Your Red, My White
"When we met, I lived a dull life. I went from my home to college, from college to the library and then to home again. It was a boring life, dull and I liked it a lot. We meet in a common way, without charms or spells, our lives are commonly found, as if a higher power, God, fate or whatever, brought you in front of me.
I don't consider myself special or interesting. Until the day you saw me. You saw someone totally different, you saw someone who was worth be known. And in the future, where none of us noticed, you chose to love me.
Our first conversation was boring, I had grabbed your coffee and just as always, putting too much sugar. You looked at me with a grin, and mumbled that you didn't like your coffee so sweet. I countered by saying that it was my coffee. That's when I noticed that it was actually your coffee, I tried to apologize to you with all the words that I could find, since I wasn't a coffee thief. You smiled that sweet way, that made my heart clench in excitement, and even smiling you suggested that I buy you a new coffee. I readily accepted, because you smile enchanted me, before I could try to deny.
I don't know how it happened, but at the end of the day, you had gotten my phone number. Actually I know how it happened, you used your famous pouting, something I didn't know it was famous, until the near future. I relented, promptly, giving you my phone number. Not that I expect you to call me.
Big mistake, about forty-five hours later, but who was counting, right? My phone rang, I was in the library, as always, and I looked at the number that called me, I felt my heart skip a beat and a anxiety cluster in my stomach. I answered the phone as normal as possible. You, sweet and gentle, questioned what I was doing at the weekend. I tentatively assumed to be free. To the end of the phone call I had a date with a beautiful girl.
I was nervous, of course, was a long time that someone; remotely like you, would like to meet me friendly, much less romantically. I distinctly remember having changed clothes a few times before finding that blue summer dress, which you praised. You were stunning, but again, I'm suspect to say, I find myself falling even more for you just to see you yawn.
You were perfect. Your feelings were stamped on your face, and I was enchanted. I could never show my feelings so much, while you had her in your eyes, in your gestures, your words. You, my love, is made an emotional fire, something I was afraid of getting burned. But then I learned that you'll never burn me, and yes, it would warm my cold outside, reaching my heart that I thought was dead for a long time.
You made me cold sweat, having butterflies in my stomach, be anxious, made me look at my phone every minute in search of a message, a call, a sign that you were thinking of me as much as I was thinking of you.
When I found myself, two months had passed. And my life for the first time in a long time, was being lived. With emotions, feelings, friends, parties, and you. When I noticed, you were the Sun, where my Earth orbited around. You're an open book, while I was still trying to find the key to the padlock of my pages.
Your presence beat me in echoes, in waves. And when I saw, I wasn't myself anymore. And I freaked out.
Were the perfect two months of my life, and I freaked out. I remember our silly, crazy, meaningless fights. Generally caused by me, by my fear, my dread. I tried to change some things, things I liked about you. Things that made me fall in love with you every day. But you didn't give in. You continued steadfast, repeating the mantra that you said at the end of each fight: You can try to push me away, I will not let you do that. Because I love you.
And every time you speak it, I feel you in me even more. Even more in my mind, even more in my heart. And in a moment of lucidity, I thanked God for having put you in my life. It had been many years since I thought about God, and I see myself right now, thanking Him for you exist, for you choosing me.
Every breath, inspiration, blink, smile, desire, skin, word, image. I wish you even more, I choose you over my fears, I choose you during the most terrible storm and during the brightest day of summer. I choose you, I love you, I adore you, and I idolize you every moment. You're the missing piece of my puzzle. And now I'm complete.
I'm white. You're red. When we're together we're pink. Before I met you, I didn't know what was pink. Until I lived alone well: I ate what I wanted and at the time that I wanted, I went out at the time wanted, to go to the place I wanted, in freedom, independence and self-sufficiency. When I saw you, I was red with passion and didn't even bother me with my whites. Until I realize that I was no longer white. That's when the red started to choke me and then, whitely, protected myself. But sometimes I get irritated and fight with you. At bottom, it was because you were red, and not white just like me. I found myself in a few different times trying to change your color. Glad that you knew how stays red, have their own emotions, feelings, behaviors and views. Otherwise, you would also be white. But I had my reluctance, because I was used to my pace and my white way of life. I feared losing my individuality. But gradually I discovered that white to become pink isn't lost, disrupt and disappear, but is completed with red. Pink frightened me, but today I see it as tasty coexist, relate to me, to love and be loved. It takes more work, because not everything can and should be done whitely, but certainly everything can be more tasty and rich with red. Often, a good snack white is not as enjoyable as a simple pink dinner. A very pink world, for everyone.
Always your,
Quinn"
N/A:The text in bold is written by Içami Tiba, a Brazilian psychiatrist. I know that most people who read here aren't from Brazil or speak Portuguese. But while I reading this text, I considered deeply bring it to you. Was translated by me, for being a national work of my country doesn't exist in English. The rest was written by me.
N/A2: There will be another chapter :) Probably tomorrow