Author's note:
Another re-posted fic, but this time I've left in the original author's notes. I toyed with a sequel and ended up writing it so that will be posted next. Hope you enjoy it – I wrote it on my honeymoon (wow, over two years ago) so it brings back a lot of good memories for me! -Swordy
(Original) Author's note: Just a couple of things to mention. Firstly, let me explain a little about where this fic came from. Here in the UK, it's traditional to go on a 'hen night' before you are about to get married. Much like a batchelor party (but for ladeez) it usually involves shrieking groups of women and copious amounts of alcohol. Both were present on mine. With five wonderful friends, I spent a night (okay a weekend) around London, taking in the sights and sounds of the UK's capital city. On our evening on the tiles, I was presented with a list of tasks that I had to complete before the night was out. Unlike Heero, I had twenty tasks, although some of mine weren't quite as bad as his…
Needless to say, I did them all and have the photos to prove it. Anyway, even in a slightly worse for wear drunken state I thought this might make a good fic for the Gundam boys so on my honeymoon, I penned this little tale which I've finally got round to typing up. I hope you enjoy it.
One last thing, brought to my attention by my good friend and source of support, Dyna. Apparently, 'busk' is just a British word so here's the dictionary definition:
Busk – (verb) to sing or play an instrument in the street in order to earn money. Busker (noun).
Warnings: 1x2, 3x4.
A Night to Remember.
Chapter 1 – The Tasks
Heero scanned the sheet of paper with a growing mix of horror and disbelief.
1. Get someone to give you a condom.
2. Convince someone you have a risqué job.
3. Get an item of underwear.
4. Start a conga.
5. Kiss a bar person.
6. Get a tattoo.
7. Do something impulsive.
8. Get someone to buy you a drink.
9. Busk on the London underground.
10. Get the attention of a police officer.
11. Get a piece of advice from a married person.
12. Declare your undying love to someone (Relena doesn't count).
After the second re-read, he looked up to be met by three smiling faces.
"You're kidding right?"
"Uh-uh," Wufei replied shaking his head, his mouth pressed into a tight-lipped smirk.
"Have you read the conditions?" Quatre asked, his blue eyes dancing with humour.
Heero's vision returned to the piece of paper to read the bold type at the bottom of the page.
All tasks to be completed between the hours of seven pm and four am
A forfeit will be awarded for each incomplete task.
Delegation of tasks is allowed, totalling one per person present.
Heero gulped. Why he had let the others talk him into having a bachelor night was beyond him. Even a night at home with Relena and her endless supply of wedding magazines would be better than this…
"Anyway, Heero," Trowa said, his voice cutting into Heero's thoughts. "A million tasks have got to be easier than marriage to Relena."
His remark earned him a glare from Heero and a swat around the back of the head from Quatre. It was fair to say that the one time Queen of the World would not make an easy wife, just as she was not making herself an easy bride. Controlling to the last detail, Relena had chosen everything from the venue of the ceremony and reception to the bridegroom's best man. Heero had grown used to her tantrums when the florists couldn't find the exact shade of yellow roses or the caterers had bought the wrong material for the tablecloths. He was now convincing himself that she would be fine when the big day had passed and then they could continue their lives with some semblance of normality as husband and wife.
Wufei had been a valuable source of support since his wedding to the lovely Sally Poe had only taken place a year earlier, although when he told the stories about how she had stressed over the arrangements, Heero still felt she wasn't half as neurotic as Relena. He certainly never mentioned that Sally had threatened to claw someone's eyes out when they had suggested a three-tier cake instead of the fussy, five-tier monstrosity Relena had demanded. Heero shuddered at the memory of the future Mrs Yuy (or Peacecraft-Yuy as she had insisted) in all her furious glory. Still she couldn't be like this forever he told himself.
