A/N:: I am aware of STIs and STDs. But, this is a story. So, if you are just reading this to nag about all that junk, you might as well not read it. Moving along, I suppose this would be classified as a 'song fic', or whatever the hell these things are called. I wrote this out of pure boredom, so bare with me. Characters are prolly a little OC. But, it happens. I used to write boyXboy fics all the time, so this is my first one in a few years. I might be a little rusty, but as I said before:: I did this out of pure boredom. If the story does suck ass, then oh well. It happens. Love it. Hate it. Choice is yours. I want to quickly add, that the stories I write out of boredom, usually are choppy. So, please remember that if you are thinking of leaving a review that says so. And also, I'm not sure if the song I chose even fits with the storyline. But, I like the song, so yeah. Enjoy...^ _ ^
"When this began,
I had nothing to say, and I'd get lost,
In the nothingness inside of me.
I was confused,
And, I let it all to find, that I'mnot,
Theonlyperson, with these things in mind.
Inside of me,
But all they can see, the words revealed, is the,
Only real thing that I've got left to feel.
Nothing to lose,
Just stuck, hollow, andalone, and the fault,
Is my own, and the fault is my own."
Part I:: This Isn't Me
He rest his elbows on the balcony rail, overlooking the quiet village. With the moon high in the night sky, it cast a peaceful glow over the sleeping village. His room was right next to his office, and his office led to said balcony - and for that, he was greatful. This was a place he would come to, if he wasn't able to sleep - or if he just needed to get away from it all, and just think.
A gentle gust of wind brushed against his face. He felt his shoulders involuntarily become rigid. Which only happened, when he sensed another persons presence. He calmly turned around, and relaxed considerably when his eyes met a familiar gaze. Two Obsidian eyes returned the gaze, curiosity prevalent in them. "I would think you'd be sleeping, at this time of night?"
"I can't sleep. And, you? Why are you up, at this time of night, Sasuke?"
"Same I guess." Sasuke shrugged, and leaned against the balcony railing. "Were you crying, Gaara?"
A tidal wave of intrusive memories, flooded through the Kazekage's mind. He shook his head, in a vain attempt to dislodge the unwanted memories. "Dry eyes. Very common here in Suna."
Why was it, that whenever anyone else asked him if he was OK, he was able to brush away the question - with ease? Why was it, that this Leaf nin - Uchiha Sasuke - was able to dig under his skin, with one simple question? Why wasn't he like the others? Why wasn't Sasuke's question, like all the other questions? Why did he feel the sudden urge to break down, and tell said Leaf nin everything? Why him? Why now? "Would it make me weak? Any less of a leader?"
Sasuke quirked a brow, "What are you talking about?"
"If I had been crying," Gaara held his gaze, over the quiet village. "Would that make me weak, any less of a leader?"
Sasuke sighed, and looked at the night sky. He paused thoughtfully, for a moment. "Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. Since birth, it's been a sign that you're alive. Being able to cry...means, that you're still able to feel."
"If only a night's sleep, was able to wash it all away." Gaara said, more to himself than to Sasuke.
Sasuke tossed a confused look to the red head.
"I don't know if you've ever felt like that," Gaara said, his voice wavering. "That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years, or just not exist, or just not be aware that you do exist, or something like that. I think...I think wanting that is very morbid. But...I want it, when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to...to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. I just want it all to stop."
Sasuke nodded his head, "If only it were that easy to deal with pain."
Gaara turned so he was looking directly at Sasuke. Sasuke returned Gaara's look. Gaara gently shook his head, "What do you know of pain? What makes you think, that you know anything about it?"
Sasuke stepped closer, his face 12 inches from Gaara's. An unrecognizable emotion filled his Obsidian eyes. As he spoke, his voice was gentle - yet firm. "The person, the one person, who meant the world to me - who I looked up to - killed my entire clan. My own brother, my own flesh and blood, said nothing to me. Not a single word. He just left. I wake up every morning wishing that I was dead, wishing that it was me who died - not my family. The pain I hold in my heart, is wrose than any physical pain. We all have our inner demons. We all have our own hurt. You can either choose to face that pain, head on. Or, you can run. But, running only brings you more emotional pain. That's what I know of pain."
"Why does it feel like you're all alone, even when you know there are others who are going through the same thing?" Gaara asked, a small headache forming in his temple.
"I don't know." Sasuke admitted, still standing close to the red head.
Against his own volition, Sasuke leaned forward - his eyes closing - and placed his lips against Gaara's. A mixture of fear, embarrassment, and confusion, coursed through the red head's body. And, yet, he found himself closing his own eyes. This being Sasuke's first kiss, as well as Gaara's, it remained chaste. Just lips moving persuavilely over eachother. Gaara jumped back, seconds later, panic grazing his normally neutral features. His eyes were wide. Sasuke took a step back, his eyes wide as well - realizing what he had just done, and with who.
