This is the sfw version of my fill of the prompt from the Kagome xover discord (link on my tumblr at kitkags).
The prompt was Noble and Knight;
"In some way, one of us was hired to help and/or protect the other. We've now spent so much time together that we've seen each other's best and worst sides, and fallen hard for each other, but… Wouldn't it be taking advantage of my position as your employer/protector for me to say anything? And we just keep at it like this, with a mountain of LUST between us."
Please enjoy this beast of a mini-fic that I've smashed out in a day, and I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, as my spellcheck crapped out on me partway through.
The first time that Cullen saw her he was eighteen. Fresh from his templar training, he had been stationed at Kinloch Hold, forced to hold the same aching position for hours at the front of the library. The hours all blurred together, and privately in his mind he wondered at the point of the gruelling training he had undertaken to be nothing more than a glorified babysitter.
The doors had swung open, then, and trailing behind the powerful Knight-Commander Greagoir and First Enchanter Iriving was her. Back then she was just a small slip of a girl, pale and slender and oh so tiny. But her eyes were the deepest blue and were so wide and full of wonder as she walked around, eyes roaming the contents of the great library. She had the biggest smile, and she would occasionally wander over to a shelf, her hands brushing over the worn spines of the books almost reverently. "I can read all of these?" She said, accent strange and heavy. Cullen wondered at her origins, she was clearly not Ferelden.
Irving chuckled, happy to see a young one with such an enthusiasm for knowledge. "These are all free for you to look over at your leisure, little one."
While Irving was all soft edges and kindness Gregoire was harsh lines and frustration. The Knight-Commander tapped his gloves hands against the metal of his armour, a deep frown on his face. "There is a lot of ground to cover – if we could continue?" The way the older Templar said this seemed to imply that they had stopped so the girl could marvel over other parts of the building several times already, and Cullen had to hide the slight smile at the dour man's irritation.
"Books are very important, Gregoire-sama!" The girl only chirped, sliding a book whose cover she had been eyeing back into its resting place. "Reading is very calming, maybe you would enjoy it?" Gregoire's frown deepened into a scowl and this time Cullen did allow a smile to crack, which quickly disappeared when the old templars eyes slide over to him. Irving was grinning openly, however, not afraid of his colleague's ire.
"Cullen," Gregoire snarled, fingers beckoning him from his spot against the wall. "Allow me to introduce you to our newest member of Kinloch Hold." Cullen relished the opportunity to move – and indulge in his curiosity.
"Good afternoon, Sir Gregoire, Sir Irving," he said, bowing his head towards the elders. "And to you, Mage."
Kagome seemed displeased by this title and gave him a little glare. "My name is Kagome. Higurashi Kagome."
She had a lot of attitude, he could already tell, and he wondered if she would be one of those problem Mage's and prayed she wouldn't be. He had seen what happened to problem Mages. "Forgive me, I didn't mean to offend, Ka-go-me." He said, sounding the words out and deciding that he actually liked the foreign name.
"Kagome will be here for the foreseeable future while she is being trained," Irving said smoothly, interrupting Kagome's no doubt sarcastic response with a genial smile. He placed his hand on her shoulder affectionately. "Kagome, please don't try to antagonise our hard working Templars while you're here."
Kagome giggled, hiding her smile behind her dainty hand. "I cannot make any promises, Irving-sama," Her eyes found his and sparkled, he almost lost his breath.
"Yes, well let us move on, there is more to this place then the library." Grumbled Gregoire, before turning and stalking moodily towards the exit. Kagome and Irving shared a look of amusement which seemed to imply that they had both enjoyed annoying him before following after him in a leisurely pace. She had paused she before she left the room to turn and wave at him, a cheeky smile on her face as she called out to him.
"See you around, Templar!"
And she was gone, leaving him with more questions then answers.
