Authoress' Notes: Right, this is pure crack with a little romance thrown in. It's a little idea I (Naru-Chan) came up with when I was spending time at my mothers and had to sit through Mamma Mia again... ¬_¬ I enlisted my cousin (Tema-Chan) to help me with the writing. It's a musical so every chapter has its own song. This is purely for our own entertainment and therefore, many characters may be OOC at times as a result. If you're looking for a fully in character story... this is not the one for you. The primary pairing in the story is RoyxEdward, so again, if you have a problem with Yaoi or that pairing.. this is not for you. Flames are welcomed, Roy likes to play with them ^^.

"Singing."

"Two person or more singing."

"Talking."

Thoughts.

FullMetal Alchemist: The Musical.

Chapter one; That Don't Impress Me Much.

The normally spacious and open space was filled with chattering as various people occupied the couches, some standing without a seat to occupy. The owner of the office; one Colonel Roy Mustang, was sat at his desk, a cheek resting on a closed fist as he stares tiredly out into the room. He had hoped to have done his favourite pass time of sleeping behind piles of paperwork. But alas, it seemed his best friend had an announcement, one that involved all of their peers cramped in his normally peaceful hideaway. A hand reaches to run through dark raven hair in a slightly agitated manner as he looks over at his aforementioned best friend.

"Hughes, I would very much appreciate it if you would hurry up and call this meeting to a close so I can get on with my paperwork." A dark drawl came from the man at the desk, reaching his friends ears that in turn simply turned his head with a sly grin. He knew Roy had no intention of doing paperwork – and it was his own fault he was so tired, if he spent more time working and less time chasing skirt he'd get more rest.

The man in question turned his attention to their comrades, clapping his hands once to get their attention. "Right everyone listen up..." Hughes announced, stepping into the middle of the room. "As you all know, I'm here to announce that me and my wife..." He giggled putting his hand over his mouth, "Are renewing our Wedding Vows, and guess what?" He shouted out getting so excited over his announcement that if he carried on he wouldn't be able to finish. "You are all invited" He finishes, ignoring everyone's strange looks. He slipped his hand into his pocket and started to pass around envelopes with little pink hearts on the back.

"My little girl made these." He gushed as he passed an envelope to everyone in the room. Hughes just couldn't help himself when it came to his little princess and how proud he was of her all the time, all she had to do most of the time was smile at him and he'd go crazy and tell people how proud he was. "Okay that is all that was needed to be said." he practically skipped around the office, before settling against the wall by where Roy was sat. "Ohh... And everyone... you may also bring a date." Hughes added, almost as an afterthought.

The reaction of the occupants was a mixture of shocked and a little confused. "Hughes? Why do you need to renew your vows?" Hawkeye asked a little confusion evident in her voice.

"Well Hawkeye, you see we got married before Elicia was born and we –that is my gorgeous Gracia and I– want her as our flower girl, don't you think she'll look as pretty in a dress as a..."

Hawkeye cut him short of what he was going to say, "Yes I'm sure she'd look amazing, I guess that answers my question." Hawkeye rolled her eyes wishing she never asked in the first place as she perched herself on the edge of Roy's desk.

Ed shook his head he really didn't understand half of what marriage was about or what made it appealing and he didn't really want to find out. He spared a glance in Roy's direction but caught Hawkeye smirking towards the dark haired male. It made Ed's skin crawl when she looked at the Colonel like that it worried him slightly, she had a devious mind and Edward was thankful it was rarely turned on him. He did not know what held her attention though as he turned his own attention to his somewhat father-figure. "Well Hughes, congratulations on renewing your vows, I think it's lovely as me and Al weren't around last time." Ed claimed trying to sound enthusiastic - despite the idea of marriage not really appealing to him. He sits back relaxing against the soft leather of the seat he was currently occupying.

At the mention of the celebration, all eyes went to the three girls in the room. After all, they had limited options to pick a suitable date. Hawkeye, Winry and Sheska; who all in turn let out a tired sigh, this would be painful. The two blonde's glanced across the room, a smirk forming on their lips, followed closely with a glance between Ed, Al and Roy with a gulp. They knew that look and knowing the two blonde's as well as they did.. this was not going to be pretty.

Hawkeye was the first to move, taking out a small music player from her pocket, stepping next to a confused Roy and connecting it to his intercom. Soon music was blaring out around the room as Sheska laughed softly, realising what the other girls were up to.

The males in their room for their part, were staring around the intercom speakers in awe at the music, many with raised Eyebrows as the short tempered blonde on the couch opened his mouth, his eyes on his childhood friend. "What the hell are you–" His words were cut short as the blonde girl placed two fingers over his lips, silencing him.

