Easier to Run
By
Jennifer
Author's Note - Hi guys. I got the Linkin Park CD - Meteora. One of the songs is Easier to Run and I thought it represented this story. So have fun. It's from Harry's POV. And you know what to do at the end.
By the way, this fic is dedicated to Rena, who gave me the ideas for it. THANKS!!!
Now go read or something.
**
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
**
I face my huge pile of homework and look at my watch. 11:00. I just got back from training to fight Voldemort and now I have to study. I rub my drooping eyelids when I hear a knock on the door. I sigh and get up. On opening the door, I see Hermione in her robe.
"Let me in!" She whispers fiercely. "I had to sneak out - with no invisibility cloak!" I stand aside as she runs in. I'm in the Head Boys' Dormitory, away from the Gryffindor Tower. Hermione's Head Girl, but her room is on the other side of the castle. Privacy purposes.
"Sorry." I mumble and close the door. "Why weren't you at the training?"
"I fell asleep." She answers, flopping down on the couch in front of the fire. I sigh and sit down next to her.
"I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep." I say.
She puts a hand on my shoulder. "You're so tired Harry. You really should get some rest."
"But I have homework to do!" I complain. "I have to work hard in order to become an Auror!" I cry.
She frowns. "Let me help you." She offers.
"Would you really?"
She smiles. "Yes." She pulls forward my attempt of a Transfiguration essay and looks it over, adding things here and there, flipping through books to check facts.
She's so beautiful, I say to myself. Her hair is held back loosely with a clip. Her body is wrapped in a robe and I see the hem of her nightgown underneath. Her eyes are concentrated, and her hands move furiously across the page.
"There," She says, and I snap out of my daze. She gives me a funny look, but doesn't say anything. "I've fixed everything and added a few things. It should be alright. You should just recopy it onto another piece of parchment. Anything else?"
"Well, yes actually. But it wouldn't be fair for you to do it." I say.
She shakes her head firmly. "Give it to me. You need help. I'm helping. Just recopy everything I do." She looked at me. "Please." She pleaded.
I couldn't resist. "Okay. Thank you." I give her my homework. "Thanks." I repeated.
"No problem." She says and pulls it towards her. I lean back and feel my eyelids begin to droop. I think I fall asleep but then I hear Hermione get up.
"I'm sorry! I didn't want to awake you. Here's your homework." She said, gesturing towards the table. I go to kiss her on the cheek, but her head turns and our lips collide.
God, how I've dreamed of this moment. An explosion bursts open as I run my hand up her back. We break apart and I see fear in her eyes.
"I'm sorry-" I start, but she doesn't let me get any further. Turning around, she runs out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
I fall backwards onto the couch and scream at myself. What the hell is wrong with me? I scream to myself in my mind. This isn't fair! I sigh, figuring I can do nothing about it and begin to copy my homework.
**
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
**
I see Hermione the next day at breakfast, but she says nothing to me. I feel like crying but I don't and simply go on with my day.
I enter my first class - Potions. I hand in my homework on Snape's desk and he gives me a look.
"Today," He starts. "We will be learning about the Dreamless Sleep Potion. This is a very complicated potion that brings its title to the person taking it. The instructions are on the board and the forbidden ingredients are in the cabinet."
I gathered the ingredients and headed towards the table. A half an hour later, my murky brownish-green potion wasn't looking all too great. It was supposed to look like water. I swallowed nervously as Snape passed behind me.
"Potter." He says.
"Yes, Professor?"
"Read the directions. Carefully, this time."
I read it over as I discover I forgot to add the oregano root, AND stir counterclockwise twice!
"Have you discovered your mistake, Potter?" He says with a smirk.
"Yes Professor."
"What did you do wrong?"
"I forgot to add the oregano root and stir it counterclockwise twice." I say nervously. The entire classroom is looking at me. Draco is laughing and Hermione isn't paying any attention.
"Well then," He replies. "Zero marks for you today. This is, by the way, a double grade." The last part he announces to the class. My heart falls into my stomach and he whips out his wand and says, "Evensco." The contents of my cauldron disappear.
"Class is over." He announces as the bell rings.
I angrily grab my stuff and shove it in my bag.
"Hey." I hear a soft voice say.
I turn around and face Hermione. "What the hell do you want?" I say as I stalk out of the classroom. She follows - that's Hermione for you.
"There's no need for you to take your anger for Snape out on me Harry!" She shouts behind me.
