For everyone who was begging for a sequel to The Surrogate... this is not it! This is, however, an AU of the surrogate. Because why would we write something original when we could write fanfiction of our fanfiction?
PLEASE NOTE: You do not need to read The Surrogate to understand this fic. But it's really funny and awesome, so why wouldn't you read it? Check out our account and read it now if you haven't already. Or read it again just for funsies.
Is She Hot?
Magnus entered the living room which was currently set up like an auditorium with all the chairs facing one way. He twirled in his silk kimono as the opening song to the Lion King played. He lifted the small baby in his arms over the heads of those sitting on the the love seat and the wooden dining room chairs and swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the music.
"Is anyone else really confused?" Isabelle mumbled.
"Yeah," Robert agreed. "Why is Magnus holding a baby?"
"THIS IS A BABY SHOWER!" Magnus exclaimed, his swaying continued. "THIS IS MY SON JAMES!"
Alec, who was leaning against the doorway, rolled his eyes. "Don't look at me. This wasn't my idea."
"I'm a grandmother?" Maryse squealed, jumping up to take the baby from Magnus, immediately swaddling him in her weird old lady scarf. "It's about time. I've been waiting for years for this!"
Isabelle sighed exasperatedly. "I'm 24. Why do you want me to have a baby so badly?"
"I wasn't talking about you," Maryse hissed. "You don't have the hips for it anyway."
Robert reclined himself in his chair, all sense of surprise gone already. "James is a nice name. Who chose it?"
"I did," Jace smiled, standing and waving like the queen of England.
"Is no one asking about how they just suddenly got a baby out of nowhere with no explanation," Isabelle said, finally standing from her chair.
Magnus snorted. "Please, adoption agencies are desperate to have more handsome gay couples in their catalogues. They practically threw the baby at us. And if you really want to know how we decided to have a baby, I'll have to tell you via flashback."
[FLASHBACK]
Alec sipped his coffee, flipping to the next page of today's newspaper. "How did you sleep?" he asked his husband who stood at the other side of the kitchen island pouring himself a second cup of herbal tea.
"I slept quite soundly. And you?"
Alec shrugged, still too tired to make any kind of real conversation.
"Alexander," Magnus said before sipping his tea. "I wanted to talk to you about something."
Alec grunted, finally setting down the paper to refill his coffee.
"I think we should take our relationship to the next level."
"Magnus, we're married. What next level is th—" Alec stopped, realization hitting him like a truck. "Oh. You mean… like… adoption."
Magnus nodded excitedly.
"I think that's a great idea," Alec said, a grin spread across his face. "We can go to the shelter some time this week."
"Shelter?"
"Oh, did you want one of the younger variety? I could look into finding a breeder."
"Alec, what in God's name are you talking about?"
"I'm thinking a German Shepherd. Or maybe a dalmation. If we're getting a dog we may as well go big or go home."
Magnus sighed, resting his elbows on the kitchen island and clapping his hands over his face. "Not what I meant."
"Oh. You mean…. A human?"
"Yes, Alexander, a human baby."
Alec stared at his husband for a moment, then reached for his cup of coffee and chugged the whole thing in two sips as though it were a refreshing cup of ice tea. "Ok. I think it would be reasonable to at least talk about it."
Magnus squealed, jumping up and down like the child they would soon be plagued with. "Thank god you agreed, everyone will be here in an hour. I need to change into my kimono. Please get the Lion King soundtrack ready."
"For what?"
"The baby shower!" Magnus exclaimed. He reached down behind the kitchen island and pulled out what looked like a bundle of blue blankets. "Here's the baby."
"Wait what?"
"And here's the lion onesie. Come on Alec, there isn't a moment to waste!"
[END OF FLASHBACK]
"I hope that answers all your questions," Magnus said, fanning out his kimono and sitting dramatically.
"That didn't really answer any of our questions," Isabelle muttered.
"Yeah," Alec agreed. "Like, I know you said that the adoption agency wanted more gay couples, not that there's a shortage of them, but how did you go through all the interviews without me?"
Magnus swung his arm over to point at Jace, who stood and bowed. "Ladies and gentlemen, please meet my lovely husband, Jace Herondale slash Alec Lightwood."
Alec made a very offended sound. "How dare you. I could have done it!"
"Alec, please. You look like a child eater." That statement earned him a sharp elbow in the ribs from Jace. Magnus cleared his throat and tried again. "My love, you are the most socially constipated person I have ever—" another elbow. He tried one more time. "You are awkward and quiet. Jace is charming and outgoing. I'm sorry but I did what I had to do. After our first interview they basically gave us a baby. They told us that a woman was giving up her baby a month from then and that we could have it."
"Was she hot?" Max asked, finally looking up from his Switch.
"What?"
"The mom," Max continued, clearly already losing interest. "Was she hot."
"We didn't really see her," Jace shrugged. "But yeah, she was."
"We only saw her back." Magnus rolled his eyes at Jace. "Her hair was stuffed into a beanie."
"And she had an amazing ass," Jace agreed.
"What was she wearing?" Isabelle asked, ignoring Jace.
Jace continued anyway. "It was a perfect handful, but a little bit more. Almost too much to handle."
"Jeans and a T-shirt," Magnus talked over Jace. "It wasn't even a nice shirt. It was really baggy. And brown." He shivered, like imagining the shirt was his worst nightmare.
"Tacky," Isabelle mumbled.
"Says the one with a butterfly tramp stamp," Max mumbled. "Except it's not on your back, it's half on your ass cheeks."
"Speaking of ass cheeks," Jace continued...
Just a reminder to check out the Surrogate if you haven't read it. It'll make a lot of the jokes here a lot funnier ;)