Disclaimer: I do not own the final fantasy character or FFVII places, terms…etc…

Warning: …. Yaoi content suggested, language, talk of abuse, hurt, angst

"Ecdysiast"

Chapter 1: 'Where we come from'

The rain was falling. It was an even and steady rhythm all over the outskirts of Edge. It had begun raining a couple hours earlier, and everything was thoroughly drenched equally all around. The dark building that stood on a corner where one slightly busy street met a quiet dark and dank alley was mostly dark. Only a couple of windows were faintly lit, but their light didn't reach the lone figure that leaned against the stone façade, hiding away unsuccessfully away from the rain.

A lean man pressed his side against the cool damp surface of the stone. He stood in the deepest recess of shadows in hopes of staying away from the main sight of anyone passing by in this god awful night, but also in hopes of staying slightly dry. Though the air was damp and the outcropping of roof above him held not much relief from the soaking rain.

He looked at his hands, they were shaking, but he took note mentally of the many tender and sore parts of his body. Not to mention the blood. Which wound or wounds was it coming from. A dry and brittle laugh escapes him "That Fucker messed me up good this time… 'He' won't be happy bout it."

The man hunched his shoulders slightly even though his whole body was shaking. He hoped to keep the rain from hitting his cigarettes as he pulled him from his short brown leather jacket's pocket. His hands shook so hard that he almost couldn't raise one of the barely dry cigarettes to his mouth. He let his arm drop once he finally had it lit and sucked hard to get that first sweet wave of nicotine. The cigarette end slightly crackled as he inhaled so deeply.

With a shift of his body he leaned both shoulder blades against the stone now and stared at the rivulet's of water as the ran on the mix of pavement and dirt around his booted feet. His hair and more so his bangs now heavy with a mixture of rain and heavy damp air fell heavy in front of his vision, the vibrant red hue making everything else in his vision seem bleak and colorless. Hell… It was, this was edge we were talking about. Not much for vibrant color to be found, and not much happiness anymore either.

"Guess I'd better head back… was this shit tonight even worth the pay…" His raspy voice sore like his throat was barely called out into the dark evening around him. He knew there would be hell to pay. No one could mark him this bad except 'Him'. The consequences lay heavy on him as he sucked the last of the cigarette in quickly and pushed off from this small asylum he'd acquired for himself and headed out into the ever blooming night.

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

The sky slowly was smudging it was from a dusky grey to more charcoal tones along the skyline though the hard lines of the city of Midgar or what was left of it could still be clearly made out. The faint colors of lighted windows could barely be made out because of the low laying fog. But He knew it was all here

The silent man sat on his bike on the outskirts of the city's edge, overlooking the newer town that he was returning to for the first time in a couple of years. His bike was off, as he sat staring out at the bleak panoramic in front of him. As if the sky and city's color's and lines could be read like the brushstrokes in a painting and it would be readable as his direction in life. Where to turn? Was it right to return?

His clear and strong eyes narrowed to look off in the direction of the cliffs to the west. He was empty, nothing but a shell since he'd left. But he was also hardened in life now.

His stance astride the beast of a machine shifted; the leather of his charcoal, almost black outfit, creaking with the movement. He picks up his hand to clench it into a tight fist, the shifting creak also accompanying that movement, though the leather does not inhibit his movement in the least.

His thoughts shift like his stance. He'd better head on down. The night was getting colder and wetter. He'd better get the key to his place back from his friend. She'd sure be glad to not have to worry about the care of it, and be glad he was home. She and the couple of people who'd managed to keep spotty touch with him every now and again had been concerned about his absence for so long.

His eyes widened and he looked with longing towards the direction of town he was most familiar with. His thoughts suddenly tumbling around in worry and doubt. How was he? All this time, was he ok? His friends had assured him that his dear old friend was working, but they didn't know how he was truly holding up these days. Clouds fist tightened more, and his eyes narrowed again. How could he have gone to work for his ex? After what he did to me years ago…

The revving of an engine was barely heard before the bike peeled off of the bluff and headed towards Edge, the skeleton of Midgar overshadowing the soggy town still.

