Okay, so obviously I don't own Naruto... and this plot is a story my mom told me when I was eight… or some other time back when I was just a wee youngen'.

Three Times

Dingaling-dong-ding!

Neji grimaced. How he hated that doorbell. He gripped the sides of the chair pulling himself up and waddling to the door.

(His age was finally catching up with him.)

He swung the door open and narrowed his eyes at the young man smiling brightly.

"What do you want, boy?"

In response the man smiled brighter. "Hello, my name is Hiroshi and I was hoping I could—"

"No."

"B-But Hyuga-san, you don't even kno…"

"I said 'no', boy."

"Sir, please!" The boy grabbed the door preventing Neji from slamming it in his face. "I work for the Konoha Republic and I'm writing a piece on marriage and I understand that your 50th anniversary is coming up…" He fumbled through his briefcase, pulling out a notepad and a pen. "So, I was wondering what your secret is? How have you stayed married for so long?"

Neji seemed to ponder for a moment before opening the door. "Come in, boy."

Hiroshi followed Neji into the living room and sat down directly across from him, twiddling his fingers nervously when he closed his eyes.

"So I w—"

"Shut up, boy."

Hiroshi nodded robotically, his pen to the paper as Neji began his tale of true love.

"It wasn't a love marriage." He started. "None of that bullshit. I'm a Hyuuga after all." Hiroshi could practically see the smugness in his eyes. "I remember it was our honeymoon. Hinata, my wife, she wanted to go somewhere exotic…"

"N-Neji-san," Hinata stuttered shyly, smiling at him, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers gently. "Let's go to Suna…" her voice trailed off. "It'll be fun. I hear the desert is absolutely beautiful!"

Neji spared her a glance, noting the excited flush on her cheeks. "Hn." His voice oozed authority even as he said. "I don't care."

"'I don't care?'" Hiroshi stopped jotting down notes, staring at the elderly man incredulously.

"Yes, 'I don't care' now shut up, or get out of my house." Neji opened his eyes and glared at the young man, still unbelievably terrifying in his old age.

'Click, click, click' Hinata took snapshot after snapshot as Neji rode on a different camel a few paces behind his bride; his head swimming with thoughts concerning his duties when he got back to Konoha.

"Oof!" Swept out of his thoughts, he looked up to see Hinata lying in the dirt.

"Hinata," no need for formalities, "Are you alright?"

She nodded, brushing the sand off her legs and climbing back on the camel.

"That's once," she muttered.

"What exactly does that mean?"

"Boy, what did I say?"

"'Shut up,' sir."

Neji nodded approvingly.

'Dumbest story I've ever heard, I wish my journalistic career would just launch so I don't have to do shit stories like this!'

As if reading his thoughts, Neji glowered at him and he gulped nervously.

As the journey continued on, the camel kicked his heels up again and Hinata topped forward onto the ground. She winced, rubbing her lower back.

"Ouch!" She pouted, getting back on her feet, smiling assuringly at her groom. "I'm fine!"

She climbed back onto the camel, gripping him tightly. "That's twice..."

"We were about ten minutes from the hotel…"

'… and then you consummated your marriage!' Hiroshi visibly paled, disgusted by his own thoughts. For the love of God, they're old.

Another five minutes passed when the camel pushed her off again. Standing up, she narrowed her eyes at the creature, pulling out a kunai and effortlessly piercing his head with it.

"Three times."

Hiroshi's jaw dropped and he stood up. "She… why didn't you do anything?"

"I dare you to interrupt my story again, boy."

"Hinata… that was hardly necessary!" His voice grew steadily louder. "Killing the poor animal was uncalled for! God, I didn't realize you were such an irrational fool.!"

Instead of replying, she simply climbed onto the back of his camel, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"That's once."

Hiroshi nearly dropped his notepad, staring at Neji, who stared unnervingly back. Hiroshi waited a minute, expecting him to chuckle and laugh about how gullible the youngens are these days, but instead he just finished with "And we haven't ever had an argument since." he rasped. "Is there anything else you needed, boy?"

Hiroshi shook his head vigorously standing up. "N-No, sir! Th-Thank you!" he stammered nervously, making his way to the door.

'Old people are crazy…'

Just about running towards the front door, he ran into an elderly woman with blue air, streaked generously with white.

"Sorry ma'am." He knelt down and picked up her purse handing it to her. He smiled with as much genuineness as he could muster and as he stepped out of the house she murmured quietly:

"That's once."

The reporter part is mine (and an OC, my fellow fanfictionians!) But other than that it's a story my momma told me :) anyhow, this is kinda mehh, but I wrote it late at night and didn't bother to proofread it and thought 'hell, let me just post it anyways.'

(not sure if that was such a good idea…)

and if it's not too much trouble, go ahead and REVIEW. Holla-hollaaaaaaaa

(and side note: I was listening to It Wasn't Me by Shaggy when I finished the rewrite :D)