Klasky-Csupo owns Rocket Power and Seether owns "Broken". If Amy Lee co-wrote it, then she owns the song too. But the point is, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! (Except my spiffy new eyebrow piercing. IT'S SEXAY!! lol.)
BROKEN
I sat in the cafeteria in Ocean Shores High School one day, with my friends Otto, Reggie, and Sam. My brother Lars sat with us too, because he was dating Reggie. Which was a little awkward at first, considering what an asshole he had been to all of us for the longest time, but as time passed, we got used to it. Lars had stopped making fun of us years ago, and he was pretty cool now. He hung with us from time to time, when he wasn't hanging with his friends, Pi, Sputz, and Animal. They had stopped being assholes too, and when all that happened, although it was odd at first, I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. But that's a whole different story.
The story is that I sat in the cafeteria. Even though lunch was divided into four lunches, there were so many kids in the area that all four lunches were crowded out the ass. The line at the lunch line was as long as the Nile River in Egypt, and kids stood in it for 20 minutes, when they only had 25 minutes to eat. It was also messy as hell, with food and drinks spilled all over the floors and tables, along with cleaning people who were too lazy to clean it up. It was hard to see someone you knew at lunch, because there were so many kids squeezed together in the lunchroom. It wasn't much less crowded then the floor area at a punk concert.
But I saw someone in this crowded room. I looked over at a table a few tables away. There sat some kids, who were pretty cool to me. They were my friends too, but I didn't see them much. Besides, they were a year older than me, so sometimes, talking with them was like speaking two different languages. They'd talk about people I didn't know, and vice-versa. But nonetheless, they were my friends and I could count on them. But today, a strange guy was sitting with them. He was Asian looking, with hair down past his ears, and a plain red T-shirt and jeans. He was extremely plain looking.
But I didn't focus on him; I focused on the girl sitting next to him. She was a very good friend of mine; I could talk to her about anything. We were pretty close. Her name was Rachel Parker; she had light brown hair and the prettiest blue eyes. She also had her lip pierced. She often wore just jeans and a T-shirt, but she looked so beautiful. But even if she wasn't beautiful, she was one of the nicest people I've ever known. She was funny and outgoing, and we had a lot in common. She was even a sick guitar player, better than I could ever be. She had a really good heart, and was always trying to help others.
--I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away--
I watched Rachel, just like I had for the past year, as she talked and joked with her friends. It warmed my heart when I saw her laugh, and it felt even better when we laughed together. Seeing her laugh made me laugh too, whether she was being funny or not. It's hard to describe, just seeing her laugh lightened my heart. I could be having a shitty day where my heart felt like a giant block of lead, and then she would laugh, and my heart felt like a feather.
But she wasn't just all laughs. When she was sixteen, her alcoholic father left her mother to raise her and her brothers and sister alone. There were a lot of financial problems with the family, and they got evicted from their home. They have one now, but it's almost as low as you can go, if you know what I mean. And to add a cherry to the top of the pile, her friend Brian committed suicide recently. I don't know why he did it, but I know she was pretty devastated over it. While seeing her laugh lightened my heart, seeing her cry made it go back to lead. There were times where I cried just because she was upset, a state that I hated to see her in.
I always wished that whatever was stressing her out would happen to me instead. I wished that I could shield her from any pain and take it for myself. My life isn't a fairy tale either; my parents can be a lot to deal with at times and I'm growing apart from Sam, Reggie, and Otto more and more everyday. I'm getting too different from them, and I'm getting too different from almost everyone else. But if carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders meant lifting her up high, I'd do it in a heartbeat. You see, I really love Rachel, but I'm just too shy to tell her. My gut is telling me that soon it will be too late, but I've been rejected so many times, I'm scared of rejection again.
But today, Rachel seemed extremely happy. She was laughing a lot with her friends, and I felt my heart go back to the feather-state. I had been stressed the past week over school, because I just started the eleventh grade, but seeing Rachel laugh erased every painful emotion I was feeling in my heart and in my head. Just then, the bell rang, and I realized I had not finished my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I took the last bite and tossed my lunch in the trashcan as my friends around me talked about things that just didn't interest me much. I looked over at Rachel as she hugged and kissed the Asian guy before heading off to class.