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

The rain still hadn't relented as two very soggy booted feet sloshed up to the meager steel and block building on the east side of Edge. It blended in so well with the surroundings, the whole town was like a monochrome scale and the inhabitants looked as if they blended in perfectly, save a very select few.

The lean man in the short brown leather jacket appraised the building from outside through the rain that trickled down his drenched bangs. He clenched his jaw and turned his burning gaze to the door. "Here goes fuck fer nothin." He spat out quietly, he'd started hating going 'home' a long time ago.

After finding the door locked, and having to use his key to get in, he visibly relaxed a little bit. He slowly made his way through the dim hallway towards the dining room. He found it just the way he'd left it. Of course he'd have to clean up after work, when didn't he. He looked at the empty bottle of bourbon that was now only a shattered mess in the corner against one of the cupboards, and he remembered with a shudder how he'd barely missed being the item it had impacted on.

Steeling himself away with an internal promise to clean it after a bath, he made his way through the kitchen and dining room combo, trying not to look at the dishes and cups that were also on his list to clean. He made it into the living room. No movement in there either, the TV wasn't even on, funny. Usually that was left on for 'his' return.

The pain was beginning to make him nauseous again and he was feeling faint as well. Trying to hide his limp and bloody hands, that his jacket didn't cover, he made his way into the office, the last place 'he' could be.

He opened the slatted door to find an empty and silent room. He made his way over to the bed to sit down and he noticed the smell from the night before. Shit, he'd better clean that up before his bath. He remembered now, being so ill yet having to sleep next to the mess of sick-covered sheets in the ball on the floor. Another shudder coursed through him. The living nightmare that was his hell, never ended. He needed sleep to survive. After how he'd been left it was a wonder he lived, many nights through, to see the dawn of another new day. Or rather, the dusk of a new night… Yeah, he 'lived' for the night. Too bad it was a romanticized notion by many. If only he wouldn't wake up one time… maybe…

He turned his head towards the left to the massive desk that housed all the many secrets of this 'home' as a piece of paper on the mostly bare surface, minus the phone, caught his attention. His insides churned a bit. That's why the apartment was empty. He felt the bile rise in his throat. What work would he be forced to take on after this.

But wait, relief became a soothing balm to the sudden attack of his stomach. If he was alone, then he'd have time to heal a bit and not have as negative consequences.

Making his way carefully to the desk and its plush out-of-character chair he sat down, giving his sore muscles much needed relief and picked up the paper. Shit…

Pulling out a cigarette with his very shaky hands still took some effort, but after lighting up he picked up the phone. He wanted to get it over with. Update… and give the outcome of tonight. It won't be pretty, it never is. But it will be over with, when the receiver is put back down. Yeah, he needed to hold onto that thought. His hands calmed slightly with the needed nicotine.

The phone was answered after only one complete ring. A deep and resonating voice on the other end was all that was needed to set his hands back to shaking. "Reno."

The one word, his name, he knew his place. "Yeah, that uh, job tonight." He still couldn't get over the fact that he'd been asked to do it. Normally he drew the line at Reno going home with clients, and even since he'd crossed his own line by asking Reno to go, this guy was so far from the norm…. All Reno could think was, things must be tuff to have him go to that man. "He wasn't good, man. But, I completed the job, like ya told me." He didn't know what else to say.

"Reno, I already received an update from a very angered 'special client' he is appalled with your performance. And was very unhappy." The deep and now darkened voice stayed cool to anyone who didn't know him, but Reno could hear the anger rolling off of him like waves of spirit fueled fire. He'd gone pale the moment the 'special client' had been mentioned, Reno should have known he'd find out.

"Reno, I expect tomorrow's work to make up for this special privilege, LOST!" The raised voice was what broke Reno's resolve. His glimmer of doubt suddenly seemed so much dimmer. The silence dragged on for a moment as a deep sigh sounded through the line. "Your master misses you… my pet… so make me proud, and be waiting for me."

