"Blank White Page"
A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections
White Blank Page, Mumford and Sons
When Alec Hardy first meets Tess Henchard it's purely by accident. It's one of his first cases since leaving the Academy and his first true murder case. He's helped to settle some domestic disputes and stopped the theft of a bank robber but now he has been called to help with the murder of an elderly man found dead and discarded in a ditch.
Tess is his equal in status but her straight bearing and assured walk make her seem to be in charge of the entire operation already. He has rarely, if ever, seen a woman hold herself with such self-assurance: here is a woman who knows exactly who she is, where she is going in life, and how she is going to get there. He is intrigued by her. Being so quiet in the presence of those he doesn't know makes him realize how difficult it is to even say so much as a word to her.
The moment comes in the same week when the morning has only begun; she's leaving the small kitchen they have in the station and he's going in and they meet in the middle.
Literally.
"Oh my god," Tess gasps out, flushing with embarrassment as she looks in horror at the dark wet patch her tea has left on his shirt. She desperately grabs hold of some napkins and tries to mop it up.
"No, it's all right." His uncomfortable tone, just as embarrassed as she clearly feels, stops her short. She notices his hand has automatically risen to grab hold of her wrist but it stops abruptly as if too frightened to touch her. Her ears perk at his accent.
So this is the Scot that's on the team, she thinks to herself. She's overheard some of the others talking about him (mainly about how rare it is to find someone from Scotland in this area of England), and laughing at the fact that he seems incredibly standoffish, preferring the company of a book.
"Sorry," she says again, dropping her own hand, and finally looks up to catch his gaze.
Well, he's a cutie, then. Large dark eyes, rather elfin features, and what a pert mouth! And the blush, she thinks to herself, her own embarrassment turning to amusement seeing the red coloring his face. The blush is cute.
He has to clear his throat before he can answer. "Should've been lookin' where I was going," he mutters.
She smiles. "Suppose you'll reconsider carrying a book everywhere you go now," she teases him and steps around him to continue on her way. She's fully aware of his eyes on her as she strides down the hall and with a coy smirk she deliberately walks with more of a swing to her hips. He seems sweet in his own way, she muses. Too quiet and clumsy for her, but definitely sweet.
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They catch the old man's killer a month later. Tess is taken aback at how long the investigation has continued but she has been informed recently by her supervisor that a number of murder cases have been known to last for a month or more and sometimes even longer than that.
It's Alec who solved it. That alone has re-sparked Tess's interested in the elusive Scot, but now it's mixed with an admiration she's rarely felt before.
The victim, 72-year-old Matthew Helling, had been shot in the back of the head, dressed only in soiled pajamas and a thin mud-splattered bathrobe. The wife, a small waif of a woman, cried and shuddered throughout all of her interview, tearing up her tissues into nothing as she wept over the loss of her husband of nearly fifty years. She had been in all night, and had terrible arthritis in her hands, so she was ruled out as a suspect from the beginning.
It had been Alec, watching the tapes, of the interviews, who picked up on what was actually very obvious: the wife never seemed terribly surprised to find that her husband was shot in an area where firearms were not allowed and where crimes acted out with a gun were rare.
He knew guilt where he saw it. That's what he told his CS when arguing that Martha Helling needed to be brought in for questioning again.
And one month after Matthew's death, Martha admitted to killing him.
'He had Alzheimers,' she wept as she explained the night she'd shot him. 'He didn't know these past few months, and when he did he just started all over again. I was stuck, I couldn't continue to care for him and I didn't have the money to put him in a home! It wasn't Matthew I killed, it wasn't! That was some- some creature wearing my Matthew's face!"
It takes a true detective to pick up on small clues like that. The ability to read someone. There's talk already of Alec receiving more opportunities for solving cases: clearly the bosses are hoping that his hunch has not just been a fluke.
She finds him outside, away from the crowds of the station and seated beneath a tree watching the bustling road. He doesn't look like a man who has just solved a case: something about his posture speaks about defeat.
"So I hear you've caught them," she says as she approaches.
He glances up at her and hastily looks away again. "It wasn't like I was expecting," he admits in a small voice.
"You've solved it, though," he repeats, confused by his reaction. "That should make you happy, shouldn't it?" She knows that if it had been her who had solved the murder she would have been basking in the admiration.
He shakes his head. "I'm glad we were able to find some closure about who killed him," he explains slowly, "but… his wife. She loved him, but she thought that killing him she was setting him free. She loved him so much she didn't even see him as her husband because he couldn't remember her."
She doesn't understand his reasoning, nor why he's still so upset. It was upsetting, sure, to hear that the woman hadn't even recognized her own husband, but she has found that people change all the time. People can fall out of love, like her parents have. And murder doesn't live in the world of logic, after all.
