Hat-Trick: Thundertaser #1

Song: Trailer For Rent ~ Pistol Annies

Genre: Humor

Spoiler Alert: Not really, very vague mention of Dark World.

Rating: Sort of a very light M, maybe a T++

Note: This is an AU where Thor fell for Darcy instead of Jane…this is also probably complete and total crack.

The sound of crashing came from inside the London flat that Darcy shared with her alien god boyfriend, Thor. It probably wouldn't have turned the heads of any passersby, the two were known for being quite noisy, if it wasn't for the rather colorful sentiments coming from one half of the residents.

"Darcy, would you calm down?" Jane followed her erstwhile intern and current best friend around the flat. She had seen the younger woman in a tizzy over her lover before, but nothing could compare to what she was currently witnessing.

"No! I've been calm long enough, I've had it!" Darcy grabbed the golden box Thor had brought all the way from Asgard for her and tossed it across the room. Of course the stupid thing refused to break, but it did put a pretty nice dent in the wall so Darcy considered it a win.

"I'd hardly call any part of your relationship calm. Loud, obscene, horrifyingly mind scarring, but never calm." Darcy had never been particularly shy about her love life. Hell, she practically paraded it under Jane's nose. It didn't bother her, Darcy was a young woman still discovering herself. Jane had a few wild stories she could tell about herself at that age. The difference was Jane had never allowed herself to be caught bent over the kitchen table by her boss…on multiple occasions….in the middle of the day. Things had only gotten worse after Thor dropped from the sky and the two started rutting like a couple of pigs in heat.

"You are not still on about last week are you? You should have knocked." Moving into the bedroom Darcy gathered every last one of Thor's crusty old underwear and tossed them into the large metal trash bin they kept in the room.

"It was my office! I've had to buy a new desk and replace the carpet!" She really wished she could say that this was the first time, but sadly she couldn't. After the fifth desk they had broken, Thor had brought her one from Asgard with the promise that it would prove to be much sturdier than the rest. It lasted a week.

"Oh, get over it already. You are raining on my parade. Now, give me that box on the counter beside you." Darcy smirked as she took the small ornate box from her friend.

"What are you doing? Oh. My. God! You can't just set stuff on fire!" Jane watched with horror as Darcy set the entire trashcan of underwear on fire. Of course, this wasn't the first time she had seen Darcy get a little pyro. She had once watched as her friend created and burned an effigy of the man that was responsible for canceling her favorite tv show. She figured as long as Darcy didn't start burning the Thor action figures the two kept in their room that she wouldn't have to call in SHIELD.

"He shouldn't just leave them around then. I told him to wash the god-damned things. But you think he ever listens to me? No! He just leaves his underwear and stinky socks lying about! I found one on top of the fridge! My God, why would he do that?!" And don't get her started on his armor! She stubbed her toe too many times to count on that stupid armor. Hell, she once actually broke her foot on mew-mew. The idiot left it on the floor in front of the bathroom. She had run into it in the middle of the night.

"I have a pretty good idea how it got up there. Are you forgetting the strange places I've found not just Thor's, but also your underwear in the lab? You have to stop flinging them when things get heated." Really, Jane hated entering the lab after the storm that was known as Darcy and Thor's sex life hit. She used to have a goldfish, cute little thing called Orion, it died. Killed by the large Avenger printed boxers that he been tossed in the bowl.

"Yeah, well you won't have to worry about that anymore." Leaving the burning bin of underwear, Darcy headed straight for the kitchen and Thor's stash of poptarts.

"What even happened? You two have fought before and ended up just fine in the end." She had never thought she would see the day when those two called it quits. They might fight, yell and throw a few things, but Jane knew how much they actually loved each other.

"He…he…oh it is just too awful!" To console herself she grabbed every box of poptarts and gathered them up in a bag and started stomping on them.

"What? He lie to you, cheat on you? What?" She couldn't imagine Thor doing such a thing. He only had eyes for Darcy, and Jane had seen him attempt to lie to her. It ended with him stuttering an apology before bringing her back a horse from Asgard. An actual living horse.

"Worse…he broke my iPod!" Darcy pouted as she remembered her beautiful little baby. She had been perfect and the two of them had been through a lot together.

"He…you are breaking off a four year relationship with an alien prince because he broke your iPod?" That was it, Darcy had truly lost it. She knew the woman had an unhealthy attachment to technology, but she hadn't realized just how unhealthy.

"She was my baby! I'll never find another like her! Plus, I had just put a bunch of music on there." She would have thought out of all her friends Jane would understand. The older woman had just about committed murder when her newest intern broke one of her hand built machines.

"What if I promise to bring you the newest, yet to be released StarkPlayer when I return from New York next month? Would you stop this insanity then?" It felt weird to even think she had that sort of pull, but after everything went down with the Dark Elves Tony had asked Thor to introduce them. Now she not only had her own lab in Avengers Tower, but she regularly hob-knobbed around with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. She thanks God every day that she hit that wonderful alien prince with her van.

"You think he would make me one in chrome and metallic purple?" Darcy stopped her childish stomping of poptarts and looked at Jane with big puppy-dog eyes.

"I'm sure he would even make a limited special Avengers edition for his team member's girlfriend." Jane pretty much figured all she had to do was tell Tony that it was needed to replace an iPod and he would be all over it. Darcy would probably end up with the most high-tech StarkPlayer ever created.

"I hope Thor knows how much he owes you." Darcy picked up the bag of poptart mush and gave it a sorrowful look. Damn, if she was going to have to stock up again. Being in a responsible adult relationship was hard work.

Author's Note: I have no idea. I know Thor wasn't actually in this, he was supposed to be but then this happened. Just sort of figure that Thor knew just what he did and sent in Jane to fix it and he is cowering outside waiting for Jane to come out and tell him that it was safe for him to enter.

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