FIFTY WOODEN GUNS
A dialogue-only Bastard fanfiction
by Finary Lane
Disclaimer: I do not own Bastard or its characters.
JIN:
I've been acting for a long time. My entire life, in fact. But I guess I started looking into it professionally after I got out of juvenile detention. I didn't know what to do with myself at all. There's a girl, I won't name her now, but I loved her so much. I still do. And I wanted to do right by her. So I started looking for a job, but I didn't have many skills. My education was botched by my detention and I have a weak heart so I wasn't much good for manual labour. I wasn't really good for anything at all. All I had learned from my father was how to lie through my teeth. We never really got along but he was a CEO, so we kept up appearances to maintain his reputation. I guess that's how I learned how to act.
I ended up auditioning for a movie. It was a pirate movie called The Call of the Sea. So I went to this audition and I didn't have big hopes, but I thought if I scored a part, that would be great. And I got it. I was Crew Member #6. Crew Member #6 had two lines in the entire film and mopped the floor of the ship the entire time.
In one of the scenes, Minho who was playing the lead, was supposed to trip in front of me and I would say "What do you think you're doing?" and give him this really judgmental look. Although I knew that part, I wasn't sure of the details of the scene. I hadn't even met Minho yet, our scenes hadn't coincided until that part and Minho was very busy. He's very popular, you know.
So popular, actually, that some maniac had snuck onto the set and attacked him. So we started filming and I was out there with my mop when Minho came rushing out from inside the cabin like he was supposed to. His shirt was ripped and he had this huge gash on his shoulder. He was followed by the man who had snuck in, who had a knife covered in blood. I had no idea that they weren't props and makeup until afterwards.
The chaser caught up to Minho right when he got to me. They both had blood on themselves, much more than a shoulder gash should produce. The man with the knife pinned Minho to the ground and raised the knife to stab Minho right there. It was so dramatic that I took it as my cue. I looked at him and said my line: "What do you think you're doing?" I guess he wasn't expecting me to do that because he turned really pale, dropped his knife and ran off.
Afterwards, everyone was in a panic. They got Minho to the hospital, they had security catch the maniac, everyone was running around. When everything was sorted out and explained, I felt awfully stupid.
We ran the scene again later to get it right, but the director added that mess in with the cut scenes at the end of the movie. And it was that scene that got me noticed by Mr. Faraday, the director of the horror movie Fifty Wooden Guns. He contacted me for an audition for a certain part. Filmmakers are strange, and they all have their peculiarities when it comes to how they do things. Mr Faraday gave me all sorts of parts at the audition. He's the kind of filmmaker that chooses which roles to assign his actors, so everyone auditions for every part.
I got the part. The part. It was my second acting role ever and I was the lead. I was so happy, but it was kind of stressful too. And well, that's how I got the lead to Fifty Wooden Guns.
RACHEL:
Wow, that's quite impressive for such a new face in the industry. I can say for myself that I am very excited to see Faraday's new movie coming out next weekend. However, many people have told me that they don't like horror, and in recent years, its popularity has fallen to a new low. I've had some interviews with other first-time horror actors tell me that playing in these movies had made them uncomfortable. Did the filming of Fifty Wooden Guns make you uncomfortable?
JIN:
Haha, no, it was just fine. If anything, my role in the movie is to make everyone else uncomfortable. To be quite honest, acting has been very therapeutic for me. Especially, as strange as it may be, to be acting in a horror movie. I've had some tough times in the past and acting out this deranged character has helped me work through issues of mine and understand the actions of certain people.
RACHEL:
Did you base the way you acted on these people? It sound like you can draw many parallels between them and and your character.
JIN:
Definitely. When I first read through the script, my part reminded me of my father. At first I was angry about that. I despised my father and I threw a real fit about playing a character so similar. But when I started, I actually enjoyed it a lot. Kind of in the way that playing a video game where you're a hit man can be fun, especially for a man on the run from a hit man. It's a sort of ironic thrill, I guess. Except with spotlights and makeup and props. It kind of feels like I'm making fun of him.
RACHEL:
Do you feel guilty about that?
JIN:
Oh no. Not at all. He was a terrible man. A pretty bad father too, although he did look out for me in his own strange way. Still a terrible person though. I'm glad he's dead.
RACHEL:
..Anyways. Do you think Fifty Wooden Guns will manage to be successful despite being a horror movie?
JIN:
I certainly hope so, but whatever the outcome I am glad to have participated in this project. I've learned so much and working with the whole filming crew had been such a pleasure. The other actors are fun and kind, the directors and the crew were fussing over every little detail with such care that I believe Fifty Wooden Guns will be a great movie. I can't wait to see the final product myself.
RACHEL:
And do you have any parting words for our audience before this interview comes to a close?
JIN:
I think that the most important thing I've learned in all these years is to do what you feel is right. I found my call in acting. In the past, I tried to ignore my heart, but now I can see how important it is to follow it and I think that everyone should follow their hearts tell them.
RACHEL:
Thank you, Jin, for being here with me tonight. Following up...
JUNHO:
Oh, man is it good to celebrate after all that hard work. I can't wait for the premiere!
MINJAE:
Slow down on the drinks, you'll make yourself sick.