But she sees that Alec cares. She has met very few people who are truly good and who care more than what simple duty calls for. She comes from a world that does not pay much attention to 'good'.
But she tells him, sincerely and openly, that he is a good person and he looks at her like she's talking in another language. She feels a pull at her heart strings that she has never felt before.
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She watches his next few cases carefully before she finally decides to take the initiative: Alec Hardy is brilliant, that much is clear. He's hard working and dedicated to the job he's been hired for, and it becomes very clear that he has a sense of justice that is overwhelming and unquenchable.
She catches his covert glances in her direction occasionally when they work closer together as he's looking through case files and other information. She flashes him a coy smile and a tilt of her eyebrows whenever she catches him: she's begun to wear more obvious makeup, complimenting hues that accent her coloring that don't paint her as a gypsie, with her hair pulled up and exposing her neck.
Tess knows he's noticed those changes and it excites her.
After the fifth case and nearly a year since their first murder case she finally receives the chance she wants and the perfect scenario in which to get it. It's late one evening, late enough to be night, and there is no one else there but for her and Alec. They've been working together for the past few weeks as partners (a string Tess was able to pull quite easily) and the close proximity has become alost unbearable to her.
She can't deny she's attracted to him. She wants him. She can't say, however, that she loves him but she thinks she can eventually if he is good enough.
But first she wants to claim him as her own.
Tess Henchard is fiercely ambitious, the entire station knows this. She's done more and worked harder than anyone else of her age to reach the point where she's at and she is relentless in pursuit of whatever strikes her fancy or interest, be it a man or a case. Alec knows this—in fact he's been careful to observe her and to look into her background. You can tell a lot about someone just by watching them when they think they're not being observed. Something about her gives him pause: maybe it's her bearing, that assuredness that can so easily tipped into arrogance if she's not careful, or maybe it's her glib tongue that can so easily insult, but a part of his careful , calculating mind warns him she would not be a good wife.
But he has never quite learned to ignore or control his heart. She's a woman he's never seen the like of before and he's quickly become more and more attracted to her.
She approaches him as he's bent over one of the desks searching for one of the statements made by a witness and lays a hand on his shoulder. She feels his muscles tense and hears his sharp intake of breath before he realizes it's her.
"You've been working a lot of late hours recently," she states. She doesn't remove her hand, a fact he notices.
"This case is ready to be cracked wide open," he responds. "I know it is. We just have to push it a little more."
"You need a break," she says more firmly. "You're not invincible, you know."
"'M fine," he retorts.
"C'mon, Alec," she cajoles him. Her fingers are sweeping a circle into his shoulder, a soothing touch that she can tell is distracting him from the papers. "Just take a break. The case will still be here when you wake up in the morning." She grabs hold of his elbow and turns him around. He's several inches taller than she is when he's standing at his full height but at the moment the difference is perfect. She starts to undo his tie.
"Tess, what-?" His eyes are wide, a faint flush starting to creep onto his fair skin as her fingers pull the silken piece of cloth away from his collar. He makes no move to stop her.
"Just a bit of relaxation," she smiles coyly at him, her fingers now working at the buttons of his shirt. "Help you sleep better tonight." She's been with a handful of boys already since she's started dating so she knows exactly what to do. He's not so quick, nor as efficient. "Have you ever done this before?" she asks him curiously.
He swallows hard. "Once," he answers hoarsely.
Her fingers pause. "we don't have to do this now, of course, if you don't want to."
She's seen the desire in his eyes. Her hands and careful touches have warmed him.
He doesn't stop her.
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He's inexperienced and his caresses are firm and soft in turn but Tess finds it an endearing aspect and all in all she has a fantastic first time with him. He has passion in everything he does, sex included, and it quickly becomes just one more thing that she finds highly attractive about him.
They are never found out: not on that first night, nor any night following afterwards. Their first night cements something between them. Tess has never believed in soul mates and she's not about to now but as the months go by she begins to find that she can fantasize about spending the rest of her life with Alec. It's very clear, too, that he loves her. The light in his eyes when he looks at her speaks the words his tongue doesn't feel comfortable speaking aloud, and beneath his still-shy and naturally standoffish behavior she finds him to be attentive and caring and so intelligent. She's never been much of a reader herself but he reads every chance he gets. He soaks up information and retains it, and width of knowledge he has still astounds her,
A year after their first night together he asks her to marry him.
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The first few years of marriage for them is as good as either of them ever imagined. They grow together and climb farther up the ranks of positions in the force until they're both detective inspectors. They're brilliant together: cases are solved and put away with both of them working on it twice as fast. It's not an uncommon sight for Alec to be seen perched on the edge of his desk and Tess standing in front of him firing off facts and figures and scenarios together.
