A/N: 1/15/2019 Edited and updated to better reflect these modern times. Let's see if I can actually finish this.

There's a new notification on her phone.

Severa blinks, not quite believing what her eyes are telling her. She checks the battery, then the settings to see if she accidentally forgot some update. Briefly, she wonders if her phone is somehow broken before dismissing the thought all together. She takes good care of her possessions, unlike some people coughCynthiacough.

It still doesn't change the fact that the notification is still there.

Only the criminally lazy leave their updates uninstalled, messages unanswered, or phone calls missed, and she's not any of the above, thank you very much. She's pretty sure it's a low-key form of torture in some countries to force prisoners of war into watching notification numbers steadily rise and not let them do a damn thing about it.

The notification blinks again, reminding her of its hideous existence and with a bemused scowl, she taps on the folder and locates the offending app.

Her eyes narrow and she mouths out the words, "Fire Emblem... Heroes?"

Vaguely, she remembers the game coming with her phone when she purchased it. She messed around with it for maybe an hour before promptly dragging it into the extras folder and forgetting about it forever. Games are for children, adults who act like children, Cynthia and her cabal of dorks, so on and so forth. Her phone battery has better things to do then animate pixels into bashing themselves into oblivion. She has better things to do.

But that stupid notification isn't going away anytime soon, no matter how hard she glares at it. With a grimace, she pokes the app, using the least amount of her finger that she can, and waits for it to start.

The screen goes black, a loading icon spinning in the center. Then, without warning:

"FIRE EMBLEM... HEROES!"

Severa nearly fumbles her phone as the cutesy-tisch voice comes blaring out of the speakers for all the occupants of the public transit to hear. "Sorry, sorry," she mumbles, mashing the volume button and avoiding all eye contact as embarrassment creeps into her cheeks.

Somebody lets out a nervous giggle behind her.

Severa whips around. Glares like how Daddy taught her.

The giggling stops immediately.

Satisfied, she turns back to her phone. The virtual owl hoots on the screen hoots once and then deposits the message in its beak.

AR Defense Results: Failure...

Foes defeated: 3

Winner: XxSplit_witch420xX

XxSplit_witch420xX: GG EZ scrub.

The message could've been written in Ancient Ylissian for all that made sense to her, but the gist is clear enough.

Anon smack talk? In an online game? Really guy?

And that name, oh gawds. Gag. Severa rolls her eyes, imagining the twelve-year-old edgelord, sitting in the dark, snorting in glee as they clap themselves on the back for their creativity.

"Get a life, kid," she mutters. Still though, it'd practically be a crime to let the brat run amok with an inflated sense of superiority. Now that would be an injustice to every other socially adjusted human being on the planet.

It takes a minute of finagling the atrocious menu system, but in the end, she somehow manages to swap out her lancer for something called a- palading? Palladion? It sounds stupid is what it is.

"That'll teach you." Severa sniffs, dropping her phone in her bag and ready to move on with her life.

Two hours later, in the middle of her lunch break between classes, her phone buzzes again.

She unlocks her phone with one hand, barely even looking away from her homework, and then double takes.

The red one flashes smugly over the extra's folder as if saying can't get rid of me that easy sucker.

She stares back, feeling unreasonably incredulous for a second, before growling out, "For the love of," and then taps the stupid app.

AR Defense Results: Failure...

Foes defeated: 2

Winner: XxSplit_witch420xX

XxSplit_witch420xX: lul nice try noob. trash char is still trash

A flash of irritation spikes in her chest before she ruthlessly shoves it down, along with her phone, back into her school bag. She turns back to her essay, focusing all her attention again on the exciting world of Calc-II.

She's not peeved, nope, nuh uh. She erases an incorrect answer, and maybe she pushes too hard because the paper tears slightly. Her eye twitches. It's just a game, a children's game and only mouth breathers whine and throw tantrums at losing. Mouthbreathers, whiners, losers and...and...

With another growl, she digs her phone out of her bag and taps out the passcode. Instead of tapping on the app though, she heads to her contacts and begins typing out a message. Games are still stupid, definitely, but she'll be damned if she gets one-upped by some snot-nosed brat with their parent's credit card and lack of affection.

Time to bust out the big guns.

"She's got a point, ya know." Cynthia hands back her phone, keeping her voice down so that the teacher doesn't call them out. "The first cav paladin they give you isn't a great character to use for your raid defenses. Or your offenses. Or ever." She pauses and then adds. "Yeah, they just suck. Sorry."

