"Promise me." I demand, staring into his eyes, "Promise me we will be best friend forever."
"I promise." Benjamin Barker says, looking back at me.
"Cross your heart and hope to die?"
He nods, crossing his heart with his finger. A smile spreads across my face as he does so.
"On this day, the forth of June, I, Eleanor Kotter, age six, declare Benjamin Barker, age seven, by bestest friend forever."
"Nellie? 'Bestest' isn't a word."
I roll my eyes, "I don't care, anyway, that's not the point. The point is, from this day forward, we are best friends for life."
-x-
"Ben, can I ask you something?" I turn to face Benjamin, as we lay in the park on the fresh greenish grass.
"Yes, Nellie?" He says, looking back at me.
"Do you ever think of your future? Ever think of, I don't know falling in love?"
He shrugged, "I don't know. Not really."
"Oh." I mumble, looking back up at the clouds.
"Do you?" He asks, his eyes still on me. I nod my head. "Why?"
"I don't know. I guess, I just wonder what it's like to be in love. To be kissed." I murmur, watching the clouds roll by.
"You do?" He sits up, still studying my face. Before I can answer, he bends down and kisses me.
The kiss is quick, and it's over before I can respond. He immediately apologizes, but I'm still stunned. I realized at that moment, at age nine, I'm in love with Benjamin Barker.
-x-
"Ben, wait!" I call, trying to catch my breath as I run up the hill behind him. He turns and smiles at me, his wavy brown hair softly rustling in the light breeze. "I can barely breathe with this bloody corset as it is." He laughs at this and I can feel myself grinning too.
The two of us stand on the hill overlooking the sea. I look back, trying to spot the house my family was invited to stay in for a week. A cozy little thing, painted white with little blue shutters to match, right next to Enid Barker, Ben's grandmother's home. The sea breeze blows against my face. I've finally caught my breath, resuming normal breathing, no thanks to my corset.
"I don't understand why girls have to wear those things anyway." Ben states, "You would look just as pretty without it." I can feel myself smiling even wider, as heat rises to my cheeks, but he doesn't seem to notice.
"Ben!" Turn again to see his little sister, Amaryllis, running up the hill behind us, trying to catch up. He groans as soon as he spots her too.
"What do you want?" He asks the seven year old as she struggles climb up the steep mound.
"Mummy said that you have to play with me." She smiled up at him before turning to me, "What have you two been doing?" She asks slyly, "Kissing?" She erupts into a fit of giggles as I blush even more.
"No!" Ben is blushing now to, "She's just a friend, right Nellie?"
I nod, looking down at my shoes. Even though he's a year older than me, at age thirteen, he's already very handsome and very well mannered. Unlike the other boys who like to wrestle each other and see who can steal the most apples from Mr. Jenkin's fruit stand back in London, Ben prefers to do more productive things like read, help his father in their barber shop, and play the piano. I like that.
Benjamin Barker has always been my playmate, my neighbor, my best friend. Even thought mother doesn't approve of my running around and getting messy, Ben and I still love visiting each other. And maybe one day, he'll fall in love with each other and get married. We could have a house by the sea, just the two of us for a while and maybe some children of our own later on. But I'm only twelve, I have while before I start thinking about marriage.
-x-
It's not a very nice day out today. It's very foggy and it will most likely rain later on. I sit on the window seat, trying to concentrate on mending my brother's socks, but my mind wonders elsewhere. Where was Ben? He usually stopped by to say hello and we would walk to the docks, watching the boats head out to sea.
I glance out the window and finally spot him coming out of his house. Quickly, I throw down my sewing and run down the stairs, throwing open the door. He's getting into a carriage now so I run to him, calling his name. He hears my voice and looks around, obviously not knowing where I am. Finally, I reach him, but he's not alone.
As I peer into the carriage, I can see someone else inside with him, and not just anyone, a girl. My eyes flicker back to his face and he smiles warmly, but there is something else in his eyes. Anxiety? Guilt?