The line went dead as Reno sat still, disgusted, and hollow. But as the seconds ticked slowly by his body screamed at him for rest. With a dejected and hurt feeling of ultimate loss he stood with a bit of difficulty as the now dry, blood cracked and pulled on his wounds and his muscles didn't want to be used.

If he was to perform tomorrow at all, he needed to clean up the apartment, and himself and get some rest.

A while later a very tired, and raw Reno laid down on the bare bed, having not a drop of energy left to make it, he pulled one of the folded sheets that he'd set on the edge for making it, over his arms and curled up as tight as he could on his side.

The tears and outcry's came as silent as a wraith. All that he had held inside himself was released. The fear of reprimand was still strong. So in the bitter silence of night he let grief rock him to sleep, alone with all his pain and fears, no one to hold him, or sooth him. The first night he'd sleep through in so long. And he'd sleep through tomorrow most likely as well.

Reno's last weeping thoughts before the nothingness swallowed him were of a time when he had comforting arms holding him as he cried….

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

Sitting in the darkened and mostly empty bedroom staring at his own reflection in the window… all he could do was reflect on what his friend had shared with him as they both went over to his dusty but still safe, flat. They'd tossed some casual talk back and forth but he knew it would be inevitable… she'd ask about why he'd returned, and inevitably it would turn to… if he'd want to know about Reno.

Leaning his head against the cool window he could have watched the rain still pounding Gaia all around him could maybe sooth his nerves, but then again, how could he stop thinking right now. His eyes would stare sightlessly off, his reflection in the pane showing the solemn lines that etched his slightly hardened face.

He could hear the conversation that had happened earlier that night as clear as if it was happening in front of him now, "You know Cloud, Reno adjusted to his situation well, or so we think. We don't really see him that often anymore." Tifa had rambled on about being busy and what she'd been up to for a while then, as Cloud followed her mindlessly around the dusty and barren flat that he'd sent her money regularly to keep paying on and to watch over it.

He'd watched as she pulled the dusty sheet off of the lone mattress in his bedroom, and then take the one off of his table and two chairs. She draped them casually over her arm she'd probably take them and wash them. Always being the mother hen for him.

He was almost startled, she must have stopped talking at some point as she'd walked around the large spacious bedroom that acted more like a living room, with the wide window showing the view of what was left of the city and also overlooking Edge. It was up a step from where his bed was, and open and spacious. It was the kind of place that could have great potential. "You know he works down at Gold Dust don't you? He's been working there since shortly after you left. I've never been down there, but, that's the word."

She kept that classic smile on her face as she'd walked over towards him always wanting to make him happy. But she lowered her free arm so that her hand rested on his shoulder, and it snapped him back into the now. He must have frozen in one spot when she'd begun talking about Reno.

"You're so sullen." She made a serious face and touched his cheek lightly. "Cloud, you're not alone, even though you think you are. But hey…dilly dally shilly shally right!" She used a dear departed friend's favorite saying. Then put her hands together and looked back towards the window. "Maybe you should head over to the bar, at least sometime. It might cheer you up a little, that's what it's for right" She had a grin and started pacing back and forth.

Cloud just looked at her with no emotion registering on his face except his slightly narrowed eyes, contemplating what she was talking about, or maybe wondering why she dared to have the gall and suggest it, or maybe … because he was …

"Well..." She continued. "It's such a big place… So I was thinking you could check, maybe catch a glimpse for yourself to see if he's fine. Relax a little. Then you'll just feel better knowing he's fine!"

Cloud was brought back to the dark, cold, and lonely room. With a scoffing grunt, he looked down at his hands. They were scarred now, so much had changed. He shifted so that one leg was laying straight on the floor and the one he bent up so that his arm could rest on his knee. Then turning back to the damp night's view. The city's lights were becoming brighter as the rain lessened. The view from up here was good at least.

His gaze shifted further in the distance to the shadows of what was left of a skeleton of a city. Midgar… so many memories. His mind drifted back to a time before everything changed.

Reno had always been there, he'd been the strong one. Cloud was 'delicate' always being hurt somehow, even when it was just in matters of the heart. Cloud smiled as he thought of the beautifully lit up smile. Reno's smile could pull him in and make him lose himself completely. And yet Reno never knew it.