After that first time he would see her around a lot, especially in the Library which seemed to be her favourite spot. She would grab several large books and haul them into the cosiest looking corner and settle down, melding her back against the wall. It allowed her a decent amount of privacy, since most Mages prefered using the tables and chairs provided to them and her small figure would mean a lot of people would pass by her unnoticed.
He had taken to slowly inching closer to her chosen resting spot and casually reading over her shoulder, interested in part in what interested her and also in the books in general, as it was not something he was really allowed to do when he was supposed to be keeping guard.
Kagome had noticed his slow creep into her personal bubble and had taken to explaining to subject of the books. Eventually she would delve into stories about her life back home in the far distant country of Higashiyama.
He had heard briefly during his training of Higashiyama – a land across the treacherous Amaranthine ocean – but very little was known about this land as up until as little as fifty years ago there had been no known contact between them and the rest of Thedas. The group of envoys who had travelled across the ocean for the first time and landed in Denerim had been met with much resistance. The death of the main envoy was met with the destruction of the harbour and for five years there had been the threat of a great and terrible war.
And then the Inu no Taishou of Higashiyama had arrived and the threat of war was gone. Few were privy to the meeting between the Taishou or King of Ferelden's conversation, but the result was an olive branch – the Taishou would present them every 10 years with a Holy Priest or Priestess. Golden-green eyes flickered to the girl who was curled around a dusty old tome at his feet and he wondered at the power she held within. From what he understood, she was both a Mage and Not. Magic coursed through her, but it was different to the Magi who surrounded him. He understood very little about her powers, and she had not explained it herself. She had mentioned, offhandedly, that she was not allowed to discuss it, especially around the other Magi.
"How long did you have to train for, Cullen?" It was the first time she had spoken in two hours, and he was surprised by the question. He noticed the lack of honorific attached to his name, and he realised that over the last few months her accent hadn't become as heavy. She was adapting to her new home, and he wondered if she ever missed home. He certainly did, and he had been so glad to leave.
"Most recruits are taken from a young age, but I was thirteen. I had to beg the local charter to take me in…" He smiled slightly at the memories of those times. They felt hazy, like he had left a hundred years ago not five. "I trained day and night for five years."
"Gregoire calls you 'wet behind the ears'," Kagome grinned at the silly term – and at Ferelden's lack of tact. "You're new here too, right?" Kagome had put down her book, her elbows resting on the hard outer cover in a way that would no doubt have Sweeney in a snit if he saw her. She seemed to enjoy causing a little bit of trouble, and her wild personality was always amusing to see in action, especially when her sass wasn't directed at him.
"I was actually only stationed her one week before you arrived."
Kagome flashed him a smile that made his cheeks warm. "It must be fate that we met then, Cullen!"
"Fate?" He echoed, a blonde eyebrow raising.
"Mhmm," She hummed, nodding enthusiastically. "We are both outsiders here. It's good to know I have a friend." The word touched his heart, if it's slightly faster beat was any indication. He was so engrossed in the term of being dubbed as her friend he missed the slightly melancholic look that entered her expressive eyes.
"Kagome!" Cullen stepped several paces away and straightened at the sound of the voice, attempting to make it look like he hadn't just been fraternizing with his ward. Kagome bounced to her feet, arms wrapped protectively around the heavy books. "Ah, there you are – hiding away in that dusty old corner," Irving smiled gently at the young girl, eyes warm. It was clear that he had a lot of affection for her. "Sorry to pull you away from your books, my dear, but we have lessons to attend to. And please make sure to put those back in the correct place this time, poor Sweeney almost had a fit when he realised you messed up his ordering."
Kagome hung her head guiltily and sluggishly moved to put away her books before dutifully filing out after her mentor. Once again, once she was at the exit she glanced his way and waved goodbye.
In her absence, Cullen often thought about the promises he had made and where Kagome the Not-quite-Mage Mage fit into it. She had called him friend, and it had warmed him in a way he didn't quite understand. He had taken oaths to kill any abomination, but if she became one would he be able to raise his sword to her?
The answer in his heart scared him, and he resolved that he needed to distance himself from her.