Gaara quickly did a few hand seals, and disappeared in a poof of smoke - ending up in the comfort, and privacy, of his bedroom. Sasuke, on the other hand, ran a hand through his raven hair. 'Oh shit...' he thought to himself.
'I wanna heal, I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real.
I wanna let go of the pain,
I've felt so long.
((erase all the pain til it's gone))
I wanna heal, I wanna feel,
Like I'm close to something real.
I wanna find something I wanted,
All along. Somewhere I belong.'
Part II:: I'm Not Happy
A faceless man grabbed a rough hold, of his wrist. The more he struggled to free himself, the tighter the faceless man would hold on. Despite having no mouth, eyes, or nose, the faceless man spoke. 'Was I not good enough for you? Must I prove myself, again?'
The faceless man threw him onto the ground, and discarded all clothing. 'Scream all you want. No one can hear you. Especially when you're in the dunes.'
An excruciating pain forced the faceless man's victim to scream. Just like that, the faceless man had disappeared. As the victim gathered his clothes, he saw blood trickling down his thighs. He clutched the fabric of his shirt, to his chest. The victim lifted his head. Red hair. Blue green eyes. A symbol above his left brow. The red head brought his right hand up, and touched his own face. He dug his nails into his cheek, and in one swift motion, tore his face off...
Gaara shot up to a sitting position, his heart going a million miles an hour. A cold sweat was trickling down his face. He glanced towards his bedroom window, and wasn't surprised by what he saw - it was still dark out, still the middle of the night. He had woken up from the same nightmare, again. Nineteen days ago, Sasuke had kissed him. Eighteen days ago, Sasuke left, and eighteen days ago Gaara had begun to have these...nightmares, on a nightly basis.
Later the next evening...
He stepped onto the second story roof-patio of his home - his office and bedroom were on the third level, his brother and sister's rooms along with the gust rooms were on the second story, and meeting rooms were on the first level. He momentarily stopped in his tracks, a squad from Konoha had been sent to escort an artist back to Suna. The four man squad consisted of Maito Gai, Rock Lee, Neji Hyuuga, and the only female Tenten. For some unknown reason, he wanted to talk to Tenten. He was seeking her out - which was a very uncharacteristic thing of him to do. Then again, a lot of things were strange - these past twenty odd days. He gently cleared his throat.
Tenten, who had been watching the sunset, turned around and saw Gaara. "I can go..."
"No," Gaara sat in the chair, across from her. "You're fine. I also take it that you're..." He nodded towards her swollen stomach.
"Pregnant, yes. Tsunade urged me to stay in Konoha, reminding me that I'm five and a half months along. But, I know how to protect myself - and Lady Tsunade knows it. If you don't mind me asking, Gaara...are you, ano, feeling OK? I've never known you to, well, socialize that much."
"I wanted to ask you something." Gaara said, shifting his gaze to his hands. She was true, when she said he was acting off. Because, he was. It was all Uchiha Sasuke's doing, though. If he had never kissed him, Gaara would be fine. But, that wasn't how it happened.
"Alright."
Gaara looked at his hands, as he spoke. He already felt immensely uncomfortable, as it is, "Who...who was your first kiss?"
"Eh...Neji. We were fourteen, so it was five years ago - 'cause we're both 18 now. It was a chaste kiss. Nad, now, we're expecting a baby."
"Sasuke kissed me, three weks ago." The words had left his mouth, before he even knew what he was saying.
"Did you kiss him back?"
"...you aren't disgusted?"
"No," Tenten looked at the embarrassed redhead. "Did you like it?"
"I...I didn't know what to do..." Gaara admitted. "So, I used a transportation jutsu and went to my room...I was r-raped when I was 13, and when he kissed me...it felt...right. but, I got scared...I was afraid that he would just hurt me - phyysically, emotionally...I don't know - so I ran..."
"You can't help who you're attracted to." Tenten smiled.
Later that night, Gaara told Kankuro and Temari about the rape. He assured them that he was fine now, and that he just thought that they sould know.
'And I'vegotnothing to say, I can't
Believe I didn't fall right down on my face.
((I was confused))
Looking everywhere, only to find, that it's not
The way I had imagined it all in my mind.
((So what am I?))
What do I have butnegativity? 'Cause Ican't
Justify the way everyone is looking at me.
((Nothing to lose))
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone. And the fault is
My own, and the fault is my own.
I wanna heal, I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real.
I wanna let go of the pain,
I've felt so long.
((erase all the pain til it's gone))
I wanna heal, I wanna feel,
Like I'm close to something real.
I wanna find something I wanted,
All along. Somewhere I belong.'
