Loyalty

by silver-nightstorm

He challenged all of her notions of loyalty when he saved her. She knew he must have ulterior motives but she felt safe around him despite knowing better.

He challenged all of her notions of loyalty when he saved her. She knew he must have ulterior motives but she felt safe around him despite knowing better.

Loyalty

By silver-nightstorm

Words: 6405

XX

The scent of old parchment was overpowering. The rows of books stood attention in orderly lines, untouched and covered with a thick coating of dust that their normally loving caretaker had neglected. The musty red ropes that barred the Restricted Section were severed in two, their tattered remains hanging on the bookshelves they once guarded. Shadows fell thick between the bookshelves, covering those who dared to enter in a dark haze. Here and there, a tome would stand clean amongst the grit, its cover gleaming from the cloth that had wiped it clean before it was removed, read, and then carefully returned to its spot.

It was February of 1998 and the library at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry wasn't really deserted. There was one sole occupant of the silent haven that year, one sole student who had chosen to take refuge in the center of knowledge. She had managed to avoid most of the battles within the castle in this haven while also acquiring useful knowledge for the few fights she was involved in. She wasn't a common inhabitant of the library as she normally chose to study in the not-quite-quiet of her own dorm or in the hustle bustle of her house's common room but this year, this year it was too quiet in Gryffindor house and she couldn't bare to look at the indents in the fluffy cushions where people normally sat. So she escaped to the even deeper silence of the library but the silence of the books was comforting and the whisper of paper sliding over paper eased the frantic fearful beating of her heart.

She sat in a plush velvet seat in the Restricted Section. The books around her whispered to her and though she didn't dare to pull one of the enticing tomes from the shelves, the haunting voices just out of her hearing were strangely comforting. They fought away the emptiness in her heart and even their darkness bought light to her life. The chair was in a corner, between two rows of books and a wall where a single lamp covered in a doily shade rested on the windowsill by her elbow casting scattered blobs of light over the vicinity. She curled up completely into the loveseat, her precarious heels forgotten on the ground as her feet poked just out from under her robes, gold nail polish gleaming in the circle of light. She cradled her book in her hands, the text held mere inches from her nose as she frantically flipped the pages, her copper skin shining in the light as she pushed curly black strands of hair out of her tiny eyes.

This was her haven. Parvati Patil had wanted so much more for that year. But this was all she had and she needed to make do.

Rain was pattering against the window that day, and only the lamp lit the room despite the early hour. She was reading through a tome of potions that day when her peace was suddenly, swiftly, rudely destroyed and her world torn to shreds. Her neck prickled as tiny hairs raised up and she sensed that she was no longer alone. She cocked her head slightly and could hear the magically muffled footsteps that made their way closer to her chair. She slowly moved her hand towards her wand hidden in her left sleeve, taking care to make sure her bangles didn't jangle with her movement. And then three figures appeared and a proud voice rang out.

"So, girls, it appears we finally found little Parvati's hiding place."

Her brown eyes snapped up to meet cold grey and goosebumps rose over her body. Her right hand, hidden by her book, slid into her sleeve and pulled out her wand, inch by creeping inch. She waited, eyes flicking from Pansy Parkinson's fingers as they twirled her wand to Daphne Greengrass's trembling hands and Millicent Bulstrode's empty stare.

"We thought we'd find you right after finding Lavender, little tag-along that you are," Pansy said with a light laugh. "Of course, you surprised us. Never thought stupid Parvati would hide out in the library. What, fancy yourself the new Granger?"

She tightened her grip on her wand but she did not move. She would not strike first. She was better than them.

She knew that eventually, someone would check the library. But she thought she would have been safe for a few more weeks. She knew it was only a matter of time but she never imagined she had such little time.

She could hear Lavender's admonitions in her head. "Are you crazy, Pav? Why d'you still want to go to classes in all of this? No, listen to me! Some Slytherin is going to corner you and you'll get hurt, or worse! Just… just… why can't you just stay in the Room like all of us? You'll be safe there!"

