Afraid of the Dark
By: NeoBatwoman
Terry's P.O.V.
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Nothing was ever meant to be easy. Especialy everyday life. It's like each person is assigned a certain someone who will make your life a living hell. Some how, I ended up with more than one, lucky me..
I am so confused right now, and this burning headache does little to help. Only a little longer and it will all be over...everything...everything I have done so far. But...was it for my family?
Friends? City? Or was it only for myself...? Could I be really that selfish? How did I let that happen...Perhaps Bruce didn't teach me as best he could, or..perhaps it was impossiable. That I was never truley worthy to put on the mask. That maybe the old man just handed it to me 'cuz there was no one else crazy enough!...No..that's not right. I shouldn't be thinking that. He believed in me! He really did! And I blew it! I fucking blew it!!!
I open my eyes for a moment, but quickly close them shut again. Blood..all I see is blood! It's all over the floor!! What have I done!?...Oh yes, I remember. Only this time it's my own...not the blood of my brother. Ah, Matt...why couldn't I save you?
Bruce said it wasn't my fault. That there was nothing I could have done. Liar!! He's only saying that so I'll shut up about it! So I will dry my tears and continue his fucking cause! What of my mother? God, she never stops crying!! All she's ever cared about was that fucking....I..I...I'd better stop thinking too much...that's what got me into this whole mess.
~sigh~ My eyes are growing heavy again, so I might as well start from the beginning while I am still concious. I guess I could say it really started with the death of my father, but that's really only the tip of the iceburg.
I never should have said what I said or did what I did. I am such a jerk. And that's not the only thing that has happened between me and him. Things at the start were...well..slag it, I guess I should stop babbling and get to the point...he wasn't excatly the best dad ever.
I mean, it might have seemed that he did as best he could, what any single dad would do right?..No....not really...not at all..I mean, there were some good times that I can remember.
Dad was pretty good to me after I was done being grounded. He'd say, " You see? Good things come to those who wait." That is right......isn't it?
The bathroom tile feels cool on my skin, I attempt to move just a little but find that I can't. Two quick swipes...that's all it took. A razor blade from my Dad's old shaving kit. I didn't think people used those anymore. I picked it up among my dad's other belongings when I moved here with Mom and Matt. At least now it's come in handy right?
Also..while I am thinking about it. I wonder what my Mom will think when she finds me here..lying dead and cold in a pool of my own blood. Will she even care? She sure as hell cared when Matt..died. But eith me its always been a different story. W..when I lived with Dad, and..*things* took place...she knew. she knew......she knew all about it. But did nothing..why? Am I really that bad? Yes, of coarse I am..Why else would my own Mother turn her back on me. And why would my own Father treat me...like that...I...I don't want to think about this anymore..I just want to sleep....and this time I pray I won't wake...All I have left is a note..I hope that everyone will be satisfied...
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To whom it may concern:
Up until now, I thought I would go on and on. Doing what I thought was my purpose. My desinty. Bullshit. I just can't stop it all. There's too much. We live in a world where hate has become the basis for living, a place where happiness no longer exist. How can you protect a city when each night the streets get worse and worse. There's no end to it. But perhaps there's a end for me...
I can not handle this with classes, Dana, Mom and Matt and being Batman at the same time. School is too much for me to handle and the so called 'helpful teachers' are not much help either. I wish I could just die, then I wouldn't be a problem to everyone. Bruce dosen't understand either. All he can say is ' you give me your best, then give me more.' I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING MORE TO GIVE!!!
Every night I return to the cave have taken probably more that 2 dozen dangerous criminals off the streets and not to mention a battered leg there, and a dozen cuts there. No big deal! Right? I go home and Mom thinks I'm still running around with the bad crowd. I can't even get fully in the door without her giving me the third degree! I'm so confused, all we do is fight.
Whenever I'm in the house it is always fighting. I want out of all of it. Please make it all stop. Take the confusion away. I'm all alone, nobody cares whether I live or die. All I ever do is cause problems for everyone.
