I tried to kill the painBut only brought moreSo much moreI lay dyingAnd I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayalI'm dying, praying, bleeding and screamingAm I too lost to be savedAm I too lost?
Oww, it hurts. The ceremony for dubbing me a Death Eater had been long over.
I'm lying on the floor of the 6th year Girl's floor, crying it hurts so bad. The black tattoo etched into my flesh stings and burns more as the minute progresses. That's it! I can't take this pain anymore. I stand up with great effort, and start viciously rummaging through my possessions. I found it. The silver knife Lucius had given me two Christmases before. I place the delicate tip and the top of the mark, and drag it up towards the end of the snake. I drop the knife and fall to the floor. It was like The Dark Lord knew what I did, and cast the Crutiatis curse on me.
My blood is spilling all over everywhere. My mouth is letting out blood curdling screams, ripping through my ear drum, pounding on my brain. I prayed rid me of this pain. I'm writhing on the floor. I feel my back cringing. I feel my soul start to flee my body. I'm starting to slip away from blood loss. I feel dizzy, but then I hear the door fly open, and someone running over to me.
"Narcissa!" they screamed. "Narcissa, can you hear me?" That was the voice of my beloved Lucius.
I next heard ripping of fabric. And felt Lucius tying a tourniquet around my wound. I wanted to tell him to do it faster. To tell him that I was slipping away. I felt him hoist me up onto his shoulder. I could feel him running down the stairs. I heard the gasps of our fellow Slytherins as he ran through the Common room. I knew where he was taking me. But I couldn't beg him not too.
My mouth kept emitting groans of pain. Tears still sliding down my cheeks. I start thinking to myself about how strong Lucius was to be able to carry me all the way down to the Hospital Wing.
"I need to see Madame Genezer now, please!" Lucius demanded of a clerk. The clerk rushed off to wake Madame Genezer immediately. As all Slytherins knew, Madame Genezer was a Death Eater. I knew why Lucius took me to her. She would not turn me in. I watched the small witch come closer through my eyelashes.
"Put her here." The Nurse said, as she motioned to a bed. Lucius brought me to it, and set me on it. I opened my eyes fully. I saw Madame Genezer leaning over my arm. And Lucius standing over me, his face completely pale.
"Lucius!" I gasped before my mind went dead.
My God my tourniquetReturn to me salvationMy God my tourniquetReturn to me salvation
I swirl around in my wedding dress. I can't believe this is happening. I'm really getting married to my Lucius! My dress was an ivory silk corseted ball gown. I heave out a sigh, and turn around. I spot my green velvet gloves resting by my veil. I grabbed them, and pulled them on.
I stared at the scar on my forearm, twisting my dark mark to look distorted. The door to my bridal chamber opened, and one of my older sisters, Bellatrix, walked in.
"Hello Cissy." she said, walking over and giving me a hug. I surveyed her outfit: She was wearing the dark green and silver dress I requested my bridesmaids wear. I turned around, and watch looked at myself in the mirror. My sister placed the veil on my head.
"You look beautiful Cissy." she kissed my cheek, and hugged my shoulders. Then the wave of nervousness hit me like a bucket of cold water. I rushed over to one of the many tables, and snatched up my checklist.
"Wedding cake here?" I asked Bellatrix. She just kind of stared at me comically. "Bella! You're not helping!" I said, louder than anticipated. She smiled at me, and poured herself a glass of champagne.
"Relax Cissy! It'll be fine! Everything's here, now all you have to do is walk down that isle, and say those two little words!"
"Yeah, yeah alright." I sat on a stool. "I can't do this Bella." she finished her champagne, and poured us both another glass. She handed mine to me, and leaned up against the wall;
"I could marry him for you? But I don't think we have time to brew Polyjuice potion." I just glared at her. We sat there in a moment of silence, contemplating what I had to do.
"I wish Andy was here." I murmur. Bellatrix's glass shattered within her hand.
