"Let's go home, Sweetie."
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A/N:- So yeah, just a strange little twisted thing that popped into my head & that I couldn't shake. I hope you enjoyed it, please feel free to let me know if you did.