Okay well I know unexpected release of a new story not in my list of ideas but this came to me a few weeks ago and I haven't been able to shake it which of course means I wasn't able to write updates on my other stories until I wrote this. Soooo here it is :) This chapter is kind of I don't know slow? Boring? You tell me but it's just and introduction I suppose. :/

I'm kind of nervous, I've never written from Cato's pov and I feel like maybe this isn't as good as my other newer stories... so please be nice. I do hope you like and and please if you do or if you just wanna say anything please please please review I could use all the feedback I can get. I know I say that a lot but it's true it really does help, not matter how small or insignificant it may seem. :). Anyways much love to you all. I hope all is well, I'm off to enjoy my weekend. (meeting alexander ludwig on sunday soooo I'm hell excited)

Oh ps I fly back one Wednesday Sooooo I'm hoping to get some updates done over next weekend if I'm not to busy. Sorry for making y'all wait. Xoxoxoxoxoxox

As I have said before, all grammar and spelling errors are my own and I apologise ahead. Also I do not own any part of the Hunger Games... wish I did but I don't still thank you Suzanne Collins for your amazing series.

Warning: smut, swearing, possible drug use, violence, boy on boy, possible girl on girl, talk of abuse, OOC-ness and all the wonderful bad things in life.

It's Hard To Say There Is Nothing I Regret

Chapter One: Facing A Broken Heart

As I pushed my foot down onto the accelerator I replayed the voicemail message I had now played over ten times.

'Cato, I know you're back and I know he's not your responsibility anymore but I need your help. You know since you left he hasn't been the same and it's gotten worse, I'm really worried. He hasn't come home in days and he won't return my calls, if you hear anything please let me know.'

I sighed scrolling through my contacts until I found the number I wanted. I hesitated for a second, questioning if I would be able to do this. If I was prepared for what could happen if I saw that boy again. The problem was I felt partly responsible for how Peeta was acting now. Our relationship had never been perfect but I couldn't deny we had both truly loved each other at some point. And I knew some of that love was still there, hidden away.

Our relationship had lasted over four years before we had ended things abruptly, days before I had left for my training program abroad. Truthfully we had been having problems for months, me leaving was just a way for both of us to end things without really facing and fixing all the problems we had been having. Honestly I was angry at myself for having let Peeta go so easy but at the time we were in such a bad place that it had clouded my judgement and ruined any chance of us saving what we had.

I knew I had to do this, help him face his demons and get back to the boy I had fallen for years ago. It was the right thing to do. I pressed call and brought the phone to my ear. It rang a few times before I heard someone pick up.

"Cato? I haven't heard from you in ages, how's things going?"

"I'm good Marvel, and I know it's been awhile but I'm actually calling about Peeta." I reply hoping if what I heard was true, that if Peeta was self medicating he would still being getting what he needed from Marvel.

"Why am I not surprised. Look I know you're going to be pissed I'm still supplying him but I figured better me then some dodgy dealer who might physically hurt him when he's late paying."

"Marvel." I cut him off not wanting to hear excuses or him validating all the rumours surrounding Peeta. "Just tell me where he is tonight."

"I'm not sure honestly." I sigh starting to get pissed off. "Look let me make some calls and I'll get back to you alright."

"Thank you, I'll be waiting." I hang up the phone as I pull up to Peeta's apartment. Maybe there was a clue to where he had disappeared to. I walk up to the building and head for the staircase. After jogging up the three flights of stairs to the third floor I found the door I was looking for and knocked. A few moments later the door unlocked, Quinn's familiar blonde hair was the first thing that came into view. He was shorter then me, but still stood taller then Peeta. He had almost white blonde hair and have a very in your face style. Him and his twin sister Maddie were related to Peeta because his older brother married their older sister. And they had grown very close over the years.

He stood dumbfounded for a second just staring at me. "You're not my pizza." He blatantly rolled his eyes sarcastically but smiled at me and let me in. Walking in was a weird mix of deja vu and an uncomfortable feeling.

"It's changed a lot since I moved out." I say observing the new paint and furniture.

"He wanted a change after you left. So why are you here Cato? When I rang you I asked he you heard anything call me, not show up and possibly make things worse." Quinn said sitting down on and large purple couch. I knew he wasn't being rude, he was just concerned about Peeta.

"I feel like it's my fault." I simple answer. "So are you going to tell me how deep in he is?"

Quinn sighs and looks away from me. "To deep, he's totally lost. He's withdrawn, moody and blatantly using. He's been caught twice now, if he gets caught once more they are going to charge him. He hardly comes home anymore and I've tried so hard to fix it but he won't let me." Quinn seemed to be getting frustrated and I could see his eyes starting to tear up. "My scared we've lost him and that I didn't try hard enough to stop it. I mean at first I gave him space so he could get passed your break-up but he started spiralling and I should have noticed."

