I recently read this unbelievable story on Yahoo News about an 11 month old who'd accidentally called 911 on his dad's cellphone and drew police attention to his dad's "greenhouse". With literary license, lots of details have been changed to protect the innocent... Here's my take on how that story may have gone, CSIM-style. A couple of swear words, nothing extreme.

Cellphones & Toddlers

"9-1-1. Do you require police, fire or ambulance?" the neutral voice on the line requested.

Staring in wide-eyed confusion at the voice on the other end of the cellphone, the caller hit the red button to end the call.

Within seconds, the 9-1-1 telephone service relayed the address on her screen to all emergency personnel.

Guns drawn, Horatio, Calleigh edged up to the front door. Uniformed police officers were already in place around the house.

It wasn't the best neighborhood they'd visited. It was too quiet. No children's toys lying on lawns. No happy laughter spilling out from open windows. No open windows to speak of. The few uncracked ones were shut tight as if expecting an invasion. A sneaker hanging from a shoestring on a telephone line overhead proclaimed the area a drug dealers' playground.

Tripp, gun ready in his left hand, knocked. "MDPD. Is there anyone capable of answering inside?" Tripp waited,turned back to Horatio and Calleigh. "No dice, H."

"All right, Frank. It's game time."

Using his football player build to advantage, Tripp easily broke through the thin wooden front door and looked around. "MDPD! Is anyone here? Sing out so we can find you!" Tripp motioned for the men behind him to move in.

The uniformed officers stealthily entered, fanned out and began searching the nearest rooms. Horatio and Calleigh lowered their weapons and scanned the scene for any signs of life.

Calleigh turned her head slightly to the right and smiled. "This may not qualify as singing, but I hear a gurgle. One moment, gentleman."

Confused, the officers backed up to let Calleigh pass. Horatio and Tripp waited for Calleigh as ordered. She disappeared down a hallway, seemingly guided by instinct to a location only she could find.

Minutes passed. The men exchanged a mutual look of "Huh?" on their crinkled foreheads. Horatio looked at his gold watch, concerned at the silence and Calleigh's safety.

"What the hell is she doing in there, H?" Tripp asked.

Horatio sniffed the air cautiously. "Not sure, Frank. But my nose picked up a clue. I smell...baby powder."

Gun set on safety on her free hip, Calleigh returned holding an adorable 11 month old boy in a soft blue blanket close to her heart. His wide brown eyes and curly brown hair were angelic. "There you are, handsome. All cleaned up and ready for company. Say hello to some of my friends." Calleigh cooed to the baby.

Horatio smiled at Calleigh widely, Hollywood perfect teeth visible. Frank couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't that beat all." he drawled.

"What?" Calleigh asked, looking from one face to another.

"You're more radiant than a Texas sky and happier than a bloodhound with a T-bone steak." Said Tripp. "This is a Kodak moment for sure."

Calleigh blushed. "Oh, come on! Babies and kids like me. No big."

Horatio continued to smile at Calleigh tenderly, feeling a rare glow warming him up inside. "I beg to differ, ma'am. This is big. Your maternal instincts located a witness we may have missed. Now let's go find our 9-1-1 caller." As he spoke, Horatio was playing "Eentsy Weentsy Spider" with the toddler's hands. The toddler squealed with glee and laughed.

Horatio & Calleigh shared a warm smile and looked into each others' eyes. Thoughts of potential parenthood echoed from one to the other. No doubt, their offspring would steal hearts & glide through college effortlessly.

Frank rolled his eyes. "Get a room." he groaned.

Focused on his task, Ryan rose from the floor across the room. He dusted off his freshly pressed coal gray suit. In his gloved hands he held a cellphone and a brush. "I think I found our caller. Based on the available evidence, the caller recently had strained peaches for a snack & he left some of them on the keypad. I've got a nice munchkin-sized print here"
Ryan smiled, waved a "hello" to the toddler.

Having nephews back East, he knew how volcanic toddlers can be post-feeding. And dry cleaning wasn't cheap. He'd stay right where he was, thank you. Ryan shivered in revulsion at the thought of a baby food explosion on his best suit. Gross.

Horatio watched Calleigh tenderly kiss the toddler on the forehead. The toddler smiled up at her. Calleigh smiled back. "We're gonna find you a better place with better parents, handsome. You'll be treated well."

Reluctantly, Calleigh handed the toddler over to a policewoman. The policewoman took the toddler to a social worker waiting inside her car. The two women reviewed what little information they had regarding the toddler from neighbors.

From the depths of the basement, steps were getting louder. The walker was taking his time as though s/he was multitasking while speaking.

"Look sharp, people. We've got company." Horatio commanded. His gun was already out and aimed at the basement door. The officers present assumed the same stance.

More steps were heard, closer now. "Yeah, next week. No, are you nuts?? I can't grow that much overnight! Not even with "Magic Grow." 'K. Later, man." said a thin, long-haired young man.

In his faded concert shirt & blue jeans, he looked like a grunge band member. He walked into the room, still immersed in his phone conversation. He turned to go to the kitchen, but a click from Frank's gun behind him stopped him cold.

"Got the munchies, Slick?" Frank sneered, fiercely scanning the suspect for weapons. Nothing visible. "We'll take care of that after booking."

The young man groaned. "Aw, shit-"

"_takke mushrooms? I don't think so. These look more like magic mushrooms. Not that I'd know first-hand." Ryan said, quickly. Ryan swung up the baggie he was holding for all to see. "This, on top of the grow-op you've got flourishing in the basement should get you room service at the taxpayers' expense for a looooong time." Ryan drawled. The righteous look on his face proclaimed a "Gotcha" look for all to see. The young man looked at him sourly.

Officers who'd accompanied Ryan downstairs came upstairs with bagged & tagged evidence: marijuana plants & other illegal substances.

"I don't know where it came from! I swear! One of my friends might've left it here from the weekend." the young man pleaded.

Frank snorted in disgust. "If I had a grand for every time I heard that one, I'd be rich."

Horatio nodded his head slightly. On cue, an officer grabbed the young man and handcuffed him.

"Before you go, one question: where's the boy's mother?" Calleigh asked, venom in her words. Her green eyes glittered with malice.

As if he just remembered the toddler, the young man looked around. "Where's my son?"

"In more responsible hands than yours. Answer the officer's question, please." Horatio gazed, sharklike, on the young man's barely open red-brown eyes. He gulped in fear, eyes widening for the first time as reality hit home.

"She left town with some friends Friday. Thought she'd be back by now. I've got business to do." he said, self-importantly.

Horatio slid on his glasses, hands on his hips. "Your son was your business. As for your other business," Horatio nodded to the phone still in the young man's hand. "you just closed. Take him." Horatio said harshly to the arresting officer. The officer nodded and marched the passive young man out roughly.

The End