"… do you HAVE to go?" you ask as a tear rolls down the side of your cheek.
Carlos nods. His eyes meeting the ground. He's sitting next to you on the living room couch. He grabs your hand with his and looks into your eyes.
"I'm not leaving forever." he says and plants a kiss on your forehead.
"It feels like forever when you're gone…" you say softly.
"I know the feeling… I'm gonna miss my two princesses… so damn much."
You hear a thud by the door and you both look up. Five year old Carla is piling dad's suitcases by the door. She's struggling, but she does it with a smile on her face.
"There you go, papi! Your suitcases are ready!" she says, running up to Carlos.
"Thanks, baby girl!" he says, sitting her on his lap.
"Are you excited?" Carla says, with wide eyes full of enthusiasm.
"I am, princess! We're going to Brazil! I've never been there before!" Carlos replies.
"FUN!" Carla says, smiling ear to ear.
You look at the clock, it's time to go.
"Well, if that's the last suitcase, we should start heading out." you say, getting up from the couch.
"WAIT!" Carla says. She runs into her room and yells out, "…are there swimming pools in Braz-eel?"
"There sure are!" Carlos yells out, picking up some of the suitcases. You help him with the smaller bags and take them out to the car. As you're putting the bags in the trunk, Carla comes running out, backpack on her back, on of mama's purses in hand, sunglasses on, and a plastic bag with her bathing suit halfway in.
"Let's go to Bra-zeeeeeeel!" she yells as she begins to throw her bags in the car. You look at Carlos. You see his face change. He walks over to Carla, who is beginning to climb in the car.
"Baby… come here, mi princesa." he picks Carla up.
"We're going to be late, though papi! We have to go, I want to swim!" Carla responds, struggling to get down.
"Baby, listen to papi…" He says, putting her down, "Baby, this is a band trip.. you can't come, sweetie."
Carla's smile suddenly disappears.
"I can't go…?" she says, dropping her plastic bag on the ground.
Carlos looks up at you, as if asking for help. Your heart is breaking. This always happens.
"Darling, daddy has to go work. He'll be back soon, okay?" you tell her, patting her shoulder.
"No he wont! He's going to take forever! Daddy, puh-lease! Let me go, I promise I'll be good! I'll clean my room every single day! And I'll try REALLY REALLY hard in school, PLEASE CAN I GO?" Carla screams. Tears forming in her tiny almond shaped eyes.
"Honey, I can't…" Carlos begins.
"You don't love me anymore!" Carla yells and runs back inside the house.
Carlos is speechless. His face faces the ground. He shakes his head disapprovingly. "I can't do this anymore." he says, looking up at you.
You're crying, knowing how deeply affected Carlos was with his little girl's words.
"She's going to be fine…" You say, pulling him into your arms. "Someday, she'll understand."
"I hope so." he says, planting a long, sweet, kiss on your lips. He begins to walk into the car, but before he gets in, he turns around and says:
"Tell her how much I lover her. Please don't let her forget."
You nod, wipe the tears from your eyes and watch the car disappear into the horizon.
You walk back into the house and see Carla snuggled up in the corner of the couch with a stuffed bear Carlos had given her the night before.
"Why does daddy hate me?" she asks you.
You sit by her and wrap an arm around her shoulder.
"Honey. Daddy doesn't hate you. He loves you more than ANYTHING in the world. You're his little princesa. And there's nothing in the world that makes him happier than seeing you smile."
"Really?" she says.
"Really." you reassure her. "Someday, you'll understand."
"Can I see your phone?" she asks.
You hand her your phone, curious to know why she wants it. She takes a picture of herself, smiling, missing teeth and all and hands it to you.
"Send it to daddy!" she says. You smile and nod.
"There. Sent." you tell her.
"I hope I just made daddy very happy." She says in a happier tone than before. "Can we watch your old Big Time Rush videos?"
You laugh, "Sure, baby! Let me go get them, okay?".
"They're already in the TV." She says.
"Oh!" you head over to the TV and set it up. Big Time Fever is on and you both sit there silently laughing at the shenanigans of the oh so familiar boys on TV.
Halfway through the show, Carla looks at you and with a twinkle in her eye, softly says:
"Mami. I want a little sister. And can we name her Katie?"