(A/N This is probably a fic that I'll go back and edit some time in the future. Even now, it's different from the original; I've changed bits that I thought seemed ableist, because that's REALLY not the vibe I wanted to give off with this story. Regardless, there are still some bits that I'm not completely happy with. I've decided to post the story now, so that I can hopefully get feedback on various bits of it and hopefully improve on it later.)
Disclaimer: Avatar: The Last Airbender and associated characters are owned by Bryke
Why did you do it? Why did you betray me? I don't understand. You should have been honoured to fight alongside me. You should have been happy. Why weren't you happy? You should have told me if you weren't. Why didn't you tell me? Were you afraid? You should have feared me. You should have cared enough to stay.
It's all Zuko's fault. Is it all my fault? If he didn't exist, if he hadn't left the Fire Nation, then Mai wouldn't have betrayed me! You wouldn't have betrayed me! Would you have left anyway? Was I really that bad a friend? I expect you don't even know the consequences of your actions. Zuko or Mai probably tricked you into it. Maybe you knew exactly what you were doing, and you really just hate me that much.
I suppose I should thank you. You made me realise that no-one is trustworthy. You were the only person I trusted. Not even my own mind, one of my greatest assets, is trustworthy now. With you, I was teetering on the edge of what is known as sanity. But at least I hadn't fallen. Your betrayal pushed me. I want to go to you and hurt you. If I visited you then maybe you could see how much pain you've caused me, and come back.
I should have never become so attached to you. It has only brought me pain. Please. I need you. I need you to help me. I need you to take away the pain again. But it would be a weakness to show it has affected me this much. Maybe if I pretend I don't care, then the hurt will go away.
When I was younger, father used to tell me that it was better to manipulate a person than to care about them, because if you cared, then both of you would be hurt, rather than just them. I need you to understand my motives, my reasons for controlling you. I suppose he was right. After all, I'm sitting here thinking about this, and you're rotting away in a jail cell. I didn't want him to be proved right. I especially didn't want you to prove he was right.
So once again, I ask: why did you do it? I need an answer. Mai is understandable. She was in love, and people do ridiculous things when they're in love. I trusted you, after all. But you have no reason. I've searched for one, but cannot find any. I've searched for one that means you care about me. Were you in love with Zuko too? Yet another thing he's taken from me. Were you in love with Mai? If you were in love with me, you wouldn't have done it. You could be in love with anyone except me. If it was me, I wouldn't be sat here faced with betrayal, and Mai would be dead. You would have let her die. Did you do it out of spite? For now I will ignore the panic in your eyes as you stabbed me in the back, the fear in your voice as you spoke to Mai. If you did, then you are an appalling friend. Worse even than me. But I already knew that, so spite it is then. If I consider the possibility that you cared, my heart and mind might both shatter into a million pieces, the pain equivalent to the Fire Nation's most horrific torture.
Hate for you is boiling up inside of me. I hate how, even now, you seem to have some kind of strange power over me. A power that makes me feel sorry when I hurt you, even if I won't ever admit it. A power that makes me desire your warmth, even though I know it is not proper for a princess. For anyone, maybe. I never want to see you again! I miss you. I want you back... I hate you!
I love you...