House: Gryffindor
Category: Drabble
Prompt: Gilderoy Lockhart/ Severus Snape
Word Count: 791
Beta: NerdyJFics Thanks Jo!
-AN Pairing is as new co-workers with some one-sided antagonism
"You cannot be serious, Albus!"
"Severus," said Dumbledore calmly, his chin resting on his tented fingers. "You will remain on as Potions Master for at least one more term. I'm sorry that I have denied your request once again, but Gilderoy Lockhart will serve as the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor for this year."
"And tell me, what qualifies Lockhart for that position?"
"It is done, Severus. Gilderoy-"
"-Ah, I thought I felt my ears burning. They do that when someone is discussing you." The man in question strutted into the headmaster's office. "Of course, mine never stop burning. Such is the curse of being as famous as I."
Severus suppressed a mocking snort and gave his new co-worker a once over. He remembered the pompous git from his own time at Hogwarts. Even then, Lockhart had delusions of grandeur and expected the entire school to bask in his greatness. From his current flamboyant robes, perfectly coifed hair, and gleaming teeth it appeared nothing had changed.
"Professor Lockhart," Dumbledore addressed the ostentatious wizard, "I had expected you to join the faculty three days ago."
"Oh yes." Lockhart attempted to appear chagrined but only managed to look mildly constipated. "My publisher set up a book signing. I couldn't betray my fans! Especially since so many of them will be in my classes this year. What sort of message would it send my students if their professor wasn't willing to spend time outside of the classroom interacting with the common folk?"
"What sort of message indeed," Dumbledore seemingly agreed. "Well seeing as you're here now, I'll ask Severus to escort you to your chambers."
"Headmaster, I-" Severus' response was cut short with a brief, but pointed, look. "Very well. Follow me." He pivoted and swooped through the doorway and down the spiral staircase.
With a flair of his gold embroidered cloak, Gilderoy Lockhart flounced out of Dumbledore's office.
"Thank you Severus." He glanced around as they hastened down the halls. "My, my, my. Hogwarts does seem a bit drab. Far more austere than what I'm used to. I'll have to discuss with Albus about sprucing up the place. We could have the walls painted – a nice shade of lilac would do."
"This is a school."
"Yes, of course. The students come here to learn. But for most of them, this will be the highlight of their life. We can't expect any of them to go on to have anything close to the fabulously successful career that I've enjoyed."
Severus knew a few details of the so-called "successful career". He made it his business to read each of the texts assigned by the new Defense professors each term. Lockhart's books were full of gaping holes, ambiguities, and contradictions. Only uneducated dolts and lovesick fools taken in by Lockhart's charisma and good looks would accept his books as fact. Severus was less than impressed by the man's career and downright disgusted by being bypassed once again for the Defense position.
"Of course," Lockhart rambled on, "some new décor would make it more enjoyable for my new colleagues who have dedicated their life to the pursuit of academia. Such a shame that the noble art of teaching doesn't frequently come with accolades or medals. Perhaps that will change now that I'm here."
"Perhaps," Severus deadpanned. "We've arrived."
"Wonderful!" Lockhart exclaimed. "I sent my things ahead with instructions for the house-elves on how I wished my chambers to be decorated."
When Lockhart pushed the door open, Severus caught a glimpse of what he thought was a portrait of the egotistical professor painting a portrait of himself. His narcissism knew no bounds, it seemed.
"Thank you for escorting me to my suite. Whenever you'd like, I'd be happy to show you the new potions techniques that I've learned in my travels. Don't worry- I'll refrain from telling the students about my potions expertise. I don't want them to you to lose their confidence in your competence as a professor."
Severus had absolutely no concern that he would be the one considered incompetent. Gilderoy Lockhart was nothing more than a vain moron with a tendency to exaggerate. He nodded at the smarmy blond. "I will be on my way. See you at the start of term feast."
As Severus sped down the hall, Gilderoy called after him. "I'll bring some elf made wine to celebrate my new career venture. It'll be the finest thing you've ever tasted."
'You do that,' Severus thought, 'And I'll bring some laxative potion additives so that you can have shite spewing out of both ends for a while."