"What? That Scum traitor that doesn't even deserve to be our sister?" she raised her voice to the point it echoed off the gold statues on the walls. I stood up to face her.
"It's not Andy's fault the man she loved was a Muggle-born!" the two of us stared each other down for a couple moments, then the door opened slowly.
"Narcissa? Bellatrix? We shall be starting in five." Our mother, Druella, told us.
"Ok then. I'll leave." Bellatrix smiled at me again, then left the room. Mother turned her attention to me:
"Oh Narcissa!" her eyes welled up with tears. "My Cissy has grown up." she came towards me, and gave me a big hug. A puffing sound came from the fireplace, and my father's head appeared in the flames.
"Narcissa, Druella, we're ready for you now." and with that he disappeared. My mother winked then left me to myself. I turned to the mirror once more.
'This is it.' I thought to myself. I pulled my veil over my face, and left the room for the Chapel.
Do you remember meLost for so longWill you be on the other sideOr will you forget meI'm dying, praying, bleeding and screamingAm I too lost to be savedAm I too lost?
"Lucius, darling!" I screamed at my husband of four years. Lucius poked his head in the door of the Lavatory.
"What is it?" He walked in, and I handed him the little muggle contraption that determined the fate of our small family.
"It says here that the little red line, means positive." I told him, reading the back of the box it came in.
"I don't believe it. Check the other five."
"I did, and they all say the same thing!" I tried to hide my glee, but I couldn't do it anymore. Lucius just stared at me. "Darling? We're pregnant." I said softly.
"I wouldn't be surprised, the way you've been gaining weight for three months." A sly voice said from the doorway.
"Bellatrix." My husband muttered under his breath.
"Well, congratulations." she said.
"Oughtn't you be getting back to your own daughter? What was her name again? Drella?" Lucius said, maintaining a polite tone.
"Yes, I do believe so. Good day." there was a pop, and my sister was gone.
"Now what do we say, we celebrate?" before I could answer, my soul-mate grabbed me, and kissed me fiercely.
~*~*~*~
"Darling! Do we have everything we need for St. Mungo's?" I'm standing in the very same bathroom I was six months ago, screeching in the same tone, to the same person; My Lucius.
"Yes! We've gone through it a hundred times." came the sarcastic answer from the bedroom. I nodded in defeat. I hate mirrors, I really do. They tell the truth. I hate looking pregnant. Big swelled belly that used to be nineteen inches around. A few minutes later, I realized I was hungry. Our house elf just died, and we have yet to get a new one. So I headed down to the kitchen, and swirled my wand in the air. My arm began to hurt. That's weird. I roll back my sleeve to see if there's anything there. There is: My dark mark. A electric shock of pain shot through my body. I collapsed to the ground, crying. Could this really be happening again? For the first time in my life, I prayed to God. I prayed to please let my baby be OK. To please live through this, even if I do not. I looked up and noticed for the first time in four years that the kitchen ceiling was painted light blue. Then I noticed the light blue go from almost sky blue to a dark shade. My vision was growing dark like it did all those years ago. I felt blood pulsing through my veins. This was it. Lucius couldn't hear me; he couldn't save me now. I was gone.
My God my tourniquetReturn to me salvationMy God my tourniquetReturn to me salvation
"Mother!" Draco yelled from the family room. I sigh heavily, but grinned. My baby only had six short more years until he would attend Hogwarts. I take my time walking to the family room. I'm almost there, when I hear heavier footsteps in the same room my son was in.
"Father!" Draco exclaimed once more. This means that Lucius is home from his job at the Ministry.
"Hey!" I could almost see him picking up our son, and twirling him around. "Where's your mother?" he asked Draco.
"I'm here, love." I announced from the doorway. Lucius put Draco down, and took three strides across the room to the doorway. He swept me in his arms, and kissed my cheek. "That's it?" I asked him playfully. His hand unexpectedly moved down my back. I slapped the hand that was almost to low for my son's eyes.
"Not while Draco's in the room." I whispered into his ear. Lucius turned his head and glanced at Draco staring at us.