"Quinn you've been doing fine, I know on your own it's hard but I'm here now aswell and I'm going to stick around until he's better I swear." I sit down next to him and pull him into a hug. It felt weird but so familiar. Before I had left we were actually pretty good friends but after the fall out with Peeta we had drifted apart. I guess living with Peeta made it hard keeping our friendship alive.

"You better, I don't want to think about how bad it could get if you didn't. I'm glad you came back though, maybe seeing you will help him realise what he's doing to himself." Quinn says pulling away and smiling sadly.

"Do you know where he might be?" I ask checking my phone to see if Marvel had gotten back to me. He hadn't unfortunately and I began to worry about what possible situation Peeta had gotten himself into.

"No, he stopped telling me months ago. I don't even know who he hangs out with anymore. Marvel's still dealing to him though, he's the only one apart from me who's seem him really."

"Yeah I called Marvel already, I'm hoping he gets back to me soon." I say pulling my phone down on the modern glossy table in front of me.

"Well you've covered all bases then I see. You know he won't even reply to Delly's texts, and she and him used to be so close. I don't even know what happened to him, he just shut down and shut everyone else out." Quinn says getting up and grabs his phone off the kitchen bench. "And I honestly don't know how he'll react when he sees you. Where are you living now anyway?"

"Well depends on the day, I stayed with a few friends the last two weeks but right now I'm using my car." I say hesitantly, but I knew better then to lie to Quinn.

"You're kidding right? Cato why haven't you gonna home? I'm sure your family have gotten passed everything by now." Quinn replies sitting down again.

"I haven't spoken to anyone from my family since that day Quinn and I'm not going to." I re-check my phone not wanting to really discuss my family. "Look I'll fine, it's Peeta I'm more concerned about."

"Okay, but please say here on the couch until you find a place. I know it's going to hard with Peeta but you can't live out of your car Cato. It's not right and we used to close, I don't see why we can't be again. I mean we have a common interest, Peeta's health." Quinn says as there was a knock at the door. "I'll just be a second." He says getting up and heading over to the door.

Quinn returned with a taller brunette behind him, Lance. Quinn and him had been dating long before I left, though if I remember correctly they broke it off a few months before I left. I guess they are working things out. "Lance." I nod standing up and shaking his hand. "Good to see you again."

"Like wise, Quinn told me you were back. Come to clean up the mess you created?" Lance questioned.

"Lance!" Quinn scowled.

"Actually I have, I know I fucked up." I say knowing he was just being protective.

"Good, I'm glad you finally wised up. I just hope you haven't come back to late to be able to fix it." Lance said heading for the kitchen.

My phone started to ring and thankfully it was Marvel. "Sorry I need to take this it's Marvel, he may know where Peeta might be." I say standing up and heading for the balcony. "Tell me you know where he is?"

"A friend of a friend spotted him at 226 West Pope Street. Its an industrial area so keep an eye out for cops and shit."

"Sure thanks Marv, I owe you one." I say heading back inside.

"Sure thing, we'll have to catch up soon." He replies before hanging up.

I head straight for my keys and towards the front door. Quinn gave me a questioning look as I passed him. "I think I know where Peeta is." I say quickly.

"Bring him home." Quinn calls out as I walked out the front door.

I drove towards the address Marvel gave me with no regards to the speed limit. I had to find him tonight, I had to get to him before he disappeared again. When I got close I parked and headed towards what I assumed was the right building. I was one of those abandoned industrial warehouses. Once filled with worked and machinery but now a place filled with loud beats and flashing coloured lights. It was evident a rave was currently in full force. I passed small groups of different types people, all here for the same reason, to forget their problems and just dance away the night. I used to love things like this back before I moved away, before everything got so much more real and hard.

The warehouse was huge and impossibly packed. There had to be hundreds of people packing this place, it was going to be hard trying to find Peeta, a needle in a hay stack. I started to push my way through the sea of people, they moved without hesitation and restraint, bodies moving to the never ending hypnotic beat. The lighting made finding Peeta even more difficult, strobes and lasers flickered casting shadows and distorting the faces around me. It took me over forty minutes just to clear the first floor and there was no sign of him. I had asked a multitude a people, those who were able to make out what I asked over the music were no help at all. They had either never heard of or seen Peeta or where to hopped up on something to give me any real answer.

