It adds that special shine
Extremely private entries of one Mr. Severus S. Snape
Ok, this is Quicksilver's second fanficâthe first is listed in her profile if anyone is interested.
This is a humor fic. There are too many romance fics which is really annoying, but this one will have a tiny amount of romanceâbe prepared.
Flames will be used to burn cheesecake cupcakes and warm the authoresses creative energy. Bwahahahaha.
Please review this story and tell me what you think. I know it doesn't seem like it, but the story will get better later.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Even though I should. Life is funny like that
And nowâto start the story!
July 30
Afternoon
3: 41
Have just been in the shower. Ignore the water stains on the page.
I think I am addicted to showers. Every time I dirty myself in Potions class, I always scrub the filth away afterwards. Dirt irritates and inflames my skin. I am very sensitive, you know. Red swells do not look the least bit attractive on my pale complexion.
Dirt sucks.
Stupid dirt.
I think I have lost my muse. I am confined to writing sentences created out of two words. It is hard to believe that after all the practice I had when writing essays, doing extra homework, getting a doctorate in a muggle literature class, and writing Lily love letters (ermâignore that. It wasn't reeeeeeeally a love letter. I had food poisoning and my hormones were on the rampage. It wasn't my fault! Its not like I, well, liked her, anyways. And the Maurderers had her all to themselves. Stupid mudblood. Do I sound defensive? I'm not. Mind your own business).that I stoop so low as to write the neandratholic phrase "dirt sucks."
I will stop writing now.
Shower time.
3:56
Ahhhh. I enjoyed using that new loofah scrub Professor Sinatra got me for my birthday last year. Loofah helps with the circulation.
I do not know why that annoying girl Sinatra got me the scrub, though. She was one of the only ones to get me a present. McGonagall got me a new silver cauldron. Hooch got me a chocolate decadent cake. Trelawney (shudder) got me a rose. I burned it.
I hope she wasn't implying anything.
All of them.
3:57
Shuddder.
Sinatra is so strange. Ever since first year, she hasn't talked much to anyone. She just hides in the astronomy tower. She is a bit like that annoying girl. What's her name, the one with all the good grades. Granger? Whatever.
Funny, Sinatra and Granger have the same frizzy hair.
Snicker.
4:00
I shouldn't be talking however. My hair is far from perfect.
4:01
What was I writing about? I got side tracked.
Oh yes.
Sinatra unfortunately gained the gift of speak around seventh year, when she was named Head Girl. She turned into an obnoxious brat.
She still is one.
4:02
Why do I keep writing about her? We loathe each other.
I wonder why she got me that loofah though.
4:05
Maybe she felt indebted to me because I got her a valentine's present.
I got her a moldy cockroach cluster.
Hee hee.
4:06
She thought it was a chocolate frog (her glasses were cracked).She nibbled it.
I will relish the expression on her face for eternity.
4: 07
I did not, however, relish the fact that she then used Petronifus Totalis on me, forced my mouth open, and made me eat the rest of it.
I had indigestion for days.
4:08
Ah, well. Email time. The muggle flat I stay at over the summer thankfully has a dial up connection.
Night night.
ââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââ
To:
From:
Are you a small? (wand size) Would you like
to increase your size? Look
no further than the new magical technology of enlargement spell!
This unique spell was created recently by
Mssrs. Fred and George W. and has the proven capability to
enlarge your wand size as well as other 'members' too! Click on this link
to order a free
If you would not like to receive more advertisements from Zonkos, please go to our website and email a complaint to us. We will respond as soon as possible to the situation.
To: Professor Snape Minerva McGonagall Sprout Flitwick Sinatra Poppy Pomfrey Madame Dobby Winky
From: professor Dumbledore
Greetings, fellow colleagues! The start of the sixth year is now approaching ever faster! I can't wait to see all of you again.
A few reminders:
A position for a defense against the dark arts teacher is still open! If any of you would like to try out this year, you are free to do so.
You will have to pick new head boys and girls candidates, and perfects for your houses. Please get the registrations in soon.
We will be having a couple of ministry reporters in Hogwarts this year! We are having our rare and loathed inquisition of doom (no, the one umbridge did last year didn't count). The ministry knows this is a great inconvenience, and says that if we resent this deeply, a couple of professors can do the job for them. Please volunteer and save us from the ministry horror!
Thankfully, Fred and George are gone this year, but they have a partnership with Zonko's and have discovered email (anyone else got that wand enlargement spam?). I will send out a spam control and e-curse sender at the beginning of the year to prevent web trouble.
If you have any questions or complaints, email me at
Let's all have a wonderful year!
From: Professor Hooch
To: Professor Snape
Hey, sevvie, wats up? Exited about school? I am I love getting to see everyone again. See u soon.
From:
To:
Hey sweetie, is your summer too dull? Well, zest it up now by becoming a member at Busty Witches and for the first year, pay a minimum fee!
Not sure yet? Click on this link to sample our 'merchandise!' you'll be begging for
sign up now at !
ââââââââââââââââââââââââ
From:
to:
die, weasly, die.
Attachment: digi-crutacious curse
From:
To:
I would like the position of defense against dark arts professor.
Send me that curse thingy NOW.
From:
To:
Subject: Die
Call me sevvie and I will send you a digi-crutacious curse.
Please refrain from emailing me.
ââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââ.
Soooâ.what did you think? REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!