Hello fluff! Cliche's and rip-offs abound in this characteristically (for me) braindead fic. Enjoy!
"Hehehe." Serena snickered evilly as she saw the innocent victim being drained in the park. Molly again in the wrong place at the wrong time. She whipped out her communicator and called the Scouts with a terse, "Rose Petal Park. Now. Be there or miss the fun." And it would be fun. It had been a bad day.
Bad day + test flunkage + that time of the month = major pissage.
Major pissage from the most powerful warrior in the universe = bye-bye youma.
Ahh, stress relief. Serena transformed with a shouted phrase. Who cares which one? She had so many, it would make a lot more sense to just combine all her little trinkets into one huge locket. But then that would be clunky as hell, and we couldn't have that, now could we? So she let the local peepers get a glimpse of furred-out outline as her Scout uniform molded itself to her. She was Sailor Moon, able to jump up several stories, die and be reincarnated several times, make several guys crush on her at once, and kick the asses of several monsters, all while wearing the same several square millimeters of skirt!
Then her communicator beeped. She put it on text instead of audio to avoid attracting attention. "Sorry Sere, have a college level class to cram for. Good luck, bye!" Studious Ami. Always loyal. Hah.
Beep again. "Sorry I have to miss the carnage, Meatballhead, but I have plans to read the Sacred Fire and then beat up Chad some more. Later!" Bitch!
Beep yet a third time. "Hottie alert, Mina and Lita on the prowl. Oh God, he's looking at us! You guys can handle the monster. There's a guy hotter than my old boyfriend over by that fountain!" Dammit!! That left it all for just her!
But no matter. One youma, one Scout, one bad day. Not a problem. Woohoo, it was time to do the speech! She leaped atop a statue and struck a pose.
"Stop right there!" Obligingly, it did, dropping poor unconscious Molly. "I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice. I will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means you, asswipe!"
The scaly thing had the cojones to laugh. "Expanding our vocabulary, are we?" It chuckled as it sprinted towards the wailing Scout. She just stood there like she always did, terrified in the face of actual pain. Then a remarkable thing happened: a rose streaked through the air. But somehow it curved in the air to pop out the monster's eye.
"Euww! Darien, didn't anyone ever warn you about doing that? You really need to work on your aim!" Sailor Moon puked prettily into the nearby bushes.
"Oh my beautiful Princess, even the way you regurgitate is music to my ears. I will humbly endeavor to improve my aim so as not to disgrace your magnificence any longer. Forgive me, my once and future love." Tuxie Boy prostrated himself at her feet (well, knees, since she was still hurling into the lilacs). Once Sailor Moon stopped barfing, she stood up and slapped him upside the head.
"What did I tell you about calling me that? Yeesh, will that damn groveling spell Beryl put on him ever wear off? You can go home now, Darien. I can take it from here. Do some target practice with your roses. Here's a picture of Ann you can use for a bull's eye. Kiss kiss!" He gave her a smooch on the forehead (due to vomit breath) and wandered off across the rooftops to find a dartboard.
The stupid youma had finally found its eyeball lying next to a pile of doggie doo and, after substituting the wrong round thing in its socket at first, stuck the eye back in its head. Now it roared with rage and sliminess, and charged after Sailor Moon again. This time she dodged, knowing her backup had gone.
But this time, she wasn't quite fast enough. The monster swiped at her with its claws as it passed, slashing across her chest. "Frigging perverted piece of Negashit! That was my boob!" the Savior of the World cussed. Then there was another problem: her locket fell off her bow onto the sidewalk, where it broke in half. And that was one thing duck tape couldn't fix. Crud.
The thing leaped at her again, but she could only roll away. It slashed again as it passed, this time inflicting a more serious wound:
It cut off a chunk of her hair.
Sailor Moon stood up slowly, turned around to look the youma in the eyes. Euww. The slimy demon realized something was wrong now. Fire hotter than Mars' burned in her eyes. You. Don't. Touch. The. Hair.
"I am Princess Serenity of the Moon Kingdom. I am Sailor Moon. And in accordance with the Lunar offices, I call upon the true power of the Moon!" She took a deep breath as a gust of wind whipped around her. She now wore a white dress trimmed with lace, and the crescent mark shone gold in the streetlamps. She picked her cracked locket up off the sidewalk. Her long strands of hair, one pigtail inches shorter than the other, flailed in the wind. She gripped the broken locket as she shouted a new phrase.
"PMS Power!"
Light flashed around her. Her new fuku formed itself around her, dark rusty brown and bright red. Wings grew from her back. The crystal in her hand changed, elongated, till the golden crescent was crossed with an equally golden capital T. It hung, not from a chain, but from a plain cotton string around her neck.
"You have gone too far this time, you creep. For your crimes against the people of this city, and your crimes against me, and just because I am NOT in a good mood, I will punish you. Moon Midol Activation!" A hail of small tan pellets wounded the youma across the face and body, but didn't take it out. It wailed.
"Say hi to Beryl for me when you get to Hell. Preeminent Mega Supreme Power!" The long, thin crystal at her throat glowed. She pointed it at the howling monster as a laser shot out the end. It drilled a small hole through the youma's heart, several trees, a granite statue of some dead guy, and an Oldsmobile parked across the street. Dusted.
PMS Moon detransformed back into plain old Serena. She yawned as she woke up Molly and dragged her home. Serena made a mental note to seriously chew out the other Scouts for not helping out. A small grin crossed her face as she contemplated how to guilt them out of large amounts of chocolate. But that could wait for tomorrow.