Part III:: Can You Feel , Too?
Ten months ago, a Leaf nin by the name of, Uchiha Sasuke kissed him. His nights were filled by nightmares of the faceless man. His thoughts were plagued by ones of Sasuke. The only relief came, was the day Tenten gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. ((Whom she and Neji named Ayami.))
His eyes were drifting shut, and his forehead was resting on the edge of his desk. He figured he could take 10 minutes from his duty as Kazekage, and nap. "Sleeping on the job, eh?"
Gaara growled, and lifted his head, "What is it Kankuro?"
"Shinobi from the Leaf, some kind of escort mission. Think they escorted one of our architects back. Anywho, here they are. Bye." Kankuro smirked as his younger brother scowled at him, then left. In his place, were the four members of Team Kakashi.
'Pervy sensei,' Gaara thought to himself, as he tried to remember their names. 'Forehead girl, Naruto, and...Sasuke?'
"'ey Gaara!" Naruto grinned, and waved. "Long time no see, huh?" Gaara nodded, and Naruto continued to chat away. "Yeah, we had to escort an architect back. Dunno why though. Hey, when you're done here, ya know, workin' and all that junk, wanna get some ramen later? Kakashi sensei's treat!"
"Alright. Baki will compensate you, and Temari will show you to the guest rooms." Gaara tried his hardest to not look towards Uchiha Sasuke.
They said their thank yous, and then left him to his work.
The ramen dinner was...awkward. It wasn't the fact that forehead girl, Sakura, was seated next to him as they ate. Or the fact, that Naruto inhaled his ramen. It wasn't even the fact, that their sensei Kakashi was reading the entire time. It was the fact that Sasuke had been sitting across from him, he had tried his best to avoid looking at Sasuke. The dinner had finally ended, and Gaara wished them a goodnight. silently relieved as the team made their way to their guest rooms. Gaara found himself on the roof of his home, figuring that he would find more peace of mind up there.
But, of course, fate didn't have that in mind. Fate decided to take the cliche` route. From the shadows of the roof, a soft question came, "O saido?"
Gaara felt his heart begin to race, already knwoing who the voice belonged to. He sat near the edge of the roof, and kept his gaze on his hands. You're free to sit down, if you want." Gaara felt a foreign emotion wash over his body, as Sasuke sat a few feet to the right. Gaara then forced the anti-social part of his personality aside, and began to talk.
"I'm seventeen now, but five years ago when I was thirteen, I went to the sand dunes one day. It was just a place I liked to go to, to get away and just think for awhile. I remember running into this guy there, but I gave it no thought. He was chatting away, then he tripped into a thing of quick sand. I helped him out, then I felth this sharp pain in my neck. It was some sort of powerful sedative," Gaara's voice wavered. "All I remember after that, is waking up on the ground. My pants, and my boxers were laying by my side. When I tried to stand, I felt this excruciating pain...and, I saw blood dripping down my thighs. I never got a clear look at his face, I can't remember any specifics about him.
"For the longest time, I thought I was raped because I was just a monster. My father never intended for me to live. I just felt like I deserved it, I felt like it didn't matter if I told anyone. so, I didn't...until now. when you kissed me that night, I was frightened. I feared that if I were to let you in, that you would end up hurting me emotionally. But kissing you...felt...right."
"Gomen," Sasuke said somewhat confused, "Gomen. But, what are you getting at, Gaara?"
Gaara put his head in his hands, and whispered ever so softly, "Just promise me you won't hurt me."
Sasuke wrapped his arms around Gaara, and gently said, "I could never hurt you."
'That is more than you have spoken in the past year. You are willing to chance having your heart - or what little is left of it - broken, for good? All of that chance, just for Uchiha Sasuke? He must be special.' Shukaku commented, in the back of Gaara's mind.
'He is.' Gaara mentally answered the one tail.
'It would seem so.' Shukaku growled, fading into the dark recesses of Gaara's mind. Gaara gently shook his head, and looked up at Sasuke - who was still embracing him. He turned his head in a way, that caused his lips to brush against Sasuke's. Without hesitation, Sasuke's lips were pressed against Gaara's - moving persuasively against them. He placed his hand on Gaara's neck, and scooted closer to the red head.
Gently parting his lips, Sasuke traced Gaara's bottom lip with the tip of his tongue. Gaara graciously opened his mouth, inviting Sasuke to have access. Gaara shivered in delight, loving the warmth of Uchiha Sasuke's tongue against his own. Gaara continued to kiss Sasuke, as he summoned his sand. A few hand signs later, the sand dispersed - and the were in the middle of Gaara's room. Still connected at the mouth.
Sasuke broke their heated kiss, and looked around Gaara's room. The only light came from the moon, that was shining through the window. "I don't think I can stop, if I kiss you again. I..."