Dana left me, again. But this time I fear its for real.How can I get her back. That bitch doesn't know how much she means to me and my life. I don't have a life without her. Mom and Matt have left me. She says she's going to ship me to a military school at the end of the semester. Matt ashamed to call me his brother! WHAT AM I? THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY?
Can't they see how bad I am. Don't they care. Please God do something for me and make this my time to go. I can not make straight A's like everyone wants me too. I'm so stupid to think that they could've cared for me. I can't make it through school, I cause my family problems and I can't keep a woman in my life. I'm a failure in everything that is important to me. The only way out of this is to die. How can I trust anyone?
I want to say goodbye to mom, Matt, Barbra, and...Bruce. You are my family and mean more to me than my life. I'm sorry I have caused you so many problems and fights. Mom I wish I could've been the person you and Dad wanted me to be. But I'm not a perfect genius, brother, citizen , or...Hero.
I know that you and Dad never wanted me when I was born and I wish like hell that I never was born. I could hear the arguements you had in your bedroom when you thought I was asleep. How you and dad were pregnent with me before marriage. I can't do anything right and all I do is cause the rest of the family to fight. Why can't I have a talk with anyone? You're all so busy and here I sit.
Please someone do something so I can't feel the hurt anymore. I hurt so bad, what can I do? I'm trying to watch TV but I don't know what I'm watching. It's so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won't come. I'm so tired of hurting and being alone.
I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I'm scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I'm scared I won't stop and I would want to stop. Nobody cares why should I?
I cause problems for everyone I care about so why should I stay. Why am I such a terrible person. Nothing I do is right. I don't understand. I don't have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can't make it right by living. I'm so scared I want out but...oh I don't know.
I wish Dana would call to say everything is all right. I've lost the most important thing in my life. I'm so very tired of being alone, and making everyone miserable. I've failed at everything, failed at being Batman. That was a joke. There is nothing for me here. I don't want to go on.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Please believe me. I love you all so very much, and I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm so cold, please do something. I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I'm breaking into pieces.
Somebody do something.....
To Be Continued...
By: NeoBatwoman
Terry's P.O.V.
-----------------------------------------------------
Nothing was ever meant to be easy. Especialy everyday life. It's like each person is assigned a certain someone who will make your life a living hell. Some how, I ended up with more than one, lucky me..
I am so confused right now, and this burning headache does little to help. Only a little longer and it will all be over...everything...everything I have done so far. But...was it for my family?
Friends? City? Or was it only for myself...? Could I be really that selfish? How did I let that happen...Perhaps Bruce didn't teach me as best he could, or..perhaps it was impossiable. That I was never truley worthy to put on the mask. That maybe the old man just handed it to me 'cuz there was no one else crazy enough!...No..that's not right. I shouldn't be thinking that. He believed in me! He really did! And I blew it! I fucking blew it!!!
I open my eyes for a moment, but quickly close them shut again. Blood..all I see is blood! It's all over the floor!! What have I done!?...Oh yes, I remember. Only this time it's my own...not the blood of my brother. Ah, Matt...why couldn't I save you?
Bruce said it wasn't my fault. That there was nothing I could have done. Liar!! He's only saying that so I'll shut up about it! So I will dry my tears and continue his fucking cause! What of my mother? God, she never stops crying!! All she's ever cared about was that fucking....I..I...I'd better stop thinking too much...that's what got me into this whole mess.
~sigh~ My eyes are growing heavy again, so I might as well start from the beginning while I am still concious. I guess I could say it really started with the death of my father, but that's really only the tip of the iceburg.
I never should have said what I said or did what I did. I am such a jerk. And that's not the only thing that has happened between me and him. Things at the start were...well..slag it, I guess I should stop babbling and get to the point...he wasn't excatly the best dad ever.
I mean, it might have seemed that he did as best he could, what any single dad would do right?..No....not really...not at all..I mean, there were some good times that I can remember.
Dad was pretty good to me after I was done being grounded. He'd say, " You see? Good things come to those who wait." That is right......isn't it?