Lavender, for the first time in years, just didn't seem to understand. Parvati couldn't hide herself. This was where her Gryffindorishness emerged. She refused to cower away from those who could hurt her in hopes that her demons would vanish. She wouldn't retreat. She wouldn't back down. She wouldn't let the Carrow's make her fear life. She refused.

But she was still scared.

Many of the Slytherins had abandoned all pretenses of civility in the face of their current circumstances. The girls, who normally resorted to petty name-calling and minor hexes, now had mastered Unforgivables, throwing Crucios without question and Imperiusing friends into cursing friends. The boys, who frequently started duels in the hallways, now had turned to the darkest of Dark Magic. And that wasn't all.

Girls, and especially Gryffindor girls, didn't want to be caught on their own in a hallway with a Slytherin boy.

Parvati hadn't believed the rumors when she first heard them. After all, this was Hogwarts. No matter how bad it got, it would never come to that. It was only after seeing Romilda Vane's ripped clothes and bruised and beaten body and hearing her heartbroken sobs that she knew that everything she heard – and more – was true.

She realized with a curse the reason she was caught today. She neglected to put up a Disillusionment charm. She had let herself get lulled into a false sense of security, a simple silly mistake of negligence. But looking at Pansy and Millicent and Daphne, she counted her lucky stars that she was up against three girls. As her fingers began to turn white from her tension, she knew she would survive with her pride and her honour. She still had that.

She trembled and Pansy laughed. "Nothing to say, have you?" she said, her lips twisting into a cruel smirk. She shook her head, moving brown strands of hair out of her eyes. "What do you say, girls? Should we make Parvati squeal?"

Daphne Greengrass was trembling more than Parvati was, her sickly thin frame quavering as if she was a blade of grass in the wind. Her hand that wasn't holding her wand was running nervously through her blonde curls and she squeaked out a quick affirmative sound before Pansy turned to look at her.

Millicent Bulstrode's plain face was impassive but for her eyes. The big brown orbs held a tinge of fear, as if she expected Pansy's wand to turn just as quickly from Parvati to her. She nodded mutely.

Pansy's wand raised, Millicent's and Daphne's noticeable seconds after. Parvati let her book fall to her lap, her left hand still marking her page, as she raised her acacia wand, a shielding charm on the tip of her tongue when the girls in front of her shrieked as nasty, orange, pus-filled boils rose all along their bodies.

"This isn't over!" snarled Pansy, her eyes murderous as her face grotesquely twisted. "I won't forget this. If you know what's good for you, you'll hide away some place secret!"

With a murderous growl, she spun on her heel and stalked out of the corner.

Parvati didn't let herself relax. She didn't know that hex and she had spent plenty of time studying Defense this year. Either it was advanced well beyond her capabilities or it was dark and she was betting on the latter. Blindly groping to her side, she grabbed the purple ribbon that served as her bookmark and placed it in her tome, gingerly closing the leather cover without ever looking down at it or lowering her wand. She placed it on the windowsill, under the doily lamp, and slipped her feet into her pumps without looking at the floor. She stood up slowly.

A figure appeared before her and her breath caught in her throat when a circle of light fell on his lapel.

Green.

Her body went cold and fear filled her heart. Her feet wobbled despite the No Trip charms on her shoes.

A Slytherin Boy.

He walked closer and closer to her and she stiffened. Blaise Zabini.

His handsome face was adorned with an amused smirk and his blue eyes seemed to twinkle almost playfully. His long, elegant fingers grip his wand loosely as he lowers it to his side and deposits the instrument in his pocket.

If anything, the action scares Parvati even more.

His eyes slowly and purposely leave hers to travel down her body to her heels and back up to her face. He doesn't touch her but he makes her feel dirty. Her breath is caught in her throat when he takes a step further. There's a curse on her lips but her voice is lost in her dried throat.