"Hello." I say, doing my best to hide the confusion in my voice.
"Benjamin, darling, who is this?" The girl asks. She looks down at me, an eye brow raised like I'm some kind of beggar woman. She has blue eyes and blond hair. I've never seen her before, and why was she calling Ben "darling"?
"Lucy, this is Eleanor Kotter, my good friend. Eleanor, this is Lucy Sipling, the," He hesitates, "girl I'm courting." Now it is my turn to have an eyebrow raised.
"Since when were you courting someone?" I ask, not caring if I sound rude. I'm hurt, usually Ben tells me everything, but he hasn't told me about this Lucy girl.
"Benny and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks." Lucy says haughtily. "Now, if you excuse us, Ben and I are off to lunch. Goodbye." The carriage door is slammed in my face and it takes off down the street. I'm left alone, standing in the middle of the street as it starts to rain.
Later that night, Ben explained everything to me as we walked down the streets.
"Lucy is the daughter of one of my father's regular costumer's. One day, he told my father that he had a seventeen year old daughter and my dad said that I should meet her." So, Lucy was the same age as me, a year younger than Ben. "I was going to tell you about her, I just hadn't found the right moment yet. I'm sorry."
"She didn't seem to like me." I mumble, "And she seems a little rude."
"Actually, she's very nice, you just have to get to know her." I let out a huff before I can stop myself. He laughs, "Stubborn, are we Nellie?"
I feel myself start grin and he smiles back, that beautiful smile that I've fallen in love with so many years ago.
Snap out of it Nellie. I think to myself. He's not interested in you.
"How about we go to dinner. Me, you, and Lucy. That way you can get to know each other."
Lucy. I try not to frown as I nod, yes.
-x-
"Eleanor, he'll be here any minute!" My mother hissed, frantically running around the room trying to clean things up. Just as she finished saying that, there was a knock and the door. "Get the door. And be pleasant." She shot me a look as I got up to answer the door.
I put on my best smile as I open it, and there he is. He's tall, muscular, dark hair, dark eyes and a nice smile. He's rather handsome, I must admit, and he looks about the same age as Ben, eighteen.
"Hello, miss. You must be Eleanor, my name is Albert, Albert Lovett."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Albert." I hold out my hand, expecting him to shake it, instead he takes it and kisses it. I blush a bit, not used to young men treating me this way. He smiles up at me, pleased with himself. "Please, come in."
I can feel my heart pounding as I watch him survey the house. What will he be like? I know that mother wants me to get married soon, is this my future husband? My parents wanted me to meet this "fine young man" as they put it. They think that it's time for me to "settle down and start thinking about marriage."
Dinner goes very smoothly. Albert talks about business with my father, and compliments my mother's cooking. My family seems pleased with this "suitor." I, on the other hand, cannot see myself as his future wife.
-x-
"I'm going to ask her to marry me." I stare at my best friend incredulously.
"You're going to ask Lucy to marry you?" I repeat.
"Yes." Benjamin nods. "I love her." I feel my heart breaking, shattering into billions of pieces. "But I'm worried. I don't know when to ask her, or if she'll say yes." He's always confided his secrets and worries to me, but I never expected him to be telling me his worried about marriage.
"I'm sure you'll ask her when the time is right. Good luck." I do my best to fake smile, hearing my voice crack slightly. I watch as he stands up and leaves me under our favorite tree. As he leaves, I realize how alone I feel. It's the first time he has ever made me feel, alone.
-x-
"Will you marry me?" Albert Lovett asks. He's on one knee, in front of me, holding out a glittering diamond ring. I'm stunned. My first instinct is to say no, but my mind wonders to an earlier conversation with my mother.
"You have to marry him Eleanor."
"But I don't love him. He is a very nice man, and he has become a good friend, but I don't want to be married to him."
"You're father is very sick, we need the money." She looks at me sadly, "I'm sorry Nellie, but you have to do it, for our family's sake." I know I have no choice.