"I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart.." She began, the blonde male smirking under her fingers triumphantly, leaning back on the couch smugly as Winry pulls her hand away. "But you've got being right down to an art, you think you're a genius–you drive me up the wall..." It didn't take long for the grin on Edward's face to fall and a twitch to appear in his left eye, clearly unimpressed about what was being said about him. Winry took no notice as she continued, her hand slipping through his silky sunshine bangs before tapping his temple with a finger at her next line. "You're a regular original, a know-it-all!" She walked away from him, her hips swaying with her swagger as she suddenly turned back to him, pleasantly surprised to see his jaw drop; she placed one hand on her hip as she sang, Sheska and Riza meeting her on either side.

"Oh-oh, you think you're special... Oh-oh, you think you're something else..." All eyes in the room were on them with interest, Roy who was still behind his desk suddenly very interested in Ed being put down a peg or two. This meeting was getting better by the second.

Winry stepped forward again, her hand cupping Ed's chin to make the boy look at her, a smirk forming on her lips as he blushes slightly, whether from being embarrassed or slightly angry with her comments, she wasn't sure. "Okay, so you're an Alchemic scientist..." She suddenly pushes him away with her hand on his face, shaking her head with a snort. "That don't impress me much," Another tap to his head had the Fullmetal Alchemist flinching slightly. "So you got the brains but have you got the touch..?" She sang, her voice lowering slightly and a hand running along each of her sides from her respective female comrade's. "Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright, but that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night..." She spun on her heel, her hand waving dismissively as she perched herself on the side of Roy's desk, Sheska joining her on the opposite side. "That don't impress me much."

It seemed Hawkeye was next as she turned to face Roy, a devious smile playing on her lips. She prowled around the desk, coming to a stop just beside his chair, pushing him back towards the window. Roy sat completely relaxed, Riza already knew it would be harder to break his facade; he wasn't as easily pushed as Edward was. She knelt down in front of him, her hands sliding along his legs, making the Colonel raise an eyebrow but nothing else, it was a challenge... and she was more than willing to play.

The men in the room stood, all trying to get a better look at what was going on, all except Hughes who happily watched from his spot against the wall just off to the side of the window that Roy's chair was currently against.

Hawkeye's hands finished their journey, slipping one into one of his pocket, an object coming out with her hand, glistening in the sunlight from the window. "I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket..." She sang, she saw the flash in Roy's eyes, she knew he was struggling to still remain cool and collected, and she knew without looking that Edward was grinning like a cat who just got the cream at the new development. But she wasn't done yet as she got up, spinning along the arm of his chair and taking his hand, her own slipping up his sleeve and pulling out a neat black comb. "And a comb up his sleeve –just in case!" She laughed to herself, placing the objects on the table where Winry picked up the mirror, examining herself as Sheska took the comb, grooming her hair.

Riza's hand went to his hair next, ruffling it slightly, smirking when she felt the male beneath her twitch; he was definately cracking a little. "And all that extra hold gel in your hair ought'ta lock it..." She leant forward, her face inches from his as she licked her lips slowly before dramatically leaning back, the back of her hand touching her forehead. "'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place!" She sat in front of Roy on the desk now, Sheska and Winry dropping Roy's mirror and comb back onto his lap, each leaning their back against Hawkeye's side, one leg perched on the table bent at the knees with their arms lying across the knee. Roy took the items, shoving them in his pockets quickly as he continued to watch the girls with a frown, aiming a warning glance at a smirking Ed.

"Oh-oh, you think you're special... Oh-oh, you think you're something else..."

"Okay, so you're Roy Mustang..." She shook her head, her foot on his knee as he looked up at her, a slight twitch in his eye the only give away to his annoyance. "That don't impress me much..." She reached forward, her fingertips brushing his cheek and making the Flame alchemist flinch unintentionally. "So you got the looks but have you got the touch..?" Her hand slid down along his neck, bringing up his hand to touch her leg on her knee while Sheska and Winry slide their hands down her arms. Riza kicked Roy's hand away lightly, dropping her feet to the floor and taking a few steps away from him, turning her head to look over her shoulder at him. "Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright. But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night..." She flicked her head forward, walking to the crowd of males, all of them parting to let her walk through, paving the way for Sheska and Winry who soon followed.

Sheska was next, they all knew, but they wondered who the shy girl would target, all male's head's in the room looked around nervously. Ed and Roy being targeted was pretty obvious so everyone else had known they were safe but with the somewhat timid Sheska... This was a whole new guessing game.

They didn't have long to wait as she approached one Jean Havoc who was stood on the other side of Roy's window – cigarette firmly between his lips as always – glancing out occasionally to check on his car outside. Sheska's eye twitched slightly, him and that damn machine had been getting on her nerves recently, he offered to go on a date with her recently and when she had agreed he had spent the entire evening running in and out of the restaurant to check his "Baby" was okay.

He was definately going to have it for that.

Havoc managed to turn just in time to realise he was the next target. He visibly flinched and paled, laughing awkwardly. "Sheska... you aren't still angry about—" He stopped as she shot him a look, looking at the floor while the males all whisper about what he could have done to annoy the shy girl.

