And Off A-Christmasing We Go

Summary: Cullens! Christmas! Bribery! Oh, my! No one is above a little bribery during the holiday season

Note: Was intended to potentially be a part of a multi-chapter x-mas fic, but that needs a lot of work, and I was determined to get in a post before the first week of December was out. Feedback & Reviews are the very best christmas gift of all...and I'll um....christmas cookies for reviews?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.

I let out a scream of shock as Emmett jumped into a chair from behind me. I swore to God, the Cullens were going to kill me. I was too stressed out to begin with during December to deal with people popping out of nowhere.

Alice looked up at him and rolled her eyes. "Go away Emmett, Bella has to study."

"Please?" He asked her, and I looked up to see a persuasive smile accompanied with dimples that reminded me of a sweet little boy.

A cherub maybe? Certainly not the first thing you'd associate with Emmett, not unless you knew him, of course.

"So do you." I grumbled. Needing to know geometric proofs for a test four days before Christmas didn't exactly lessen the stress levels.

"Yes," Alice agreed, pausing on her current page in the French vogue magazine she'd been reading as I tried to study, "But I already know how to do them."

"Please?" Emmett begged again, and I allowed myself the distraction from my math.

"Leave me alone Emmett." Alice flipped the page, "Go and harass someone else, will you?"

"No." He retorted, and then his tone turned sweet again. "Please, Alice?"

My curiosity was ridiculous piqued-what was this about?

"No." Alice replied, a little tiredly.

I was assuming this was something that had been going on for awhile, whatever it was.

"Please, pretty please?" He begged.

"Emmett, so help me if you don't leave me alone I'm telling Rosalie that you got her something campy and gaudy for her present."

I stifled a laugh-poorly-so that was what this was about. I took it that Emmett was needing some help shopping.

"If you don't tell me that will happen!" Emmett groaned, and glanced over at me. "Tell her, Bella."

"I don't know Emmett," I smiled, "I loved the radio you got me for my birthday. You'll do just fine."

"Speaking of radios, you could use a nice new car to-"

"No." I cut him off. "Emmett, don't even go there. I have accepted the fact that people are giving me gifts and there is nothing I can do about it-"

"No, you certainly can not." Alice interjected smoothly, looking up from her magazine for a moment.

Emmett snorted. "Don't worry, Edward wouldn't let me. I guess he gets tabs on the first car." He turned back to Alice. "Please Alice?"

"No! Emmett, I'm not!"

"Tell her to tell me Bella?" Emmett begged, "Please?"

Oh no, no, no, no, I was not being dragged into this.

"Nope." I stared down pointedly at my geometry textbook. "I have nothing to do with this."

Emmett started to pout, I couldn't miss it out of the corner of my eye.

"Besides, I can't even convince Alice to not get me a gift so I hardly expect that I'm going to convince her to tell you what to get for Rosalie-however, going by this gifting logic, she should want to tell you so that you have something to give Rosalie."

Emmett looked at me with a raised eyebrow and Alice's smile turned into a look of annoyance.

"Scrooge." She mumbled, shaking her head.

"Tell me?" Emmett begged.

"Shut up." Alice retorted primly.

"Make me!" Emmett retorted, sticking his tongue out at her.

I was suddenly struck my how extraordinary it was that someone who was almost a hundred years old really owned the ability to look like a two year old.

"Keep it up," Alice threatened her brother, her eyes flicking up from the magazine.

I couldn't even pretend to study anymore. My eyes were glued on the two of them, waiting for what would come next.

Emmett grinned slowly.

"Alice," He drew out her name slowly, "If you tell me what to get Rose, I'll tell you what Jasper's getting you."

Her look of annoyance changed suddenly, and her eyes were shining gleefully.

"Wait…" I was confused, why would Alice need Emmett to tell her? She could see the future, after all. "How is it that you don't even already know what Jasper's getting you for Christmas?"

"Because," I heard Jasper's voice from behind us, and saw a guilty look cross Alice's face, and an 'uh oh' escape Emmett's mouth. "Jasper goes to great lengths to keep Alice's presents a surprise until Christmas."