"What about the rest of the team?" she asks, trying not to scowl. She is the one asking for help after all, as irritating as it is to ask Cynthia, queen of all things lame, of all people, for help.

"Yeah, I was going to ask if you were memeing me with a team of three clerics and one meh paladin," Cynthia trails off as her childhood friend/bosom sister sends her a venomous look, "but I guess not!"

"How was I supposed to know healers don't actually fight?!"

"You would if you played the tutorial," Cynthia chimes back unhelpfully. Severa's about to give her a piece of her mind but the teacher chooses at that moment to walk in between their desks, and she clamps down on her mouth.

"Look, do you have anything useful to add?" she grits out once the coast is clear. Coming to Cynthia was a mistake. Sure, the girl is the epitome of all things nerd and thus the perfect person to ask on how to beat annoying online brats but is it really worth the headache?

Answer: Most definitely. Not.

Cynthia taps her chin, pretending to think. "Welllllllll, you could always try, you know, actually learning how to play the game?"

"Ha, ha. No."

"Then I'm fresh out of ideas!" she declares with a cheery grin and Severa could strangle her if it weren't for the witnesses. "Seriously, Sev, just play the game some more and try again. I know you don't want to hear this but..."

"Then don't say it."

"But she's right."

"I'm not hearing these lies," she plugs her ears. "Nada, nothing, zilch."

Cynthia just moves closer, and she has to slide back in her seat or get a faceful of unadulterated dork. "Look, Sev, I say this with the utmost respect to you and your units." She fixes her with a heartfelt look and puts a hand over her heart. "They are garbage."

"Really feeling the respect right now, yep."

"The highest level character on your team is a healer and you somehow equipped her with a steel axe, which, by the way, shouldn't even be possible," she says, her tone impressed by the sheer absurdity of the situation. "Go do the prologue, level up your characters, learn how to play rock, paper, scissors. You'll be a pro in no time!"

"Again. Ha, ha. No." Naga only knows how much of her time she's sunk into the stupid thing and there's no way in Plegia she's going to invest anymore if she can help it. "Ordinary people have something called lives, you know?

"Do ordinary people also keep irrational online grudges they made against anonymous twelve-year old's or is that just something you do?"

"Who said anything about being ordinary. I'm extraordinary," she says smugly as Cynthia groans. "And extraordinary people get payback." She taps her phone for emphasis. "Look, I don't care if you have to use a cheat code or force feed them growth hormones or whatever unethical thing people do in this game to level up. I want these losers to be better and I want them to be better, now.

Cynthia rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out. "Well, tough luck, villain 'cuz the road to getting perfect plus ten merged units isn't traversed in a day! You need the strength to persevere, the mental fortitude to not break down when you summon your 10th Bartre in a row, the heart of steel to fodder your favorite five-star for Swift Sparrow only to find out that the next free unit has it at four-star, the bladder of iron to-!"

"I will buy you, Marc, and Owain passes to any con of your choice for you to not finish that sentence and help me with this stupid game."

Cynthia taps the app open again. "Alrighty then, what DLC have you bought?"

"Dee el what?"

Cynthia sighs, martyr to her cause. "Oh boy."

Severa can smell food cooking as soon as she comes through the door and her nose wrinkles at the pungent odor wafting from the kitchen. Cabbage stew. Daddy's favorite. Well, at least he'll be in a good mood when she tries sucking up to him.

"Hey, daddy!" she loops her arm around his and lifts the lid off the pot, inhaling and trying not to gag at the stench. "Mm, smells good!"

"You already have your allowance for this month," he says, not even looking up from the potato he's peeling.

Well, it was a worth a shot. Severa rolls her eyes, dropping her arm and the façade. "Har, har, funny," she says, popping the lid off the cookie jar and fishing around for a chocolate chip sin.

"I'm hilarious," he deadpans. "Only one, mind you. Your mother called and said team practice was canceled so she'll be able to join us for dinner today."

She makes a face, opens her mouth to say something, and then decides against it. "Sure, fine, whatever," she says, reluctantly putting the lid back on the jar before hopping onto the island. "But seriously though, could I maybe have a little extra allowance for this month? Just a teensy little bit?"

"Depends," he says and wow, mom coming home earlier must've put him in a really good mood because his answer isn't an immediate no. "Are you planning to buy more unnecessary clothes with the extra money?"