"I'm not taking my anger for Snape out on you," I say, whirling around. "I'm taking my anger for you out on you."
"What do you mean?" She says.
"The way you just left last night after I.after I kissed you." I say, bringing myself up to full height.
"I..I was nervous!"
"Nervous about what? Kissing your best friend? Well I'm sorry you turned your head at the wrong time!" I say, and stride down the corridor, leaving Hermione there, cowering at my outburst.
**
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
**
I throw myself onto my bed. I had a really long day. After I yelled at Hermione in the hallway, things just got worse. Every time she saw me her eyes filled with tears and her lower lip trembled. She cowered and usually ran away. She looked away too soon. She didn't know that when I saw her in a state of distress like that, my lower lip trembled too.
I hear a knock on my door. I groan in my pillow.
"Who is it?" I mumble angrily. I really just want to go to sleep. Screw training. Screw Hermione. Screw everyone.
"It's Ron." I hear on the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure. Come in." I say, rolling over.
The door opens and Ron walks in. "Hey there, mate. Long day?"
"Ha! It was longer than long, if that's possible. What's up?"
"I need some advice, see I like this girl, and I want to ask her out. Now, I know you're not good at girls, but it's someone you know quite well and you could give me the advice to ask her out."
My heart falls. There's only one girl I know well..
"Who is it?" I ask tonelessly, already knowing the answer.
"You're kidding, right? It's Hermione, of course."
I've never told Ron that I liked Hermione more than a friend. I control my temper, and slowly give him advice on how I would do it. "Well," I start off. This isn't easy. "Give her roses. She loves romantic things. Then tell her your feelings. Maybe take her out to dinner. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." I say. He doesn't seem to catch the last part.
"Alright, then, roses, dinner - should there be candles? Maybe I'll use the Room of Requirement, and set it up real romantic. Maybe Dobby could whip up something for dinner. That would be nice. Ooh, do you think she'd like it if blindfolded her and lead her to the Room of Requirement?"
"Probably." I say, realizing that all hopes for having Hermione were slowly dwindling away.
"Okay, thanks. Hey, I'll tell you all about it later, okay? Thanks." Ron says and walks out the door.
I go to sleep.
**
I wake up later and look at my watch. It's 9:00.
I grab my school robe and go for a walk around the hallways, just thinking. I find myself by the Hermione's Head Girl Room. I see Ron and Hermione coming down the hallway. I hide behind the corner.
They're holding hands, and Hermione looks in love. They stop in front of the door and talk. I wish I had an Extendible Ear right about now.
I saw Ron stop talking and lean over. He was going to give her a kiss. Not on the cheek either.
Hermione accepted his kiss and I saw them kiss, passionately. God, how I wished I was in Ron's place.
And that's when it happened.
Everything just started swirling around me. I couldn't see - flashes of color flashed before my eyes but other than that everything was black. I couldn't breathe and I felt like I was being held under water. My head started to pound and people started talking. Ron, talking about asking Hermione out, Siruis before he died, Siruis in my dreams, Dumbledore teaching me new spells, me yelling at Hermione, Hermione saying she was nervous - everybody just talking and they all repeated everything. Then the visions came, of everybody flashing before my eyes. I think it was then when I started to scream and pull at my hair, but I only remember it vaguely. I fell to the floor and Hermione and Ron's voices mingled with the ones in my head, calling for me to come back. But I couldn't come back. I was gone.
Then my brain started to go backwards and everything I'd ever seen or felt or heard flashed before my eyes and pounded in my ears. Me fighting Voldermort numerous times, getting sorted, the Yule Ball, living at the Dursleys, discovering that I was a wizard, learning the Patronus Curse, seeing Cedric, lying in the graveyard dead, Aunt Marge's dog chasing after me, everything, in no particular order was swirling in my head.
Then everything went black.
**
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
**
I think I drifted in and out of consciousness for days. I would have dreams of Siruis, patting me on my back at my graduation that I knew would never happen, dreams of my parents to fight harder, dreams of me and Hermione. But when I did wake up, everything was extremely blurry. My throat was raw and my lips were cracked and dry. I managed some sort of a cry and Madam Pomfrey came out of her office.
"Oh my goodness! You're alive! Mr. Potter, you suffered an immense nervous breakdown - and at the age of 17! Pity, pity. Why, I have to contact Dumbledore and - well here you go." She hands me a glass of water. "I'll be back."