She violently stumbles backwards and lands on the loveseat, her wand jarred from her fingers.

She stops breathing.

He laughs.

With a purposeful wink, he turns around and walks away. She can hear his footsteps retreating, exiting the library. They're not the faked sound of someone stepping lighter without moving, lulling her into a false sense of security. She can hear the change when he steps from the flagstone of the Restricted Section to the lush carpeting that floored the rest of the Hogwarts collection.

But she still couldn't breathe.

She moved like a spooked bird, gathering her book and her wand, turning off the lamp. She inched out of the Restricted Section, walking along the wall when her hand hit a doorknob and she sighed in imperceptible relief. She grabbed the brass handle and wrenched it open, falling into the Room of Requirement with a sob.

Seamus Finnigan caught her before she hit the ground in her fearful stumble. Lavender closed the door with a click behind her.

"Colin heard Pansy's curses while he was sneaking back from the kitchens. We thought you could use a hand." She could barely hear Seamus's calm voice over the beating of her heart.

She started crying and she couldn't stop, her fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. Another pair of arms wrapped around her and she was engulfed in the familiar embrace of her best friend.

"This isn't like you, Pav," whispered Lavender. "What happened out there? I know you're not scared of Pansy. What happened?"

"Zabini…" she managed and the people around her gasped. "I don't know but he just… he just saved me and left and… I… I don't want to go outside anymore. I don't want to go outside."

XX

It was a miserable weekend when Parvati Patil first lived in the Room of Requirement, precariously curled into a catatonic protective ball on a corner hammock while Lavender worried over her. But as the days went by, her fear drained slowly from her body to be replaced by curiosity.

Blaise Zabini.

He had always been an odd Slytherin. Even when The Dark Lord's return had first been widely accepted as public, he had never taken a public stance. This year, he was one of the few Slytherins who fought to not fight. When he was asked to host a 'detention' that Parvati, Lavender, Seamus, and Neville had been subjected to, he had arrogantly laughed and proclaimed himself "a lover, not a fighter!" and left the room. He had never dirtied his hands with the ongoing guerilla battle in Hogwarts. He had never lowered himself to the dehumanizing acts like the other Slytherin males.

But he had never blatantly fought against The Dark Lord either. And that's what saving her was. Though she barely got into trouble compared to other members of her house, she was most certainly against You-Know-Who.

As the fear of what he could have done drained out of her, she began to wonder about what he actually did. Cursing Pansy and the others. Saving her from a nasty battle that probably wouldn't have ended in her favor. And then putting his wand away and… and… checking her out! What was his game?

So Parvati unrolled herself from her hammock and washed herself in the large bath that the Room provided and donned a clean set of robes over a periwinkle blouse with red embroidered flowers and grey skirt. She donned her bangles and rings and even brushed on some kohl before slipping into her red pumps and going to the Great Hall for breakfast despite Lavender's protests.

Thankfully, she hadn't missed any classes during her escape to the Room, so her disappearance had gone unnoticed except by Minerva McGonagall, who would hardly report one of her students to the Carrow's. The sun was shining through the windows in the Hall, the beautiful warm weather outside a stark antithesis to the forced civility inside, when Parvati sat down at the Gryffindor table and gave her Head of House a small smile.

Her eyes flicked to the table on the far side of the room. Pansy Parkinson was glaring daggers at her and she replied with a cheerful wave that made the pug-faced girl scowl, her face turning a violent orange-pink that matched the shrimp she stabbed with a fork.

Parvati's neck prickled and her eyes swept further up the Slytherin table to meet blue. She could feel his gaze on her for the rest of the meal, as she ate her over easy eggs. When Snape signaled the end of the meal by opening the doors, she stood tall and walked purposefully to the exit, noting how Pansy scrambled after her with Daphne and Millicent. Her neck prickled as she turned the corner. Zabini was following them.