Cullen had requested a change in location and he was given the task to oversee the Harrowings. This process had always terrified him, that people he knew could go in one way and come out changed, corrupted. He had been taught that killing them would be a mercy, that releasing them from the prison of possession was more important than his own personal feelings about the act.
For the first few weeks he had only dealt with one unsuccessful Harrowing and the event left him with nightmares. In his dormitory, he would writhe and shiver and remember the fear he felt when in the presence of the monstrous Lust demon. It had tried to tempt him, but unbidden in his mind he remembered her – Kagome, his mind had whispered softly – and then his resolution was solid. He had lifted the blade and plunged it into the chest of the Mage, thankfully not one of his wards from the library. He could not let the beast leave the Harrowing chamber, lest it come into contact with Kagome or the rest of the tower. He had heard of the dangers that just one Demon could cause, and he would not see this tower fall to ruin.
Even though he knew the decision was the correct one, he still couldn't stop the sight of the Demon in human skin terrorizing his dreams.
Three months after his relocation Cullen met Amell, and she had a similar cheeky personality to a certain raven haired female. Unlike Kagome, though, there was a certain sultry undertone to Amell's gentle teasing, and when she finally propositioned him Cullen could only do one thing – run away.
The next time he had seen her, she was in the harrowing chamber, a sharp look in her eye and she didn't even spare him an extra glance. Cullen wasn't sure if it was because of his – admittedly childish – rejection or because of her strong resolve for the no doubt difficult task she will have to complete. "Freya Amell – you may begin."
An hour later and Amell was back with them, having successfully completed her Harrowing she was now a full member of the Circle of Magi. As soon as she was given this title she had glanced at him and offered him a wink, giggling at the pink blush that tinged his cheeks.
Maker, she made him feel like such a child instead of a almost nineteen year old man.
"Was you worried about me, Cullen?" She purred as she sauntered towards him, and he had to stop himself from taking a step back and backing into the wall.
"O-of course not," He stammered, eyes darting to look past her, begging someone, anyone, to interrupt.
The doors were flung open at that exact moment, and who would stroll through the door leisurely but Kagome? Immediately he turned to look at her, fear sinking in his heart. Why was she here, she was just fourteen surely they didn't - ?
Amell had huffed slightly at his instant disregard for her person but he also turned to watch as the dark-haired girl walked past them coolly.
"I was requested, Knight-Commander Gregoire?" She asked in an unusually serious tone. Cullen could tell that she was trying to appear taller, her back completely straight and head held high. And not even looking in his direction.
"Amell – congratulations on passing your Harrowing. Now if you could please leave?"
Amell bowed her head once in a quick sign of understanding, taking two steps away from the Templar she had practically pinned against the wall. "Good luck," she said as she passed by the younger apprentice.
Kagome's icy eyes flickered towards the noble, a slight smile on her face. "Thank you, congratulations to you, too."
And then Amell was gone, and Cullen forgot himself. "Sir Gregoire – surely you can't be serious? Kagome had only been here a scant few months, she is too young, you cannot –"
"I can and will do what I see fit, boy. You seem to have forgotten who calls the shots here." Gregoire snarled and Cullen fell back but looked like he still wanted to say something, his hands clenching and unclenching in his frustration.
"And besides," Irving cut in, his own worried gaze drifting to the girl who stood in the centre of them all silently, as if she wasn't privy to the very conversation happening around her. "Kagome had asked for this."
Gold eyes snapped to her slight form, and he wished she would do anything to show that she felt his stare. But no, she just stood, silent and resolute. "Why-"
"It seems you have gotten too comfortable around this young Mage – maybe we should investigate into the nature of your relationship?"
"There is no relationship to investigate, Sir. Please, can we just continue, the lyrium is burning me from here." Kagome's voice was soft but not light like it usually was. Even as she said this, she did not look at him, and the pain and fear he felt in his heart consumed him.
What if she didn't succeed? What if she was overcome? What if, what if, what if?