"Being fashionable is a necessary expense, excuse you," she snipes back, and he smirks in response. "And no, it's not for clothes."

"Hm. Shoes."

"Tempting, but also no."

"Designer purse."

"Nope."

There's a pause where he stops peeling, then he asks, very awkwardly "...Girl...stuff?"

Severa nearly chokes on her cookie. "Oh my gawds, why would you even think- NO."

"Sorry," he mutters and Severa lets a bit of her mortification go as he really does look apologetic. He clears his throat. "Then I'm stumped. What do you need the money for?"

Now it's her turn to clear her throat awkwardly. "Oh, you know, just for some..." she mumbles the rest of her sentence into her cookie.

"Come again?"

Naga strike her down for the next few blasphemous words she's about to utter.

"ORBS," she blurts out.

There's another pause. At least this one isn't awkward.

He flicks the burner off and turns to face her. "Orbs," he repeats slowly as if reading an unfamiliar Chon'sin character for the first time.

"They're like... currency."

His expression is still mystified. "Currency, where exactly?"

"...In a video game." If only she could drown herself in a sack right at this moment.

Now his expression is just perplexed. "Since when do you play video games?"

"Since, like, forever, okay?" she shoots back, the lie coming out as reflexive defense. "Besides, weren't you the one who said I needed a hobby or three?"

"I said that to get you to stop spending money on lipsticks with absurd price tags, not so that you could spend it in on video games."

"Well, your plan half-worked, yipee," she grumbles, super done with the current conversation, oh gods. Cynthia better be right that buying DLC will make the game easier or she's going to pay three hundred times over for making her feel like an absolute idiot. "So can I use the credit card or not?"

Her father crosses his arms. Somehow, he still manages a stern look even in his pink "HAWT STUFFING COMIN' THROUGH!" apron, a gag gift from his old boss. "What do you have to offer in return?"

Now this song and dance, she's familiar with. "I'll teach a woman's only class at the dojo," she says, laying down her trump card.

He blinks in surprise, uncrossing his arms. "You hate working at the dojo."

"Yeah, well, I hate losing more."

HIs eyebrows disappear into his hairline, but he seems to be seriously considering the proposal, much to her satisfaction. Honestly, spending time teaching classes at their family-run dojo is pretty low on the list of activities she wants to sacrifice a weekend over, but all the pain and sweat will be worth it if she can rub her victory in the face of that smug little brat.

"Must be some game," he grunts after a while and she resists the urge to smirk in triumph. "Three classes at the dojo and you come to cheer with me for your mother the next home game she has."

"Two classes and I get to choose the restaurant we have dinner at after the match."

"Deal." He sticks out his hand and father and daughter shake on it. A solemn contract agreed and honored upon since times of yore.

Then he goes and ruins the moment by stealing one of her hairbands and she has to fling her cookie back in retaliation and maybe things escalate from there because when her mother gets home, she takes one look at the state of the kitchen, shakes her head with a rueful smile, and just orders pizza for the night.

All in all, Severa thinks it went pretty well.

"What... are you doing."

Cynthia doesn't look up from the lines of chalk she's drawing on the floor of her bedroom. "It's a summoning circle," she explains, as if drawing a pentagram into hardwood floor is an everyday occurrence. Thank gods it's Cynthia's floor and not her own.

"For what, Grima?"

"For the units you want, doy." She straightens up, dusting the chalk off her hands. "Your heroes won't come home unless you call upon the eldritch forces of the gacha gods."

Severa glances back down at the pentagram. There's a crudely drawn smiley face in one of the corners. "Eldritch forces. Riiiiiight."

"Trust me on this, I've done the research," she reassures her before clapping her hands together excitedly. "So, which heroes are we going to try for? There's a lotta good banners running right now so you've got prime pick! Heroes Fest, Choose Your Legends, Monthly Legendary reruns, whatever you want!"

"Uhhh..." she understood about a fifth of that sentence and cared even less than that. She unlocks her phone and taps open the game. "This one."

Cynthia leans in closer to inspect her choice. Her face twists, in a way that makes her look like an entire lemon was squirted into her eyes but was trying her best to enjoy the stinging agony.

"Or heroes with Lunge is good, yeah, sure. I guess you can't really have too many five-star Draug's am I right."