As I rounded the top of the staircase to the second level I thought I saw a sliver of the boy I was once so close to. I quickly pushed my way through the masses but when I got to where I had thought he was there was no trace of him. I spun around desperately looking when there, in the middle of the dance floor I saw him. He was dancing and grinding up against another man. Even with sweat dripping off him, hair a mess and his clothes ripped he still took my breath away. His body was hypnotic, he moved it just the right way. Enough to get you enticed but still not giving it all up. That is when I realised I knew all those feeling were still there, just dormant, hidden away and that I wouldn't be able to leave him again. Not this time, I could not go back in the past and fix what we had but I could stick around and fix him. And if that was just as a friend even though I knew I craved more that, it was going to have to do. This time I was going to put him first, something I haven't really ever done in my life.

I stood there appreciating the boy infront of me but that didn't last long when Peeta spun around and was pulled into a kiss by the man he had been grinding back against only a second ago. That set me off and I bolted towards the two. Jealousy and rage took over and it took all of my might and will not to knock the other guy out. It took me all of two seconds to yank Peeta away from his grinding buddy and into the corner of the dance floor.

It took a minute for Peeta to completely comprehend what was going on and he stared at me in disbelief. His eyes were heavy and his pupils blown. "What's going on? I was having fun, did you wanna have fun with me?" He asked sloppily as he got closer to me.

"Snap out of it Peeta, it's Cato and I'm taking you home. What are you on?" I say trying to sound as calm as possible. The last thing I needed what him to get aggressive.

"Cato?" He asked as he searched deep for the answer as if it was buried in my eyes.

"Yes Cato, what are you on Peeta?" I asked for a second time hoping this time he was actually listening.

He laughed more to himself. "Impossible my Cato left me."

I sighed, almost cringing at what he had just said. I knew he didn't mean it as a dig but it made me feel as if I had let him down. "It's me Peeta, Cato, your Cato, the Cato you went to high school with. The Cato you dated for four years before he left to try and make it big time but failed miserably."

I suppose the drugs made him question if I was really standing infront of him but when he realised that I really was his face turned to one filled with hurt and hate. "What the hell are you doing here Cato?" He yelled out in anger and not because of the loud music.

"For you." I stated simply.

I saw more pain wash over him. "You can't do that, you can't say shit like that. You left okay, I don't need this or you. Just leave me alone."

He went to walk away but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back infront of me. "Peeta, you need to stop this. The drugs, the disappearing, it all needs to end. This isn't you and it's hurting the people you love."

"Hurting them? Hurting them? What about me? What if I'm hurting Cato? What then?" He screamed. "But then again how would you know, you fucking left me. And that's exactly what I'm about to do to you." Peeta spat and just as he pulled his arm out of my grasp the music cut out. I turned around to see the police running up the staircase, Peeta froze as the colour drained from his face. "Cato, get me out of here."

"Peeta it's fine I'm sure they'll just let us leave." I start but he cuts me off.

"You don't get it I've got stuff in my pocket and if I get caught again I'm going to get charged and end up in jail." Peeta said, anger void from his voice now fear the only thing present.

I looked around and saw an open window out to the roof next to us. I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the window before stepping through it and pulling Peeta through it. We quickly made it over to the fire exit stairs and walked back to my car in the shadows, making sure not to draw any unwanted attention to ourselves. I got into the drivers seat as Peeta sat in the passenger's seat and we just sat there for a minute. I turned and looked at him properly foe the first time tonight. That is when I saw it for the first time, how wrecked he really was. He didn't have that natural glow anymore, his eyes were bloodshot and he had deep dark bags under his eyes. His hair was dull and lifeless, bruises marred his once perfect skin and he looked slightly underfed. He had lost some of the muscle mass he once held, bones now more predominate. Quinn was right he was starting to waste away and it pained me seeing him like this. My guilt was starting to resurface, I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes, instead starting the car and heading back to his apartment.

The drive was dead silent, neither of us new what to say to the other. Just as I thought the awkwardness was going to suffocate us both Peeta burst out into tears. I sigh in defeat, feeling like me being here was actually hurting him more then helping him. "How bad is it Peeta?"

"I, we, I'm just so lost." He choked out. "I know I need to stop but it's so hard, and you were gone."

I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't know what I was supposed to say at all. As much as I wanted to be there for Peeta I wasn't sure I would be able to.

"Well say something Cato, anything. Just get it over with, I'm a mess I know. I'm sorry but I just couldn't, I, couldn't be that person anymore. He gave up along time ago." Peeta turned away and hugged himself resting his head on the window.

"You're going to be that boy again. I promise I'm going to do anything I can to help you. I'm not going to leave you this time."

Peeta laughed in disbelief. "Don't promise me thing we both know you can't keep. I gave up on believing a word you said a long time ago."

"Peeta, I don't want to fight. I'm here because you need help and I'm going to be there this time." I reply putting a hand on hi shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. "Now can you give me whatever drugs you have on you?"