"Please step forwards, Kagome. Your Harrowing begins now."
All in all, the whole affair that was Kagome's harrowing only took a total of ten minutes. Ten agonizing minutes, for Cullen, whose limbs felt like they were made from led. He was sure that when it came to it, he wouldn't be able to be the one to stop her.
He needn't have worried, for Kagome returned to them in record time, and when she came back there was a powerful blast of magic that even the templars could not dispel. It washed over him, like lightning in its intensity but not painful. It was...tingly. And it brought him to one knee, panting at its force. When he opened his eyes her skin was aglow in a power that he could not name, her hair drifting in an unseen breeze.
She looked ethereal.
Cullen considered himself a man of the Maker, but in that moment he could've sworn she was some sort of Goddess, and he would have gladly prayed to her.
Kagome's eyes slowly opened, and with it the glow faded, her hair returning to its usual wild position, her clothes unruffled. In a circle around her, the rest of the room were all in different states of disarray but they all shared the same expression – awe.
After Kagome's show of strange power all of the Mages and Templars present had been sworn to secrecy, with the promise of punishment should word of her get out, especially to the outsiders of the Tower.
Cullen had attempted to see her, but he was turned away by Gregoire and Irving themselves, who advised him that his clear attachment to her was better left alone and he had been so embarrassed as his own obviousness that he hadn't even defended himself against their words. Even worse, he agreed – he should stay away, but he could not.
In the end, the decision was made for him when he was called into Irving's office one night a week after Kagome's harrowing.
"Good evening, Cullen, are you well?" The aging Mage asked, sitting comfortably behind his desk, hands laced together as Cullen shuffled into the room. He had been in his dorm, getting ready for bed when he had been sent for, and it felt strange being out of his armour in front of the other man.
"I am fine, thank you." It was a lie, he was not fine, he hadn't been fine since the first time he had seen Kagome. "How are you, First Enchanter Irving?"
The man smiled, taking a long sip of his tea and Cullen had the distinct awareness that the other much wiser male probably saw right through his lie. "I am well, considering the departure of my favourite student."
Cullen had nodded then paused, jerking his eyes to meet the others. "Do you mean –?"
"Our dear Kagome, yes." Setting down the cup, he frowned thoughtfully. "I should not be telling you this information, but I will, because I can see her importance to you." Cullen swallowed thickly, unable to even voice his appreciation for the consideration shown to him.
"Kagome has been called to Denerim to act as an aide to the King and Queen of Ferelden. Kagome's incredible and unusual power no doubt is the reason for this, and it is indeed a great honour, however, I worry – she is young and inexperienced and I am afraid the courts will consume her."
Cullen felt dizzy from all of this new information, and his heart cycled through several emotions; sadness, regret, pride, fear. He had so much he wanted to say, but instead he settled for a soft, "She is not made for the court, her wild heart will get her in trouble."
Irving chuckled, but it held little mirth. "Yes, our Kagome will most likely find herself in a whole host of trouble."
A silence settled between them and Cullen sighed, heavily, his eyes closing as he massaged his temples to fight a headache that brewed in his tired skull. He leant his head in his arms. "I will miss her." He said simply, after some tired.
Irving reached over the desk, and patted his shoulder comfortingly. "So will I, young Templar."
A sudden thought occurred to him, and he stood, his chair crashing backwards and tipping at his haste. "Is she still here? Can I see her?"
The First Enchanter shook his head, and he immediately deflated. "She was taken this afternoon. I could not risk telling you earlier, I knew you would do something reckless."
Cullen flushed, knowing that he was right. "However, it is not all bad. I hear that your order likes to rotate the guards every few years, is that not true?"
Cullen could only frown, not sure what the older male was implying. "Yes – it is to ensure that the Templars do not get too attached to their wards."
Irving smiled at his lack of understanding. "And perhaps, in a few years, with some good recommendations from the First Enchanter and Knight-Commander you would manage to find a new station in somewhere as illustrious as Denerim, perhaps even the palace?"