--I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain--
I felt my heart sink back down as I watched it. Usually, seeing her happy made my heart flutter.....now she was happy and my heart sank like the Titanic when it was hit by the iceberg. The iceberg, being the coldness of the world around me, hit my heart and sank it.
I headed off to Algebra class, without any time to assess the situation. I just paid attention, something I had started doing a few years ago when my grades really hit rock bottom, pushing Rachel out of my head for ninety minutes. After class was over, it was time to go home. I was in the last lunch, so after lunch, there was only one bell left. You see, my school has a schedule where we have four ninety-minute classes each semester, and lunch is all throughout third bell. Anyways, I got in the car as Lars drove home, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Rachel.....Asian guy.....kissing? I thought Rachel told me she wasn't ready to date. I hadn't asked her out, the subject of dating just came up when we talked about Otto asking out my cousin, Clio.
That afternoon I sat in my room, unable to focus on my homework. I looked at the picture that Lars had taken of Rachel and me playing our guitars. It was a picture I had always looked to for comfort. That someone as beautiful as her could hang with a short, longhaired, redheaded freak who wore eyeliner and an eyebrow piercing. In other words, that she could go for me. During my hard times, that was my comfort. My gut told me that soon it might be too late to tell Rachel how I felt, but at the same time, it told me that we would happen. I had never really been in a real relationship before, I had no experience with anything more than going to a sixth-grade school dance where you just talked to your date, and you were just friends.
But all that aside, I felt like something would happen between me and Rachel. Looking at her picture, I couldn't picture either of us with somebody else. I mean, it made so much sense. We liked a lot of the same things and we saw eye-to-eye on a lot of things. I often pictured us doing a lot of things.... whether it was making out, or getting married, or comforting each other in our hard times. It was my comfort, to think of Rachel. When I couldn't see her laugh, I thought of her. Whether I imagined her laughing or being with me, it was comforting. While it didn't always make my pain go away, it definitely lessened it.
--'Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away--
But it didn't lessen it now. I wanted Rachel to be happy, but with me. God, I'm so selfish, I thought to myself. I was too confused. Seeing her with Mr. Asian, I couldn't take it. I put down my pencil and buried the left side of my face into my arms and began to cry. My right eyebrow was still healing, so I couldn't touch it or bury it into my arm while I sobbed. I'll admit it, I sobbed. Love does strange things to people, and it can make the strongest person as weak as a piece of string. I stopped crying after a few minutes, but I continued to lay my head down. After awhile, my neck hurt because of the position I was in, so I got up. I still couldn't focus on my homework, so I just bullshitted through it until it was finished. It wasn't being graded anyways; the teachers would just look at it. So who gave a damn? It was only 5:30, but I went to bed. I had no energy, and even less of an appetite.
--You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore--
I turned out the light and stared at the ceiling above me. Rachel was gone. There was no getting to her now. My gut was right, I wished I had acted before. I should have listened when my gut told me that soon it would be too late. If I had told Rachel how I felt, shit, it could have been me kissing her today before going to class. But no, it was Mr. Asian. She loved him; she wanted to be with him. And me? I was nothing. She didn't dream my presence when she went to bed every night, just like I had done with her. I felt her there every damn day of my life, even if she wasn't. But she didn't feel me here, there, or anywhere.
--The worst is over now, and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high; you steal my pain away--
The next morning I awoke and went to school. The subject of Rachel and Mr. Asian was a sore spot for me, and it still hurt like hell, but I felt like I could still breathe. The worst part was over. I wouldn't see Rachel again until lunch, so that was three bells were I could concentrate. Yeah, the thought of her and Mr. Asian kissing hit me once in awhile, and my heart still sank. I still had no energy, nor an appetite. I hadn't slept much last night; I kept waking up every couple of hours. I had woken up so frequently, that when I woke up to go to school, it felt like I had been up all night. I could remember being awake and mourning Rachel, at all hours of the night. I had not eaten breakfast either, I just wasn't hungry. But I could breathe. It only felt like I was tired, even though deep down, I was tired and broken.
--There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain--
Lunchtime rolled around, and my heart just sank at the thought of seeing Rachel and Mr. Asian. The feeling that I could breathe went away. I guess the hurt wore off after time, but came back. I sat at the lunch table and watched Rachel sitting next to Mr. Asian. It was all I did. I didn't eat my lunch. I had no appetite. I saw Rachel kiss Mr. Asian again, and my heart sank even lower. I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying, and I fought pretty hard. It's hard to fight your heart from coming out of your eyes through your tears. At least it was for me.
