Alrite ya this is basically just a comedy. It's been done before, but I don't care. Inspired by my own futile attempts to skate (FLORIDA GIRLS WEREN'T MEANT TO GET ON ICE) and Jackie's attempts to teach me
"Okay Mark, it's simple. Just glide your right foot up to your left foot, LIKE THAT! Great, ok next foot…"
SLAM
It's not that Mimi is a bad teacher or that Roger is getting really annoying (well he is really, but he's Roger, what can I do?) I just can't ice skate at all. Mimi is just too fucking stubborn to admit it.
She dragged me off my ass for the 30th time today and started right back up again. "Okay, Mark, one more try!"
This must have been my fifth one more try today alone, and something told me this wouldn't be my last.
"Take your right foot and glide it to your left foot."
"Meems, contrary to popular belief, I am straight. I don't glide."
"Aww, come on! You have got to be the gayest straight guy ever then!" Roger started laughing so hard he tripped on a chink of ice and landed in a face plant. Serves him right, asshole!
"Smooth move, dumbass!" Mimi yelled.
"Thanks for you love and concern babe, I love you too!" Hah, don't we know it?
"Alright then, Mark let's go try it again"
One foot. Glide. Right.
"This is bullshit"
"MARK"
"MIMI!" Ok maybe mocking her wasn't such a grand idea. She dropped my hand and skated away, leaving me alone in the middle of the frozen lake with thirty feet and an annoying Roger until solid ground.
Shit.
What was it she was saying about gliding? One foot, next foot. Try to glide and still act straight.
"HEY LOOK MEEMS MARK HASN'T FALLEN AND BUSTED HIS ASS YET!"
SLAM!
Damn Roger. Now that girl over there is laughing at me, and I swear she looks like…
"POOKIE!"
Could this day get any worse?
"I'm so GLAD you're here! Joanne wouldn't take me anywhere and I was SO bored! HEY ROGER!" Why did she have to come HERE?
"Hey Maureen, you missed a great show. Mark was showing us all how to make an ass out of himself in public."
"Shut the hell up"
"Make me!"
"MAYBE I WILL!" Hah, Roger is so going to kick my ass.
SLAM
Or the ice will.
"Or not."
"Ass"
"It's a CUTE ass"
"Yes it is!" Mimi cuts in and practically cuts off Roger's air supply. They need to get a room.
"POOKIE! I'm bored! You want to go to the life?"
Let's see. Life, or busted ass and Roger's rude comments. Is that really considered a choice?
"Let's go"
SLAM
"Maybe I should help you there"
I really love her sometimes.
End