Their courtship had been unusual to say the least. Relena had pursued him from the moment she had clapped eyes on him again, ignoring any attempts he made to rebuff her advances. Even when he had told her face-to-face that he wasn't interested, she had simply smiled and told him she would wait until he changed his mind, confident that he would realise his love for her in due course. The fact that he had agreed to marry her certainly indicated that he had done just that, but secretly Heero knew that that wasn't the case. He had agreed to it because he had simply grown tired of her relentless pursuit as well as the fact that the one person who could have made him happy had walked out of his life for good. He had realised too late where his heart lay and in the fullness of time he had convinced himself that the way to overcome his regret was to settle for someone else. He would grow to love Relena, he had told himself.
His friends had been shocked when he and Relena had started to date but as the months had passed they had grown to accept the unconventional relationship. None had been surprised when Relena had taken advantage of it being a leap year and proposed. To this day, Heero maintained that he'd never actually said 'yes'; merely she'd taken his silence as acquiescence. And so the plans had been laid - a huge wedding for the Queen of Sanque and her new husband. After the wedding, Heero would then move from his sparse yet comfortable apartment in Los Angeles into her palatial domain in the Sanque Kingdom where his entire collection of possessions would probably fit into one of Relena's broom cupboards. Relena had done little to disguise her disapproval at his choice of home and décor the one time she had visited him at his humble abode but by then, Heero had the skill of not listening down to a fine art. And thus it had continued; Relena instructed and Heero listened. Or pretended to listen. Whatever.
He had just begun to believe that life with Relena could be bearable when the wedding talk had started. Suddenly, there was only one topic of conversation and any deviation from it resulted in muchas sulking and pouting. 'Sometimes I think you don't want to get married, Heero' she had said during one such episode. He'd had to bite his lip hard when she'd come out with that one.
The one brief ray of sunshine was the thought of the inevitable gathering of his absent friends for the bachelor party. He'd been amazed when Relena had suggested it herself 'it's traditional Heero' and so he had awaited its arrival with eager anticipation. Not that he would ever dream of telling them, but Heero missed his friends as they settled into their lives, post-war. Their companionship during the hard years had been something that he'd come to rely on and its absence now was proving hard to bear. He'd thought how enjoyable it would be to spend even one night together until now, when he'd been duly presented with 'the tasks'.
They had decided on London for their evening of fun and were currently in the hotel bar of the top class establishment Quatre had booked them to in South Kensington. The manager was a client of the Winner Corporation and so the service and accommodation provided for them was nothing short of lavish. After a day lazing around the hotel health suite they had changed for the evening and met in the bar when Wufei had presented Heero with an envelope containing the itinerary for the night, which had seemed civilised enough until he had found the separate sheet of paper entitled 'Heero's Tasks'.
With a quick glance at the others, Heero had started to read, acutely aware that he wasn't going to get off as lightly as he'd first thought. He'd heard plenty of stories how bachelor nights usually involved something memorable happening to the groom-to-be, but he'd presumed his friends were not the sort for ridiculous pranks. Ha! How wrong could he have been?
After Quatre had directed him to the conditions and Trowa had joked about how they would be easy compared to a lifetime with Relena, Heero was almost plotting how he could make it to Heathrow airport and out of the country before the others noticed. He had no intention of making a fool of himself anywhere in the world.
"If it makes you feel any better, Heero, you're allowed to delegate three of the tasks; one to each of us," Wufei said, grinning as he sipped the expensive wine Quatre had ordered. The young Oriental man looked like marriage was suiting him, as his whole demeanour was a far cry from the angry young man they remembered from during the wars. The good Dr. Poe was obviously bringing out the best in him.
Heero nodded, re-scanning the list for the three worst tasks that he would duly pass on to his so-called friends.
"Well, gentlemen," Wufei said glancing at his watch before eying the small group as they drained their glasses, "Is it time to make a move? The bright lights of London are beckoning."
Heero shrugged as the other two smiled and nodded, his awkwardness only seeming to intensify their merriment. Quatre excused himself in order to ask the girl on the reception desk to call them a taxi as Trowa and Wufei stood, smoothing out their clothes as Heero folded up the piece of paper and tucked it into his trouser pocket.
