App for That: Cas does some quick thinking to save his two favorite charges. He could have chosen a safer city to abandon them in … that didn't have a bunch of freaks with pointy knives and weird haircuts and bad taste in leotards, but luckily Sammy's always prepared. Kind of. Crack-ish. Oneshot.
Disclaimer: If only, if only the plot bunny sings.
Image: Supernatural by Okha
Proofreader: Kira Kyuu
Rating: All.
…
One angel highjack,
You'll find two brothers and a tricky fox.
And as much as the hunters are sick of this game,
Google Apps might just help you out.
…
"So … we pissed off an angel?" said Dean as he leaned against the desk in the room they were held up in for the night, Sam playing with his smart phone (likely research, the laptop was still frozen up and it absolutely had nothing to do with him and his browsing habits) and Castiel was before him, drowning in his brown trench coat as usual.
"Yes, that is correct."
"Well, which one? You're going to have to be a bit more specific. It's not exactly a short list of god-like beings we have pissed off recently," said Dean as he leaned over and popped the lid off of his beer, regaining his lazy position.
"I do not know," Cas stated simply.
Sam and Dean gave each other a look, thinking the same thing as Dean bit out, "Really, Cas? How is that gonna help us? It's like throwing us out into an interstate with blindfolds and telling us to dodge the oncoming cars."
For a moment the angel looked at the eldest brother, obviously confused by the others statement, "I don't understand. Why would I send you out into an interstate with blindfolds?"
Dean actually sighed and Sam chuckled slightly, a smirk threatening to play at his lips.
"Should've seen that coming," grumbled Dean as he continued, "The point is, how is that any help to us? We're in danger all the time."
For a moment the angel was silent before nodding softly, "You are right. What little information I have is not very useful to you. Perhaps more information is required, but until that information is acquired, we need to make sure you are secure."
"Secure?' said Dean as he frowned. "How? Do you mean you got some angel voodoo to protect our bony asses, or is this going to be a bit in the babysitting category?"
"Not really," said Cas as he stepped forward, "I will merely place you somewhere where my brothers cannot find you. A place where angels don't reign."
Noticing what the angel was about to do, Dean jumped back and hit into his brother slightly, "Oh, hell no. We are not going to hell or anyone in between."
Stalling for a moment, hand outstretched, the angel titled his head and asked in a confused tone, "Well, some people might consider the Elemental Nations to be hell, but it's not that bad. It is generally against their code to harm civilians after all."
"Civilians? Civilians?! Really? We carry an arsenal in my baby's trunk. We do not even vaguely fall into the category of civilians."
Stalling his outstretched hand, the angel asked simply, "Can you harness your inner chakra and command its energy molding in into a chakra pathway stem in which you can use in any of the 361 tenketsu or various other methods, such as hand seals?"
Dean stood there a moment, his beer in one hand as he looked completely confused, his words clipped, "You made that up."
Of course they both knew that wasn't true. Cas still lacked greatly in the sense of humor category.
Instead, Cas merely crossed the distance between himself and his two charges, and stated, "Hold on Dean, Sam."
And then there was the sound of wings.
Dean only had time to close his eyes and Sam barely had time to grab for their survival bag, knowing all too well that they were going for a ride. Dean was sure it was going to be like any other angel teleport, because flying just seemed the wrong term considering how quick angels were, but instead he ended up with a queasy stomach, on the ground with a mouth full of dirt. Fuck, he was probably going to be unable to poop for a week, again.
Pulling himself up off of the dry dirt road, Sam noted that Dean was doing the same though he had gotten some grass to cough up with his landing. There'd be bitching about that … and not being able to poop, probably. Sam, though, could only shakily stand and gape. Their destination had not been what he was expecting. It had a third-world feel with its shanty like wood structures, nothing of grandeur he knew of, and yet people were hopping the roof tops and the buildings seemed to be haphazardly leaning to and fro and if they had been purposely built that way. Just where had Cas dropped them off?!
"Damn it, Cas. Really, we're not … where are we?" said Dean, his tone dramatically changing as he took in the same gaping scene as Sam as he stopped dusting himself off, watching one man give them a weary look before running up the wall and away.
"Konoha," Cas said calmly as he looked around, not the least bit concerned that he nor his two charges did not fit in and were quickly gathering attention.
"Coka Cola?" asked Dean as he staggered a bit, jolted from the sudden flight, which he noted was odd. He had never been this dizzy before. Just how far had they gone?