I drank the water gratefully. The rawness in my throat dissapeared and I spied my glasses on the table next to me. I put them on and everything came into focus. It was daylight out, and snow was drifting lazily to the ground. I heard a clatter of footsteps, an opening of a door, and Ron's voice loudly saying, "Where is he at?"
"How did you find out?" Madam Pomfrey demands. "He's in critical condition - he's not to see anybody!"
"Dumbledore sent us!" Hermione cries.
"I have, Madam Pomfrey," Dumbledore's voice says. "Let them visit Harry."
I could hear Madam Pomfrey huffing and puffing, but finally coming out with a "Fine!"
Ron and Hermione ran towards me and Hermione immediately gave me a hug. Ron grins from behind.
"Don't choke him now, Hermione, he just woke up." Ron says playfully.
"I don't care." Hermione says, sobbing on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her tighter. "I love you." She whispers in my ear before she let go and stood back. She was wiping tears from her cheeks.
"How long have I been..out?" I ask.
"2 weeks." Ron answers - Hermione was too busy sobbing.
"WHAT!?" I say. "You're kidding me."
Ron shakes his head. "Nope. Out like a light for 2 weeks. Really got us scared mate."
After that, we continue talking about school and what has been going on. After a while, Ron leaves, leaving Hermione and me alone.
"Hello." I start off hesitantly.
"Oh Harry, you don't know how many nights I've stayed up crying myself to sleep, confused over my feelings for you. And when you screamed in that hallway that night, at first I was mad, because I thought you were spying on us the entire night and I realized what I had for Ron that one night was just an infatuation. My love for you is real - and I never going to let you walk away from it. Promise me Harry that you'll never walk away from me. I know this seems sort of sudden but the past weeks made me realize that you can't hold back, and you need to tell be truthful because the next day could die. Every day I sat here and prayed for you to wake. I love you Harry, promise me that you'll never walk away from me."
"I promise." I say. "I promise I'll never walk away from you because I've loved you forever. I love you Hermione, and the day I walk away is the day I go to heaven. And that isn't happening anytime soon." Then I kissed her. And when I drew back, she wasn't scared. She was grinning.
**
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone
**
By
Jennifer
Author's Note - Hi guys. I got the Linkin Park CD - Meteora. One of the songs is Easier to Run and I thought it represented this story. So have fun. It's from Harry's POV. And you know what to do at the end.
By the way, this fic is dedicated to Rena, who gave me the ideas for it. THANKS!!!
Now go read or something.
**
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
**
I face my huge pile of homework and look at my watch. 11:00. I just got back from training to fight Voldemort and now I have to study. I rub my drooping eyelids when I hear a knock on the door. I sigh and get up. On opening the door, I see Hermione in her robe.
"Let me in!" She whispers fiercely. "I had to sneak out - with no invisibility cloak!" I stand aside as she runs in. I'm in the Head Boys' Dormitory, away from the Gryffindor Tower. Hermione's Head Girl, but her room is on the other side of the castle. Privacy purposes.
"Sorry." I mumble and close the door. "Why weren't you at the training?"
"I fell asleep." She answers, flopping down on the couch in front of the fire. I sigh and sit down next to her.
"I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep." I say.
She puts a hand on my shoulder. "You're so tired Harry. You really should get some rest."
"But I have homework to do!" I complain. "I have to work hard in order to become an Auror!" I cry.
She frowns. "Let me help you." She offers.
"Would you really?"
She smiles. "Yes." She pulls forward my attempt of a Transfiguration essay and looks it over, adding things here and there, flipping through books to check facts.
She's so beautiful, I say to myself. Her hair is held back loosely with a clip. Her body is wrapped in a robe and I see the hem of her nightgown underneath. Her eyes are concentrated, and her hands move furiously across the page.
"There," She says, and I snap out of my daze. She gives me a funny look, but doesn't say anything. "I've fixed everything and added a few things. It should be alright. You should just recopy it onto another piece of parchment. Anything else?"
"Well, yes actually. But it wouldn't be fair for you to do it." I say.
She shakes her head firmly. "Give it to me. You need help. I'm helping. Just recopy everything I do." She looked at me. "Please." She pleaded.
I couldn't resist. "Okay. Thank you." I give her my homework. "Thanks." I repeated.