"Yes, I'll marry you." Another fake smile, I seem to be doing that a lot lately.
We go back into the Lovett household, back to the Christmas party where Albert announces that I have agreed to marry him. For the rest of the night, I am flooded with congratulations, smiles, and people asking to see the ring. I smile through it all, but deep down I feel as if I have lost my freedom. I am marrying a man I don't love, and I feel like it's going to kill me.
-x-
My gown is pure white. It's very heavy since there are a million layers to the skirt and the bodice is weighed down with white sparkling beads. The lace sleeves on the dress match my veil. My hands sweat as I hold the bouquet of white flowers in my hand. I feel like I'm suffocating in all these layers. The organ starts to play and my older brother, George, takes my arm.
"Father would be proud." He whispers in my ear right before we start to walk. My father died just a short while before my wedding. I've always been close with my father, and it makes me sad that he's not here to watch me get married. Another disappointment of the day.
As we walk, I can see many people in the seats of the church. My mother, aunt, cousins, Albert's family, Ben's parents, and his sister, Amaryllis, and finally Ben himself, and his wife, Lucy.
The ceremony drags on. I pray that this is all a dream and that I'm not really getting married, but I know it's not. I am suffering alone.
-x-
I've been married for almost a year now. I run a pie shop on Fleet Street, where our home is. Albert works as well, a proper business man. He's been kind to me, and he is a wonderful husband, but I don't love him. He adores my cooking and has gained a few pounds since we got married.
There's a knock at the door, and I run to open it. Albert said he's expecting a man to come by later to talk about renting the apartment above our home. I gasp when my eyes come to rest on the man standing before me.
"B-B-Benjamin?" I stutter. I haven't seen him since my wedding. His mother told me that he moved to the countryside with Lucy.
He smiles, "Hello Mrs. Lovett, is your husband home?"
"Please, dear. Don't call me that." I roll my eyes before turning to call my husband. He comes to the door and smiles, greeting our guest.
"Mr. Barker is thinking about renting the room above our home." He informs me as he ushers Benjamin into the house.
"If we can settle on a reasonable price, I'd love to rent it." Maybe I'm not alone after all.
-x-
"Mr. Barker, you seem awfully cheery today." I'm staring at the counter, scrubbing it as hard as I can. I'm trying to repress the news I had received earlier from the doctor. The news about my unborn child, or now my unborn child that no longer exists.
"Do I?" His smiled grew wider "Perhaps it's because of some news Lucy has given me."
"And what news would that be, love?" I asked, glancing up from the counter.
"She went to the doctor the other day an-" My heart skips a beat and I feel like I'm going to vomit. I know exactly what he's going to say.
"She's going to have a baby isn't she."
"Yes." He looked puzzled for a moment, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine."I look away from him, unable to meet his eyes.
"Oh, didn't you have something to tell me the other day?"
"It's not important anymore." I whisper, "Please excuse me, Mr. Barker." With that, I run out of the room, desperately trying to hold back the tears that had formed in my eyes. I stay in my room for the rest of the afternoon, and I am alone.
-x-
"Johanna." Lucy smiles, holding the new baby in her arms. "Her name is Johanna." The corners of my mouths twitch up into a smile.
'"She's beautiful." I whisper softly, stroking the baby's fuzz of blonde hair.
"Thank you." Lucy Barker and I have become almost friends since she moved into the room above me. "I wanted to name her Amaryllis, after Benny's sister, but he insisted on Johanna."
"Well I think it's a lovely name."
-x-
"Eleanor!" Lucy comes bursting into the shop, holding baby Johanna in her arms. Lucy has tears streaming down her face, her bonnet askew she looked disheveled. "Eleanor! You have to help me." She sobs.
"Why? What's happened?" I take Johanna from her arms.
"They've taken him! Please, help me." She cries, taking hold of my sleeve and dragging me towards the door.
"Who? Who have they taken Lucy?" I ask very alarmed.
"Benjamin. The police, they took Benjamin!"