The three girls finally made their presence known with a cleared throat outside the Muggle Studies classroom.

"I'll see you before lunch, Parvati," said Pansy, mocking speaking to a friend. She swept into the room with the other girls and Parvati headed up the stairs towards the common room. She was walking down the third floor corridor that was out of bounds her first year when there were finally no other students around. She stopped and spun around.

Zabini looked almost miffed, as if he was hoping to surprise her.

She crossed her arms, tapped a foot, raised an eyebrow, and waited.

It was a few moments before he spoke. "Seems as though you've recovered your courage."

"I never lost it. I just forgot I had it."

They were silent for a bit, standing a foot away from each other in the deserted corridor, her a Gryffindor that stood barely as high as neck, him a Slytherin would showed no signs of cursing her. Their gazes were fixed on each other and she fought to decipher his expression that rested just this side of unreadable.

"Why did you stop them?" she demanded, unwilling to play his silent game of meaningful looks.

"I'd hate to see your pretty face ruined."

She rolled her eyes and was about to laugh when she realized that his eyes didn't hold amusement like they did when he saved her on Friday. She stumbled backwards with a start as it dawned on her that the unfamiliar, indeterminable expression he wore was one of seriousness.

His hand reached out and grabbed her elbow, steadying her and stopping her bum from unceremoniously meeting the floor. It took no effort for him to return her to a stable upright position, despite her largely unbalanced stance.

Parvati couldn't help but feel flattered by his remark, but the solid grip of his fingers on her arm made her body shudder.

He was strong.

She couldn't decide if she was afraid or aroused.

He pulled her close to him, close enough that she could feel the heat radiating from his body but still a hair away from contact other than his fingers wrapped around her arm. Her breath caught in her throat and time seemed to slow down as he leaned closer.

"You are very beautiful, Miss Parvati Patil…"

The whisper of his breath ghosted against her lips and her mouth parted of its own accord. His lips met hers suddenly and his tongue snaked into her mouth and she allowed herself to move her lips against his in return for a precious moment before attempting to pull away only to find herself locked in an iron embrace.

When she found she couldn't move, she just kissed him and tried not to think.

XX

Parvati was shaky for the rest of the day, her normal clumsiness tenfold as she tripped over nonexistent obstacles in her shoes charmed specially to ensure balance. Her mind was in turmoil because even in the end, she hadn't been the one to pull away.

Instead, she had unconsciously deepened the kiss, allowing her to thread her fingers though Zabini's slick dark hair, allowing herself to pull him even closer and kiss him with a bruising intensity, allowing herself to unconsciously move her hips against him only to notice when she felt his lips curl into a self-satisfied smirk under hers. And allowing him to be the one to pull away.

But most of all, she allowed him to walk away.

And that left her with a hollow feeling in her stomach and she couldn't decide why she felt so much regret that she didn't let things progress even more. But then those traitorous thoughts would make her violently shake her head to clear them from her mind and she would cause some other clumsy accident in her vicinity (the last occurrence had been in Herbology where she had walked right into a shelf of poisonous Belladonna).

She wouldn't see him until Ancient Runes on Thursday. She was happy about that.

She put on a smile and tried to convince herself that the little ache that she felt was absolutely nothing – not desire, not passion, and most certainly not anything remotely resembling love.

XX

Ancient Runes that week was the first time she encountered other Slytherins. They had left her strangely alone the past few days, as she noticed when she saw not a hide or hair of Pansy, but she wasn't allowing herself to be lulled into a false sense of security. Whenever a green snake passed her in the hall, she would grip her wand tighter in her pocket, a nonverbal shielding charm cast around her person. She would not let herself be surprised again, not by Pansy and Daphne and Millicent and most certainly not by Zabini.

But the lack of confrontation was unnerving.