"No problem." She says and pulls it towards her. I lean back and feel my eyelids begin to droop. I think I fall asleep but then I hear Hermione get up.
"I'm sorry! I didn't want to awake you. Here's your homework." She said, gesturing towards the table. I go to kiss her on the cheek, but her head turns and our lips collide.
God, how I've dreamed of this moment. An explosion bursts open as I run my hand up her back. We break apart and I see fear in her eyes.
"I'm sorry-" I start, but she doesn't let me get any further. Turning around, she runs out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
I fall backwards onto the couch and scream at myself. What the hell is wrong with me? I scream to myself in my mind. This isn't fair! I sigh, figuring I can do nothing about it and begin to copy my homework.
**
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
**
I see Hermione the next day at breakfast, but she says nothing to me. I feel like crying but I don't and simply go on with my day.
I enter my first class - Potions. I hand in my homework on Snape's desk and he gives me a look.
"Today," He starts. "We will be learning about the Dreamless Sleep Potion. This is a very complicated potion that brings its title to the person taking it. The instructions are on the board and the forbidden ingredients are in the cabinet."
I gathered the ingredients and headed towards the table. A half an hour later, my murky brownish-green potion wasn't looking all too great. It was supposed to look like water. I swallowed nervously as Snape passed behind me.
"Potter." He says.
"Yes, Professor?"
"Read the directions. Carefully, this time."
I read it over as I discover I forgot to add the oregano root, AND stir counterclockwise twice!
"Have you discovered your mistake, Potter?" He says with a smirk.
"Yes Professor."
"What did you do wrong?"
"I forgot to add the oregano root and stir it counterclockwise twice." I say nervously. The entire classroom is looking at me. Draco is laughing and Hermione isn't paying any attention.
"Well then," He replies. "Zero marks for you today. This is, by the way, a double grade." The last part he announces to the class. My heart falls into my stomach and he whips out his wand and says, "Evensco." The contents of my cauldron disappear.
"Class is over." He announces as the bell rings.
I angrily grab my stuff and shove it in my bag.
"Hey." I hear a soft voice say.
I turn around and face Hermione. "What the hell do you want?" I say as I stalk out of the classroom. She follows - that's Hermione for you.
"There's no need for you to take your anger for Snape out on me Harry!" She shouts behind me.
"I'm not taking my anger for Snape out on you," I say, whirling around. "I'm taking my anger for you out on you."
"What do you mean?" She says.
"The way you just left last night after I.after I kissed you." I say, bringing myself up to full height.
"I..I was nervous!"
"Nervous about what? Kissing your best friend? Well I'm sorry you turned your head at the wrong time!" I say, and stride down the corridor, leaving Hermione there, cowering at my outburst.
**
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
**
I throw myself onto my bed. I had a really long day. After I yelled at Hermione in the hallway, things just got worse. Every time she saw me her eyes filled with tears and her lower lip trembled. She cowered and usually ran away. She looked away too soon. She didn't know that when I saw her in a state of distress like that, my lower lip trembled too.
I hear a knock on my door. I groan in my pillow.
"Who is it?" I mumble angrily. I really just want to go to sleep. Screw training. Screw Hermione. Screw everyone.
"It's Ron." I hear on the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure. Come in." I say, rolling over.
The door opens and Ron walks in. "Hey there, mate. Long day?"
"Ha! It was longer than long, if that's possible. What's up?"
"I need some advice, see I like this girl, and I want to ask her out. Now, I know you're not good at girls, but it's someone you know quite well and you could give me the advice to ask her out."
My heart falls. There's only one girl I know well..
"Who is it?" I ask tonelessly, already knowing the answer.
"You're kidding, right? It's Hermione, of course."
I've never told Ron that I liked Hermione more than a friend. I control my temper, and slowly give him advice on how I would do it. "Well," I start off. This isn't easy. "Give her roses. She loves romantic things. Then tell her your feelings. Maybe take her out to dinner. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." I say. He doesn't seem to catch the last part.
"Alright, then, roses, dinner - should there be candles? Maybe I'll use the Room of Requirement, and set it up real romantic. Maybe Dobby could whip up something for dinner. That would be nice. Ooh, do you think she'd like it if blindfolded her and lead her to the Room of Requirement?"
"Probably." I say, realizing that all hopes for having Hermione were slowly dwindling away.
"Okay, thanks. Hey, I'll tell you all about it later, okay? Thanks." Ron says and walks out the door.
