Title: Caged
Summary: When all you have to do is pace, your thoughts can turn against you.
Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.
Spoilers: 1.24 Oia'i'o
A/N: This idea woke me up at 4.30 this morning. I'm kind of mad at it… I like my sleep.
I also didn't do my usual obsessive spelling and grammar checks…and I sort of ignored some legal issues/stuff.
Warning/FYI: If you've seen that there's a second chapter… Well, it's not. A second chapter, that is. The second 'chapter' is only an alternate version of this one shot – not a continuation – and references my story Still the Song (takes place in the same 'verse so to speak). Basically it's two versions, one story.
ooooooo
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It's over. Everything I've worked for is over.
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My life is over. Five-0 is no more.
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They think I killed the governor.
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Caught me with my gun in hand.
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I'm going to be dishonorably discharged from the Navy. Disgraced.
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O God, what would my father, my grandfather think of me…?
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I failed my team. Five-0 disbanded. I don't deserve to be a SEAL anymore.
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I saw Kono at booking. They must know she helped me steal from the evidence locker.
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Maybe I can make a deal… My life doesn't matter anymore.
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But maybe I can still save hers. Make sure she still gets to have a life of some sort.
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Mary.
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What about my sister? Is she safe now? Or have I destroyed her life too?
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Chin seems to be back with HPD. He's gotta know that I'd never –
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Or, does he? And what about Danny? He said he was going to get me out of this…
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Believes I'm innocent, but he has his daughter, his family.
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He needs to focus on them. I don't matter anymore. I can't let him ruin his life for me.
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Wo Fat managed to take my family from me. Again.
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Betrayed. Duped. Set up. My only hope is the lack of motive, maybe some of the forensics.
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But even if I'm cleared of murder, I'm still guilty of theft. My life is still over.
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It's my fault. All my fault. No question about it.
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Laura Hill's death is my fault. Kono being implicated in that theft is my fault.
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There's too much evidence against me. And, if Danny keeps looking into the case—
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I can't risk his life. When Danny visits, I'm going to tell him drop it. To let me go.
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He needs to be with Grace, with Rachel. He can go back to Jersey. Start again.
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My life is done. His doesn't have to be. I couldn't survive knowing he died trying to clear me.
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He'd never forgive me if Rachel and Grace's lives—
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Grace. I'll never be Uncle Steve again. I'll just become a distant, foggy memory.
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It's probably better that way. I'm not dead yet, but… I may as well be.
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Solitary confinement. Or, what else is it called? Administrative segregation…for the rest of what remains of my life.
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I'm alone again. Just when I'd finally found my ohana and made a new life for myself.
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Found a brother in Danny. And now, it's gone. Taken away forever.
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My only chance to find any sort of peace with this…life…is to make a deal for Kono's. To separate myself from Danny and Chin.
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To be…alone.
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I've been in worse prisons than this, but never so unjustly imprisoned.
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My mistake was letting my emotions drive me. I shouldn't have…
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…so grossly underestimated Wo Fat!
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Damn it!
I slam both my hands…once… twice…on the wall as hard as I can. The pain is a welcome punishment for my stupidity, my lack of foresight.
Wo Fat played me like a grand master of the chessboard. He's won and he's taken my life away… And I still don't know why!
My shoulders slump of their own accord and I lean on my outstretched arms against the wall. My head drops down.
It's over and I've lost everything in my life that matters to me. The only thing I can do now is to try to protect my ohana as best as I can from inside this prison.
I straighten up and resume pacing my cell…
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If I confess to the murder and the theft, then maybe this will finally be over. Maybe Wo Fat will concentrate on me and leave the others alone.
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I just can't see any other way out of this. No one is going to look too hard at the evidence. I killed the Governor…
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As far as they're concerned, I'm guilty. There's no need to look any further. It doesn't matter anyway… I probably won't last long in jail.
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I'm powerless to do anything but pace my 8 foot by 10 foot prison cell. Solid iron door with two small slits in it – one for meals and one for visual checks.
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If I increase my step length, then…
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If I shorten it…
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Because of my background, the only things in my cell besides the naked light bulb too high above me are the semi-primitive sink and toilet and the pallet for me to sleep on.
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I've been deemed too dangerous to have even a cot in here.
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There's nothing to occupy my mind, but – my mind. And I just wish I knew why!
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I understand why Wo Fat orchestrated this latest attack – I got too close to taking him down.
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But why does this all – this hate – seem to be so personal?
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I just don't understand… What did my family ever do to Wo Fat's?
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I reach the far wall again, but this time I stop, turn and lean my back against it.
I guess it doesn't matter why anymore. He's won.
I close my eyes and sink to the floor folding myself into a corner. I bring my knees up and rest my arms on them.
I'm alone.
I drop my head to my arms and sigh heavily.
I'm done.
ooooooo
The end.
ooooooo
A/N: Just so we're all on the same page, the numbers are Steve obsessively counting his steps (I even looked up stride length and step length for this!) as he paced. I know they were probably tedious to read after awhile, but I imagine Steve being like a caged tiger and the increasing and decreasing of the number of steps was supposed to coincide with his thoughts. The darker his thoughts or the more thoughtful he is; the more steps… Make sense?
Reminder: The second 'chapter' is only an alternate version of this one shot – not a continuation – and references my story Still the Song.
If you would like to discuss the season finale, please feel free to PM me. Please don't mention spoilers if you decide to review.
Thanks for reading!