"Draco, I got you something today." his face lit up. "Dobby!" Our house-elf, Dobby, came running into the room. "Dobby, take Draco to the Stable, he'll find something there I think he'll like."
"Yes Master." the elf said with a low bow. I felt pity for him for a split second, but that vanished as my husband ran his hand through my long blond hair.
"Where were we?" he turned onto me. I smiled.
"Don't you want Dinner before Desert?" I told him saucily. I turned around and stalked out of the room, smiling a seducing smile. I raced to the bedroom, and locked the door. We both knew it was more fun this way. I heard Lucius running up the stairs behind my laughing. He unlocked the door, and bolted through it. He swept me off my feet, and carried me over to the bed. He set me on the edge so my feet were hanging over it. He sat next to me, and pulled a little blue box out of his pants' pocket.
"Narcissa, I wanted to give you something today since it was our ninth anniversary today." he handed me the box, and kissed my shoulder. "Open it." he urged. I opened the box, and inside was a gorgeous ring. It was shaped like a snake, coiling up studded with diamonds. It's eyes were of made crystal emeralds.
"Oh my god. It's beautiful!" I slid the ring onto my finger, and admired it.
"Do you like it." I turned to look at him. He had barely aged since our wedding day. I slid my hand under his chin, and around his neck. I then looked him in the eye, and smiled.
"You don't have to get me anything my darling." I kissed him softly, and he then pulled me on top of him. When we were done, you know, (Yeah, that thing.) we lay side by side on our huge goose feather bed. I started to shiver. Lucius looked at me, and pulled me closer to him. He then started kissing my face, neck and hands repeatedly. I felt wonderful there. In the arms of the man I loved, and who loved me back. In the arms of the man that would protect me, and keep me safe.
I want to die!
"Please no! My lord, Please don't take him!" I pleaded to Lord Voldemort. It has been eleven years since we were truly a happy family. Now my husband was in Azkaban convicted Death Eater, and the Dark Lord was taking my son in his place. I fought and screamed as I watched Crabbe and McNair take my only child to Lord Voldemort's throne.
"Kneel." came the cold voice emerging from a man as heartless as a stone. I remembered this moment well enough from my own ceremony. "Look at me boy." I sobbed even harder. A hand out of nowhere hit my face, the long nails protruding from the fingers of that hand leaving a scratch.
"Bellatrix! Contain yourself." the Dark Lord told my sister, slightly raising his voice.
"Yes, of course, my lord." she replied, in awe of the man that had torn my, and so many other lives apart. My son knelt in front of Lord Voldemort, and rolled back his left sleeve. The Dark Lord's wand touched Draco's forearm, and two screams rang out in the night. One belonging to me, and the other, to my blond angel. He fell to the ground writhing in pain as the black tattoo spread, making it's mark in his skin. His pain and screams lasted longer than any of the other Death Eater's had. Including mine. Draco finally stopped. He lay there, unmoving. I watched him through my hair that had fallen out of a bun. 'Please move. Just get up.' I willed. Seconds passed, and Draco didn't move. His body laying face down in the dirt, sent chills down my spine. Then it dawned on me. My baby wasn't going to stand up. He was dead. I screamed once more, and started to run towards him, but my sister grabbed hold of me.
"Tut tut. Weak little brat." Lord Voldemort's sly voice rang out in the darkness. He flicked his wand, and Draco's body turned over. "Bellatrix, let her go." he told my older sister simply. Bellatrix released me, but instead of running to my son's corpse, I ran away. Far away. I completely forget the fact that I was a witch and could just apparate back home. I only came to a stop when I reached the forest on the border of the Cemetery Lord Voldemort always used for a meeting place. I looked up the cloud covered sky, and felt rain pouring down on my face. Why? Why did he have to die. Was it my husbands lack of thinking? Was it because he was sent to Azkaban? Why did my son have to be taken? I'll never forgive myself. He was so young. I fell to the ground, and grabbed snow with my bare hands. Something to make my blood run cold. He couldn't be saved. My son was dead.