"Twist, are you OK?" I heard Otto ask me. I turned around and looked at him.
"I'm fine," I weakly muttered.
"Twist, you haven't touched your lunch," Reggie said.
"I said I'm fine," I said irritably. "Just leave me alone."
"Twister, you're not fine, so spill it," said Lars. I grabbed my lunch bag and stood up.
"Leave me alone," I said as I walked away. I went over to the small table in the corner of the cafeteria where no one sat and sat down. I started to cry again. Damn, Twister, I told myself. You are so fucking selfish!
--'Cuz I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away--
When the lunch bell rang, I wiped my eyes, smearing my eyeliner on my cheek. I didn't give a damn who saw it; I was so broken, that it didn't matter if someone tried to break me again. If someone made fun of me for crying, fuck them. I was strong in the sense that I didn't give a damn if they knew I cried, but I was weak when it came to Rachel. I saw her again; she and Mr. Asian kissed once more. Every time I saw them, apart or together, it was just one more boulder I felt on top of my shoulders.
I felt selfish too. She was so happy, and it tore me apart. I wanted to be the one to make her happy. I wanted to be the one to stand by her side for all of time. When she falls, I want to pick her back up. I didn't care about whether she did the same for me (though I had imagined it so many nights before), all I cared about was making her happy.
I was selfish. I was weak. Being away from her dragged me down to an all-time low. I wasn't myself anymore now that she was with someone else. She was still my friend, but I wanted so much more....I wanted to hold her in my arms and protect her from all harm. But now Mr. Asian was doing that. Protecting her from her fears. And other people. Protecting her from me.
--'Cuz I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away--
That afternoon, I bullshitted through my homework once again, then lied in my bed and cried. All energy was sapped from my body, and I had no appetite still, even though I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours. My heart was an open wound, and it felt like it had been neglected and allowed to bleed for hours on end. It would just bleed and bleed until I bled to death. And I didn't want to die. I just wanted to be with Rachel. Of course, I didn't want Mr. Asian to hurt her--in fact, I wanted their break up to be a clean one, where they would remain friends afterwards. But would this break up even happen? And what if it did hurt her? That was the last thing I wanted.
But thinking of them together, it was an iceberg, and my heart was an ocean liner only to be hit by it and sunken. For the past two days, my whole life had turned around. Two days before, I watched Rachel laugh, and my heart felt like a feather. But now, I saw her laugh, but with Mr. Asian. My heart felt like lead. I couldn't focus on anything anymore. Guitar, school, TV, you name it. My every thought was about Rachel. I tried my hardest to think of us together, but Mr. Asian always got in between us. Yet, I couldn't hate him. I didn't know him. But he stole my girl.
--'Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away--
I tried to sleep, even though it was only 6:00. Sleeping was the only thing that could numb the pain. But sleeping was something I had barely done in the past couple of days. It's hard to do it when you're bleeding. I lied there as the time passed by. One hour...then another...then another. Soon, it was 1:00 A.M. and I still hadn't slept. I cried my eyes out as I played my "ghost band" songs in my head. You know, after a crisis, when the songs you hear seem to parallel everything you feel inside your heart? When you feel like the band wrote that song for you, like they're your "ghost band"? Rancid knew what they were talking about when they wrote a song about that....about how every song mirrors your feelings after a crisis.
The hours passed by and I continued to cry. I hadn't cried so much since my cat was put to sleep last year. My "ghost band" songs still played in my head...."Change", "Broken", "Meet You There", "Only One", "Tropical London", you name it. Rachel loved Mr. Asian. (I later found out his name was Rin.) Twister Rodriguez.......just a friend.......nothing more........never. She didn't feel what I was; she didn't feel what I was becoming once I saw her kiss Rin. She wouldn't ever. I lied in bed, my "ghost band" songs still playing in my head throughout the sleepless night.
--You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore--
Hi guys! I know, it's been forever since I wrote an RP story. I have the shittiest updating habits, and I'm working on 3 other stories right now. But I had to make this one.....it's kinda based on a personal experience.....except I had to twinge a few things to make it more real in the RP world, ya know? Anyways, I have more stories coming, but I just started school, and like I said, I'm working on other fics, so please be patient with me. Thanks for reading, and please review! Take care.