Jeremy Renner and the Africans
Jeremy Renner lay asleep in his mud hut in Africa, no burgers in sight. It was true, he was broke, and no money for burgers. How did he get in Africa? Hulk put him there so he couldn't fuck any more burgers, and then waste more of the Avengers' "hard earned money". "Well shit." Jeremy said, to nobody but the dirt. The dirt was beginning to look very tasty. It was so red, MMMMMM. Jeremy suddenly remembered his deep lust for the slimy, sesame seed-covered pleasure that he had come to desire. There were no hamburgers in sight, but he could feel the urge just the same. "Hello there young man." Said an old voice. Jeremy was startled, and immediately arose to see an old African man. "I see that you're craving them hamburgers there." Jeremy was astonished, he had no idea that this man was a mind reader. "I can tell you where the alpha-burger lies, free of charge." Jeremy's 3 centimeter dick shot up like lead in a mechanical pencil, but only if you sorta clicked it like once. "WHERE CAN I FIND THIS ALPHA BURGER, SO I MAY IMBED MY SEMEN INSIDE IT?!" Jeremy screamed with utmost passion and interest…. and saliva. The old man wiped his face, and then replied: "What the fuck, you wanna fuck it? Yo yo yo homie, that ain't how it done in mah house." The old man ripped off his rags to reveal that: He was indeed an old man. A shriveled one at that. "FENCE WITH ME JEREMY, I SHALL PROTECT THE ALPHA BURGER FROM BEING RAPED BY SUCH AN ARCHER." His black, old, grimy penis lengthened itself to a grisly 15 inches, and Jeremy winced. "Um…" Jeremy reached in his back pocket, and pulls out a 10 millimeter. "BLAM BLAM MO'FUCKA" And thus, the old man was dead. Jeremy laughed triumphantly, and then realized that he no longer had any way of receiving the information on the whereabouts of the alpha burger. "Oh wait… Now I can't find my one true love…." Suddenly, a giant-ass burger appeared in the distance. "OH SHIT" Jeremy screamed. Due to the burger's size, it made him 1 more centimeter harder than normal. His excitement gave him the strength to fly over to the alpha burger, but something was wrong. A BIGGER STILL alien UFO appeared over the alpha burger. "Oh no!" Jeremy shouted. He pulled out his 10 millimeter again, and shot at it. "HEY, WHAT THE FUCK?" Shouted an extremely angry man with a red coat and a gas mask like helmet. "Wait, Chris?" Jeremy asked in a suspicious tone. "Fuck yeah! This is my new ship that I stole from some weird green guys on mars." Jeremy, though now knowing he would not be harmed, told him: "That's my burger." Chris felt awful, and said: "Oh ok, I won't take it then."
Chris was about to take off when- *BOOM*
The Giant UFO landed on the alpha burger, destroying it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY BURGER! oh, and chris, what the fuck ever tho, amirite lololol." The alpha burger was destroyed, and Jeremy was heart broken. Who destroyed the burger? Who destroyed the ship? Why don't I just tell you? (Because fuck you and all of your friends, DAVE) Anyways… Whatever. I'll make the next part soon.