Almost every other member of her house sported some new sort of bruise or residual hexing each day and she was the only one unscathed. She was always careful, of course, so she usually went a week unhurt, but considering all of her recent Slytherin encounters, she couldn't help but feel something was off.

It wasn't until she was in Ancient Runes that she connected the dots of the strange behavior around her. Ever since the other Gryffindor members of the class left, Parvati had sat in a desk in the middle of the room with the seat directly beside her empty. The yellowing wooden tabletop bore engraved remains of Hermione Granger's over enthused note taking from back in their sixth year. Parvati made it a point to not look at the depressing reminder of her missing roommate, choosing instead to fixate on the board as the professor flicked her wand to instruct the chalk to write the key points of their lecture and respective assignment for the day. They were supposed to be translating runes adorning the Great Pyramid of Giza that protected Pharaoh Khufu's tomb from grave robbers in pairs halfway through the class but before she had a chance to pair up with the Slytherin least likely to cause her bodily harm (a Miss Tracey Davis), the empty seat next to her was taken by a handsome Italian wizard. And strangest of all was the distinct lack of murderous death-glares directed towards her person – instead, the remaining Slytherins regarded her with a knowing acceptance.

It was only a few seconds before Parvati spoke, as resisting the urge to talk was never one of her strong qualities. "What the hell did you do?" she hissed, leveling Blaise with heated brown eyes.

"Are you so ignorant of the on goings in this school that you won't take protection when you get it?" he retorted as he spread a sheaf of parchment on his side of the bench.

"What did you do?" she demanded again, her mind making up worst-case scenarios. If he told his house that he planned to take care of her personally that would be enough to make the rest of them stay away, wouldn't it?

"I merely let it drop that my mother would be quite displeased if she found her future daughter-in-law… damaged."

Her eyes widened and her quill dropped from her numbed fingers. "You told them what?!"

If anything, his smirk grew as he pushed a strand of dark hair from his eyes. "Please, Parvati. Don't insult my intelligence. And don't insult yours." He leaned close to her, his lips touching her ear, and whispered. "I just want to fuck you. And I won't let anyone get in my way. I did what I needed to do."

She couldn't stop herself from trembling at the delicious feeling of his breath tickling her earlobe. She couldn't ignore the heat that pooled in her belly at his crass words. But she could ignore him.

For the rest of the class, she treated him with haughty indifference.

XX

After living for two weeks in the bubble of peace that only seemed to surround her, Parvati was sick and tired of avoiding Blaise like the plague. Adequately lonely, she returned to the Room of Requirement. She didn't expect what she found.

Oh, she knew that Blaise's declaration would circle its way around to the Gryffindor side of things sooner or later. She even knew that his words would reach those secluded in the Room.

She never imagined even once in her wildest dreams that they would believe them.

But as she walked into the Room, she was met with harsh glared and icy silence from every single member within. Even Lavender. And perhaps the most heartbreaking of all was the look of absolute hurt and betrayal in Lavender's eyes.

"Lav," she tried, speaking too loud in the quiet room. "It's not true… he just… he's a bastard of a Slytherin, why d'you believe him?"

"Then why?" replied Lavender, her voice a soft whisper completely unlike her. "Why would he protect you? What does he really want?"

Parvati opened her mouth to speak and her voice just floated away. Because what could she tell them? He wanted to sleep with her so he told others not to harm her? How could she tell them that? How would anyone believe that? And how was that any better than what he said.

Tears streamed down the side of her face as she shook her head desperately, staying silent.

Lavender stood up from her perch on her hammock with Seamus, and walked towards her best friend. "If he's hurting you in any way… if he's threatening you at all…"

"He's not," she managed to sob out. "He's not and that's the scariest part. I don't know what he wants. I don't know where his loyalties lie. I don't know if I can trust him but for some reason I want to!" And with a hiccup, she threw herself into her best friend's arms and just cried. Little by little, life returned to the room. She felt Seamus draw near, felt his arms as they wrapped around her and Lav. She felt Neville's hand consolingly patting her shoulder.