As time passes Tess sees their dynamic change. No, not change. Shift. As his confidence in his ability at the police force grows and strengthens so does he, in a way. On the job he's charismatic and beautiful to her, and every time he shows how brilliant he is Tess finds her heart is tickled with a fondness that grows just a little more each time. And of course with his confidence at work comes the infamous Scot temper she had thought at first to be a typical stereotype.
Oh no. He has a temper that he gleefully uses those under his command when they don't perform best to their abilities. He rails against injustice, at the very possibility that the killer won't be caught and that they won't be charged.
In married life she has him completely. On the job he is very clearly the one in charge—Tess is his partner, yes, and they share everything except the final decision in a case. At home, she demands the authority. Not angrily, nor even vocally, but she decorates the house however she wants and she makes it very clear who is in charge in bed. Alec acquiesces quietly, his love for her softening what would normally cause a rearing of his temper.
But she doesn't abuse him. Never that, because she truly loves him. When seeking out dinner, or painting a room, or picking out gifts she always keeps in mind what he likes in mind. She rarely denies him outright authority on financial matters (they work together on those) but she can't deny she loves the fact that she loves being the head of the house.
Things settle in their lives. Roles are switched a little, their livelihoods pick up, and Tess makes it her goal to beat him to the DI position. Her ambition has not lessened with time and she fights to be at the top.
And then a pregnancy test shows up positive.
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Alec refuses to allow her to abort the fetus. Stubbornly, unbelievably yells at her when she tries to argue about it. He has always wanted to be a father, and she knows the reason he has always hated the thought of abortion but in this point she doesn't care. For weeks they teeter back and forth, Tess desperately trying to convince him to let her go to the doctor for the abortion; she is independent to a fault and has gone behind his back on matters before but she knows that she could never abort his child behind his back. But he steadfastly refuses to budge on the matter and becomes so upset about her constant attempts to talk about it that he refuses to sleep in the same room at night. His absence on the opposite side of the bed hurts more than she had been expecting.
She tries one more time. In hindsight she knows he had reached his limit about the subject and she should never have dared to come at it the way she did.
'Alec, if I have this baby now I won't be able to become the DI when it comes open!'
She's hoping he'll see it from her ambitious side. She wants this job more than a child right now: she can easily become pregnant again once she's become the DI, he can't possibly argue with that. But she's forgotten that he's the man who becomes more upset about what's done to the murdered than how well he's performed on the case.
She's never seen him look so furious. No, not just furious—disgusted. In a rare moment of temper towards her he looks at her like he does a murderer across the interrogation table and utters the words that first causes a crack in their marriage: "So you'll kill a defenseless child just to take a job, then, will you, Tess?"
He leaves for hours after he says that. Behind closed doors she cries at the pain and guilt his words have thrown in her face. Her hands trace her slightly swollen stomach and she rushes to the bathroom to throw up.
She never again mentions the abortion but the strain is still there, an odd tension that has never been there before, even after he genuinely apologizes for his words.
He is promoted to the DI position seven months later when she's on maternity leave, so swollen and big she can't leave a chair by herself. She's angry about it, jealous about the promotion, but her hardening heart softens when she sees his wide, still-boyish smile. She still loves him, and she finds enough in the bottom of her heart to truly be happy for him.
And then the baby is born, and the cracks threaten to split at the seams.
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They agree on the name Daisy because it was the only one they could agree on without arguing over. And their little girl is a flower, all bright eyes and wide sunny smiles. Tess has to stay on leave for another four months after their daughter is born and she dotes on Daisy during the day.
When Alec comes home it's rarely to her. He goes instead to the little girl who waits eagerly for him to walk through the door. He no longer comes to Tess to speak about the cases he's working on: instead she hears him reading to Daisy, entertaining her with warmth in his voice, and Tess feels her jealousy grow.
She has never before had to compete for Alec's affection, and she knows that against her own daughter she'll never win. As the years go on Tess remains as a DS and the cracks widen into chasms without their notice. Alec very rarely pays the attention that he once did to her, his time devoted to the workload the DI position has placed upon him and with his entertaining Daisy.
She begins to resent it. Her tongue sharpens and her words become harsher and hurtful to try and gain his attention again. Forgetting his naturally reclusive personality Alec either withdraws from her presence completely or worse completely ignores what she's saying. He is very careful to never argue or fight in front of their ever-watchful daughter but arguments start springing up between them nonetheless and come his thirty-ninth birthday he spends most of his nights focused on the cases he's solving and sleeping on the couch in his office. Tess is left bewildered, furious, and with no way of making things right.
And then Dave Thompson is transferred to their force.