Right now, it was time to go home, take a long hot shower, and go to sleep. On her side.
"Hehehe." Serena snickered evilly as she saw the innocent victim being drained in the park. Molly again in the wrong place at the wrong time. She whipped out her communicator and called the Scouts with a terse, "Rose Petal Park. Now. Be there or miss the fun." And it would be fun. It had been a bad day.
Bad day + test flunkage + that time of the month = major pissage.
Major pissage from the most powerful warrior in the universe = bye-bye youma.
Ahh, stress relief. Serena transformed with a shouted phrase. Who cares which one? She had so many, it would make a lot more sense to just combine all her little trinkets into one huge locket. But then that would be clunky as hell, and we couldn't have that, now could we? So she let the local peepers get a glimpse of furred-out outline as her Scout uniform molded itself to her. She was Sailor Moon, able to jump up several stories, die and be reincarnated several times, make several guys crush on her at once, and kick the asses of several monsters, all while wearing the same several square millimeters of skirt!
Then her communicator beeped. She put it on text instead of audio to avoid attracting attention. "Sorry Sere, have a college level class to cram for. Good luck, bye!" Studious Ami. Always loyal. Hah.
Beep again. "Sorry I have to miss the carnage, Meatballhead, but I have plans to read the Sacred Fire and then beat up Chad some more. Later!" Bitch!
Beep yet a third time. "Hottie alert, Mina and Lita on the prowl. Oh God, he's looking at us! You guys can handle the monster. There's a guy hotter than my old boyfriend over by that fountain!" Dammit!! That left it all for just her!
But no matter. One youma, one Scout, one bad day. Not a problem. Woohoo, it was time to do the speech! She leaped atop a statue and struck a pose.
"Stop right there!" Obligingly, it did, dropping poor unconscious Molly. "I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice. I will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means you, asswipe!"
The scaly thing had the cojones to laugh. "Expanding our vocabulary, are we?" It chuckled as it sprinted towards the wailing Scout. She just stood there like she always did, terrified in the face of actual pain. Then a remarkable thing happened: a rose streaked through the air. But somehow it curved in the air to pop out the monster's eye.
"Euww! Darien, didn't anyone ever warn you about doing that? You really need to work on your aim!" Sailor Moon puked prettily into the nearby bushes.
"Oh my beautiful Princess, even the way you regurgitate is music to my ears. I will humbly endeavor to improve my aim so as not to disgrace your magnificence any longer. Forgive me, my once and future love." Tuxie Boy prostrated himself at her feet (well, knees, since she was still hurling into the lilacs). Once Sailor Moon stopped barfing, she stood up and slapped him upside the head.
"What did I tell you about calling me that? Yeesh, will that damn groveling spell Beryl put on him ever wear off? You can go home now, Darien. I can take it from here. Do some target practice with your roses. Here's a picture of Ann you can use for a bull's eye. Kiss kiss!" He gave her a smooch on the forehead (due to vomit breath) and wandered off across the rooftops to find a dartboard.
The stupid youma had finally found its eyeball lying next to a pile of doggie doo and, after substituting the wrong round thing in its socket at first, stuck the eye back in its head. Now it roared with rage and sliminess, and charged after Sailor Moon again. This time she dodged, knowing her backup had gone.
But this time, she wasn't quite fast enough. The monster swiped at her with its claws as it passed, slashing across her chest. "Frigging perverted piece of Negashit! That was my boob!" the Savior of the World cussed. Then there was another problem: her locket fell off her bow onto the sidewalk, where it broke in half. And that was one thing duck tape couldn't fix. Crud.
The thing leaped at her again, but she could only roll away. It slashed again as it passed, this time inflicting a more serious wound:
It cut off a chunk of her hair.
Sailor Moon stood up slowly, turned around to look the youma in the eyes. Euww. The slimy demon realized something was wrong now. Fire hotter than Mars' burned in her eyes. You. Don't. Touch. The. Hair.
"I am Princess Serenity of the Moon Kingdom. I am Sailor Moon. And in accordance with the Lunar offices, I call upon the true power of the Moon!" She took a deep breath as a gust of wind whipped around her. She now wore a white dress trimmed with lace, and the crescent mark shone gold in the streetlamps. She picked her cracked locket up off the sidewalk. Her long strands of hair, one pigtail inches shorter than the other, flailed in the wind. She gripped the broken locket as she shouted a new phrase.
"PMS Power!"
Light flashed around her. Her new fuku formed itself around her, dark rusty brown and bright red. Wings grew from her back. The crystal in her hand changed, elongated, till the golden crescent was crossed with an equally golden capital T. It hung, not from a chain, but from a plain cotton string around her neck.
"You have gone too far this time, you creep. For your crimes against the people of this city, and your crimes against me, and just because I am NOT in a good mood, I will punish you. Moon Midol Activation!" A hail of small tan pellets wounded the youma across the face and body, but didn't take it out. It wailed.
"Say hi to Beryl for me when you get to Hell. Preeminent Mega Supreme Power!" The long, thin crystal at her throat glowed. She pointed it at the howling monster as a laser shot out the end. It drilled a small hole through the youma's heart, several trees, a granite statue of some dead guy, and an Oldsmobile parked across the street. Dusted.
PMS Moon detransformed back into plain old Serena. She yawned as she woke up Molly and dragged her home. Serena made a mental note to seriously chew out the other Scouts for not helping out. A small grin crossed her face as she contemplated how to guilt them out of large amounts of chocolate. But that could wait for tomorrow.
Right now, it was time to go home, take a long hot shower, and go to sleep. On her side.