She felt sick as she realized that she was lying by omitting the truth.

She felt even more she as she realized that her words still rung painfully true.

XX

"Pav? You'd tell me if you were really engaged to Zabini, right? I mean, I wouldn't care. He's a good-looking man, that's for sure. And that arse!"

XX

They played a game of cat and mouse for a month. She scuttled through the halls of Hogwarts, wary of her newfound immunity, not daring to step a toe out of line to attract the Carrow's attention, not now when she had more Slytherin attention that she had ever desired. He stalked after her, gracefully cornering her as she tried in vain to slip out of his grasp. At first, he would simply edge into her personal space, standing unbearably close to her until his musky scent made her heady with desire, made her want to grab onto the green of his robe and pull him flush against her body, pulling away just as her fingers twitched towards him. She hated him for it, but she couldn't find it in her to curse him. Despite his superiority in height and strength, she always, somehow, felt paradoxically in control. She always hoped, despite herself, that he wouldn't move away. That he would remain in front of her, wearing that infuriating smirk, until she finally, finally, built up the courage to pull him close like she wanted to.

And then, one day, he did.

XX

She had finally retreated to her spot in the library that day, finding to her happiness that her last book remained upon the windowsill. With a pleased sigh, she sunk into the cushions of the loveseat and lost herself in the world of the written word, discarding her shoes and her awareness of the outside world with them. So lost was she that she ignored the prickling of the back of her neck. She disregarded the dip in the seat next to her. She only noticed him when she moved from leaning against the armrest with the intention of sitting on the other half of the couch only to find herself close enough to his body to feel the heat coming from him. She was still too far away for her liking.

His arm fell around her figure and his large hand rested on her waist and pulled her slight form closer to him, but still not close enough to touch him. She looked up from her book, hyper aware of him despite the inadequate physical contact. She met his eyes and was frozen by the raw lust within them. She took a shuddering breath and pressed herself flush against him.

His eyes sparked.

Their lips met.

There was something else in his eyes, she was sure of it, but as they kissed the more fleeting thoughts flew out of her mind.

Somewhere along the line, the book tumbled from her fingers as they chose to thread themselves through his hair instead. He chuckled as she tugged on the dark strands, pulling his questing lips to the hollow of her neck where he continued to kiss her, interspersing nips and bites that caused her to give out little breathy moans.

With a wave of his wand he cast a silencing spell before dropping it to the stone floor to join her forgotten tome. Her questing hands soon had his robes following.

Parvati gasped as his fingers ripped her robe open and started on the buttons of her gold blouse, pulling the flimsy fabric apart to reveal a lacy green bra. Her cheeks heated up at his self-satisfied smirk at her color choice before all thought was wiped from her mind when his hand cupped her left breast.

She arched with a moan, and grabbed at his shirt, frantically pulling at it to free it from his trousers. She groaned in frustration and managed to wandlessly pop open all the buttons on his clothing.

He laughed and pulled her questing hands from their now eager exploration of his muscled chest, instead taking the opportunity to completely divest her of her blouse and robes, struggling to pull the fabric over her bangles. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Parvati felt like she should have been embarrassed, like she shouldn't be doing this, but she told herself to shut it and gasped when Blaise's fingers roughly pulled down the cups of her bra and suddenly his delicious mouth was wrapped around her nipple and she couldn't breathe, much less think.

After that, it was mostly a blur as she arched against him and he ground down, his hardness against her core through his trousers and pants and her knickers and his hiss as she smiled coquettishly and palmed his member over his boxers after tugging off his slacks. She lost all semblance of coherency when his nimble fingers delved into her core and he bought her to a mind-numbing orgasm with his mouth. She moaned as he rubbed against her, darkly teasing her with his delicious voice as he promised all sorts of depravities. She shrieked when he thrust roughly, breaking her barrier as he sunk fully into her body.