I watched him glare down Emmett who wasn't looking quite so confident.

"And Emmett would not dare," Jasper continued giving his brother a look that would have terrified me if it was directed my way, "To even consider ruining this surprise, would you?"

Somehow, I got the impression that if he dared he wouldn't live long enough to regret it.

"No, nope, right." Emmett hopped up from the chair in a hurry. "I should, you know, go. I've got gifts to buy, shopping to do, things to…do."

He was out of sight when I heard him yell back, "Bye Bella."

"Hello Bella," Jasper smiled cordially, all traces of threat gone from his face, "Merry Christmas."

He handed me an envelope-I noted with a slight smile that it was unsealed-and took Emmett's vacated seat.

"Don't worry." Jasper grinned at me, "Its only a card."

Alice laughed. "That's right, Bella, you don't get your presents until Christmas."

"Well, I guess that goes for both of us." I replied, pulling the card out of the envelope and ignoring the betrayed look that Alice shot me.

I read my card slowly, hoping to miss whatever hostility I was going to be facing.

"That's so very true." Jasper remarked.

I snuck a look to see him looking so very pointedly at Alice. "I thought you were above bribery, Alice?"

She frowned, pouting. "I want to know. I have to know!" She looked up at her husband with a begging look. "Oh, just a little hint, Jasper, please! It's killing me!"

Jasper laughed. "My overdramatic little love." Jasper glanced over at me, "She can be just as bad as Edward, you see."

Alice frowned, apparently not appreciating the teasing.

"I've noticed." I remarked.

"Yes," Jasper seemed to be fighting back a smile. "Its just painful for her to not be all omniscient."

"You have no idea, Jazz. Oh, just…please!" Alice begged again. "Just a clue?"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "You see?"

"I don't get it." I told him, "I mean, how in the world are you keeping something a secret from Alice-especially with Edward around?"

"Well, it's not especially easy. But it's worth it." Jasper told me, and Alice made a discontented sort of noise. "Luckily, Edward enjoys keeping secrets as well as Alice enjoys giving them away."

Alice muttered. "Edward…"

"I go through some very creative channels." Jasper winked at me. "For example, I give the list to a confidante, who passes it on to his assistant who then gives it to a personal shopper and I don't ever quite make up my mind as to what it will be."

"Red herring." Alice grumbled.

I laughed, "That's really-brilliant, Jasper."

"Oh, I try." Jasper grinned back at me, then looked over at Alice. "Don't look so upset, Alice…I promise you'll absolutely love it."

I was reading my card now with the brightest of Christmas wishes and a year filled with love from 'your brother, Jasper'. I felt my face growing warm with the sweet sentiments, and fought the urge to jump up and give him a hug. No need to make it any more harder for him to resist my blood.

"Thanks, Jasper." I hung back awkwardly. "This is…Merry Christmas." I smiled, ending my thanks lamely.

I was shocked when Jasper reached over and gave me a short hug.

"Of course," Jasper said, stepping back and I felt an unnatural sort of contentment. I didn't know why I was surprised anymore when he did things like that.

There was a moment of silence, broken only by a delighted scream.

"Jasper," Alice's voice was filled with self-satisfaction, "Oh, you…yes, I like the silver so much better than the gold."

I looked over at Jasper questioningly.

"Just a taste." He explained with a smile.

The atmosphere was infectious. I felt a smile slide firmly in place on my face and I couldn't even be brought down too far by the geometry book in front of me.

I turned back to try and focus on it, when a few more moments passed and Alice laughed out loud.

"Is this one gold?" I asked her.

Alice made a face at me. "Let Edward get you some pretty jewelry, won't you?"

"I don't need it." I argued.

"Well," Alice sighed, "You don't need that silly book either. Mr. Davis is leaving early to visit his daughter in North Dakota, the test is cancelled."

I closed the book with a truly excited flourish. "Alice, remind me to get you something truly wonderful for Christmas."

"Oh, you do," Alice smiled, looking quite pleased. "I love it already."

I groaned, it was a good thing the test was cancelled, because now all I had to do was find Alice a present she loved, and that was going to take me the rest of the season.