"Whatever." She hands her phone to Cynthia, who snatches it from her hands before placing it reverently in the center of the pentacle. Out of nowhere, she produces a few candles and a lighter and begins lighting them and that's when Severa starts to worry. She likes that phone and Aunt Sumia is a nice enough person, even if her daughter is a total loser, so it'd kinda suck if they burned down her house trying to summon Grima into the mortal plane.

"One thing before we start," Cynthia says, pulling her blanket around her like a cloak. She fixes her with a severe look that would probably have a lot more effect if her cloak didn't have pink cartoon pegasi stitched along the sides. "Desire sensor is a real phenomenon, so whatever you do, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, wish for the unit you want. You cannot care, not one teensy weensy iota, got it?"

Severa just scoffs. "Like I ever did in the first place. Just push the stupid button and let's get this over with!"

Cynthia makes the lemon-juice face again but quickly brightens as she taps her phone. "Well don't you worry, Sev! Between your dad's credit card and my summoning circle, we're bound to get lucky!"

"You're cursed," Cynthia declares solemnly.

"Shut it." Severa grits out between clenched teeth. Inwardly, she thinks Cynthia may have a point. After an hour and the only thing she has to show for her efforts is a maxed out credit card and absolutely no five-star units to speak of. Either the gacha eldritch gods are screwing with her or the game is cheating somehow.

She taps on the summoning circle again and waits impatiently for the orbs to load. Her brows scrunch once she sees the colors. "What does it mean when all the orbs are colorless?"

"CURSED." Cynthia repeats. She flops back onto her bed and dramatically places a hand over her eyes. "Just pick one and back out. I can't look at this heartache any longer."

With an eye roll, she does just that, then bolts straight up as finally, finally, five freaking stars pop up on screen. "Ohmygawd I did it I did it I did it, Cynthia look look look!"

"For real?!" The phone is snatched out of her hand. Cynthia scans the phone. "Oh," she says, then coughs hastily. "I mean, oh wow, Sev that's great! Real great."

Severa instantly feels the elation her chest sour. "He sucks, doesn't he."

"Live to Serve 3 is very viable in high-level meme strats," Cynthia recites back mechanically and Severa lets out a frustrated shriek before tossing (carefully) her phone on the bed and collapsing back. Great. Just great. One whole hour of her life wasted chasing after virtual jpegs and all she got was a stinky old man. Just fantastic.

Cynthia scooches over to her and offers the pegasus plushie on her pillow. She grudgingly takes it, smooshes the fluffy thing against her chest and buries her face into its soft, cottony wings. Sanctuary.

"We could always buy more orbs?" she offers up hesitantly after a moment of silence for her last five orbs.

Severa shakes her head. "Daddy'll kill me if I max out any more cards. I'd have to teach classes at the dojo until I die a wrinkly old lady."

Cynthia nods reasonably. "Yeah, Uncle Lon'qu can get scary when he's mad. Well, forget trying to summon a bunch of five stars then!" She sits up, a new vigor in her eyes that tires Severa out just looking at her. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so let's work with who we have and focus on making them better instead!"

She grunts in response.

"Oooooor you could just admit that she's better than you," Cynthia sing-songs.

Her eyes flash open and she sits up to glare daggers at her. "Give me that," she grumbles, snatching the phone dangling in Cynthia's hands and ignores her snickers. "Fine. If it's gonna take me a thousand miles to beat her, then I'm going to power walk two thousand. What's first?"

Cynthia beams. "Heck yeah, that's the spirit! Okay, so first things first, show me who you've supported. We'll make the team based around the boosts that they give each other and start from there." At her blank look, Cynthia's smile falters. "You do have supports... right?"

"Well when you lead with a question like that then yes, I do have supports," she snipes back sarcastically. "A metric sack ton of them in fact.

"How do you not have supports?!"

"Oh my gawds, why does it matter?!"

"Why does it-!" Cynthia draws herself up in all her righteous indignation. "It matters because it's like you traded for a level 100 Lugia but didn't get the badges to control it so now all you've got is a big dumb chicken that'll take a nap in the middle of a battle just so it can laugh at your tears. That's why supports matter!"

"Wow, thanks, super helpful reference that I totally understood."

"You would. IF YOU HAD SUPPORTS."

Severa groans. First step she takes on her "journey" and it's backwards.

Just great.

A/N: Talk to me at F2P_BTW because tumblr decided to commit social suicide