And he froze, horror struck. "I…" he gasped, his body trembling over her as he fought to hold still. "I never realized…"

She shook her head mutely, a moisture in her eyes. "It's nothing I wanted this I…"

"But I never meant for this… I thought you must have… You're the best looking girl in our year, for Merlin's sake!" His voice trailed off with a disbelieving laugh and he almost seemed to release a strangled sob, burying his head against her breasts. "I never meant to hurt you, Parvati. I never want to hurt you." The words were so soft she almost didn't hear them.

Parvati twisted slightly under his weight. The slight pain was disappearing quickly and she ran her fingers through his hair – his lovely hair – comfortingly wrapping her other arm around his muscled torso. He pulled his arms tighter around her.

"I'm so sorry."

She bucked her hips against his and he growled once more, fighting to remain still. It was only when she repeated her actions and moaned in his ear that he looked up into her eyes.

"Blaise," she gasped, rolling her hips again. "Fuck me."

At her words, he groaned and thrust deeply into her, causing her to gasp as he set a torturously slow pace, melting her into a puddle of nerve endings. She dug her nails into his shoulders and begged him to speed up, to take her faster. And he complied, feeling her walls fluttering around him, he rode her harder, moving a hand between them to press against her clit. His thrusts began to lose rhythm and he bit his lip and growling her name in his deep voice, jerking as he came to competition. She melted around him, crying out his name as she fell over the edge, and sighing as he settled his weight atop her.

She shoved at him to move over once she could breathe again, his heavy weight all too much for her. He captured her lips in a languid kiss as they lay on their sides. She stretched luxuriously, catlike, her bangles jingling around her wrists, with a contented smile on her face.

"I wish I could paint you like this," said Blaise, trailing his hands over the swell of her breasts to rest in the dip of her waist. "Just… so I remember this really happened."

Parvati smiled teasingly. "Didn't realize you fancied yourself an artist, Blaise."

He frowned and playfully flicked her nipple. "I love art! Don't laugh!"

They laid in silence for a while, neither willing to drift off to sleep, both content to simply stare into each others eyes. She spoke suddenly, impulsively, breaking the silence.

"I think I love you." It was a breathy confession, an unsure one, an honest one.

Blaise pulled her close and buried his nose in her hair, breathing deeply and tightening his arms around her. "Now I can die happy, Parvati," he whispered softly, when she was just about to fall asleep. "I'm afraid I love you."

It was only later that her heart stopped and she couldn't breathe as though she felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over her head. This was a war. And any other time that statement could be ignored. But now, now… now. She was terrified she was going to do something foolish out of misplaced loyalty to a Slytherin she desperately wanted to trust.

XX

That night she couldn't fall asleep again without him by her side so she returned to the Room and shook Lavender awake from her hammock and pulled her reluctant friend away from Seamus's embrace.

"What's happening," mumbled Lavender, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she took in her friend's ruffled appearance. "You better have a good reason for waking me up…"

"How do I know if I love someone?" Lavender's jaw dropped open at her friend's words and she was instantly awake. Parvati was just as shocked as Lavender. She didn't know what she wanted to ask her friend, only that it was absolutely essential that she asked her right away, and she had headed off to find her in her pajamas with barely a formulated thought in her head.

But Lavender, without even asking Parvati what had happened, seemed to know. And she gave her best friend a knowing smile, a soft sad smile, and spoke. "It's difficult to say, really," she sighed, a faraway look in her eyes, "but when you love someone, the way you say their name is different. And when someone loves you, you know that your name is safe in their mouth."

"Like 'Won-Won'?" grinned Parvati, before she could stop herself.

Thankfully, Lavender's eyes didn't grow sad like they used to at the mention of her old paramour. Instead, she laughed as well. "Not exactly," she managed between giggles. "It's… it's something more than just that."

"Like?" prompted Parvati.