The bathroom tile feels cool on my skin, I attempt to move just a little but find that I can't. Two quick swipes...that's all it took. A razor blade from my Dad's old shaving kit. I didn't think people used those anymore. I picked it up among my dad's other belongings when I moved here with Mom and Matt. At least now it's come in handy right?
Also..while I am thinking about it. I wonder what my Mom will think when she finds me here..lying dead and cold in a pool of my own blood. Will she even care? She sure as hell cared when Matt..died. But eith me its always been a different story. W..when I lived with Dad, and..*things* took place...she knew. she knew......she knew all about it. But did nothing..why? Am I really that bad? Yes, of coarse I am..Why else would my own Mother turn her back on me. And why would my own Father treat me...like that...I...I don't want to think about this anymore..I just want to sleep....and this time I pray I won't wake...All I have left is a note..I hope that everyone will be satisfied...
-------------------------------------------------
To whom it may concern:
Up until now, I thought I would go on and on. Doing what I thought was my purpose. My desinty. Bullshit. I just can't stop it all. There's too much. We live in a world where hate has become the basis for living, a place where happiness no longer exist. How can you protect a city when each night the streets get worse and worse. There's no end to it. But perhaps there's a end for me...
I can not handle this with classes, Dana, Mom and Matt and being Batman at the same time. School is too much for me to handle and the so called 'helpful teachers' are not much help either. I wish I could just die, then I wouldn't be a problem to everyone. Bruce dosen't understand either. All he can say is ' you give me your best, then give me more.' I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING MORE TO GIVE!!!
Every night I return to the cave have taken probably more that 2 dozen dangerous criminals off the streets and not to mention a battered leg there, and a dozen cuts there. No big deal! Right? I go home and Mom thinks I'm still running around with the bad crowd. I can't even get fully in the door without her giving me the third degree! I'm so confused, all we do is fight.
Whenever I'm in the house it is always fighting. I want out of all of it. Please make it all stop. Take the confusion away. I'm all alone, nobody cares whether I live or die. All I ever do is cause problems for everyone.
Dana left me, again. But this time I fear its for real.How can I get her back. That bitch doesn't know how much she means to me and my life. I don't have a life without her. Mom and Matt have left me. She says she's going to ship me to a military school at the end of the semester. Matt ashamed to call me his brother! WHAT AM I? THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY?
Can't they see how bad I am. Don't they care. Please God do something for me and make this my time to go. I can not make straight A's like everyone wants me too. I'm so stupid to think that they could've cared for me. I can't make it through school, I cause my family problems and I can't keep a woman in my life. I'm a failure in everything that is important to me. The only way out of this is to die. How can I trust anyone?
I want to say goodbye to mom, Matt, Barbra, and...Bruce. You are my family and mean more to me than my life. I'm sorry I have caused you so many problems and fights. Mom I wish I could've been the person you and Dad wanted me to be. But I'm not a perfect genius, brother, citizen , or...Hero.
I know that you and Dad never wanted me when I was born and I wish like hell that I never was born. I could hear the arguements you had in your bedroom when you thought I was asleep. How you and dad were pregnent with me before marriage. I can't do anything right and all I do is cause the rest of the family to fight. Why can't I have a talk with anyone? You're all so busy and here I sit.
Please someone do something so I can't feel the hurt anymore. I hurt so bad, what can I do? I'm trying to watch TV but I don't know what I'm watching. It's so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won't come. I'm so tired of hurting and being alone.
I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I'm scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I'm scared I won't stop and I would want to stop. Nobody cares why should I?
I cause problems for everyone I care about so why should I stay. Why am I such a terrible person. Nothing I do is right. I don't understand. I don't have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can't make it right by living. I'm so scared I want out but...oh I don't know.
I wish Dana would call to say everything is all right. I've lost the most important thing in my life. I'm so very tired of being alone, and making everyone miserable. I've failed at everything, failed at being Batman. That was a joke. There is nothing for me here. I don't want to go on.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Please believe me. I love you all so very much, and I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm so cold, please do something. I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I'm breaking into pieces.
Somebody do something.....
To Be Continued...