"Oh," Wufei added, "and we've each got copies of your list before you think about leaving it anywhere."
Trowa grinned at Heero who looked completely forlorn. He stood slowly and straightened the collars on the sapphire blue silk shirt Relena had chosen for him 'it matches your eyes, Heero' before following his companions to the hotel entrance to await their transport.
The daylight was fading as the four friends clambered into the private hire car that arrived a mere five minutes after the request had been made. The driver, a genial Cockney gentleman with a strong, almost incomprehensible accent, did most of the talking as they weaved through the diabolical London traffic towards the restaurant Quatre had booked them a table at. Their chauffeur, who duly informed them that his name was Mick, continued to swivel his head around to look at his passengers in the back, whilst keeping one eye on the snail-pace traffic in front. He had quickly noticed their various accents and appearances and was keen to learn what had brought the diverse group to London, or 'Lanndan' as he kept pronouncing it in his broad, East-end accent. His ruddy face lit up with the mention of a bachelor party, which he informed them was known as a 'stag night' over this side of the water, and he duly waved his left hand in the air, displaying a thick gold wedding band on his stubby ring finger.
"Twenty years," he announced proudly despite rolling his eyes as he said it. "Coulda got less for murder!"
Mick then proceeded to tell them about his own 'stag night', which had ended with him naked and handcuffed to a lamppost in full view of Buckingham Palace. "Bloody hilarious it was," he said chortling loudly as he sounded the horn as a four-wheel drive cut dangerously in front of them.
"Hn," was Heero's response, thinking 'hilarious' wouldn't have been the adjective he'd have chosen to describe what happened, but recalling his list of tasks, he decided to make a start by asking for a piece of advice from a married person, namely Mick. He must have some pearls of wisdom, Heero thought to himself, after all, twenty years seemed a long time to live harmoniously with someone.
"So can you give me any tips on how to survive married life?" Heero asked, trying to make the question sound innocent. He could feel Wufei, in the front seat next to Mick, grinning as he realised what Heero was doing.
"Well," Mick said scratching his chin thoughtfully, "that's a tough one."
He continued to think for a moment as he guided the car across a busy junction. "Okay," he said, "here it is. My best tip for keeping a happy and healthy marriage. Me and my wife, two times a week we go to a nice restaurant. A little wine, great food and good company…"
He glanced at Heero who nodded as he listened intently.
"I go Tuesday, she goes Friday."
The others roared with laughter as Heero smiled politely. Wufei then announced that Heero could tick that task off his list, leaving only eleven to go. The conversation then turned to filling Mick in on what else Heero had to go through that evening. Mick grinned and blew the air through his teeth so that it whistled slightly.
"Looks like you've got your work cut out!" he said, winking at the others as he pulled the car up to the curb and stopped. "That'll be eight seventy please."
Wufei handed Mick a ten pound note before following the others out onto the pavement. A fine drizzle had just started but the four friends were unconcerned since the restaurant was in sight. The owner of 'Papa Luigis' was a short, moustached man by the name of Mario, whose physical appearance bore a striking resemblance to the Nintendo character of the same name. He greeted Quatre warmly before allowing the blond Arabian to introduce him to his dining companions. They each shook hands with the plumber's doppelganger before making their way to the table he had reserved for them at the back of the softly lit restaurant.
As they sat down, Mario disappeared briefly before returning with a pretty young waitress in tow.
"This is Maria," he said, introducing her and causing her to blush as she surveyed the four handsome strangers before her. "She will be your waitress for this evening. She is Spanish, but her English is very good."
The jolly Italian then clapped his hands together as if he'd just heard an extremely funny joke before turning and headed back to the kitchens, leaving Maria to hand out menus and take their drinks orders.
'Very good' was obviously an over-ambitious description of Maria's English skills, particularly when faced with the array of accents held by the four diners, so she looked a little relieved and a lot grateful when Trowa ordered everything in fluent Spanish. Smiling shyly, she turned away to take their orders to the kitchens as the others, including Quatre, ribbed Trowa playfully about 'showing off' in front of their attractive young waitress.