"No, Konoha," repeated Cas as he looked around, unperturbed by the strange glances they were getting from civilians or the random off-duty ninjas that were quickly becoming guarded, awe and fear mostly directed at Cass and his unimaginable … everything; with all the energy around the spiritual being, it was as if a tailed beast was standing right in the middle of the village, wearing a human disguise, and just looking around. The Anbu were quickly being informed. "To be more accurate, it is Konohagakure no Sato: the Village Hidden in the Leaves."
"Kamehameha? I think you've been watching too much TV, Cas," murmured Dean as he tilted his head back, staring at the strange mountain face that overlooked the city. He was sure that Mount Rushmore was the only one with giant rock faces, but it seemed he was wrong.
Ignoring the more irritated brother, Cas murmured, "Regardless, you must stay here. You will be safe. You have no chakra and thus they will put you in the civilian category and offer protection. I will be back for you when I am done. "
Still taking in the surroundings, shivering because he knew that electric ting was about to occur when Cas spread his wings, he found he wasn't the only one affected, a seemingly blind girl that had been watching them tripping backwards as if she could see Cas' wings, and then he was gone.
Usually, Cas tried to be more on the low down when it came to teleporting away, but then again people were walking up fricken walls here. Maybe it was just a thing. It was likely nothing odd in a town full of freaks.
… Or not, not even three seconds after Cas had disappeared with nothing but an electric ting and the ghost-like sound of flapping wings, the two brothers found themselves suddenly surrounded as if the mostly masked people were just there. One man in particular wanted their attention though, coming forward and speaking in what most certainly was not English.
Sam actually face palmed himself and Dean threw his head back with an exaggerated groan. It figured. Not only where they god knows where, no one spoke English. Wonderful, just wonderful. Not that the green leotard and bowl haircut seemed to noticed their plight as he spoke again, his tone a little more demanding. Not that Dean paid him much mind as he finished his beer in one gulp, sighing heavily as he ignored the growing tension around him for a moment. Besides, who could take anyone seriously wearing that? Ugh, Dean was sure he even threw up in his throat a little bit when his gaze had accidentally traveled below the others midriff. He did not need to see that. Plus, he'd be pissed if he wasted his beer.
Frowning to himself, realizing perhaps that not only did the two brothers seem to speak another language, but not understand his demands at all, the green man spoke again, his tone seeming far more concerned despite the growing tension of the strangely dressed men around them.
"What did he say?" asked Dean, wondering if there was any beer in the survival bag because he did not have the patience to deal with this right now. The emotional scarring from the green leotard man was enough for him in one day. He was going to kill Cas when he got back.
"Well, it sounds like he's speaking Japanese …" said Sam, standing completely still to be as nonthreatening as possible. Though, he would admit, he was still a bit in shock with how quickly they had been surrounded. Dean just seemed tired and sick of this shit.
"And?!" asked Dean in an irritated tone as he eyed the growing crowd in the background. What? Had they never seen two men just pop out of nowhere wearing a leather jack and jeans? There had been weirder shit on Earth lately.
Rolling his eyes, trying to be as still as as possible, Sam grumbled, "And my Japanese is a little rough, Dean. Pretty much non-existent. Sorry. How about you try communicating with them? I know what kind of websites you go to. Busty Asians ring any bells?"
Dean floundered for a moment, trying to think of a way to defend himself, forgetting completely of the group surrounding them before the man with the bowl cut spoke again, his tone confused as he eyed the others, probably wondering why they had yet to answer him.
"Sam …. stop blaming me for your broken shit," Sam glared as Dean continued to speak. "In fact, we have bigger issues. Like I'm pretty sure we are going to get thrown in prison for the entire duration of Cas being gone. So think of something fast. Maybe they know some Latin or maybe they know some elvish Tengwar," poked Dean nervously as he watched one of the masked men slowly pull his sword from its sheath.
Glaring at his brother, ready to defend himself, Sam stalled and reached into his pocket in a hurry, making some of their guards jump as he pulled out his cell phone, tapping on the screen in a hurry, "Wait, I think I have an App for that. Hopefully Japanese is on it."
Ignoring all the confused looks as Sam tapped away at his supped up smart phone, Dean joked, "Yeah, can you find the translation for: hi, can we jack a supernatural ride out of here. We are kind of allergic to swords and … whatever glowy thing that guy is doing with his hands..."
XXX
Paw07: Laughs, yeah, I can just imagine this so easily. Just so easily. Anywho, just a fun oneshot. And yes, I doubt Sam's smart phone would work, unless the program was completely downloaded, but I wouldn't put that past Sam. Just saying. Anyway, thanks for the read.
Revisions November 2014