Realization

You are in her kitchen, she had invited you for dinner like so often lately. While the two of you are standing there, you say the one thing that comes to your mind.

"I love you."

In that moment you realize what you had said. Your eyes go wide. You are frightened, because this wasn't something you wanted to say out loud. Your heart is beating like crazy, drowning every other sound around you.

She looks at you in disbelief. Her mouth is slightly open in shock. She is not moving, neither are you.

You know she is not in love with you. Why should she? This is a one-sided love and you had intended to keep it a secret. But you have grown so comfortable around her that you had simply forgotten that, under no circumstances, you should tell her what you feel.

This could destroy everything. Everything that the two of you had worked so hard to build up. The two of you had come a long way. You were enemies once, but now you invite each other over for dinner, talk over the phone about the days you had and enjoy the company of one another.

She still stands there, not moving.

You don't want to ruin the relationship you have with her.

"The lasagna. I love the lasagna you're cooking."

You swallow heavy. Your mouth is dry and your voice sounds too high pitched. She still doesn't move. She's probably too shocked because of your confession. You're sure she is not going to believe the lasagna lie. Even in your own ears it had sounded like a lie.

You are not ready for what will come next.

The inevitable.

The rejection.

So you do what you have done your whole life. You run.

"I will set the table."

You grab the plates which are on the counter and flee the kitchen. When you arrive in the dining room you have the feeling you will hyperventilate. Your heart is aching and you wish it would just stop beating.

You set the plates down on the table and stabilize yourself on the back of a chair.

Why on earth had you said those words?

But you already know the answer to that question.

The sunset had shone through the window, illuminating her in its beautiful orange colors. The sunset had made her even more breathtaking and you couldn't looked away even if you wanted to. The two of you were chatting, she was laughing about one of your silly jokes and she was just so beautiful. Her laugh resonated in your body and her eyes were sparkling and every time you see that sparkle you think you should look away, because when you see it you can feel how your heart grows bigger and is filled with warmth you have never felt before.

It had just been perfect.

She is perfect.

You love her.

And now she knows.

"Mom is dinner ready?" Henry's voice startles you. You can hear him run into the kitchen, talking to her. You don't know what they talk about, but you know you have to act as if nothing had happened. You don't want anybody else to find out about how you feel about her.

So you place the plates at their right positions. Henry comes in then with silverware, apparently you have forgotten them.

"Hey Ma. Mom made lasagna, isn't that great." He cheerfully announces.

You make an acknowledging sound. You don't trust your voice yet. He sits down on his seat, frowning. "Ma? Where are the glasses?"

Apparently you have forgotten everything. You hear her heels on the wooden floor, she is entering the dining room but you don't look at her.

"I'll go get them." You tell Henry.

While you walk back to the kitchen, you think that maybe, just maybe, you can have a normal dinner and she will forget about what you had said before.

When you come back with the glasses, you already have a slice of lasagna on your plate. Henry is grinning at you. He likes lasagna. And he likes eating with both of his moms. You grin back at him, ruffle his hair while you walk past him to sit on your seat.

Dinner doesn't go as smoothly as you had wished.

You can't look at her. You are too scared to see the rejection in her eyes. Henry is the only one making conversation, but he is not very good at it. So by the time dinner is over, he quickly retreats to his room.

You help cleaning the dinner table and both of you end up in the kitchen again. She has her back turned to you, so you look at her. The sun is not shining through the window anymore, but she still is beautiful.

You wish you could take back your words.

"I love your red leather jacket."

She still has her back to you. You stare at her. You are not sure if you heart had stopped or if it is beating like crazy. You blink. She is still standing there and for a moment you consider you had dreamed it.

But then she turns around.

There is a smile on her lips that you had never seen before. Something that you hope is just for you.

"I thought I should return the…compliment." She says. That's when you knew you haven't imagined her saying this. "You're staying for a drink?" It's not really a question and she is not really waiting for your answer. She walks out of the kitchen. You know she walks to the study where the apple cider is.

You're heart begins to flutter at the sudden realization what she had just told you.

You quickly follow her to the study.

The End

Notes: Like always I had first shown my girlfriend this story. I always show her my stories first. And like always I watched her like a hawk while she read. I got really nervous, because she hadn't shown any kind of affection for the story, no hidden smiles or anything else. So when she finished reading I was sure I had written a lot of crap. My heart had sunken to the ground…

Then she had turned around, with tears in her eyes and had said "So beautiful. Feels."

Now I'm very proud at myself^.^ I finally made my girlfriend cry :-P