"You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine..." She starts, her hand gesturing out of the window to his new car, looking back at him with an annoyed look. She perches herself on the very edge of Roy's desk again, kicking off her heeled shoes – the offending article barely missing Havoc's nose. "You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in." She said, hearing the snickers around the room from the others as Winry and Riza walk to either side of Havoc, each facing away from him. "I can't believe you kiss your car good night..." At this sentence, all occupants of the room – the loudest being Ed, Roy placing his hand over his mouth to hide a small smirk – laughed at the obscene idea, but with the darkening blush on Havoc's cheeks all laughing stopped – Sheska was being serious?

Moving from the desk and placing her hands on the other girls' shoulder's while they stood like bodyguards in front of Havoc. "C'mon baby tell me..." She stopped in front of him, leaning a little closer as the two blonde's turned their head's to look at him, each with looks of disbelief as they all spoke, "You must be jokin', right!" Sheska moves, snorting and waving her hand, completely dismissing the blonde male as she walked towards the crowd of males a couple of steps, Winry and Riza retrieving her shoes and kneeling down as she slips her feet back into them.

"Oh-oh, you think you're special... Oh-oh, you think you're something else..."

Sheska glances at him from over her shoulder as the others remained knelt at her feet. "Okay, so you've got a car..." She rolled her eyes, turning and addressing the rest of the room. "That don't impress me much..." She shakes her head with a slightly more timid smirk that that of her blonde companions, her hands sliding along her hips as she sways them with her song. "So you got the moves," The other girls' heads looked up to her, both with mischievous smiles as they stroked their hands slowly up her legs, making Sheska blush a little but she continued nonetheless."But have you got the touch?" She turned back to face Havoc again, who hadn't actually looked at his car since she started singing. She held up her hand, one finger extended as she made a windscreen-wiper movement. "Now, don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright... But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night." Her arms wrapped around her and she let out a sigh, Winry and Riza standing slowly.

"That don't impress me much."

Riza walked over to Falman, who was sat casually on one of the couches, his arm draped over the back. "You think you're cool but have you got the touch?" She shook her head and turned away, walking away from him as she scanned the men of the room.

Winry and Sheska were doing the same, all three of them now split and moving through the men, hands running along their backs or chests as they passed. "Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright, but that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely nights..." All three sang as they weaved about the room, all laughing slightly. "That don't impress me much..."

It seemed not even Hughes was safe from the three female's game as Winry stood in front of him, hand on her hip as she looked him up and down. "Okay, so what do you think you're Elvis or something..?" She laughed at Hughes' shocked look as he straightened a little, a small snort of a chuckle coming from her right belonging to Roy.

"Oh-Oh-Oh... That don't impress me much! Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-No"

Sheska approached Armstrong who had his usual sparkles at her scrutiny, his shirt seemed to dematerialise under her watchful gaze as he flexed his muscles, making Edward and Al both physically facepalm. "Alright! Alright!" She said with a small giggle behind her hand before she exclaimed. "You're Tarzan!" She turned, leaving a dejected – and lost for sparkles – Armstrong in her wake, the other girls spread out still throughout the office.

Winry was currently stood next to Fuery as she piped up. "Captain Kirk, maybe?"

"John Wayne." Riza added, moving from Roy's desk where she had retrieved her music player to stand next to Al who was straddling the back of the couch, this was more a little bit from the fact that since Al had got his body back; he had become obsessed with horses.

Sheska shook her head as all three girls met near the door. "Whatever!" She added as they all shook their heads, clearly they were almost finished. Riza opened the door for them and they all took a step forward, looking over their shoulders for their last line. "That don't impress me..." There was a small pause, but just before the door was slammed closed behind them the last word was almost whisperedon their departure. "...much!"

The room was silent for a while after the door closed; Roy clearing his throat broke the silence. "Well... that was certainly... unexpected..." He says a little awkwardly, he knew he was going to get nothing but hell from Edward over the mirror and comb. He got a nod from everyone in response and he sighed a little.

There were a few glances around the room as everyone started to move, the meeting was over and more than a handful of them had a few wounds to lick.

"It was pretty hot though..." Al piqued up after a couple of minutes, followed by a flinch as the whole room turned on him.

"Al?"

Naru-Chan: Well, I hoped you enjoyed this little bit of fun, we'll be looking to hear from you. After all, if we know people are truly interested in seeing this story continue –even with the blatant out-of-character acts– we'll have more inspiration to do so! Ja!

Tema-Chan: Yeah, we hope you will have as much fun reading this as we did writing it. Stay tuned and review for more! I'll give you cookies... And chocolate cake! Everyone loves chocolate cake! ...Ohh and Ice-Cream! ^_^v

...oh and-

Naru-Chan: Save some bribery for the other chapters!