-x-
"You have five minutes." The guard says gruffly, opening the door of the jail. I walk down a dark hall, jail cells to my left and a cold stone wall to my right. I peer into each one of the cells, looking for Benjamin, desperately trying to find my friend.
"Benjamin!" I cry, when I finally see him. I run to his cell, reaching my hand between the bars and taking his hand. "What happened?"
"I-I-I don't know." He stutters, I can tell, he's stunned, in shock. "Where is Lucy? Is she alright?" I reach through the bars and stroke his cheek.
"She's just fine love. She's home, with Johanna." He nods. "Please, take care of her."
"Of course, love. But you'll be home soon. Don't fret."
He shakes his head, "Promise me you will take care of."
"Ben, I-"
"Promise me." He clutches my hand.
"I promise." I look into his eyes, there are tears in them, and suddenly, there are tears in mine as well. We both have the same feeling, though we don't want to admit it. He won't be coming home soon.
-x-
I push my way to the front of the crowd. Everyone is staring in silence, watching as the police escort the prisoner onto the boat. The prisoner, Benjamin. He is being taken to Devil's Island on a life sentence. Finally, I can't stand watching. I run forward.
"Benjamin!" I cry, running through the policemen and clinging onto him. "Please!" I cry, "He's an innocent man."
"Get back over there!" The policeman hisses. I look up at him, teary eyed.
"Can I just say goodbye?" His eyes soften for a moment.
"Make it quick." He growls, "And don't try anything stupid."
Ben looks at me, touching my cheek softly. "Take care of yourself, take care of Lucy, and Johanna." He looks into my watery eyes. "I'll be back one day, I promise."
I know that's a lie, but I can't help but cling onto it. As the police drag me away from him I keep thinking. He'll be back. He'll be back.
-x-
"Eleanor?" Lucy's voice is soft, and worn. It is almost as if she has aged fifty years overnight. Something happened, when she went out yesterday with the Beadle, something she won't talk about. She stumbled into the house very late, tears sliding down her cheeks, her dress torn. I tried to help her, ask her what's wrong, but she wouldn't answer me. Now that I hear her voice, I'm a bit worried.
"Yes?"
"Can you watch Johanna for me? I need to go into town and get something."
"If you want, I can go into town for you." I say softly, taking the baby from her anyway.
"No, it's alright. I have to go."
I nod, "Okay."
Later that night, I hear cries and thumping coming from Lucy's room. I run up the stairs and rip open the door, finding her lying unconscious on the floor, a bottle in her hand. I scream for Albert, for someone to help me.
I run to Lucy, cradling her head in my arms, begging for her not to die. Tears stream down my face, but not because Lucy is dying, because I have broken my promise to Benjamin.
-x-
"No, please! Don't take her away!" I cry, throwing myself at the police officer's feet as he carried Johanna away from me.
"I'm sorry madam, it's the Judge's orders." He replied, gently pushing me aside. The baby is wailing and I have to shout to be heard.
"But I promised her parents I would look after her!" The officer just ignores me and walks out of the house.
"Don't worry, she'll have a better life where ever she is going." Albert says, trying to comfort me.
"No, she's going to be raised by that monster, Turpin." I am broken, Benjamin is gone, Lucy is gone and now so is Johanna.
-x-
Albert is dead. The doctor said he was too heavy for his own good. His funeral was simple, and many people came. He had always been friendly with our neighbors, the people who worked with him, his family.
Everyone came to me, saying things like they were sorry for my loss, and I am in they're prayers.
Mrs. Anderson, our neighbor comes over to me and hugs me. "I'm so sorry Nellie. He was so young." She shook her head, "Only twenty six. Take care of yourself dear."
When the funeral is over, I do something I didn't think I would do. I cry, but not because I'm going to miss Albert. I cry because I'm going to be alone. Times are hard and I don't know how I'll get by. I am afraid. I am alone.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed that little one-shot I've been working on. Pease Review and tell me what you think.