JUNHO:
Don't be like that. We have to celebrate. A toast to the entire cast present here tonight! Cheers!
MINJAE:
I don't know, Junho. It can hardly be called the entire cast; Jin isn't even here and he's the lead.
JUNHO:
The kid's at an interview. Besides, you can't say you even want him here. He's so creepy, the way he'll just stand there and look at everyone so intently as if…
MINJAE:
As if its his first time on a proper set. Just like any other actor in his position? I've honestly never seen someone get such an important role so quickly. You can't blame him for gawking.
JUNHO:
Oh, nevermind then. He still gives me the creeps. I, for one, am not surprised he got the part. He practically oozes bad vibes. But even if he didn't, and he wasn't at an interview, he's definetely underaged, so he wouldn't be let in the bar.
MINJAE:
He's 26.
JUNHO:
You're joking! The guy is so short and he barely follows any sex jokes. 26? Wait… do you think he's ever been with a woman? He couldn't have; he blushes like a tomato at the mention of sex! Minjae… this is very serious.
MINJAE:
You're drunk, Junho. Whatever it is you want to do, wait until morning, ok? Don't do something you might regret.
JUNHO:
We need to get Jin a woman for the night. The best money can buy. Yeah. That's brilliant. And then he'll owe us. And then… then we can call him to scare away any psychos that try to come after us with knives!
MINJAE:
You aren't making any sense, Junho. Come on, I should get you home before you get yourself completely wasted. Let's head towards the car.
JUNHO:
It's true! Didn't you hear?
MINJAE:
Excuse me. Sorry. Passing through.
JUNHO:
Someone tried to kill Minho on set and Jin glared him away!
MINJAE:
Come on, into the car.
JUNHO:
They got it on film and everything. Ask Faraday; it's how Jin caught his attention in the first place!
MINJAE:
Whatever you say, Junho…
KYUN:
Who. Is. That.
JIN:
Who's who, Kyun? Come on, let's get supper ready, I'm famished. I picked up some pastries for dessert tonight. I thought we could celebrate a bit.
KYUN:
You are staying right there until you explain who the woman in out room is.
JIN:
In our room? Why would anyone be in our room?
KYUN:
(sigh) How it is you've managed to stay so innocent for so long is beyond me, Jin. You'd think prison would have chased it all away, but apparently not. Alright, come in. But you need to tell her to go. I tried to get her out, but she insisted she was there for you. I don't like having her here.
JIN:
Don't worry. I'll deal with it. Can you start on supper while I talk to her? Here, take the pastries. I wouldn't want to squish them or anything.
KYUN:
Fine. But if you aren't out in five minutes, I'll chase her out of the house with the broom.
JIN:
You're the best, Kyun.
MINJAE:
Good morning, Jin- Wow. You look terrible. Did you sleep alright last night?
JIN:
I'm fine. Kyun was a bit angry with me last night, so I slept on the floor.
JUNHO:
I thought her name was Sook.
JIN:
What? You've never met. Ugh, I swear if I ever find the genius who thought inviting some woman into my home without my permission was a good idea, I might have to spend a few extra years in prison.
JUNHO:
P-prison? You were is prison?
JIN:
I was.
MINJAE:
What were you convicted for?
JIN:
Accessory in serial murders.
JUNHO:
O-Oh. That's… nice.
JIN:
I swear, it's not what you're thinking. I was scared and it took me a long time to work up the courage of going to the police, of doing the right thing. I felt so guilty. If I hadn't confessed to it, I never would have paid for it and it would weigh so much heavier on my conscience.
JUNHO:
I think I see a friend of mine in the corner over there. I'll, um, probably be gone for a while…
MINJAE:
Go on. Don't let us keep you from the pretty girls.
JIN:
I guess I should have expected that. Kyun always says I'm too honest for my own good. I love the feeling of honesty though. Have you ever tried that? Just going through the entire day without a single lie. I think it's best feeling in the world. Just trusting the world with eveything you have to hide?
MINJAE:
I- No. I've never done that.
JIN:
Me neither. But I try.
MINJAE:
We're actors. We lie for a living. Look around us: we're at a party composed entirely of social convention and no part honesty or humanity. You're naive if you think honesty will get you far, especially in this industry.
JIN:
I'm not looking to go far. I'm looking to stay by Kyun's side and being a good man. That's all.
MINJAE:
Then work at a store, or a restaurant. There's no place for the unambitious here. It's a miracle you got the part you got and you know it. Get out if you have no ambition, no desire for fame or renown.
JIN:
Ambition, Minjae? Loyalty and goodness are the greatest ambitions in the world, don't you know? What is money, power or fame worth without them? Don't speak to me of ambition if your goals are of fame.
MINJAE:
You're doing it again.
JIN:
Doing what?
MINJAE:
The face. You know, the one that scares Junho. The one that you make when we're filming.
JIN:
There's no face and- wait. Junho is scared of me?
MINJAE:
Dude, you would have to be blind not to see it.
JIN:
My apologies for my poor vision. I think I've had enough of this; I'm going home.
MINJAE:
Jin, wait… And he's gone. What a piece of work. I guess he'll be back later for the premiere. I should find Junho before he drives himelf crazy.