"Hn?" Somewhere during their kiss on the roof, Gaara had wrapped his arms around the Leaf nin's neck.
Sasuke's breath was warm and inviting, against Gaara's forehead. "I'm scared that if I continue on from here...I won't be able to stop, until I've had you...in thetruest sense of the word."
A thick silence engulfed them, Gaara's lust filled voice spoke up, "Don't stop...I-I don't want you to stop..."
Gaara's sea green eyes locked with Sasuke's Obsidian ones. Raging hormones aside, Gaara wanted more. Not just sex. He wanted to find happiness, and acceptance...even love. Something about Sasuke, made Gaara want to change - for the better. Sasuke made Gaara want to open up, about everything.
Sasuke nodded, and then gingerly pressed his lips against Gaara's. Their tongues battled for dominance, as they stumbled back onto Gaara's bed. Sasuke broke the kiss to remove their shirts - then returned his mouth, to the wet heat of Gaara's. Gaara shivered as he felt the silk sheets of his bed, against his legs. When had Uchiha removed their trousers?
"Hah..." Gaara gasped, as he felt Sasuke enter a finger inside of him. Sasuke left a trail of kisses along the red head's lower abdomen, and swiftly inserted a second finger. Gaara squirmed, the feeling of Sasuke's fingers was somewhat uncomfrtable. True, they were moving at an extremely fast rate. But, they both wanted the end result of all of this to be: emotional unity.
Gaara threw his head back, moaning loudly, as Sasuke's fingers brushed against a bundle of nerves. The lustful sounds flowing from Gaara's mouth, made Sasuke become painfully hard with want. He withdrew his fingers, causing Gaara to whimper in protest. Sasuke shushed him, and crawled over him - their chests brushing aganst eachother. "Pl-please..." Gaara panted breathlessly, as the Leaf nin positioned his manhood outside of the Kazekage's entrance.
Sasuke gently kissed him, as he pushed his length into his red headed lover. He instantly stilled, as Gaara groaned in pain. "I'm not...going...to break..." Gaara panted, pushing his hips upwards against Sasukes. The feel of Gaara's hard cock between their stomachs, and his own inside the tight heat of Gaara, replaced all of Sasuke's rationality with pure lust.
Fueled by Gaara's breathy moans, Sasuke began to thrust harder and faster. Gaara cried out, as Sasuke hit that special spot, and thrust his hips to meet with Sasuke's - with each thrust. Five thrusts later, Gaara screamed Sasuke's name - as a powerful orgasm washed through his frail frame. "Hah...Sa-Sasuke...I l-love you..."
Sasuke came seconds after Gaara, and collapsed next to him on the bed - pulling himself out of his lover. With his chest against Gaara's back, Sasuke wrapped his arms around Gaara's waist. "I love you too, Gaara."
'I will never know, myself, until I do this on my own.
And, I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed.
I will never be anything till I break away from me.
I will break away, I'll find myself today.
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real.
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long.
((Erase all the pain till it's gone))
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real.
I wanna find something I've wanted all along.
Somewhere I belong.
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong.
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong.
Somewhere I belong...'
Part IV:: Born This Way
Temari shifted in her seat, in front of Gaara's desk, and glanced at Kankuro - who was sitting to the left of her. She turned her gaze back to her youngest sibling, who was standing in front of his desk - his back leaning against the edge. She furrowed her brow, trying to figure out why Uchiha Sasuke was standing a few feet from her brother. She hesitantly cleared her throat, and gently asked, "Why did you ask to speak with us, and what does Uchiha have to do with it?"
The red head glanced at the setting sun, outside of his small office window, and sighed. He crossed his arms over his chest, and looked down as he spoke. "Last night, Uchiha and I...shared our innocence. I, ano..."
Kankuro immediately understood what Gaara was trying to say, in addition to what he had just shared. He frowned for a minute, then shrugged. A smirk graced his face, "Good thing these walls are sound proof."
Temari on the other hand, had an incredulous look on her face. "That's...that's disgusting, Gaara! Why? Why would you...share a bed with...Geh! Why?" her voice frantic, and confused. "I don't understand."
Sasuke understood the undertone in her voice: I do not understand this. Please, explain this to me - so I atleast know why. His Obsidian eyes glanced to the nervous red head, standing beside him.
'This is real,' Gaara thought. 'This is...love.'
"I love him." Gaara whispered, that four letter word leaving a hopeful aftertaste.
Months passed peacefully, as the two elder siblings grew accustomed to their younger brother's love.
"Thank you." Gaara whispered, as he snuggled against Sasuke's chest - as they lay in bed.
"What for?"
"Saving me."
A/N:: Like I said, it's shitty. Not my best, I know. But, I was bored. And, it was something to do.