Finally, it clicked and Cullen could not stop that hope that bloomed in his chest. "Really?"
"Indeed, if the young Templar shows his worth enough."
Cullen had decided to throw himself into his duties with renewed vigour, aiming to gain the notice and esteem of his commanding officer. The hope that one day the praise for his hard work would give him even a chance of seeing Kagome again fueled him.
He promised himself that he would be distant but not unkind. He would watch over the Mages and would not get attached, no matter how much Amell tried to coerce him, but he would not be cruel, not like the other Templars. Kagome had once admitted to him how much she disliked the Templars who abused their powers over the mages. Before he had seen it as an unfortunate but necessary precaution, but she had believed that there could be peace between them and so would he.
But hope can only sustain you so far.
Cullen felt himself begin to unravel on the day that the tower became overcome with Demons. Uldred's corruption and betrayal cut deep and he felt the first burning sensation of hatred for magic. Hope had no place in your heart when you looked at the faces of your murdered comrades, of your twisted, demon-tainted wards. People he had sworn to protect had turned on him, and he had thought that he could look over these people with a gentle kindness? Did he think he could honestly deter a potential power-mad bloodmage through, what, positivity?
Locked in the magical cage, damaged, he cursed himself for being so soft-hearted. Cursed himself for being weak. Maybe if he had been stronger he would've noticed the brewing discontent Uldred harboured? Would've been able to stop all this destruction?
He wanted to hate Kagome for making him care for her dangerous, wretched kind, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop his heart from pining for her. So he hated himself instead.
When Warden Cousland arrived with his party in tow, Cullen had been saved, but he wished he hadn't.
Cullen woke with a start, sweat matting curly blonde hair to his forehead. Cullen closed his eyes shut, one hand wrapped tight in the blankets at his waist and the other pressed sharply into his skull as he tried to shut out the memories from over ten years ago. He was thirty now, and still the memories from when he was eighteen haunted him.
Standing, Cullen glanced around the room and realised that he was not back in that blasted tower but in his own room at Skyhold. Running a hand through sweat-damp hair, Cullen pushed himself out of his bed and mechanically began the climb down the ladder, landing with a little 'thump' at the bottom, he twisted and immediately stalked towards the messy desk of his 'office'.
Throwing himself into his work always provided a small distraction, and Cullen glanced through the letters and summons, mind half focused on his morning task. Ah – Leliana requested for him to join them at the war table to discuss troop movements and something else he didn't bother to fully read. Glancing up at the hole in his ceiling – he really ought to get that fixed – he summarised that it was just past dawn, from the pale light that filtered through into the room.
The familiar tingle of magic at his back made him aware that the Magi from Redcliffe were awake and practising their rites, and he shuddered at the familiar way it washed over him, his own Templar abilities rising to the surface, wanting to reach out to extinguish the flame that was magic. He pushed it down with a heavy sigh.
Blessed Andraste, why had they decided to place the Magi tower so close to his own chosen accommodation?
The magic that washed over him was familiar yet so different to the wave of power he felt once, so long ago. A wave of power his own craved for, even all those years later.
Kagome.
The hollow ache in his chest at the thought of her name made him sigh again, self-hatred washing over him along with shame.
Ten years later he was still pining for a girl who he had purposely ignored and pushed away after a half-formed friendship that frightened him. Ten years later he still missed her, and he felt like even if he did meet her, would she even recognize him? Would she even care?
And why would she?
And would she have heard the rumours, about him? Rumours he pretended not to hear. Rumours littered with some half-truths. Half truths that were enough to make him feel full of shame.
What if she hated him? What if she had heard about how he had treated her kind, would she see him as one of the power-mad, hateful Templars she had confessed she disliked so long ago?
And, he wondered, in the privacy of his mind, was he really any different from them?
It was for the best that he would likely never see her again, Cullen decided then, nodding his head to himself once before beginning the arduous task of arranging his desk.