Peeta sighed before digging his hand into his pocket and producing a bag. "Fine, it's probably better you take it now while I don't need it."

I took the bad and threw it out my window before putting my hand back on his shoulder. "Thank you."

He shrugged away from my touch. "You're here because Quinn didn't know what else to do. Admit it, you're here because he called you."

"He may have called me but I'm here because I want to be." I say as I pulled up infront of the apartment building.

"Bullshit, you're here because you feel guilty! And you know what I don't need your pity or your help. Its not my problem you feel crap because you gave up on us so you could be a big football star and you fucked it up. It's not my fault you have nothing now it's yours." Peeta yelled getting out of the car and storming off towards the building before I had even parked properly.

"Peeta, stop. Wait for a second." I call out turning off the car and running after him.

"No you can't just waltz back into my life after what happened. You broke me Cato, shattered my heart, I would have done anything for you. I would have followed you anywhere but I wasn't enough was I? We weren't enough for you, that's why you gave up on us right?" Tears started to really flow from Peeta's eyed.

I took a step closer wiping the tears from his cheeks. "It wasn't like that, I didn't mean to..."

"Hurt me? Well you did and I don't know if I can ever forgive you." Peeta said backing away from me.

"Peeta please, I, I can't change the past. I'm sorry, I truly am but I'm not leaving. You need help Peeta, you need to stop and even if you hate and yell at me everyday for the rest of my life I'm going to make sure you get passed this. I know it may not seem like it but I still care about you, I'm not going to give up on you."

"Peeta?" Quinn asked appearing from the entrance door. He looked between us both realising he had interrupted something. "Um maybe it's best you both come inside. We not need the neighbours calling the cops again."

I furrowed my brow confused, again? Why had the police been rung before? I shrugged it off and headed back to my car before pulling out a bag of clothes and heading in after Peeta. He looked confused for a second before seeing the bag and turning to Quinn angrily.

"He's not staying with us." Peeta grumbled before he headed to the elevator.

"He has no where else to go Peeta and I need someone else around to keep an eye on you while I'm at work. Someone has to pay the rent you know." Quinn snapped back following him into the elevator. I hesitated for a second.

"Come on, I'm not holding the door forever." Peeta growled.

I filed into the elevator, Quinn standing between us probably to stop us from fighting anymore. Once the doors opened again we headed towards the door. Peeta went straight for his room, slamming the door behind him. I sat down on the couch which had already been converted into a bed for me. "Thanks for this Quinn."

"Thanks for finding him and bringing him home." Quinn replied standing in the doorway. "You know you won't be able to just leave him his time, he won't survive it again."

"I know and this time I'm not going to. He was my everything, I was just to dumb to know it at the time." I admit pulling off my top and throwing it on my bag.

"I know you were. Well I'm going to bed, got a full day of work tomorrow. You know where everything is." Quinn said turning towards the hall to his room.

"Sure, thanks again Quinn." I say again laying down on pulling the blank over me and I kicked off my shoes.

"Night." Quinn called out as he disappeared behind his door.

It didn't take long for me to fall asleep, I was so emotionally drained from today my brain severely needed some rest. I was just getting into a good dream before I felt my body move but it wasn't at my choice. Confused my eyes fluttered open as I felt warmth hit my chest. I looked down to find messy dirty blonde hair under my chin. Peeta must have slipped onto the couch while I was asleep. He was pressed up against my chest, his face buried between my pecs. His warm breath tickling my bare skin. "Peeta?" At realising I was awake he pressed a kiss to my chest before making his way up to my lips. "Peeta? What are you doing?"

He shut me up with a kiss. "Stop questioning it. I just need you to hold me. I've needed this for so long." He continued to plant kisses over my lips and jaw before his hands slide down my chest towards my crotch. I grabbed a hold of his arms before he reach it and pulled back from him.

"Peeta, I don't think this is a good idea. You just want a quick high, I quick fuck so for a second you forget and feel better. I'm not going to be that for you." I say looking him in the eyes. I could see he knew I was right and nodded.

"Thanks for stopping me, but um, could I stay here with you still. I missed being held by you."

"Fine, but only because I've missed it aswell." I admit wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close. I wasn't sure if this was a mistake or not. My body cried out for me to take him right here on the couch. He wanted it as much as I did so why not? Because he's an addict I told myself. He doesn't know what he wants anymore and I'd be taking advantage of that if I let him continue.

"Cato?" Peeta's voice broke my out of my thoughts.

"Yeah Peeta." I say instinctively kissing his forehead because I could here the pain and worry in his voice.

"I can't lose you again, I won't survive it next time."