"Like… Seamus."

And her heart stopped as she remembered the way he said her name. "Now I can die happy, Parvati."

XX

She didn't realize how much she had changed him and neither did she until she asked him to fight, months later. It had started as a quiet conversation in their corner in the library – because it was theirs now, most certainly – and it had turned into a full-fledged row.

He had tried to calm her with kisses when he said that he couldn't fight but she had pushed him off of the loveseat and he tumbled to the floor without his shirt.

"I just don't think I can do it, Parvati!" he protested, getting up onto his knees so her could look her in the eyes. "I just… I can't put my mother in danger by so obviously choosing a side!"

"But you can put me in danger?" she demanded, her eyes watering. "What happened to you loving me?"

"I do! Why would I say that if I didn't?"

She saw the brutal honesty in his eyes but she couldn't help herself and she opened her mouth to utter her hurtful words. "You're a Slytherin, aren't you? You don't know what honesty is! You wouldn't know what honesty was even if it hit you in the face! You just care for yourself! What was the point of this again?" She gestured between the two of them. "Surely not love as you want me to believe! You told me yourself what this is! 'I just want to fuck you.'"

All the bottled up emotion was pouring out and all of her fears and doubts and she didn't stop, couldn't stop herself. She could see his hurt and his anger and his betrayal and his rage but she couldn't stop…

"So what is it, Blaise?" she asked, her eyes fiery even as tears fell down cheeks. "What is it? Do you love me? Or do you just love to fuck me?"

And he pulled himself up off of the ground and he grabbed the neck of her blouse and wrenched her out of the chair and for a moment she was terrified as she saw the fury in his blue, blue, blue eyes and she gasped as she felt his strength, really felt it, for the first time and…

And suddenly she was wrapped in his tight embrace as his arms tightened around her waist and she moved her arms to his shoulders only to feel them shaking and realizing to her horror that she had reduced him to tears.

"I am so sorry," she whispered as he trembled like a leaf. "I'm so, so sorry. I love you and I know you love me and you don't need to fight to prove to me what I already know. I'm so, so sorry…"

"No," he said softly in her ear, his breath ghost through her hair. "I can't not fight for you anymore."

She tried to pull away from him so she could see his expression, but he stopped her, holding her tight and shaking his head, unwilling to let her see his vulnerability, not just yet.

"You're the only one I've ever chosen a side for, Parvati Patil. And you're the only one I'm loyal to."

As he held her in his arms, she knew he meant every single word and every doubt that she had was erased in her mind. He would protect her, just as he did on that fateful February day. He would always protect her.

XX

Blaise Zabini shocked the entire school when he didn't leave with the rest of the Slytherins.

But when he held Parvati Patil's hand and the two teenagers smiled at each other, it was abundantly clear where his loyalties really were.

XX

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Competition – Potions – Write about someone's first time – Mistake, Someone must sleep with someone, Angst; Romance, I don't know *name* I just don't think I can do it!

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Competition – Ancient Studies - Pyramid; Snake; A character must cast a spell; Worried; Death; a beautiful, hot, sunny day; Smut; What is the point of this again?; A character must roll their eyes; Jangle

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Competition – Art - Red; blue; Orange; Brushes; Pink; Purple; Yellow; Green; I love doing art, stop making fun of me!; Periwinkle

Camp Potter: A Challenge – Archery (oneshots of 2k or more) – write about loyalty, When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."- Jess C. Scott

The Life of Your OTP Challenge/Competition – Blaise/Parvati, Killer – the scent of _ was overpowering, cover, library, rain, tremble, orange, over

The Hunger Games: Fanfic Style Challenge – beautiful, loneliness, "I'll die happy", Herbology, poison

Wow, this is my longest oneshot ever. I hope you guys enjoy this! :D

This fic used to be a part of the collection "So I Will Try, Not To Cry, and No One Needs To Say Goodbye".