As the wine waiter filled their glasses with a rich Cabernet Sauvignon, Heero found that he was starting to enjoy himself. His companions always made excellent company as they chatted about their new lives; Wufei and Sally had decided to start a family, Trowa and Quatre had just bought a new house together. There was of course a noticeable absence in their group, but no one mentioned his name even once and for a brief moment Heero wondered if Duo had ever existed at all…
He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of a voice to his left. "What? Sorry…" he said sheepishly as they all stared at him.
"I was just saying, I hope you've not forgotten about your tasks," Wufei said with a smile as he twisted his wine glass by its stem.
Heero shook his head and took a long sip from his own glass, enjoying the increasingly fuzzy feeling the wine was giving him. "I haven't, but I can't do much here can I?" he said boldly.
The other three laughed.
"Of course you can!" Quatre giggled, retrieving his own copy of the list from his pocket and scanning the contents.
Heero looked at the blond challengingly. "Oh yeah? Like what?"
His companions paused thoughtfully as the three of them craned over Quatre's shoulder to survey the list. They glanced at each other as Wufei pointed to something Heero couldn't see before they all nodded, smiling broadly.
"Okay," Wufei began, conspiratorially quiet as he glanced across the room to Maria the waitress. "You've got to tell her that you have a risqué job."
"What?" Heero spluttered, his eyes bulging slightly.
"Yeah," Quatre said nodding earnestly, "but you only complete the task if she believes you so you've got to be really convincing."
"Quick, she's coming!" Trowa said suddenly.
Silence reigned as Maria set down their starters, unaware of the knowing looks the four diners were exchanging. Realising the moment would be lost if Maria was allowed to leave Wufei said loudly, "Maria, we were just discussing something and we'd like your help."
The young girl shot Trowa a look of uncertainty before he translated everything Wufei had just said into perfect Spanish. Realising they would not proceed without her agreement, she smiled shyly and nodded.
Wufei smiled broadly. "My friend here," he said gesturing to Heero whose face instantly turned the colour of the wine, "has quite an unusual job." He paused whilst he allowed Trowa to translate. "And he says women are put off him when he tells them what he does for a living."
Trowa repeated this in Spanish as Quatre stifled a giggle behind his hand. When Trowa had finished, Maria looked at Heero expectantly but the Japanese man did not notice as his eyes bored holes into the rich Axminster carpet.
"Heero?" Trowa said, forcing him to look up. "Tell Maria what you do."
In a small voice that sounded very different from the one that had struck fear into the hearts of Oz soldiers during the war, Heero muttered, "I'm a male stripper."
Trowa translated. Maria's eyes widened.
"A stripper?" she repeated, looking the smartly dressed Japanese man up and down doubtfully.
Heero nodded, meeting her eyes in an attempt to look genuine as the others struggled to conceal their amusement. She continued to study Heero for a moment before her face broke into a wide grin. "You joke yes?" she said smilingly, "strippers big, many muscles, you small."
Heero blushed furiously as Wufei disappeared behind his napkin.
"I've got muscles!" Heero replied indignantly and before he knew what he was doing, he was unbuttoning his shirt. It was Maria's turn to blush as he revealed a lightly tanned but well-honed chest, his muscles rippling under the overhead lights.
"I think, you could be stripper," she said, her eyes darting to look at anything other than the attractive and half-naked diner. "I sorry, I very busy. You need anything else or I go now?"
Trowa excused her and she scuttled away as Heero buttoned up his shirt. It was several minutes before the others composed themselves to look the Japanese man in the eye. Several other diners who had observed the curious scene resumed their own conversations with a final glance at the all-male table, who seemed to have forgotten their own food in their amusement.
"Well?" Heero said as his face returned to its usual colour, "Did I pass?"
Three heads nodded in unanimous agreement as Heero defiantly ticked that particular task off his list.
TBC…