Cloud had ended up in a relationship with a man he'd cared for quite a bit, but that man had loved him since he'd been very young. But, Reno always carried the largest part of his heart. And Cloud was too afraid to speak up, he never wanted to ruin what he had; His dear friendship with Reno, and his uneven relationship with his lover.

Everything in his life went to shit after that. His lover turned abusive, Cloud always suspected it to be because of his close relationship with Reno. But things got so bad… Cloud cringed at the onslaught of memories. Reno had helped him, given him the strength to keep going. He'd stepped up to the challenge, pulled Cloud away from that situation and nursed him back to strength.

That was when he'd vowed to get stronger, he wanted to one day, provide the same strength to Reno, that he'd shared with him. He wanted to protect his friend, instead of letting his dear friend hide him.

Then everything changed. As they lay on the hillside outside of the city one day, Reno turned to him with the most beautiful sparkling blue eyes and looked down at Cloud, blocking the view of the clouds they'd been watching dance across the afternoon sky. In that moment he'd declared his love to the blond man…

…Cloud shook his head… He couldn't think about that moment, not with being back here. He stared back towards the city again. Reno had kissed him… Angel's lips, he'd tasted…

That day though, he'd hidden everything he'd thought and felt for Reno, pushed him away… and told him they could never be together.

They'd fought. They'd fought bad. The despair and hurt that had flashed across that beautiful pale face was too much when it had happened, and even worse now to remember. Cloud looked down at his clenched fist. Knowing everything that happened, he'd live with regret the rest of his life.

That was the last day in any happiness that they spent together. He'd watched the his friend's angel face, shatter… and look at him like the sun had quit shining on Gaia. Watching Reno leave that day had broken his weak to begin with, heart.

The resulting effect… as Cloud had watched from afar, and through friends, and word of mouth… was Reno's loss of self, and change of direction in life had led him down a self destructive path and eventually to ending up in Cloud's ex's arms.

That was the last straw. Cloud approached Reno one day all alone. The red headed angel was bitter, so vile towards him. Cloud had broken down, told him the truth… but, as they say. 'Too little too late' The resulting fight had led to Reno pushing Cloud, and getting so physical that Cloud had to run away, he didn't want to lay a hand of harm on his only and dearest true friend…

"Reno…" Cloud bit his lip, Why was he getting choked up. It had been more than long enough.

That day, Cloud had made arrangements to sell all of his belongings. Less than a week later, it found Cloud handing his key to Tifa and said his goodbyes, keeping them curt. No one knew any details, but they had all watched the two change.

Cloud looked at his own reflection in the window. His new self wasn't weak, he was so much stronger, and better. He'd toughened up, he was talented now, not afraid of everything and unable to even help himself. No, he was a leader now. He thought about his bike, his pride and joy. Fenrir, that bike had soothed away MANY hours. Cloud chuckled half heartedly to himself. He was so different now. He fumbled with the package of cigarettes in his pocket, it had been a while since his last one.

He smoothly lit one up taking a long slow drag. Yeah, everything was different. A whole new person. Cloud leaned his head back against the window sill and closed his eyes. Tomorrow he'd begin work, and set up here at Edge, they could use him even more here than they could where he'd come from. Tomorrow he'd begin setting back up in this town. After all, this was his home, he belonged here as his new self even more than he did before. That's why he came back, start over, right… That's the only reason he came back.

~~~End Chapter~~~

Next chapter: "Where we are going"…

A/N: Here you are my sister-in-fanficcy-crime! ;) did ya catch our favorite line… hehe… couldn't resist.

Well ya'll… this story… esp this chapter has been a LONGGgggg time in coming. All detailed notes have been done for a while… and for some reason it just didn't want to be allowed to be completed in typing *chews nails* the rest had better not give me that much of an argument :P

Acid Black Cherry songs got me through most of this, a little bit of some Digimon music Oo; Weird.. I know… and some Carrie Underwood (she's nota fave… but definitely some pretty music)