I go to sleep.
**
I wake up later and look at my watch. It's 9:00.
I grab my school robe and go for a walk around the hallways, just thinking. I find myself by the Hermione's Head Girl Room. I see Ron and Hermione coming down the hallway. I hide behind the corner.
They're holding hands, and Hermione looks in love. They stop in front of the door and talk. I wish I had an Extendible Ear right about now.
I saw Ron stop talking and lean over. He was going to give her a kiss. Not on the cheek either.
Hermione accepted his kiss and I saw them kiss, passionately. God, how I wished I was in Ron's place.
And that's when it happened.
Everything just started swirling around me. I couldn't see - flashes of color flashed before my eyes but other than that everything was black. I couldn't breathe and I felt like I was being held under water. My head started to pound and people started talking. Ron, talking about asking Hermione out, Siruis before he died, Siruis in my dreams, Dumbledore teaching me new spells, me yelling at Hermione, Hermione saying she was nervous - everybody just talking and they all repeated everything. Then the visions came, of everybody flashing before my eyes. I think it was then when I started to scream and pull at my hair, but I only remember it vaguely. I fell to the floor and Hermione and Ron's voices mingled with the ones in my head, calling for me to come back. But I couldn't come back. I was gone.
Then my brain started to go backwards and everything I'd ever seen or felt or heard flashed before my eyes and pounded in my ears. Me fighting Voldermort numerous times, getting sorted, the Yule Ball, living at the Dursleys, discovering that I was a wizard, learning the Patronus Curse, seeing Cedric, lying in the graveyard dead, Aunt Marge's dog chasing after me, everything, in no particular order was swirling in my head.
Then everything went black.
**
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
**
I think I drifted in and out of consciousness for days. I would have dreams of Siruis, patting me on my back at my graduation that I knew would never happen, dreams of my parents to fight harder, dreams of me and Hermione. But when I did wake up, everything was extremely blurry. My throat was raw and my lips were cracked and dry. I managed some sort of a cry and Madam Pomfrey came out of her office.
"Oh my goodness! You're alive! Mr. Potter, you suffered an immense nervous breakdown - and at the age of 17! Pity, pity. Why, I have to contact Dumbledore and - well here you go." She hands me a glass of water. "I'll be back."
I drank the water gratefully. The rawness in my throat dissapeared and I spied my glasses on the table next to me. I put them on and everything came into focus. It was daylight out, and snow was drifting lazily to the ground. I heard a clatter of footsteps, an opening of a door, and Ron's voice loudly saying, "Where is he at?"
"How did you find out?" Madam Pomfrey demands. "He's in critical condition - he's not to see anybody!"
"Dumbledore sent us!" Hermione cries.
"I have, Madam Pomfrey," Dumbledore's voice says. "Let them visit Harry."
I could hear Madam Pomfrey huffing and puffing, but finally coming out with a "Fine!"
Ron and Hermione ran towards me and Hermione immediately gave me a hug. Ron grins from behind.
"Don't choke him now, Hermione, he just woke up." Ron says playfully.
"I don't care." Hermione says, sobbing on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her tighter. "I love you." She whispers in my ear before she let go and stood back. She was wiping tears from her cheeks.
"How long have I been..out?" I ask.
"2 weeks." Ron answers - Hermione was too busy sobbing.
"WHAT!?" I say. "You're kidding me."
Ron shakes his head. "Nope. Out like a light for 2 weeks. Really got us scared mate."
After that, we continue talking about school and what has been going on. After a while, Ron leaves, leaving Hermione and me alone.
"Hello." I start off hesitantly.
"Oh Harry, you don't know how many nights I've stayed up crying myself to sleep, confused over my feelings for you. And when you screamed in that hallway that night, at first I was mad, because I thought you were spying on us the entire night and I realized what I had for Ron that one night was just an infatuation. My love for you is real - and I never going to let you walk away from it. Promise me Harry that you'll never walk away from me. I know this seems sort of sudden but the past weeks made me realize that you can't hold back, and you need to tell be truthful because the next day could die. Every day I sat here and prayed for you to wake. I love you Harry, promise me that you'll never walk away from me."
"I promise." I say. "I promise I'll never walk away from you because I've loved you forever. I love you Hermione, and the day I walk away is the day I go to heaven. And that isn't happening anytime soon." Then I kissed her. And when I drew back, she wasn't scared. She was grinning.
**
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone
**