My God my tourniquetReturn to me salvationMy God my tourniquetReturn to me salvation
There was a pop, and I apparated into the living room. I had just finished cleaning up after my son's funeral. It has been almost a full year since he died, and Lucius is out of Prison. He left the service early because he was called away for work. The fireplace was lit, and there was an empty brandy bottle on the table next to Lucius's chair. This probably means he's home. I set the vase of roses down, and leave the living room. I take the detour through the house to our bedroom; through the hall of mirrors. It's a long hall with mirrors on one side, and archways leading to the garden on the other. That garden is where Draco used to play. I fight tears, and keep moving. I come to the spiral staircase with pictures of our ancestors lined up all along the walls. There at the top, in a small crevice in the wall, was the wooden cross my mother had given me when I was a little girl. Years of wear had worn away at the wood, but it still looked beautiful. I ran my finger down the front of it, and sighed, praying that my baby boy had found his way to a better world. I approached my bedroom door, I heard a man and a woman laughing. But only Lucius and I had a key to the master bedroom. I placed a gloved hand on the doorknob, and turned; there laying with my husband, making love to him, was my own dear sister; Bellatrix.
My wounds cry for the graveMy soul cries for deliveranceWill I be denied ChristTourniquetMy suicide
"How could you?" I screamed. They looked at me standing in the doorway. I couldn't hold it in. After all that I'd been through, my husband cheats on me with my sister. I stood there a moment to long, and the sight of the two of them on the bed, together, naked, was enough to trigger the tears in my eyes. I turned, and bolted through the door. As I was running, I heard Lucius get up, and chase after me.
"Narcissa, please, stop!" he yelled after me. I didn't stop running until I came to the spiral staircase. I turned to look at him.
"Why?" I whispered. He didn't answer. "WHY!" I screamed again, distraught with anger.
"I'm sorry." he exhaled. "Can you forgive me?" he asked, barely a whisper. I shook my head. Not any amount of forgiveness could make me forget about this. "Do you love me?" Lucius broke the silence.
"No. Not anymore." the tears suddenly stopped falling from my cheeks. I saw movement behind my cheating husband. It was my so-called sister; inching her way towards the final confrontation. A rush of rage and hate flood through my body. I grabbed the cross off the wall next to me, and threw it at her. It missed, and hit the stone wall behind her. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. The two of them looked from the broken cross to me, and back again.
"I hate you." were the next words I uttered. I turned on my heel, and ran down the stairs. I slipped on the fifth step, and tumbled down the rest of them, protecting my head on the way. I felt the stairs on my back stop. I opened my eyes, and rolled onto my back. There was no room for tears in the flood of emotions I had coursing through me. I got up, and kept running. I closed my eyes, not knowing where I was going, I didn't care. I heard my footsteps echo, and I knew where I was. I opened my blue eyes to find myself once more in the hall of mirrors. I seized my running, and slowly pulled out my wand. I heard footsteps behind me, and knew that Lucius and Bellatrix had come chasing after me.
"Bombarda." I pointed my wand at the mirrors, and they all exploded. There was a rain of shattered mirror, cutting through the air. A sharp pain emitted in my neck, and I fell to the ground, in a dead faint.
***
I zipped my wedding dress for the second and last time. I heaved a heavy sigh. It has been two days since I found out my husband was sleeping with my sister, and I have had enough of life. It's my time to go. My story in this world is coming to a close. I apparate myself to the beach cliff that Lucius proposed to me on. The sharp rocks beyond the cliff glittered in the dawn sun. I walked to the edge of the bluff, and looked over to see the waves rippling softly. I look down at my hand, and stare at the ring Lucius had given me so long ago; a Diamond snake wrapped around my right ring finger, with emerald eyes. I close my eyes, and fight back tears. The wind blows in my face, making my blond hair fly in the wind. I slip the ring off my finger, and set it on a rock nearby.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. I jump off the cliff and...and...ohh...